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THE 

LIFE 

OF 

MART DUDLEY, 

INCLUDING AN ACCOUNT 
OF 

HER RELIGIOUS ENGAGEMENTS 

AND 

EXTRACTS FROM HE ; R LETTERS. 



She " being dead yet speaketlu" — Heb. xi. 



AN APPENDIX, 

CONTAINING SOME ACCOUNT 

OF THE 

ILLNESS AND DEATH OF HER DAUGHTER 

HANNAH DUDLEY. 



PHILADELPHIA : 
BENJAMIN AND THOMAS KITE, 

JfO. 20, NORTH THIRD STREET. 

1825. 



7J> 
"sty 




SKEHRETT LOCUST STBEIT, 

Philadelphia. 



ct 



5^ 



INTRODUCTION. 



AS it is declared that " the memory of the just is 
blessed," and " the righteous shall be in everlasting 
remembrance," it seems to be the duty of those who 
possess the requisite materials, to select and bring 
forward such particulars, respecting the lives and 
characters of pious and devoted individuals, as may 
tend to instruct and encourage survivors, and exalt the 
power of divine grace. 

My beloved mother did not keep a regular journal; 
yet when absent from home she mostly transmitted 
copious details of her engagements, and sometimes 
made memoranda to which she often mentioned her 
intention of adding; but frequent attacks of illness, 
and the occurrence of trying circumstances, combined 
to frustrate her purpose ; so that when not actively 
engaged in the service of her Lord and Master, the lei- 
sure she possessed was seldom accompanied by suffi- 
cient ability for much writing. In the following pages ; 
however, her own language has been generally ad- 
hered to, although in making extracts some trifling 
verbal alterations were found necessary; but great 



IV INTRODUCTION. 

care has been taken to preserve the true sense and 
import where any small variation seemed expedient. 
The prosecution of this interesting employment has 
been attended with a consciousness of inability to do 
justice to the valuable documents committed to my 
trust, or the character of my departed parent; both of 
which are capable of being made extensively useful, 
had the office of Editor been filled by one more com- 
petent to perform its duties. 

The work is however submitted to the public, with 
an earnest desire, that one who spent so large a pro- 
portion of a lengthened life in seeking to promote the 
highest interests of her fellow-creatures, may, though 
dead, continue to speak instructively to the hearts and 
understandings of those who are alike " called to glory 
and virtue." 

ELIZABETH DUDLEY, 

Peckham, 11 th Month, 1824. 



THE LIFE 



MARY DUDLEY. 



CHAPTER I. 

From her birth to the time of her joining the Religious So- 
ciety of Friends, in 1773. 



MARY DUDLEY was the daughter of Joseph and 
Mary Stokes, and born in the city of Bristol, the 8th 
of the 6mo. 1750. Being of a delicate constitution, 
she was, during infancy and childhood, subject to 
frequent and severe indispositions, yet she was early 
sent to school, and has often mentioned, as a proof of 
serious thoughtfulness, her love of reading the Holy 
Scriptures, and that her partiality for the Prophecies 
of Isaiah was such, as to make her Governess repeat- 
edly inquire whether she had not yet got through that 
book ? Being of quick parts, and possessing facility at 
acquiring knowledge, she made rapid progress in 
learning; and as she advanced to youth, the vanity 
which is inherent in the human mind was much fed 
by the admiration of her relations and acquaintance : 
yet, even at this early period, she was at times sensi- 
ble of the humbling visitation of Divine Love \ and in 
expressing her solicitude for young people, she has 
often been Ueard to say, hew highly she should have 



6 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. I. 

valued the privilege of christian counsel and sympa- 
thy, under those convictions which were at times 
counteracted on one hand by incitements to worldly 
pleasure, and on the other by ridicule for wishing to 
appear better than her cotemporaries ; nor were these 
efforts untried on the part of those whose duty it was 
to act very differently. The following are her own 
observations : 

"I am drawn to commemorate the gracious 

dealings of a merciful Father and Creator in early 
visiting my mind, which, though ignorant of the nature 
of deep religious feelings, was certainly often impress- 
ed with them in the morning of my day; though, from 
a remarkably lively disposition, I did not yield to that 
awful fear, (at seasons felt,) which preserving from the 
snares of death would have led into a conformity to the 
divine will. Being educated in great strictness by my 
parents, respecting the observance and ceremonies of 
the worship they professed, (that of the Establishment,) 
I was a constant attendant upon them from childhood, 
though with this, allowed to enter into, most of the vain 
amusements of the world, to which my natural dispo- 
sition greatly inclined; while in the midst of dissipa- 
tion I often felt a dissatisfaction, and my mind was 
visited with something so awful that I appeared to 
others very grave, and have frequently been laughed at 
for it. I was fond of reading, and found much pleasure 
in yielding to it ; which, with a turn for poetry, and 
the intimate acquaintance of several sensible seriously 
inclined persons, occupied much of my time from seven- 
teen to eighteen years of age. These circumstances, 
together with the death of my beloved grandmother, 
gave a shock to that vanity, in the gratification of which 
she had much contributed to support me; and a disap 



17^0 — 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 7 

pointment in au affectionate attachment terminated the 
attraction to visible objects, so that my mind was like 
a blank, waiting to be filled up, and prepared for the 
more extensive reception of the precious visitation, 
which, early in the twentieth year of my life, was 
sweetly vouchsafed; so that all that was within me 
bowed in deep prostration, and yielded to the superior 
power of heavenly love. My mind being in the pre- 
pared state above described, it would be unsafe to date 
this change from the particular period of my attending 
the Methodist meetings ; though in doing so I certainly 
felt more of divine impressions than at any previous 
season, and particularly when under the ministry of 
one of their preachers, who seemed like an angel com- 
missioned with a message to my mind. I continued to 
hear him, with many others ; attended all the means, 
(as they are called,) and was often sweetly affected and 
comforted ; yet even at such times there was something 
within me craving the purity of an inward, spiritual 
life — and seeing that without holiness no man could 
see the Lord, as I did believe was attainable, how did 
my whole soul breathe for this knowledge to be reveal- 
ed, and, in the depth of silence, struggle that I might 
rightly seek and experience it. I went into various 
places of worship among the Dissenters, and was at 
one time greatly taken with the Baptists ; but still found 
a want, a vacuum unfilled with that good I was thirst- 
ing after. Not from conviction, but partly from persua- 
sion, and something in me yielding to the way I thought 
might easily settle me, 1 joined the Methodist Society, 
and also continued constantly to attend the established 
worship, that of my education; but iu the several cere- 
monies of this, and the different meetings of the other, 
such as classes, bands, &c. I felt unsatisfied, and often. 



8 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. I. 

while others were engaged in attention to the preach- 
ing and singing, has my Spirit in solemn silence com- 
muned with the " Lord my strength," so that I scarcely 
knew what was passing around me, and even felt dis- 
turbed from this inward attraction, when obliged to 
draw to that spot where the outward elements were 
prepared for the congregation. Oh ! how did I then 
feel the Heavenly Mystery, and sweetly partake of the 
bread of life, so that all forms and shadows fled away, 
and became no longer of use or efficacy to a mind feed- 
ing spiritually on the substance. During these feelings 
and consequent shakings from all visible things, I often 
went into Friends' Meetings, and there, especially in 
silence, did my Spirit feed, as it also did in deep awful 
retiredness, when no eye saw me; but when, by this 
powerful attraction, hours have passed away, so that 
my body seemed to do with a very small portion of 
rest or sleep, I felt like a child clinging to its parent's 
breast; and in this state covenant was made, which to 
this hour I humbly trust has not been forgotten." 

Her totally withdrawing herself from those scenes 
of amusement in which she had dissipated much pre- 
cious time, brought upon her the ridicule of her young 
companions, and even the censure of many who were 
much older though less thoughtful than she was ; and 
the expectation of her again returning to worldly plea- 
sures, was frequently evinced ; while both flattery and 
entreaty were made use of, to counteract that serious- 
ness of demeanour which was deemed so unnecessary 
at the age of niueteen. The change which she felt it 
her duty to make, by leaving off ornaments, and wear- 
ing such attire as was consistent with her views of 
christian simplicity, being very mortifying to some of 
her nearest connexions, she suffered considerably on 



1750—1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 9 

this account. The peace, however, with which her 
mind was favoured, more than counterbalanced these 
trials; and strength being mercifully proportioned to 
the occasion, she was enabled to persevere in the path 
of obedience, and has frequently been heard to say, 
that her company soon became as undesirable to her 
former gay associates, as their's was to her; while her 
society and example proved the means of solid advan- 
tage to some of her cotemporaries, who continued or 
sought her acquaintance. At this period she frequently 
recorded her feelings in metrical composition ; and the 
two following pieces are selected, as instructively de- 
scribing her state of mind. 



WRITTEN ON HER TWENTIETH BIRTH-DAY. 

Did angels' love or seraphs' glowing fire 
My bosom warm, or my glad breast inspire—- 
With what loud praises would I pierce the skies. 
What tuneful incense from my lips should rise. 
Yet tho' my pow'rs with no such ardour glow, 
The feeble strains of thankful love may flow; 
My languid numbers shall a tribute bring, 
And humble praise awake the silent string. 
While nineteen years their varied seasons roll'd, 
How chain'd this captive heart in winter's cold; 
Unaw'd by threat'nings and uncharm'd by love, 
It still refus'd the quick'ning draught to prove. 
Vain the return of ev'ry annual day, 
Its call still slighted or neglected lay; 
In vain it told me that it gave me birth, 
For still it found and left me slave to earth. 
Immur'd in shades of interwoven night, 
In Nature's dismal chaos, void of light, 
Thus lay enwrapt my pow'rs, till mercy spoke, 
And thro' the gloom a ray obedient broke. 



10 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. 

Amazing grace! thro' this I still survive, 

And boundless love has bid the rebel live; — ■ 

Bids me, for once, with joy behold the day 

That brought to light this animated clay. 

Since Mercy deigns to smile, — hail welcome morn! 

Forever solemniz'd be thy return ; 

On thee let pure devotion ever rise, 

And breathe to heav'n unsullied sacrifice. 



A HYMN, 



WRITTEN IN THE TWENTY-FIRST YEAR OF HER AGE. 

How shall I tune a trembling lay, 

How touch the soften'd string ? 
Fain would I heav'nly love display, — 

The God of mercy sing. 

I would, — but Oh! how faint each power, 

How far too high the theme ; — 
Come, blessed Spirit, aid restore, 

And raise the languid flame! 

What wondrous grace! what boundless love! 

What soft compassion this, 
That calls my rebel heart to prove 

A never-fading bliss ! 

Long have I sought the pleasing sound,-— 

But sought, alas! in vain — 
Explor'd in Pleasure's mazy ground, 

In Nature's desert plain. 

What grace that I am not consum'd, 

Not hurl'd to endless night ; 
Mercy has all her pow'r assum'd, 

And yields a cheering light. 



1750 1773.] MARY DUDLEY, 11 

'Tis Mercy bids me seek the Lord j 

'Tis Mercy bids me fly ; 
'Tis Mercy speaks the balmy word, 

"Repent, thy God is nigh." 

'Tis mercy fills my trembling heart 

With agonizing pain, 
With keen distress and poignant smart,—- 

Nor heave these sighs in vain. 



The tears that now in torrents flow, 

This Mercy will repress ; 
Remove the load, a pardon show, 

And speak a healing peace. 

Then let me humbly wait the hour — 

The hour of sweet release j 
Incessant, saving grace implore, 

Incessant, pant for peace. 

At thy blest feet, my Lord and King, 

Resigned led me lie, 
Till the glad peals of triumph ring, 

And Faith behold Thee nigh. 

Then shall the stammerer's tongue proclaim 

The goodness of the Lord ; 
In grateful strains rehearse His fame. 

In hymns His love record. 

I'll warble to each list'ning ear 

The feeble song of praise ; 
My sweet employ while traveling here, 

To lisp Redeeming Grace! 



She was much esteemed by John Wesley, and 
other distinguished characters iu the Methodist con- 
nexion, and was frequently urged to become what is 
called a class leader ; but she freely confessed to him, 



12 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. I. 

and other members of the Society, that her views 
were not perfectly accordant with their tenets, and 
she uniformly refrained from taking any active part 
amongst them. Her exercises of mind, under the gra- 
dual discoveries of the diviue will concerning her, 
being in degree unfolded in some letters to a dear and 
intimate friend, it is thought the following extracts 
will be acceptable to the reader. 

May 10th, 1771. — "I have nothing, my dear 
friend, to tell you, but of mercies — nothing but un- 
bounded love should be my theme. The Lord is in- 
deed gracious, and has lately given me to feel it. Oh ! 
what sweet calls, what gentle admonitions has He in- 
dulged me with. The feeble structure of clay is im- 
paired — but, glory to my God, my soul feels the in- 
vigorating influence of his grace ; in some moments of 
retirement lately, it has been ready to burst its barrier, 
and I have earnestly longed to be with my Beloved, 
nor can I think it will be long first. Glorious pros- 
pect ! Oh ! my friend, if our next meeting should be 
around the throne ! While I write, my heart feels un- 
utterable desires. Pray for me, that the work of 
grace may be completed in my soul. I believe it 
will — I feel I want every thing, and am fully confi- 
dent Jesus will supply all that is lacking. In the 
eyes of some, this might appear as the wild excursion 
of enthusiasm ; to my friend it will wear a different 
aspect, and, (I trust,) engage her in my behalf at the 
throne of grace. This, however, we are certain of, there 
is no danger from any thing that leads to God, and an 
impression, whether real or imaginary, of our nearness 
to death, cannot but give a solemnity to the mind." 

November 5th, 1771. — (i Do not you, do not I, feel 
the need of just such an all-sufficient Redeemer; as 



1750 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 13 

the compassionate Jesus ? Blessed be His name, we 
cannot, we would not do without Him, as our Prophet, 
Priest, and King. Here our poverty is indeed our 
greatest riches : we are content, yea, we rejoice, that 
our whole dependance is on, and our entire support 
derived from Him in whom all fulness dwells ; as 
having nothing and yet possessing all things. Christ 
is indeed eyes to the blind, ears to the deaf, feet to the 
lame, yea, all the sinner wants. For my own part, I 
feel I am all weakness and helplessness, having every 
thing to learn, but find the Lord Jesus to be that 
rock whereunto I may always resort. 1 long to be 
more closely united to Him who hath so graciously 
condescended, and mercifully delivered me. Oh ! that 
my one desire, aim, and intention, may be to live to 
His glory." 

— " To be in the will of Him who does all 

things well, is blessed : may we bow continually to 
His easy sway. Oh ! what happiness should we find 
resulting from the desire that He might choose for us. 
Surely infinite love joins with infinite wisdom, and wills 
our peace. May our language then be ever this — 

' Melt down our will and let it flow 
And take the mould divine.' 

a Consider the Apostle and High Priest of 



our profession, Jesus Christ, who for the joy that was 
set before Him endured the cross.* Oh ! my friend, 

* The Editor takes this opportunity of observing, that the pas- 
sage in Hebrews, chap. xii. ver. 2, seems best understood bj ac- 
cepting the word "/or" as "instead of," which appears most ac- 
cordant with the apostle's view of the magnitude of our blessed 
Redeemer's sacrifice. The pious subject of these memoirs having 
been accustomed to attach this meaning to the text, renders the 
present note more requisite. 



14 THE LIFE OF [CHAP I. 

let us press toward the mark, this glorious mark of 
conformity to our divine Lord and Master. Does 
nature, that principle which cries spare me, oppose, 
and strongly resist the operation of that power which 
lays the axe to the root of the tree, and forbids self- 
indulgence? yet, let us in the strength communicated, 
obey that command "follow me;" and will not every 
act of self-denial we are enabled to perform, weaken 
the power of our enemies, and encourage us to perse- 
vere in the glorious combat? Verily it will, and also 
meet a present recompense of reward from conde- 
scending grace. Come then, my beloved friend, gird 
up the loins of your mind, be sober, and watch unto 
prayer; the Bridegroom cometh, go ye forth to meet 
him; meet Him, by adverting to Him in your own 
heart, where he waits to speak in righteousness, 
mighty to save. Oh! for that attentive listening to 
His secret voice, which one felt who said, ( Be still, 
Oh my soul ! speak, Oh my Love V I had almost 
said, Hail celestial silence, sacred source of heavenly 
safety, sweetest spring of solid peace. I know not of 
any path besides that is truly safe, — it is an impreg- 
nable fortress.— e I will watch to see what He will say 
unto me,' was the determination of an ancient servant 
of the Most High : may my friend go and do likewise, 
and may the God of all grace enable His weakest 
worm to follow every solemn injunction, and obey the 
dictates of His spirit. Pray that I may ever keep an 
attentive watch, lest I should be surprised in an hour 
I expect not." — 

" I have frequently wished for an opportuni- 
ty of addressing you through this channel, but in vain, 
till the present moment, and with more than usual 
pleasure I embrace it, but what can I say? Not rich 



1750—1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 15 

and increased with goods, but poor and needy, where 
is my spring of help? Even in Him who is the Alpha 
and Omega; if in matchless condescension He deigns 
to communicate, as His is the power, to Him also may 
the glory be ever ascribed ! I suppose my friend ex- 
pects an interpretation of what has been lately hint- 
ed, with regard to the approbation I feel of the Qua- 
kers' mode of worship : on this point I have little to 
say, yet with the most unreserved freedom will I 
speak to that friend, whom I icish to know the inmost 
recesses of my heart. I need not tell you how exceed- 
ingly different my natural disposition is from the love 
of solitude, whether internal or external. Prone to 
activity, and fond of dissipation, I pursued the attrac- 
tion, till a more powerful and all -conquering one al- 
lured me. Since I have known any thing of the pea^e 
which is from above, retirement has been pleasant, 
though a principle of acting was yet alive; this was 
encouraged by my connexion with the Methodists, 
who I need not tell you are in the active class ; hav- 
ing premised how opposed to my own, I think I may 
conclude, that the Spirit of God has now produced a 
cessation of self- working within me, and by emptying 
as from vessel to vessel, is showing me I have every 
thing to learn, and that by lying in His forming hand, 
the temple will be raised to his own glory ; this leads 
me into the inward path of abstraction from those 
things I once thought essential, and to the confirma- 
tion of these feelings the ministry of the Friends has 
much contributed ; the small still voice has whispered 
unutterable things to His unworthy dust in their as- 
semblies, and given tokens of his approbation to my 
meeting with them. Adored be his condescending 
love ! Hitherto then hath the Lord brought me, and 



16 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. I. 

who hath been His Counsellor P Verily bis own un- 
erring wisdom: the future, (with the past,) is His; 
ignorance itself am I. I have no light, but as he dif- 
fuses it, and He has graciously promised that His 
followers shall not walk in darkness, but shall have 
the light of life; they shall be taught of God. Is this 
Divine Teacher my friend? May I be all attention to 
Him who has given me the desire to be instructed by 
Him. To this guiding, my much loved friend, I 
leave my cause ; I feel it my privilege to wait upon 
God. I know not that it is my duty to be joined with 
this part of the flock, though my mind strongly unites 
with them : my path must be more illumined before I 
presume to take a step so important. I want not a 
name, need I tell you so? it is the nature of that 
Christianity which is life and spirit, that can alone 
administer real peace to mine and to every soul. Per- 
mit me then, my friend, to meet with, and love those 
who are the subject of your fears — your friendly, ten- 
der fears, and think not that I shall ever realize these, 
unless plainly directed thereto. My ever-dear friend 
will, I doubt not, bear me on her heart before the 
throne of grace, where I trust our united language 
will for ever be — < Father, thy will be done.' ?? 

Many others of her religious acquaintance also tes- 
tified their uneasiness at her evident attraction to the 
Society of Friends ; and John Wesley wrote to her 
in very strong terms of disapprobation. The follow- 
ing letter to him closed her correspondence with this 
highly-esteemed friend, who afterwards continued to 
treat her with affectionate regard, and to speak of her 
in terms of respect. 



1750 — 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 17 

Letter to John Wesley. 

July 9,9th, 1772. 
i6 My very dear and worthy friend, 

" For once I can say, the receipt of a letter 
from you has given me inexpressible pain ; I am there- 
fore constrained to address you in this manner, before 
we personally meet, as I fear my spirits would not en- 
able me so freely to speak as to write the undisguised 
feelings of my heart. I believe the apprehension of 
my valuable friend and father arises from a tender 
affection for an unworthy worm; of the sincerity of 
which he has only added a fresh and convincing proof. 
Whether I may give weight to, or dissipate your fears, 
the most unreserved declaration of my sentiments will 
determine. Your reviving in my remembrance the 
many favours I have received from the liberal hand of 
mercy, since my connexion with our dear friends, is 
kindly proper ; I think I have some sensibility of the 
love of God towards me in this respect, and esteem 
that memorable hour when I heard the gospel trumpet 
among them, the happiest of my life. Yes, my dearest 
sir, my heart burns while I recollect the attraction of 
heavenly grace! the many, the innumerable mercies 
since then received, I desire with thankfulness to ac- 
knowledge; and which, unless the spirit is separated 
from the gracious Author, cannot be forgotten. ( Be- 
ware of striking into new paths, 7 says my revered friend. 
Much, very much, should I fear exploring any of my- 
self, or taking one step in so important a point, with- 
out the direction of Him, who is emphatically called, 
• Wonderful ! Counsellor P To His praise be it spo- 
ken, He has given me the desire to be guided by Him ; 
and I humbly hope, in obedience to this Holy Teacher, 
I have at some seasons lately attended the Quakers' 
3 



18 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. I. 

Meeting, but not at the time of our own worship, ex= 
cept Sunday evenings, when, with truth I say, the ex- 
cessive warmth of the room was too much for me to 
bear. I am obliged to testify, the Lord has clothed 
His word delivered there with divine power, for which 
the heart of my dear father will rejoice, since 

i Names, and sects, and parties fall, 
And thou, Christ, art all in all!' 

With regard to silent meetings, I apprehend their au- 
thority may be known by the power they are attended 
with. I have not been at such, yet in my own expe- 
rience find the unutterable prayer to be the most pro- 
fitable, and am led much into what is so beautifully 
expressed in one of our hymns. 

4 The speechless awe that dares not move, 
And all the silent heaven of love. ' 

I long to be more internally devoted to that God, who 
alone is worshipped in spirit and in truth ; and find, in 
order to keep up a spiritual intercourse, there must be 
a deep, inward, silent attention, to the secret intima- 
tions of divine love, for which my inmost soul aspires 
to Him, who has promised to fulfil the desire of them 
that seek him ; and is this, my dear Sir, < stepping out 
of the way?' Surely it cannot, while I find a peace 
that passeth all understanding. Can this lead me to 
think slightly of ray old teachers? Oh ! could my heart 
be opened to my friend, he would see far other charac- 
ters imprest. Will this teach me to neglect my meet- 
ings ? I esteem them great privileges where, not cus- 
tom, but a sincere desire for God's glory is our princi- 
ple of action. What further can I say to my honoured 



1750 — 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 19 

friend, after disclosing so much of that heart which 
holds him in most affectionate and respectful love. I 
can only add the request, that he would join me in that 
emphatic prayer to the God of all grace, 'Thy will be 
done ;' to which an attention and obedience will, I trust, 
divinely influence his very unworthy, but gratefully 
affectionate;, 

" M. Stokes." 

After this she gradually withdrew from the Metho- 
dist Society, and became increasingly sensible that it 
was her religious duty to profess with Friends, which 
she was strengthened openly to acknowledge in lan- 
guage and demeanour about the middle of the year 
1773. This important event and the deep exercises by 
which it was preceded are thus stated in my dear mo- 
ther's own narrative : 

— " The active zeal of the people I loved, and 

had joined, now appeared to me irreconcileable with 
that self-abasement, and utter inability to move with- 
out holy help, which I experienced. I had nothing but 
poverty and weakness to tell of; and when, from the 
force of example, I did speak,* my little strength was 
rather diminished than increased. Indeed, I found 
little but in quietude and inward attention, and when 
centred here, I had all things, because I possessed the 
good itself. Thus was my mind drawn from all crea- 
tures, without the help of any, to the Creator and 
source of light and life, who, to finish His own work, 
saw meet to deprive me of my health ; this happened in 
the year 1773, about the time of my dear father's death, 

* This alludes to the practice of disclosing individual expe- 
rience, in the Class Meetings of the Methodist Society. 



20 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. I. 

on whom I closely attended through a lingering illness, 
wherein he said to me, ( O Polly ! I had rather see you 
as you are than on a throne.' I believe he died in 
peace. My complaints threatened my life, being con- 
sumptive, but I felt no way anxious respecting the ter- 
mination. I was weaned from all creatures, but felt, 
beyond all doubt, that if life was prolonged, were there 
no Quaker on earth, I must be one in principle and 
practice ; but being determined if the work was of God, 
He himself should effect it, I read not any book of their 
writing. Being utterly unable to go from home, I at- 
tended no place of worship, and conversed with very 
few, except my beloved and most intimate friend, Re- 
becca Scudamore,* and even to her were my lips seal- 
ed respecting the path pointed out to me ; but, after 
hesitating and shrinking many weeks from using the 
plain language, wherein the cross was too great to be 
resignedly borne, she told me her fixed belief, that I 
ought to use it, and that my disobedience caused her 
great suffering, or to that effect : I then told her, I was 
convinced of its being required, but, that if giving my 
natural life would be accepted, I was ready to yield 
the sacrifice. My health grew worse, and every act of 
transgression increased my bodily weakness ; until 
feeling all was at stake, in the very anguish of my 
spirit I yielded; and addressing my beloved and. 
hitherto affectionate mother, in the language of convic- 
tion, my sufferings grew extreme through her opposi- 
tion; but never may my soul forget the precious influ- 
ence then extended; the very climate I breathed in was 

* This friend was a member of the Church of England, and 
highly esteemed, as a woman of distinguished piety and deep spi- 
ritual experience. A short account of her life was printed at Bris- 
tol about thirty years ago. 



iJ50 — 1773.] MARY DUDLEY. 21 

sweet, all was tranquil and serene, and the evidence 
of Heavenly approbation beyond expression clear ; so 
that this temporary suffering from mistaken zeal, seem- 
ed light, comparatively : and indeed all was more than 
compensated by future kindness, when light shone 
about that dear parent's dwelling. My health mended, 
I soon got to Meetings, and though ignorant of the way 
Friends had been led, or some peculiar testimonies 
they held, the day of vision clearly unfolded them one 
after another, so that obedience in one matter loosened 
the seal to another opening, until I found, as face an- 
swered face in a glass, so did the experience of en- 
lightened minds answer one to the other. I here re- 
member the strong impression I received of the want of 
rectitude and spirituality, respecting the payment of 
tithes or priest's demands; feeling great pain in only 
handing, at my mother's request, a piece of money, 
which was her property, to some collectors for this 
purpose: so delicate and swift is the pure witness 
against even touching that which defileth." 

Her relations left no means untried to dissuade her 
from a profession which involved so much self-denial, 
and seemed, in their view, to frustrate every prospect 
of worldly advantage ; and her mother considering her 
change as the effect of temptation, was in hopes the 
interference of the minister of the parish would prove 
helpful, and accordingly promoted their having an in- 
terview ; but this did not produce any alteration, nei- 
ther was it very satisfactory to either party ; the clergy- 
man very strongly censured her for having taken so 
important a step without first consulting him, to which 
she replied, that not feeling at liberty to confer with 
flesh and blood, even by consulting her own inclina- 
tions, she dared not to seek any human counsel, and 



2% THE LIFE OF [CHAI». I. 

was endeavouring to act in simple obedience to the 
discoveries of Divine Light in her own soul. Upon 
leaving her, he presented a book, which he enjoined 
her to read, but upon looking at the title " A Preser- 
vative from Quakerism," she pleasantly observed, "It 
is too late, thou shouldst have brought me a restora- 
tive." In the midst of this opposition, she. was much 
encouraged by the sympathy and Christian advice of 
Elizabeth Johnson, a conspicuous and valuable mem- 
ber of the Methodist Society. This friend had fre- 
quently visited her during her illness, and once when 
she was thought near her end, after spending a consi- 
derable time in silence by the bed-side, solemnly ad- 
dressed her in the following language, " I do not be- 
lieve that your Heavenly Father is about to take you 
out of the world, but I believe you are called to make 
a different profession ; you are not led as the Metho- 
dists are, but are designed to become a Quaker." This, 
though very striking and of an encouraging tendency, 
did not produce any acknowledgment of what was then 
passing in the conflicted mind of the invalid, who, 
however, continued to derive comfort from the visits of 
this valuable acquaintance ; and has often mentioned 
the sweet and strengthening influence of which she was 
at times sensible, when no words passed between them, 
as well as the tender and maternal interest which she 
afterwards manifested, when the view she had express- 
ed was realized, by her young friend publicly avowing 
religious sentiments different from her own. 



1773—1786.] MARY DUDLEY, §3 



CHAPTER II. 

Conflicts respecting her call to the Ministry — Marriage and 
Removal into Ireland. From 1773 to 17S6. 



THE state of her mind at this important period, 
will be best set forth by a further extract from the Me- 
moir already alluded to — 

"I now kept constantly to the Meetings of 

Frieuds, and began to feel a settlement of mind in real 
peace, which my tossed state for several years had 
caused me only transiently to possess ; or, at least, not 
in the degree of which I now partook ; not that all the 
work seemed requisite to commence anew, for assured- 
ly Christ had been raised in my heart, though until 
now, the government was not wholly on His shoulders ; 
but by this unreserved surrender to His pure guidance, 
the mystery of godliness was beginning to open in in- 
creasing light and power, and that spirituality which 
had been discovered was now in a measure possessed. 
The view I had been affected with on my first con- 
vincement, now cleared, and appeared so near being 
realized, that my mind, almost without interruption, 
dwelt under so awful a covering, that even all conver- 
sation impressed me with fear, and I was held in deep 
inward attention for, and to, the revealings of life. In 
religious Meetings I was for some time frequently af- 
fected even to trembling, when matter would present 
to my mind, as though I must deliver it, though seldom 
more than a very little ; notwithstanding the love 1 felt 
was so universal, that I wanted all to be reached unto, 



24 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. II. 

but for this family, (the Society of Friends,) among 
whom I had tasted the soul sustaining bread, Oh ! how 
did I long for them and their good. 

" About this season, from a settled conviction of 
rectitude, I applied to be received into membership ; 
and thought I might, when this privilege was granted, 
feel more strength should this solemn requiring be con- 
tinued ; but though my way was made so easy, that 
one visit only was ever paid me on this account, 
Friends being quite satisfied in their minds respecting 
the work begun in me, yet while the previous delibe- 
ration in the Meeting took place, the fire of the Lord 
so burned in my heart, that I dared not but speak with 
my tongue. For several Meeting days I hesitated, 
not from wilful disobedience, but awful fear to move 
in so great a work, and felt consequent poverty, 
though not severe condemnation ; but one day, about 
the eleventh month, (I think,) in the year 1773, sitting 
with Friends in their Meeting-house in the Friars, 
Bristol, (I had once in a little country Meeting moved 
before, but never here where the cross was great in- 
deed,) my spirit bowed in awful reverence before the 
God of my life, and a few words so settled, that I could 
not any way shake them from me. I sat and trembled 
exceedingly, and desired to be excused, till a valuable 
friend from America, (Robert Willis) then on a reli- 
gious visit to that city, stood up, and spoke so encourag- 
ingly to my state, that when he closed I stood on my 
feet, and the words impressing my miud, seemed to 
run through me as a passive vessel ; he almost instant- 
ly kneeled down, and supplicated for the preservation 
of the little ones, saying, 6 Thou hast brought to the 
birth and given strength to bring forth,' &c. I could 
not stand while he was thus engaged, being as though 



4773— 1786.] MARY DUDLEY. 25 

my whole frame was shaken through the power of 
truth. When Meeting closed I got as quickly as I 
could out of it, and walked a back way home, with 
such a covering of sweet peace, that I felt the evidence 
indisputably clear, that if I were then called out of 
time, an everlasting inheritance was sure : the whole 
creation wore the aspect of serenity, and the Creator 
of all things was my Friend. Oh ! on my return home 
and retiring to my chamber, how sweetly precious did 
the language, addressed to the holy Patriarch in an in- 
stance of obedience, feel to my spirit, and it was in- 
deed sealed by divine power, "Because thou hast 
been faithful in this thing, in blessing I will bless 
thee," &c. &c. None of my family knew of this mat- 
ter, and I strove to appear cheerful, which indeed I 
could in the sweet feeling of life ; but so awful was the 
consideration of what was thus begun, that solemnity 
was also my garment, and I wished to be hid from the 
sight of every one. My body being very weak, the 
exercise and agitation greatly affected me, and I was 
that night taken alarmingly ill, but in a few days re- 
covered, and got again to Meetings. Friends mani- 
fested great tenderness towards me, and though not 
frequently, I sometimes said a few words in the same 
simplicity I first moved, and once or twice ventured on 
my knees ; after which exercises, I mean all of this 
nature, I felt quiet and easy, but never partook in the 
like degree as before recited of divine consolation." 
Here it may not be unseasonable to remark, that 
her dedication was made the means of reconciling her 
offended mother to the change which had so exceed- 
ingly tried her. This dear parent being accidentally 
at a Meeting where her daughter spoke, was greatly 
affected by the circumstance, and calling upon an inti- 
4 



2(5 THE LIFE 01 [CHAP. II, 

mate acquaintance afterwards, expressed her regret at 
having ever opposed her, adding, that she was then 
convinced it must be the work of God, as from the 
knowledge she had of her daughter's disposition, she 
was well aware it must have cost her close suffering to 
undergo the exposure she had witnessed that evening. 
The fruit of this conviction became immediately appa- 
rent, so that although no direct allusion was ever made 
to the subject, the return of maternal tenderness and 
love was a sufficient, and very grateful, evidence to 
one who had deeply lamented the necessity of giving 
pain to a parent, by acknowledging the superior duty 
she owed to her heavenly Father. 

In her own memoranda she then writes — 

" My acquaintance now increased amongst 

Friends, and I had frequent opportunities of hearing 
the observations of some very wise and experienced 
persons, respecting ministry. Though great was the 
encouragement given me by many, as well residents 
in the same place, as strangers, a disposition always 
prevalent in me, especially on religious subjects, now 
took the lead, and I fell into great reasoning respect- 
ing my call to, and preparation for, so great a work. 
I imagined if I had longer abode in the furnace of 
refinement it had been better, and sometimes thought I 
was wholly mistaken; that perhaps the first, or all 
the little offerings, were acceptable as proofs of the 
surrender of my will ; but, the ministry I was not de- 
signed for, the woe had not been sufficiently felt, &c. 
&c. Oh ! it would be difficult for me to mention, nor 
might it be safe, what my spirit was by these reason- 
ings plunged into, insomuch that at last life itself was 
bitter, and a coincidence of outward circumstances ad- 
ded to my inward pressures, so that I fainted in my 



1773—1786.] MARY DUDLEY. 27 

sighing, and found little or no rest. Meeting after 
Meeting I refused to move at the word of holy com- 
mand, which hereby became less intelligible, and my 
understanding gradually darkened through rebellion, 
so that I said with Jonah, 6 It is better for me to die 
than to live/ Frequently, before going to Meeting, 
has my spirit felt the interceding language, < Leave me 
not altogether, but, if this thing be required of me, 
again reveal thy power, and I will yield obedience ;' 
and such has been the condescension of the Lord that 
I have been repeatedly so favoured: but presuming to 
say, this is not a motion strong or clear enough, I can- 
not move in doubt or uncertainty, my covenant was 
not kept, and I again incurred divine displeasure, and 
in a manner only comprehended by experience, knew 
the poverty of withholding more than was meet. I at 
last became almost insensible to any clear call or ma- 
nifestation of duty ; yet when deprived of my health, 
and not expected by others to recover, I was favoured 
with inward quiet, and perhaps might have obtained 
mercy, had I then been taken ; but He, whose good- 
ness and ways are unfathomable, saw meet to raise 
from the bed of languishing ; and soon after, (in the 
year 1777?) I entered into the married state, and 
removed to settle in Ireland. 

" It was now about four years since I had first 
opened my mouth in the ministry, and perhaps three 
years since the reasonings of my mind had kept me 
from a state of obedience, in which time I had remov- 
ed fromoBristol to Frenchay, (where I was married,) 
at which place of residence I never recollect appear- 
ing in any Meeting, and seldom in any private sitting; 
often concludiug, that, if any gift had ever been entrust- 
ed, it was now quite removed, and I must endeavour in 



S8 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. II. 

some other form to be a vessel, if that could be, of use. 
I well remember, as I had nearly centred in this state, 
and in more than distress, even wretchedness at times, 
a language saluted the ear of my soul, which I then 
knew not was in Scripture, but on searching found it. 
' The gifts and callings of God are without repent- 
ance:' then my strong hold of settling in that state 
was broken up, and I was humbled in grateful ac- 
knowledgment that I might still be restored. Being 
in the situation above described, I was recommended 
to the Meeting which I had now removed to, only as a 
member of society, which was done in a very affec- 
tionate manner ; though in the certificate from Bristol 
to Frenchay, my appearances in the ministry had been 
mentioned. Soon after settling in Clonmel, I was, 
however, introduced into the Meeting of Ministers and 
Elders, and also made an overseer, in which station I 
sometimes made remarks in private sittings and meet- 
ings for discipline; hoping thereby to obtain relief; 
but alas ! every effort in this line failed to procure me 
ease of spirit, and instead of becoming more weaned 
from visible things, these attractions revived feelings 
which I had before known to be in subjection, and 
every act of disobedience strengthened the enemy of 
my souPs happiness in his efforts to keep me in bond- 
age. When sitting in religious Meetings, I was often 
sensible of the revival of exercise ; and undoubtedly 
felt a sufficient degree of strength to have gone forth, 
had I been willing to use it; but the old plea, more 
clearness, more power, prevented my accepting the 
often-offered deliverance ; and at last the intimation 
became so low, the command so doubtful, that it seem- 
ed as though I might either move, or be still, as I 
liked, and I even have rejoiced after Meeting, in an 



1773—1786.] MARY DUDLEY. 29 

ungodly sort, that I had been kept from the tempta- 
tion of speaking in the Lord's uame. 

" The concern of sensible minds on my account now 
became frequent, and several were led into near and 
tender sympathy with me, and travailed for my deli- 
verance; but I now had no hope of ever again expe- 
riencing this ; and often was I brought apparently to 
the borders of the grave, by trying attacks of illness ; 
so that I may describe my situation as being often mi- 
serable, though the sackcloth was worn more within 
than without; and I appeared to men not to fast, 
when my soul lacked even a crumb of sustaining bread. 
Thus I went on, as nearly as my recollection serves, 
for about seven years, after my first yielding to the 
reasonings before described ; and indeed just before 
being brought out of this i horrible pit,' I think the 
extremity never was so great, insomuch that I fainted 
in my spirit, and all hope was cut off, my language 
being, <I shall die in the pit.' In this state I attend- 
ed a Province or Quarterly Meeting, in Cork, and 
after sitting two meetings for worship on first day, in 
I fear, wilful rebellion to the gentle intimations of 
duty, I went to Samuel Neale's, in a trying situation 
of mind and body, and his conduct towards me was 
like a tender father, saying, i The gift in thee must 
be stirred up.' I got little rest that night, and next 
morning went in extreme distress to Meeting, where 
I had not sat long before a serenity long withheld co- 
vered my mind, and I thought I intelligibly heard a 
language uttered, which exactly suited my own state ; 
but it so hung about me, (as at my first appearance, 
though not any thing like the same clear command to 
express it,) that being lifted above all reasonings, be- 
fore I was aware I stood on my feet with it, and oh ! 



30 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. II. 

the rest I again felt, the precious holy quiet! unequal 
in degree to what was first my portion; but as though. 
I was altogether a changed creature, so that to me 
there was no condemnation. Here was indeed a re- 
compense even for years of suffering, but with this 
alloy, that I had long deprived myself of the precious 
privilege, by yielding to those reasonings which held 
me in a state of painful captivity. One might natu- 
rally suppose, that after obtaining so great mercy, and 
feeling the precious effects of deliverance, great care 
would be taken, lest the fetters should again be felt; 
but though in some sort this was the case, my dedica- 
tion seemed only partial, and frequent relapses into 
want of faith again involved in distress and uncertain- 
ty, so that the relief at seasons obtained, was broken 
in upon. And sometimes as delivering only a part of 
the commission obstructed the return of peace, it might 
have been easy for me to conclude all wrong; so at 
other times great serenity was my covering, and the 
honest discharge of duty was rewarded with the in- 
comes of life. 

" Having a disposition naturally prone to affection- 
ate attachment, I now began, in the addition of chil- 
dren, to feel my heart in danger of so centering in 
these gifts, as to fall short of occupying in the manner 
designed, with the gift received ; and though at sea- 
sons I was brought in the secret of my heart to make 
an entire surrender to the work I saw that I was call- 
ed to, yet when any little opening presented, how did 
I shrink from the demanded sacrifice, and crave to be 
excused in this thing; so that an enlargement was not 
witnessed for some years, though I several times took 
journeys, and experienced holy help to be extended."' 



1786-— 1787-] MARY DUDLEY. 31 



CHAPTER III. 

Visit to Friends at Limerick; and journey into Leinster 
Province. 1786 to end of 1787. 



THE first religious engagement, of which she has 
left any account, was a visit to the families of Friends 
in Limerick, accompanied by her dear friend Marga- 
ret Grubb, of which service she writes as follows : 

" We arrived, through the protecting care of 

a kind Providence, in safety, on seventh day, the se- 
cond of the ninth month, 1786, and met with a kind 
reception at T. M. 7 s. My spirits were sensibly sunk 
at not meeting my dear friend E. H., whom I had 
expected to join in the visit, but in a degree of hope 
that the great Master would aid with a little help and 
and supply every want, we concluded to begin after 
Meeting. In this season truth seemed at a low ebb, 
and the language of my poor spirit was, What came 
I here for? Yet with a remaining view or prospect of 
what had been before me ; though almost afraid, from 
the painful feeling of things, how we might get 
through : but although we commenced the service, 
poor and stripped, we were favoured with a little sup- 
ply of strength. 

" Third day, the 5th, sat a laborious, heavy Meet- 
ing, truth exceedingly low, and the life sensibly op- 
pressed : many men absent, and very few of those 
who were gathered; seemed digging for the rising of 
the spring. 



32 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. III. 

"Sixth day, the eighth — went again to Meeting, 
where after a hard, laborious travail of spirit, the 
command seemed clear to sound the call formerly 
uttered : ' Wash ye, make ye clean,' &c. — help was 
graciously administered, yet life felt low, and I 
thought there was very little room in the minds of the 
people. We had two family sittings afterwards, and 
thus ended the arduous labour, whereunto I humbly 
trust the great and good master led, and though it has 
been a very exercising time, the Lord has been near, 
enabling his poor little ones to discharge what appear- 
ed his requiring, in which a degree of peace is merci- 
fully afforded, and it is to His name I would ascribe 
all the praise." 

In the spring of the next year, she felt her mind 
attracted to Friends of Leinster Province. The fol- 
lowing is extracted from her own account of this jour- 
ney, and its attendant exercises. 

" 14th of third month 1787? left my own habitation, 
in company with my dear friend S. Shackleton, and 
proceeded by easy stages to Mount-Mellick, where we 
were favoured to arrive in safety the following day. 

" 16th, Sat a low exercising Meeting, which was 
silent, except a few sentences delivered by dear M. 
Eidgway, recommending a self examination to know- 
why the spring did not rise in our solemn assemblies. 
The women's Meeting was also a low season, but 
attended with more liberty to labour a little in heart, 
aud some openness in expressing something of the 
sense impressed on the mind ; there seems few in this 
place under qualification to help in the discipline, and 
I thought, (though it seemed conducted very regularly 
as to the letter,) there wanted more of the spirit or life 



1786—1787.] MARY DUDLEY. 33 

attending. I felt myself after Meeting, low and poorly 
in mind and body ; no light as to moving from hence, 
I therefore concluded to stay over first day. 

u 17th. Went to breakfast at J. G.'s, and had, after- 
wards, a little sitting, in much sweetness, with them 
and a few friends not of the family ; great nearness of 
sympathy with A. G., and much liberty in communi- 
cating what impressed the mind. Dear R. Shackleton, 
(who kindly met me here,) was well engaged in 
recommending fervour of spirit, that there might be 
dedication to serve the Lord. 

" First day. Sat a most laborious, hard Meeting, 
no words uttered, nor any springing up of that well 
whose waters refresh the thirsty soul. The second 
Meeting was low and silent, my mind under very 
close exercise, from the view, which now seemed con- 
firmed, of sitting in the families here ; the struggle on 
this subject was great, yet I got courage to throw it 
before my kind sympathising friend R. S., who unit- 
ing with the concern, we began on the nineteenth. 

" Fifth day, 22nd. Sat with the children in the Pro- 
vincial School, which was a season of great favour and 
liberty; much opened in pure love to this hopeful plan- 
tation, which seems evidently to me to be under the 
cultivating hand of Divine power. We dismissed the 
children, and had afterwards a sitting with the masters 
and mistresses, which was also owned by continued 
solemnity, and great liberty in mentioning what was 
felt, and we parted in the renevvings of best love. 

" First day, 25th. Sat a very exercising Meeting 
held in silence. Life exceedingly low. In the after- 
noon another trying Meeting, dear M. R. was beauti- 
fully engaged in speaking to various states, and had 



84 THE HIFE OF [CHAP. III. 

to address some in the very language which had been 
used in several families ; this tended greatly to com- 
fort and strengthen my poor mind ; which amidst this 
arduous work, has been deeply plunged and dis- 
couraged. 

"Fourth day, 28th. Sat another low, exercising, 
and silent Meeting, though I believe it had been 
better for me to have spoken ; went that afternoon to 
Mountrath, and attended Meeting there next day, 
which was a time of uncommon travail to my spirit : 
all seemed death and darkness, but through long wait- 
ing in silent baptism, I at length ventured on my feet 
with the language, i Arise and be baptized, and wash 
away thy sins,' &c. great liberty followed ; but very 
little entrance seemed in the minds of the people. 

" I felt at the conclusion of this Meeting quite easy 
to proceed, so we set forward for Roscrea, and got 
safely and timely there, meeting a cordial reception 
from cousin Eleazer Dudley and his hospitable wife. 
Before leaving Mount-Mellick, I had expected that I 
might feel something about the families here, and soon 
after arriving was confirmed in the view of it, and got 
very low, desiring in the night season I might be 
rightly directed : but as it had arisen in the light, and 
there seemed enough to move in, we have concluded 
to begin this engagement to day. 

"First day, 1st of 4th month. Sat two deeply exer- 
cising Meetings ; the sense weightily impressed my 
mind, that there would be no revival in this place, till 
individuals come under the washing, sanctifying power 
of truth ; to which, I think, in the renewed love of the 
Gospel, they were intreated to attend. 

" After tea we had a solemn sitting in the family, 



1786—1787.] MARY DUDLEY. 35 

long in silence, which was a profitable season ; liberty 
was felt to invite the youth to abide much in stillness, 
to learn there, and also attend to the language, i The 
Master is come and calleth for thee f and indeed He 
does seem calling for that family to support His 
slighted testimonies. I have much hope of the dear 
children, if the chilling air that surrounds them does 
not blast their tender shootings. 

" I was thankful for feeling clear of Roscrea, a place 
of extreme suffering to my mind ; yet, though things 
were so low, and very close doctrine was given to de- 
clare, I have seldom been more sensible of help, than 
in my little exercise in these family visits. The sym- 
pathy and accordant feeling of my valuable companion 
R. S. tended to strengthen me in the hope, that the 
Light which deceiveth not, had manifested the right 
line to move in. 

"We got to Mount Mellick third day evening, and 
next day sat an exercising silent Meeting there, after- 
wards a select one for this Monthly Meeting, which 
was silent also, except a few remarks by R. S. much 
to the purpose. 

" Sixth day, 4th month 6th. The Quarterly Meet- 
ing of Ministers and Elders, was to me a low season, 
though dear E. Hatton and M. R. seemed favoured in 
delivering close testimonies. In an evening sitting, E* 
H. spoke in an encouraging line to the young people ; 
and feeling a little matter moving on my mind, respect- 
ing going down to the Potter's house, &c. I ventured 
to follow him ; holy help was near to open and enlarge 
beyond my first view — recommending to go down deep 
into Jordan for living stones, fit for memorials of the 
Lord's goodness and leadings. 



3(5 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. III. 

" These seasons arc precious, they strengthen chris- 
tian fellowship. I thought this little renewal of mu- 
tual exercise, cemented aud bound closer in the one 
bundle — there seems, notwithstanding the low state of 
things, a stirring of good, may it be attended to, and 
carefully cherished, by all who feel it. 

ie Seventh day began the Quarterly Meeting, which 
was long, and life low. In the Morning meeting on 
first day my mind was much exercised, but desiring 
greater clearness, I refrained from moving. J. Wil- 
liams was well engaged, and I rejoiced, as far as I 
was able, that the Great Master was preparing and 
causing new trumpets to sound in His name, this dear 
friend seems coming forth in gospel authority ; E. H. 
followed, and M. It. afterwards addressed different 
states : first the tried, apparently unfruitful branches 
under the purging hand, and then, the careless, world- 
ly-minded professors; she closed in solemn suppli- 
cation. 

" I left the meeting in heaviness, fearing all was 
wrong with me, and sorely tried for disobedience. 
After this I parted with my beloved husband, who 
came to attend the Quarterly Meeting, and comforted 
me by bringing good accounts of our dear little flock. 
I was almost ready to conclude I should accompany 
him, but dared not do so. 

" Though very low and poorly, I went again to 
Meeting at four o'clock, where He, whose mercy faileth 
not, was pleased a little to cheer my drooping spirit : 
the command once more went forth, * Blow the trum- 
pet in Zion,' &c. it seemed to me, as though this com- 
mand had been obeyed,, and the trumpet had given a 
certain sound ; but few were prepared for the battle, 



1786—1787-] MART DUDLEY. 37 

the spiritual weapons having fallen as on the moun- 
tains of Gilboa, the shield of the mighty being vilely 
cast away ; yet a little sympathy was felt with the 
wrestling seed, to whom this language was addressed, 
< Fear not, I am with thee, be not dismayed, I am thy 
Grod. ? — Peace succeeded, and the Meeting closed com- 
fort ably. 

" Second day the 9th, a solemn cementing season at 
J. Gr.'s, after which we parted with some dear friends, 
under a renewed hope that each, in their different por- 
tions of labour, would be shielded by diviue power : 
we had afterwards two family sittings, and dining at 

7 s, a solemnity ensued, * The Master hath need of 

him,' struck my mind, with the remembrance that e the 
colt was tied,' caution was freely administered, that 
neither the world, nor any hindering thing, might tie 
and confine from service, or coming forward, into use- 
fulness. I felt great love to this young couple, and 
wish they may not be hurt by any thing in this life. 
My mind was rather peculiarly attracted towards a 
young woman who had come to the Quarterly Meet- 
ing, and getting her alone, a season followed worthy 
of being held in thankful remembrance, as one where- 
in the flowing of the Fathers love was evident — I felt 
deep travail that she might obey the call to come tho- 
roughly out of every wrong thing, by submitting to the 
power of truth: her mind was much tendered, the 
words seeming to have entrance, as into softened 
ground : may no presumptuous hand close the eye and 
ear which I do believe have been opened in this dear 
child, though in her appearance gay and trifling : I 
fear for her, lest some fowls of the air hovering about 
her may pick up some of the precious seed. 



38 THE LIFE Of [CHAP. III. 

" Thus ended our exercising labour in this place, 
which is indeed a favoured one, though too many 
seem like the ground which has been often watered, 
and bringeth forth briars and thorns ; few comparative- 
ly, concerned for themselves, but depending on the la- 
bour of the poor oppressed servants ; and I often 
thought while here, the day was advancing, when the 
people must be scattered every one to his own: a 
wrestling seed, however, seems preserved, a little 
Goshen as in Egypt. 

" Third day, 10th, Parted with our kind friends, I. 
and M. H. and set forward for Tullainore, where we 
arrived to diuner. Two Friends' families only resid- 
ing in the town, it felt easier to me to sit with them, 
separately, than to appoint a Meeting; after which 
service I felt quite released, and we left them ; getting 
to Birr that night. Attended Meeting there next day, 
in silence, and under a feeling of distress : several gen- 
teel people were present, to whom I was sensible of 
gospel love ; but the members of our own little com- 
munity seemed the objects of my travail, so far as I 
was able to travail. I thought if I could get them 
alone I should be more at liberty, we therefore con- 
cluded to sit with them in their families ; which we did, 
and so ended the visit in this place, where darkness 
seemed indeed prevalent, and scarcely name or memo- 
rial for the Lord of Hosts to be found among them ; 
I was glad to leave it, and after dinner we set off for 
Roscrea. 

" Seventh day, the 14th, Felt a stop in my mind to 
proceeding this day to Knockballymaher, where I 
purposed being on first day : some uneasiness respect- 
ing home had been hovering about rac for several days, 



1786— 1787-] MARY DUDLEY. ^ 39 

I tried, however, to have my mind as much disengaged 
from all anxiety as I could, and desired to be singly 
turned to whatever point light most shone on. We - 
went in the afternoon to Dungar, and took tea with 
dear M. P. and her aunt A. P. On returning to our 
lodgings found W. X. just come from Clonrael, he 
informed me that the young woman who had the chief 
care of my children had taken the measles, and was 
removed out of the house — I sensibly felt this intelli- 
gence, and the struggle was not small to endeavour 
after, and attain, a degree of quietude, sufficient to dis- 
cover the right path. 

" I went distressed to bed, I think honestly resign- 
ed, either to go forward or return home, as truth open- 
ed — I got but little sleep in the night, and Knockbally- 
maher seemed uppermost in the morning, so I rose 
early, and roused my companions — we set out, and 
after a rough ride for nearly two hours, got to Meeting 
soon after Friends were assembled. 

u Through the continuance of that mercy which 
never faileth, all thoughts of home seemed dispersed, 
and I was helped to get a little to my own exercise — 
my lot through most of this journey — that of being dipt, 
into sympathy with the imprisoned seed. There seem- 
ed to me much business going forward in this Meeting, 
but it was not the Lord's business — one seemed at his 
farm, another with his oxen, and almost all pleading 
excuse for obeying the gracious invitation to the mar- 
riage — the ground of the hearts of many seemed never 
to have had the clods broken up by the holy plough, 
so the seed could not take root or spring up. With 
these feelings 1 was helped upon my feet, and enabled 
to deal honestly as truth enlarged, in matter and man- 



40 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. III. 

ner — a few excited my sympathy, who, knowing where 
to look for food, were concerned to wait for it — the 
faith of these was, I hope, a little strengthened to con- 
tinue asking for daily bread. 

" This is a poor spot — the members of the Meeting' 
far scattered one from another as to places of residence, 
and I think such situations unfavourable to the right 
growth ; though if all were careful to dwell near the 
life in themselves, no doubt the animating virtue would 
diffuse in their assemblies — instead of which, in many 
places it seems so oppressed that there is scarcely 
liberty to labour for its arising ; it feels as though the 
hardness in many minds would stone those who are 
sent unto them. 

"Several Mends kindly asked me home with them 
after Meeting, but 1 felt an inclination to go to a family 
who did not urge it, that of a widow friend, so went 
on with them to dinner — after tea we got into stillness, 
which proved a season of profit to my mind — much 
instruction was afforded therein, and I thought not 
only for my own advantage, but that something flowed 
to the younger part of the company, of which number 
there were I think nine or ten ; some of these felt to 
me evidently under the cultivating hand, and such as 
would become fruitful boughs, and their branches run 
over the wall, if they, like Joseph, abode by the well, 
whose waters nourish and make green. Some caution 
was administered not to get out of the valley, where the 
dew lies long, but to abide in humility and holy fear, 
that so sound and acceptable fruit might be brought 
forth. This family manifests that much religious care 
has been exercised in their education, they are plain, 
exemplary, and solid — a fine sight in this degenerate 
day. 



1786—1787.] MARY DUDLEY. 41 

"After this visit I saw no way further, and, though 
the feeling of love was strong to other quarters, I was 
most satisfied to return home, believing the suspension 
for a while, might work increasing liberty at some other 
period if the weight continued — so on second day the 
16th I set off for Clonmel, and was favoured to find 
my dear husband and children in health ; for which 
blessing, with that of merciful preservation through 
this journey, I desire humble gratitude may fill my 
heart to Him, who is indeed the Alpha and Omega of 
all that is good." 



4B THE LIFE 01 [CHAP. IV 



CHAPTER IV. 

Journey to some parts of Holland, Germany and France- 
in company with Sarah Robert Grubb — 17SS. 



THE next religious engagement upon which my 
dear mother entered, was one of an extensive and 
deeply important nature— the prospect of this, and her 
preparation for entering upon the service, will be best 
described in her own words — Alluding to the year 
1787? she says— 

« About the fall of that year I was seized 

with an alarming illness, out of which few expected I 
should recover, nor did I myself when judging from 
bodily feelings. As to my mind, it was kept in such a 
state of deep poverty that I could form no settled judg- 
ment respecting any thing, save that at some seasons, 
the evidence of having passed from death unto life, by 
the feeling of near unity with the brethren, consoled 
me. 

" During this probation, though apparently I was 
near the closing scene, there were moments when the 
love of the gospel so prevailed, that a willingness, and 
even desire to live was felt, so that I might by any 
means be thought worthy to suffer or do any thing for 
the promotion of truth, and the good of others. These 
impressions were accompanied with a belief, that if I 
were raised up again, it would be for this purpose ; 
and my heart was called, (at a period when those about 
me expected my dissolution,) to such a deep attention 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 43 

to the discoveries of light, that, as in a vision, though 
perfectly awake and sensible, I was carried to some 
distant parts, even to a people of a strange language ; 
where gospel liberty was felt in a remarkable manner : 
then the vision was again sealed, being for an appoint- 
ed time, nor did I ever fully understand it, (though 
from that period a solemn covering spread over my 
mind,) till my ever dear and valuable sister S. R. 
Grubb laid before our Monthly Meeting her concern 
to visit some parts of France, and Germany. The 
nearness of spirit I had with her, in her watchful at- 
tendance on me during the first of my illness, was sur- 
prising; and often, when no words passed, we mingled 
our sighs and tears, though she never gave me any 
hint of the exercise she was under, nor had I then any 
perception of being under preparation for any service 
in conjunction with her. 

u After she had obtained her certificates, we united 
in a littik visit to a branch of our Monthly Meeting ; 
aud on returning I wished to hasten ber departure, 
but found she felt no liberty to proceed, and said all 
concern was taken from her ; but so closely queried of 
me respecting my feelings, that without saying much 
I wept, and thereby discovered what I was struggling 
against, or at least wished to conceal, believing it was 
impossible I ever could be resigned to such a move- 
ment. 

u From this time, the weight grew almost insupport- 
able, so that sleep, appetite, and strength, nearly de- 
parted from me, and my dear husband queried, (after 
watching unperceived by me,) what can this be? He 
once mentioned France, but I requested him no more 
to do it, being affected to trembling, and I believe I 
could as readily have given up my natural life as 



44 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

made this surrender. Oh ! great indeed was the. strag- 
gle, until at length the precious grain of all-conquering 
faith proved victorious, and believing Him faithful 
Who had promised, I ventured to move in this awful 
matter, and, when the needful steps had been taken, 
left all and endeavoured resignedly to follow my 
Great Master." 

She had seven children at this time, the youngest 
only ten weeks old, and her health was very delicate, 
so that the sacrifice was indeed great, but the merciful 
extension of proportionate assistance is thus acknow- 
ledged by herself — 

"In the course of the embassy, many and sore 

were my provings, and of a closely trying nature my 
conflicts, but the arm of all-sustaining help was near, 
and I feel thankful that this cup hath been drunk ; for 
though mingled with deep and exercising sufferings, 
it has, I trust, tended to the further reduction of the 
creaturely will and choosing, and brought measurably 
into willingness to submit to the humiliating leadings 
of the holy hand." 

The following is extracted from her own account of 
this journey. 

Zmo. 9,7th, 1788. 

" I parted with my beloved husband, and many 
dear friends, in Waterford, and in company with R. 
and S. Grubb, went on board a vessel bound for 
Minehead, setting sail with a tolerably fair wind, but 
after being out all day, and getting several leagues 
out to sea, the wind changed, and the captain fouud 
it best to put back into harbour. — Being very sick we 
concluded to go on shore about noon, landed at Pass- 
age, and spent a comfortable night at Brooklodge, 
embarked again about ten next morning, were favour- 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 45 

ed with a safe, though rather rough passage, to our 
destined port, and met a kind reception at our friend 
Hannah Davis's, where after the inconvenience of 
sea-sickness, we were cousoled hy friendly attention. 

(i We left Minehead on third day, and arrived in 
London on fifth ; I was affectionately received by my 
dear friends 1. and M. Eliot, and retired to rest un- 
der, I hope, a thankful sense of many unmerited mer- 
cies, with the additional one of hearing from my family 
that all were well. 

" Sixth day, attended Meeting at Gracechurch- 
street — a low time to my poor mind, which seems op- 
pressed, and as it were in prison. Some prospect of 
moving forward opened this evening, in a conference 
with Gr. Dillwyn, who seems bound to the awful ser- 
vice on the continent. It is pleasant to have the pros- 
pect of so strong a link to this chain. I am very low 
and poor, emphatically 'going forth weeping' — may 
the righiKee^ be kept in dominion ! Amidst such qua- 
lified servants in this mission how little do I feel my- 
self! Yet hope I have not entered presumptuously on 
the list — the cause, I know is in the best hands, and 
if my venturing brings no dishonour to it, I hope to 
be thankful — further seems not now in my view. 

" The kindness of dear I. and M. E. is mixed with 
a feeling of friendly sympathy better felt than de- 
scribed, and I have not been without some apprehen- 
sion that I. E. feels deeper on the occasion than mere 
unity with the concern of others ; but he is reserved 
and cautious ; if it so prove, it will, to be sure, be 
pleasant. 

" First day the 9th was a day of peace and liberty 
to me, though one wherein there was rather a de- 
scending to the deeps then ascending to the heights. 



46 THE LIFE OF j_CHAF. Iy * 

The Morning Meeting at Gracechurch-street was 
large, gay, and oppressive, but it is a favour to be al- 
lowed to visit the seed in prison, and a great one to 
feel a willingness so to do. My beloved S. G. was 
afresh anointed in both Meetings and I thought my 
small vessel contained a little more than what was 
properly my own; and, we read, the debt was first to 
be paid, before the residue of the oil was set apart to 
live on. The day closed comfortably in a little sea- 
son of retirement at Richard Chester's. 

" Second day the 10th, attended the Morning Meet- 
ing and produced our certificates. Friends seemed 
disposed to enter thoroughly into the matter, near 
sympathy and unity were expressed, and a Commit- 
tee was appointed to draw up certificates for us, and 
one for G. D. who laid his concern before them. We 
had a conference this day with Adey Bellamy respect- 
ing our proposed journey. 

"Third day, 11th, Sat a quiet solid Meeting, at the 
Peel, held in silence, wherein a little renewal of faith 
was afforded, and cause for confidence in holy help. 
Last night confirmed me in a feeling sense of my 
short-sightedness. The southern parts of France be- 
ing all along the first object in my view, the way to 
get there the soonest, appeared desirable, and the 
passage from Dover to Calais that which effected this 
desire most speedily; but our beloved companion G. 
D. feeling the passage to Holland most clear to his 
mind, I felt mine greatly tried, wishing if I had but 
ever so small a bit of ground to move on, it might be 
my own — I went to bed thus exercised, and endea- 
voured to think only of Dover, but after a season of 
very close conflict, and I think honest travail for right 
direction, a serene sky seemed over this prospect of 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 47 

Or. D.'s, and every other passage to France utterly 
closed, so I simply communicated my feelings this 
evening to my companions, and thus far peace at- 
tends. 

* " Our dear friend J. Eliot is, I believe, bound to 
the south, but has yet made no movement in his 
Monthly Meeting. Adey Bellamy has laid his pros- 
pect before Friends, and it is likely will be liberated 
by the time J. E. is, if he discloses his feelings at his 
next Monthly Meeting. Our having come hither seems 
providential, as J. E. and A. B. understand the lan- 
guage well; and the hope of this seasonable assist- 
ance has tended to renew my faith, and patience, 
which I sometimes trust will hold out to the end. 

"Fourth day, 12th. We attended Gracechurch- 
street Monthly Meeting, that for worship was low to 
my feelings, the one for discipline long and flat, much 
business agitated, and many pertinent remarks made, 
but life seemed oppressed, and human, more than di- 
vine wisdom uppermost. 

" Fifth day, 13th. After being at Meeting at Rat- 
cliff, I accompanied G. J), and wife to Jacob Bell's, 
to dinner ; a solemnity covered my mind afterwards, 
under which it felt pleasant to have a puuse, for seek- 
ing the renewed influence of the pure principle of life 
and love, and the season was graciously owned. 
Spent the evening at another friend's, I thought pro- 
fitably, in free conversation. 

" First day, 16th. Went to Horselydown Meeting 
in the morning—a low time: Gracechurch-street in 
the afternoon, and at six in the evening a public 
Meeting appointed by G. D. in which he was largely 
engaged — I again felt, in a painful manner, the con- 
sequence of withholding more than is meet, yet trust 



#8 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

wilful disobedience was not the cause, but a fear of 
not feeling sufficient authority: — < seekest thou great 
things ?' seems the query often put to my poor mind 
on such occasions, and though the injunction is added 
' seek them not/ how slowly do I learn ! 

" Second day, 17th. Morning Meeting, a time of 
favour through several instruments, our certificates 
were signed, I believe by all present, and the Meeting 
seemed to conclude under the uniting evidence of C hris- 
tian fellowship; many dear friends expressing near 
sympathy with us, poor pilgrims, in our going forth, 
and Or. D. closing with solemn supplication for the 
continuance of gracious protection. 

" Third day, 18th. We turned our backs on the 
great city, and got to Colchester to dinner ; met a kind 
reception at our friend John KendaPs, and had there 
in the evening, the company of Thomas Corbyn and 
Thomas Hull, who returned with J. K. from the ser- 
vice of visiting the Meetings in that county; — it was 
pleasant to us to see T. Corbyn before our embarka- 
tion, and he was kindly affectionate and sympathizing 
to us; dear Rebecca Jones also spent the night here in 
her return from Ipswich. 

6i Fourth day, was their Meeting in course, which 
we attended, not knowing but we might afterwards 
proceed to Harwich, but our G. D. found a cloud re- 
maining on his tabernacle, at which I wondered not, 
as I had before told him I did believe he would not 
get away without a Meeting for the people : one was 
held that evening, and I think owned by gracious re- 
gard. 

" As no packets leave Harwich regularly, but on 
fourth and seventh days, our proceeding thither seem- 
ed not desirable till near the time ; we therefore rested 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 49 

at our comfortable lodgings fifth day, and on sixth 
went to Mauningtree, where a Meeting had been ap- 
pointed for ten o'clock; the house is small, and few 
Frieuds reside here, but it was pretty well filled with 
a solid, quiet company, and was to me the best Meet- 
ing since my leaving home, a time of enlargement in 
true love and productive of peace. After dining at a 
friend's in the town we went on to Harwich, and had a 
Meeting there at six in the evening; the house, (a new 
small one,) was soon filled with fashionably dressed 
people, and a considerable number were in the yard ; 
they seemed rather unsettled in time of silence, but 
quiet when any thing was oifered: my beloved S. (x. 
and G. D. were afresh anointed with gospel oil, and I 
was comforted in beholding good work well done. 

(e My poor mind is under discouragement from va- 
rious causes, remarkable anxiety has attended me for 
several days about home, and faith is indeed low, 
though I thankfully remember having been enabled to 
surrender all I have to the disposal of unerring wis- 
dom. 

Ci Seventh day, 22nd. The wind contrary, and no 
prospect of sailing, I feel very low, and almost in dan- 
ger of casting away hope. 

u First day. So ill that I could not get up till about 
noon, our company went to Meeting, where I think, 
only about seven attended. In the evening a solemnity 
covered us, under which dear G. D. revived the query 
put to the disciples, i when I sent you without purse 
and scrip lacked ye any thing? and they said, nothing: 5 
again, they that have left all ' shall receive an hundred 
fold now in this time and in the world to come eternal 
life.' This seemed so peculiarly applicable to my tried 
state, that while my soul was, as though it refused com- 
7 



50 THE LIFE or [CHAP. I»V. 

fort, I could not but taste a little renewal of hope. We 
just broke up when a summons to go on board was 
sent us. 

"There being but little wind, and that not quite 
fair, we had a tedious passage, but were favoured to 
experience holy protection, and landed about eight 
o'clock on fourth day evening, at Helvoetsluys, where 
we got to a clean inn, kept by two English women. 
While in the boat going on shore, a sweet calm cover- 
ed my mind, accompanied by the fresh application of 
that gracious promise, i I will be to thee mouth and 
wisdom;' this, after the tossings I had been tried with, 
for many days, tended to renew my confidence in divine 
sufficiency and goodness. 

" Fifth day, 37th. Left Helvoet this morning in a 
carriage wagon, and travelled on a very deep road — 
often in danger of overturning, to the Briel, here we 
crossed a ferry about a mile over, went again by land 
to another ferry, and thence to Maasslandsluys. In 
this place we seemed as gazing stocks to the people, 
many following us, though all behaved civilly, and 
had they understood our speed] would probably have 
helped us. I felt, what I think was the love of the 
gospel, my heart being so filled that I could have spo- 
ken to the people as I walked along the street, and 
while in the house where we stopt to get a little re- 
freshment; but I felt what I was, and who I was with, 
and had not courage to query whether we might not as 
well remain a while; therefore with the heaviest heart 
I ever remember feeling at leaving any place, we went 
on board a treckschuyt for Delft, whence we proceed- 
ed to Rotterdam and there got to the house of an Eng- 
lish woman that night. 

(i I feel sensibly confirmed in the belief, that passing 



1788.J MARY DUDLEY. 01 

through Holland was the right way, ftfr in coming 
through the towns to this place, there has been so much 
love prevalent, that it has felt to me as though we were 
not among strangers, though with a people of a strange 
speech ; and that there were many who could be spoken 
to from something answering in their minds to what is 
felt by us, even without outward interpretation. A 
minister of the Calvinist church drank tea with us, this 
evening, and undertook to give notice of a Meeting 
which is appointed for to-morrow. 

" Seventh day, 29th. The Meeting was held at ten 
o'clock, Gr. D. and S. G. were strengthened to recom- 
mend inward waiting for the revelation of divine power, 
but there seemed little openness among the few assem- 
bled ; several ministers of the Calvinistic church attend- 
ed, and we took tea with one of them— many others 
were present, and a good deal of religious conversation 
took place, wherein an explanation was entered into 
of our principles and testimonies; G. D. opening these 
clearly, and apparently to their satisfaction. I thought 
this was a season spent profitably, though as to my 
own feelings I am like one in prison, may I be helped 
to resign myself into His hands who has, I trust, sent 
me out on this journey ; for while my conflicts seem 
rather to increase than lessen, and the exercise of ray 
spirit almost weighs down the poor body, 1 do at times 
feel renewed confidence that I shall be preserved, and 
that those I have left will be taken care of. 

(i First day, 30th. A public Meeting at four in the 
afternoon ; it was very large, more coming than the 
house could hold ; some liberty was felt by all of us in 
Expressing what arose, but it was an exercising low 
time, a physician and his wife came to tea with us, and 
expressed satisfaction in our company, which we also 



52 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV, 

felt in theirs, and parted from them in that love which 
throws down all distinctions of names in religion. 

u Second day, 31st. After a solemn season with the 
only person we knew of here, who makes any profes- 
sion with us, we - set off in a treckschuyt, for Amster- 
dam, where we arrived the next evening, and met a 
kind reception from John Vanderwerf. 

" Fourth day, attended the Monthly Meeting of the 
few Friends here, an! light seeming to shine upon 
visiting these, in their own houses, we entered upon 
the service, which was so owned by the prevalence of 
gospel liberty and love that hard things were made 
comparatively easy. S. Gr. and I had never before 
spoken through an interpreter, which office J. V. jun. 
filled agreeably, and our minds were bowed in thank- 
fulness to the Lord who manifests himself a present 
helper. 

" The situation of these few sheep, as it were in a 
wilderness country, calls for near sympathy, and it is 
a favour when not only this feeling is extended, but a 
willingness accompanies to let it run as it flows. It is 
about four years since they were visited by G. D. S. 
Emlen, and J. Kendal; that life which is the crown 
of all profession is certainly low ; the seed seems in a 
wintry state, scarcely shooting above ground, yet we 
have thought it is under the care of Him who can nou- 
rish and bring it forth, if it be only allowed to lie un- 
der Hie cultivating hand, and not exposed too much to 
the chilling breath that surrounds ; there are also some 
hidden, seeking minds in these parts — perhaps mixed 
with the various names to religion, and others who we 
find do not join with any denomination, but keep quiet- 
ly among themselves, exemplary in their conduct, do- 
ing good, and communicating of their outward bless- 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 53 

ings; plain in their appearance and manner; one of 
these, after sitting in an opportunity where evident so- 
lemnity covered us, observed that though we could not 
understand each other, there was 'a feeling and unity 
within.' 

" First day, f>th of 4mo. We had two public Meet- 
ings, one at half- past nine, the other at four— G. D. 
and S. O. were favoured to minister with gospel love 
and authority, I had fresh cause for confusion, and the 
acknowledgment that to me belongeth shame; pain still 
attends the remembrance of my want of dedication in 
these Meetiugs. 

" Second day morning. We had a little sitting 
among ourselves, desiring to feel our way from, or de- 
tention in this city, rightly ordered; we were afresh 
helped to believe, that, as the eye was kept single, 
He who had led forth would continue to preserve us 
— We went to tea with a family named Decknatel — 
a widow, her son, and two daughters ; these were edu- 
cated in the Anabaptist profession, her husband hav- 
ing been a preacher among this sect, but since his 
death they have not joined in communion with any 
particular people, but keep themselves select, except 
going sometimes to the Moravian worship. A sweet 
influence prevailed in the house, and a good deal of 
religious conversation occurred, J. Vanderwerf being 
with us to interpret. They believe in the sufficiency 
of the spirit of truth to lead into all truth, though they 
seem not fully to have entered into that rest where 
there is a ceasing from our own works, as they sing 
hymns sometimes, and have an instrument of music in 
their house. They were very desirous of understand- 
ing us, and our errand— it seemed strange to them for 



54 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

me to leave a husband and seven children, but feeling 
liberty to enter a little into the cause, and some parti- 
culars of my convincement, &c. as the remembrance 
arose with renewed thankfulness, they appeared not 
only fully satisfied, but to comprehend the language. 
This conversation introduced to a solemn silence, in 
which they readily joined, and we had each to unite 
in the testimony that the salutation of i peace unto it 7 
belonged to this house : this memorable season closed 
in awful supplication, and we parted under a feeling 
of that pure love which throws down the narrow bar- 
riers of nominal distinction, and baptizes into the 
unity of the one Spirit. 

" 9th. At four o'clock this afternoon we had ano- 
ther public Meeting, which was well attended as to 
numbers, but the people were unsettled in time of si- 
lence; the doctrine of truth ran clearly, and a hope 
was raised that some felt a testimony to it in their own 
minds. 

"10th. Left Amsterdam with J. V. jun. and Fre- 
derick Mentz, in a carriage boat, the usual way of tra- 
velling in this country; it is drawn along a canal by a 
horse, and consists of a small cabin, calculated to hold 
seven or eight, and a larger room which will contain 
about thirty people, with seats to accommodate all the 
passengers, and light sufficient to work by. We ar- 
rived at Utrecht between three and four o'clock, felt 
exercised respecting a meeting here, but, not living 
enough by faith, and looking too much outward, dis- 
couragement prevailed. 

" 11th. Set off from Utrecht in a post wagon, and 
travelled over deep roads, through a woody country 
thickly inhabited, though the land is poor, and we 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 55 

found but indifferent lodging and entertainment until 
we reached Dusseldorf, on the evening of the 13th, 
where we got to a good inn. 

"14th. Concluded to stay this day, to feel whether 
bound or dismissed from hence; in the forenoon called 
on Michael David Wetterboar, whom our friends 
Decknatel recommended us to see, we also drank tea 
with him, and found him an inward retired man, liv- 
ing pretty much alone, and not knowing that he has 
any companions in this large place, where supersti- 
tion seems to reign. We had a season of solid retire- 
ment after tea, and some profitable conversation 
through R. G. in French. 

" 15th. Went off the direct course abotat eighteen 
miles to Eiberfeld, expecting to find some seeking 
people; we were directed to a person named Smith, 
with whom we spent a little time; he speaks English 
and was civil, but seemed fearful of engaging to be 
our interpreter: he informed us there were some mys- 
tics in the town, who met together on first days, bufc 
we found no way to get into their company. In the 
morning we walked out, G. D. and I one way, and 
R. and S. Gr. another, but though we called in at 
some houses, no way opened for a Meeting, we there- 
fore returned to Dusseldorf to tea. M. D. W. spent 
the evening with us, and we had a season of spiritual 
refreshment in the feeling of Christian liberty and 
love, under which we parted. 

" 17th. Left Dusseldorf about half-past six, and got 
to Cologne to dinner — a dark place of popish super- 
stition, crosses and images appearing almost every 
where in and about it : we all felt oppressed and glad 
to leave this place ; reached^ Bonn, a smaller town, 
where similar idolatry prevailed: G. D. and R. G. 



56 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

walking out, saw the Host, as it is called, carrying 
about, and the people kneeling to it. 

" 18th. Rode through a beautiful valley of vine- 
yards, and other plantations, bounded on one side 
with richly cultivated mountains, and on the other by 
the Rhine, on each side of which, towns and villages 
thickly appeared, also some monasteries and ruins al- 
together forming as diversified and lovely a scene as I 
ever rode through; but in this day's journey I found 
nature unusually oppressed, so that it was hard to 
bear the motion, and my illness increased so much, 
that when I saw a town on the other side the Rhine, 
not knowing it was our destination, I thought it look- 
ed a desirable resting place, and wished to get to it; 
when the driver turned the carriage that way, and it 
proved to be Nieuvied, a place to which we had re- 
commendations.* Here we got to a comfortable inn, 
like a private lodging, kept by Moravians, who re- 
ceived us cordially, and we took up our quarters with 
them. 

" 19th. I was very ill, so as to lie in bed all day, 
low in mind as well as in body ; dear S. Gr. indisposed 
also, and we felt glad in this state to be in a quiet 
asylum. 



* Copy of one of the Introductory Letters given by the family of 
DecknateL 
My dear brother ; 

" I give this address by these Friends, whom they call 
Quakers, from England ; perhaps they will call in their journey 
at Nieuvied — though you cannot speak with them but by an in- 
terpreter, yet you may have an agreeable feeling and influence in 
silence, through the favours of the Lord, which you desire — I sa- 
lute you with renewed affection. 

J. D." 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 57 

e( 20th. First day, my complaints continuing I was 
not able to go out, my dear companions sat at my bed- 
side, where, in a season of quiet refreshment, we re- 
membered with comfort that it was when the disciples 
walked together and were sad, that their great Master 
joined Himself to them. 

"Slst. A day of distress every way, mostly in bed 
during the forenoon : after dinner went to see the Mo- 
ravian establishment, the Schools for Girls and Boys, 
&c. but so low that nothing seemed capable of cheer- 
ing me ; my faith and patience are so tried that I am 
often ready to fear the honour of the great name, and 
that excellent cause which through every discourage- 
ment is dear to my heart, may suffer by my engaging 
in this embassy — I feel myself so insufficient for the 
work, and even at seasons when holy help is near, 
qualified to do so little, that I am ready to query, for 
what am I sent? Yet I remember there are various 
vessels in a house, and it may sometimes seem proper 
to the Master to call for one of the smallest, to use as 
He pleases— to convey what He appoints ; and if care 
be only taken to have this vessel kept clean, though it 
may not be often called for, or able to contain much, 
it may answer some little purpose, by having a place 
in the house ; and help to fill up some corner, which a 
larger one could not so easily get into. I know that 
I sought not this, that I ventured not without feeling 
the weight of B Woe is unto me if I preach not the gos- 
pel where the holy finger is pleased to point : and the 
remembrance of these baptisms, with the renewal of 
frequent close conflicts, raise a hope through all, that 
though the sea may be permitted to swell, and the 
waves rise exceedingly high, the poor vessel will be 
8 



58 THE LIFE OF [ CHA P« IV. 

preserved from becoming a wreck amidst the storms, 
and the little cargo be safely landed at last. 

(i S3d. We called this morning on an old man, be- 
longing to a sect who call themselves inspired — a little 
conversation through an interpreter proved rather satis- 
factory. At seven in the evening we went to sit with 
these people in their Meeting, expecting from the ac- 
count received of them, that they sat mostly in silence, 
but we found it far otherwise. They remained awhile 
still, with apparent solemnity, then all kneeled down, 
and used words as prayer, afterwards singing, then 
one of them read part of a chapter and expounded — 
we sat still until they had concluded, when a few 
words were, as well as the language admitted, con- 
veyed to them. On the whole we were not sorry we 
obtained this acquaintance with their manner of wor- 
ship, as others denominated them Quakers, and we 
were now able to unfold to them the difference between 
us. We have abundance to discourage us within and 
without, many fears, and no outward help but the com- 
fort we find in being closely banded together ; and be- 
side the sufferings we are dipped into, no apparent pros- 
pect of these tending to gather many, if any, from the 
barren mountains ; for let us feel as we may, we have, 
since leaving Utrecht, been unable to convey our mean- 
ing to the people in general, and appointed no Meet- 
ing — what our passing through, and being as gazing 
stocks may do, must be left ; it will, I trust, increase 
our humiliation, if no other good be done. 

" 24th. In a little retirement this morning light seem- 
ed to shine on a public Meeting here, the Menonists, 
agreeing to give the use of their house at four o'clock 
in the afternoon ; a few of these, with some Moravians, 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 59 

and Inspirants, attended. Joseph Mortimer, a single 
brother from Yorkshire, kindly acted as interpreter for 
us. Feeling a little desire in my heart to call on a 
man whose countenance had struck me in the Meet- 
ing, we went : on entering the house a salutation of 
love arose, and a memorable season ensued, which to 
me seemed like a brook by the way, consolatory after 
a season of great trial and drought — and we left Nieu-? 
vied with renewed feelings of that love which had 
nearly united us to many there. 

a We got to Wisbaden the evening of the &6th, and 
met with an Englishman who accompanied us to seve- 
ral bathing houses, this place being famous for an ex- 
traordinary boiling spring, of a sulphureous nature, 
which is communicated by pipes to the different houses. 
From thence we proceeded to Frankfort, a fine popu- 
lous town, remarkable for the liberties it possesses, be- 
ing governed by its own magistrates, who are Luther- 
ans ; it is supposed to contain twenty thousand inha- 
bitants, and among these three thousand Jews— No 
man pays more than five pounds a-year taxes, which 
commences on his declaring himself worth fifteen hun- 
dred pounds — this city being so privileged is a thriving 
one, and not obliged to take part in war, unless the 
empire be invaded. 

" Here we met one called a Pietist, with whom we 
had some religious conversation to our mutual comfort. 

" From Frankfort we pursued our journey through 
Fridburg, and some parts of Suabia, and being favour- 
ed with delightful weather, and having little delay, we 
arrived at Basle the third of the fifth month. 

" 4th. Had a little season of quiet retirement alone, 
and in the evening we went to see a person named 
Brenan, with whom Claude Gay lodged for three 



60 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

weeks— he and another old man live retired— they are 
of the sect of Iuspirants, several met us to tea, and reli- 
gious conference ensuing, liberty was felt in recom- 
mending silent waiting for ability to worship. This 
sitting renewed that fellowship which is indeed the 
bond of the saints' peace, and the harmony in service 
increased that cement which is as precious ointment 
sending forth a sweet savour. We went to supper with 
Jean Christe — a Moravian to whom we were recom- 
mended from Nieuvied ; several of that sect were with 
us, and we had a satisfactory time of innocent cheerful- 
ness and freedom. 

"5th. Sat as usual together in our chamber; my 
mind was under some exercise about a public Meet- 
ing, but I felt fearful of mentioning it; our friend 
Christe came to tea with us ; the symptoms of being 
measurably redeemed are obvious in this man ; we all 
felt much love in our hearts towards him, and his 
seemed open to us : J. Sulger, a Moravian, who 
understands English, kindly interprets for us ; in him 
also the seed of life appears to shoot forth in grain 
which we hope is ripening. Oh ! if these visited ones 
were but inward enough, how would their growth be 
forwarded ! 

" 6th. Went to tea with a large company of Mora- 
vians; some of their inquiries respecting women's 
preaching and the nature of our visit, were answered 
to apparent satisfaction, but our minds being drawn 
into silence we found it a close conflict to yield — the 
company were ready to hear, or talk, but the opposi- 
tion in them to silence, and our nature pleading to be 
excused, brought on deep exercise. Our friend Sulger 
asked if he should desire them to be still, this was a 
relief to S. Gr. and myself, and she was, after some 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 61 

time of stillness, engaged to explain the nature of true 
worship, and the necessity of waiting for preparation 
to perform it. They again began talking, to show their 
approbation of what had been said, but silence being 
again requested, G. D. followed with good authority, 
and I thought some of them then felt what true silence 
was, particularly our interpreter, to whom, as well as 
through him, I believe, the testimony flowed. I sat 
some time in close travail, desiring that the people 
might feel as well as hear, but found it a great trial to 
speak what seemed given me for them ; at length love 
prevailed, and this memorable season, which closed in 
solemn prayer, was, to me, one of the most relieving 
since I came on the continent. 

u We went to sup with the two dear old men, J„ 
Christe accompanying us ; it was a pleasant visit — 
peace evidently surrounding the dwelling: on parting 
I just remembered how Jacob was favoured near the 
close of his life, and what worship he performed lean- 
ing on his staff; after reviving which, we left them in 
love. 

" 7th. Our men friends called on a few persons at a 
little distance from town, and in the evening we all 
went to J. C 7 s, where, after some time, silence was 
procured, several young people being present, to whom 
our minds were drawn in the feeling of gospel solici- 
tude, which we were enabled to evince; and although 
this season was a strange thing to, I believe, all, ex- 
cept ourselves, what was said seemed well taken, and 
we felt peace in having yielded to this manifestation 
of duty. 

" 8th. On a little comparing our feelings this morn- 
ing, we thought it best to appoint a meeting : many 
difficulties occurred^ but at length our friends J. and 



62 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

H. Brenan agreed to give us a room in their house. It 
proved "a deeply exercising season, though strength 
was mercifully afforded to express the feelings that 
were raised ; but the opposition to this way of wor- 
ship was, I believe, clearly felt to obstruct the stream 
from running as it otherwise might. Those called In- 
spirants have a great dislike to women's preaching, 
and our transgression in this respect, probably did not 
suit them: we however felt easy, and this little 
act of dedication tended to an increase of peace, and 
cleared the way for moving on. 

6( 9th. Parted with our dear friends at Basle under 
a sense of uniting love, and travelled through a beau- 
tiful country, richly diversified by nature and improved 
by art, to Geneva, where I was confined one day by 
illness at a poor inn : here we got an account of our 
friends J. Eliot and A. Bellamy having arrived at 
Lyons. Though I was still greatly indisposed, we set 
forward on the 16th, and travelled through almost in- 
cessant rain to Chalons, a little French village, where 
we were indifferently entertained and lodged at a very 
dirty inn. Next day we had a romantic ride between 
very high rocks and mountains — strong torrents of 
water pouring with wonderful rapidity, some not less 
than three hundred feet, with perpendicular and slop- 
ing falls — these emptying themselves into a lake below, 
and thence into the Rhone. This scene of grandeur 
was rendered awful by remarkably loud claps of thun- 
der, and vivid flashes of lightning, which continued 
some hours, accompanied by heavy hail storms and 
rain. Through divine preservation we got to a toler- 
able inn to sleep, and were favoured to reach Lyons 
the evening of the 18th ; where the interview with our 
dear friends proved mutually comforting ; and I had 



1788. J MARY DUDLEY. 63 

fresh cause for thankfulness in finding several letters 
from my beloved husband, conveying the intelligence 
of all being well. This after suffering much from 
anxiety about home, was humbling to my heart. — - 
May I learn increasingly to commit all into the divine 
hand ! 

"We proceeded from Lyons in a carriage boat 
down the Rhone, passing many towns and villages, on 
the banks of this rapid river ; landed at Pont Esprit, 
and reached Nismes in the afternoon of the £2nd; from 
whence we proceeded next day to Congenies,* about 
three leagues distant. 

u On the coach stopping at a little inn where we 
designed to alight, a large number of people surround- 
ed us, some looking almost overcome with joy, others 
surprised, some smiling, but all behaving civilly. Our 
men friends alighting in order to make arrangements 
for our reception, left us women in the coach ; but such 
was the covering with which my mind was then favour- 
ed, that being a spectacle to thousands would have 
seemed trifling to me — tears flowed, from a renewed 
sense of unmerited regard, and the extension of the 
love of the universal parent to His children spread a 
serenity not easily set forth. 

" We were desired to accompany some who joined 
us to a neighbouring house, and the room we entered 
was soon filled with persons, who, by every testimony 
we could comprehend, rejoiced in seeing us ; though 



* Congenies is a small village in the department of the Garde, 
where, and in the several adjacent places, a number of persons 
reside, who profess nearly the same principles as those held by 
Friends in this country, although they are not yet recognised as 
members of our religious Society. 



64 THE LIFE OF , [CHAP. IV. 

many expressed their feelings only by tears. They re- 
luctantly consented for the first night to our occupying 
three tolerably commodious bed-chambers at the house 
of a Protestant, (but not one professing as they do,) 
and we designed to engage these rooms, with another 
for a kitchen, and hire a servant to attend on us : but 
"before we were dressed next morning, several of these 
affectionate poor women carried off our trunks, &c. and 
on consulting together we concluded it was best to 
yield to the wishes of those we came to visit, resign- 
ing the personal convenience we might enjoy, in being 
permitted to provide for ourselves. We therefore ac- 
cepted apartments in two of their houses, and while 
these and their manner of cooking are very different 
to what we have ever been accustomed to, the belief 
that we are here in right direction, smooths what 
would otherwise be hard to bear. Their love for our 
company is such that they seldom leave us alone, and 
seem to think they cannot do enough to make us com- 
fortable. 

« A few both of the men and women are sensible in- 
telligent persons, with whom, could we converse, some 
of us would be well pleased. 

« We are well aware, that speaking only through 
an interpreter obstructs the stream of freedom, and yet 
I have thought that even this might have its use, by 
tending to prevent too much conversation, and there- 
by drawing their and our minds from that state of 
watchfulness, wherein receiving suitable supplies, we 
may be qualified properly to administer in due season 
to their wants. 

" First day, S5th. Their Meeting this morning was 
attended by between eighty and ninety persons : soon 
after sitting down several of them appeared strangely 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 65 

agitated, and no less than five spoke one after another, 
partly in testimony and partly in supplication, all sit- 
ting except one man, who stood up and expressed a 
little in humility and tenderness. 

" We found that our safety was in getting to our 
own exercise, desiring, as ability was afforded, that 
the right seed might rise into dominion, and the ima- 
ginations of the creature be brought into subjection : 
and though it was evident, that but few of them were 
acquainted with that silence, wherein the willings and 
workings of nature are reduced, and the still small 
voice which succeeds the wind and the fire, intelligibly 
heard, yet we were comforted in observing much of this 
emotion subside, and the Meeting was favoured to- 
wards the conclusion, with a solemnity it wanted be- 
fore; the people settling more into stillness, while tes- 
timony and prayer weut forth through Gr. D. 

" Thinking that sympathy with them in their differ- 
ent growths, and situations, was likely to be more fully 
known by a discriminating visit, we proposed after 
having our certificates read this evening, to sit with 
them in their families, which proposal they gladly ac- 
cepted. 

" 6th mo. 4th. Since the S6th ult. we have sat with 
twelve families in this village — one at Fontanes, six 
miles distant, two at Quisac, nine miles further, and 
one at Calvisson, one and a half-mile from hence — at 
this last mentioned place resides Louis Majolier, who 
has been our attentive companion in the family sit- 
tings, and at our lodging, since we first came— he is a 
sensible, intelligent young man, evidently under the 
tendering visitation of truth, and humbly desirous of 
right instruction. As is often the case amongst the more 
privileged members of our religious Society, we have 
9 



66 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

in many of these visits to struggle hard for the arising 
of life ; some of those we sit with, seeming unacquaint- 
ed with the necessity of witnessing the dominion of that 
divine power, which is the crown of glory and diadem 
of beauty to the true Israel : but there are others, who, 
having measurably learned where to wait, we believe 
are a little strengthened by our sympathy with them, 
and receive with joy the communicated word. In some 
seasons this has had free course, many, like thirsty 
ground, drinking in the rain ; so that the watered, and 
those who have been renewedly helped to water, have 
rejoiced together. 

" Their appearance, manner of behaviour, &c. are 
certainly such as bear little resemblance to our Society ; 
but the honest simplicity there is among them, the ap- 
parent consciousness of their deficiencies, and tender- 
ness of spirit, confirm our hope of a clearer prospect 
opening in due season. We have not felt it our busi- 
ness to call their attention to the different branches of 
our christian testimony; the little labour bestowed ten- 
ding to centre them to that i light' which ' maketh ma- 
nifest,' and, by an obedience whereto, the gradual ad- 
vances of the < perfect day' is known; and we are 
greatly deceived if this day has not dawned upon many 
in this dark corner, though its brightness is yet inter- 
cepted by shades and clouds. Their Meeting, last 
first day was different from the former, only one dis- 
turbing the quiet of it, and none of those agitations 
which were apparent in the preceding assembly. In 
the afternoon they held their Monthly Meeting, the 
business whereof is only the care of their poor, and 
oversight of each other's moral conduct ; but our men 
friends, who understand the language, observed that 
their method far exceeded their expectations. This 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 67 

season was also graciously regarded, and renewed 
help afforded for the service required. The company 
of J. E. and A. B. is truly pleasant, and their facility 
in speaking French helpful ; they lodge at a friend's 
named Marignan, and we at a widow Benezet's. 

" 5th. I rose very poorly this morning, but set off 
with my companions for Codognan, a place where 
about fifteen of the same profession with those here re- 
side ; and feeling easy to take them collectively, we 
had but one sitting with them, which was a season of 
openness in labour, though one of deep exercise, they 
being mostly outward in their views, and very rest- 
less : towards the close, however, some careless minds 
were, I hope, a little reached. We returned to Con- 
genies in the evening. 

" 6th. In a conference together this forenoon, we con- 
cluded to have the most weighty part of the people 
here together, and have a sitting with them ; and after 
selecting some names for this purpose, at four in the 
afternoon sat with a family who came from the coun- 
try. This was to me a season of instruction, under a 
feeling of the universal regard of Him who knows the 
various situations of His children, not respecting the 
persons of any. What was said to these poor people 
seemed to have entrance, and tended to our peace. At 
six o'clock we met as appointed with those selected, 
much freedom of speech was used, in pointing out to 
them some inconsistencies, and recommending to in- 
creasing watchfulness ; that being swift to hear, and 
slow to speak, they might be enabled to distinguish 
the Shepherd's voice and follow it, refusing to obey 
that of the stranger— I hope this was a profitable sea- 
son to them and us. 

" 7th. We went about a league to sit with a few pro- 



6b THE LIFE GF [CHAF. IV. 

fessors — rather a low time, though liberty was felt to 
express what arose; and we parted under humbling 
feelings, returning to Congenies to tea. 

" 8th. First day, about ten o'clock we met as usual : 
the assembly was soon covered with great stillness, 
and evident solemnity, which I sincerely desired might 
not be lessened by me, though I believed it right to 
revive the language of David, 'One thing have 1 de- 
sired of the Lord, that will I seek after ; that I may 
dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, 
to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His 
temple.' I felt reuewed help in communicating what 
arose, and the sense of good seemed to increase, while 
the stream of gospel ministry flowed through other in- 
struments : and our spirits were bowed in awful rever- 
ence before Him, who had not sent us a warfare at our 
own cost, but graciously supplied every lack. They 
were afterwards recommended by S. G. and myself, to 
be not only hearers, but doers of the law, and, like 
Mary, to ponder the sayings they had heard in their 
hearts, keeping up the watch. 

" I had previously mentioned to our company a view 
of having the younger and unmarried people assem- 
bled ; and at the close of this Meeting it was proposed 
to have them convened at four o'clock in the afternoon. 
At two, we sat with nine persons who came from a 
distance, to satisfaction ; and at the time appointed met 
our young friends, who made a considerable appear- 
ance as to numbers. The fore part of this sitting was 
heavy, but life gradually arose, and sweet liberty en- 
sued : our belief being confirmed that there is, among 
this class, though in an unfavourable soil, a seed sown, 
which through individual faithfulness would spread 
and become fruitful to the praise of the great husband- 



1788.] MART DUDLEY. 69 

man. These were honestly cautioned against what 
might retard their growth, and earnest prayer was of- 
fered on their behalf. Some of us feeling desirous of 
having a Meeting with the inhabitants of this place, 
the subject was solidly considered among ourselves, 
and notwithstanding apparent difficulties, we agreed to 
attempt it. 

" By the laws of the land no public meeting is al- 
lowed to any but the Catholics, Protestants meeting 
even here in the fields or private houses, and the dear 
people we are visiting sit in their assemblies with the 
outside door locked ; and believing they had not yet 
attained sufficient strength to be exposed to much suf- 
fering, we have feared putting them out of their usual 
way; the proposal, however, of giving liberty to any 
of the neighbours who might iucline io accept the invi- 
tation, was readily acceded to by them. At ten o'clock 
on the morniug of the tenth, a considerable number of 
Protestants, and some Roman Catholics assembled; 
they behaved with great quietness, and the Meeting 
was mercifully owned by a feeling of liberty to labour, 
and a sense of that love which is universal, and would 
gather all under its blessed influence. 

" 11th. We rose early, and after breakfast most of 
those we had visited in the village collecting in our 
apartment, a solemnity covered us, under which the 
same love which had attracted us to them flowed in a 
strong current, and the language of the apostle was re- 
vived. 'Finally brethren farewell! be of one mind, 
live in peace, and the God of love and peace shall be 
with you.' We parted, with many tears on both sides, 
from these endeared people, for whom we had, in our 
different measures, travailed that Christ might be form- 
ed in them, and they be not only the visited, but re- 



70 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

deemed of the Lord. L. Majolier and F. Benezet ac- 
companied us to a town called St. Grilles, where we 
lodged at a comfortable house belonging to one of our 
Friends, and on the 12th had a Meeting with such as 
resided in the place ; next day I became alarmingly ill, 
and was not able to join my companions in sitting with 
some who came from the country. 

u 14th. My illness so increased that towards noon I 
doubted my continuing long if not relieved. My dear 
S. (x. was poorly also : what trials of faith and pa- 
tience are permitted for the proving of some; no doubt 
in unerring wisdom ! 

" 15th. Though still much indisposed I was not easy 
to stay from Meeting, therefore arose, and was made 
renewedly sensible, that when the creature is so re- 
duced as to know indeed that it can do nothing, He 
who is strength in weakness shows Himself strong. I 
was helped to discharge myself honestly, to my own 
peace, and the Meeting concluded in awful prayer and 
praise. 

" 16th. We left St. Grilles, and spent that night at 
Nismes ; here we experienced fresh conflict with re- 
spect to the way of proceeding; next day, however, 
our difficulties seemed to lessen, and the prospect of 
going to Alencon opened with clearness. We had a 
solemn parting with dear L. M. who felt very near to 
us, and to whom the language 'Be thou stedfast, im- 
moveable/ &c. was addressed in the fresh flowing of 
gospel love. 

" We travelled from Nismes in a tedious manner, 
drawn by mules at the rate of about thirty miles a day, 
rising early, and late taking rest. The country abounds 
with vineyards, oliveyards, fig and mulberry trees; 
pomegranates growing in the hedges like our white 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 71 

thorn, and the air in some places rendered fragrant by 
aromatic herbs, springing up spontaneously in rocky 
ground. There is but little pasture land in these parts; 
a rudeness in appearance, with the want of neat fences, 
&c. render the country less beautiful than ours : the 
houses are dirty, and the people slovenly; they seem 
chiefly employed in making wine and raising silk- 
worms, which give them profitable produce. There 
was neither a cow nor milch goat in the village of Con- 
genies. 

a \y e g t to Lyons fatigued and poorly on the 21st : 
here I was again very ill, and mostly in bed, till second 
day afternoon, when we set out in three voitures, and 
proceeded agreeably through a beautiful fertile country, 
richly improved, fine pasture and corn fields, and wal- 
nut-trees frequently bounding each side of the road for 
miles together. 

" We arrived at Paris on the evening of the 29th, 
and left it again the second of the seventh month, tra- 
velling post to Alencon ; here our friend J. M. met us, 
and we went in his coach to Desvignes, his place of 
residence, about a league distant; we were kindly re- 
ceived by his wife, and being weak and weary, found 
this resting-place comfortable. 

" 6th. A solemn sitting with J. M., his wife, and 
little son, was graciously owned by divine regard, and 
sympathy renewedly felt with the hidden seed in a 
state of proving, as in the winter. In a little confer- 
ence among ourselves afterwards, G. D. avowed his 
prospect of going to Guernsey ; the idea of parting felt 
trying, but the belief that it is individual faithfulness 
which constitutes Christian harmony, tended to produce 
resignation. 

" 8th. With a savour of good, covering all our minds, 



72 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

we took leave of this family ; and at Alencon under 
somewhat of solemn sadness, parted with our endear- 
ed companions G. and S. D. J. M. going with them 
to Guernsey, and the remainder of our little band pro- 
ceeding towards Dieppe, where we arrived the after- 
noon of the 10th. We were called up at four o'clock 
next morning, got on board the Princess Royal Packet 
about six, and through the extension of continued good- 
ness, were favoured with a fine, though rather tedious 
passage of twenty-three hours, landing at Brighthelm- 
stone on seventh day morning. We went on that after- 
noon to East Grinstead, and thence twenty miles, on 
first day morning to Croydon • attended Meeting there, 
and reached London to tea. In this great city our five- 
fold cord untwisted, R. and S. G. going to R. Ches- 
ter's, A. B. to his own house, and J. E. and I to Bar- 
tholomew-close; where the company of dear M. E. 
and her children was a real consolation to my poor 
mind, feeling this hospitable mansion as a second 
home. 

" 14th. Attended the Quarterly Meeting for London 
and Middlesex, which was large and favoured. We 
feel, I trust, humbly thankful at being once more in- 
dulged with seeing many near and dear friends, whose 
affectionate reception of us seems a cordial to our 
spirits after our various exercises. We attended many 
different Meetings in the city, and on the 31st returned 
to the Morning Meeting the certificates received there- 
from, and gave a little account of our movements in 
this arduous service, of which a record was made on 
their books. 

" After this I was confined for nearly a week, by 
illness, having struggled for several days with symp- 
toms of inflammation on the lungs, but yielding to the 



1788.] MARY DUDLEY. 73 

advice of my friends to consult a doctor, his prescrip- 
tions have so far succeeded that, through abundant 
goodness, I am now, (on the 28th,) considerably better, 
though sensible of having a weak chest, and being still 
hoarse. 

"29th. Left London and got to Brentford to tea, 
where, at the peaceful dwelling of our valuable friend 
T. Finch, we spent a pleasant, and, I trust, profitable 
evening. We attended Meetings at Uxbridge and 
Amersham, on fourth and fifth days, and on the even- 
ing of the latter had one at High Wycomb, which was 
large, and I think satisfactory. Some private oppor- 
tunities in this place were graciously owned by heavenly 
regard: how do the preservation and growth of the 
dear young people among us, excite earnest solicitude 
and breathing of spirit. 

" 8th month 2d. We reached Burford this forenoon, 
and went to the house of our friend Thomas Huntley, 
with whose scholars, sixty in number, we had a season 
of retirement, which was mercifully favoured by the 
overshadowing of good. We proceeded to Cirencester, 
and remained over their forenoon Meeting ou first day, 
which was deeply exercising to our minds, the pure 
life feeling in a state of imprisonment : but in a little 
sitting after dinner, at a friend's house, where several 
were present, we felt some hope that this short tarri- 
ance might not prove altogether in vain. Having had 
a prospect of that little stripped spot, Painswick, we 
felt easy to leave Cirencester Afternoon Meeting, and 
go thither to one appointed for seven o'clock in the 
evening. A large number of Methodists and others, 
attended, and I trust no harm was done to the precious 
cause. We were affectionately entertained at the house 
of our friend Davis. Next day we called on the few 
10 



7^ THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IV. 

families of Friends residing there, and after several 
seasons of liberty and favour,, went on second day after- 
noon from thence to Gloucester. 

6i 4th. This morning we breakfasted with the only 
Friends residing here, and in a time of quiet after- 
wards, were enabled to discharge our minds towards 
the family. We proceeded to Monmouth, and thence 
to Pontipool, where we had an appointed Meeting on 
fifth day." 

My dear mother's memoranda end here, but there 
is reason to believe that she and her companions at- 
tended Meetings at Swansea and Haverfordwest in 
their way to Milford, whence they sailed to Water- 
ford, and she was favoured to reach her own habitation 
in safety about the middle of the 8th month, worn in- 
deed in body, but with a relieved and thankful mind, 
and in alluding to her late engagement, she writes as 
follows : 

— "Under various deep exercises during this 

journey, the language ' Wherefore didst thou doubt!' 
has been so legibly inscribed on my heart, that I often 
think none has greater cause to depend on the arm of 
everlasting help than I have ; and the confirming evi- 
dence of a peace passing every enjoyment has been as 
a stay in the midst of conflict, an anchor in times of 
storm; nor do I ever remember feeling a more abiding 
sense of this heavenly treasure than during my resi- 
dence with that dear little flock at Congenies, towards 
whom the current of gospel love still sweetly flows." 



1/88—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 75 



CHAPTER V. 

Family visit hi Cork — Journey to Ulster Province — and 
Public Meetings in some parts of Munster. — From 12 mo. 
17S8 to 3 mo. 1792. 



IN the 12th month, 1788, being at her own Quar- 
terly Meeting, held in Cork, my dear mother felt a 
pressure of mind to unite with Sarah Robert Grubb 
and Elizabeth Tuke, in a visit to the families belong- 
ing to that Monthly Meeting, but her affectionate at- 
traction to home induced her to attempt returning with- 
out an avowal of the concern she was under. — Her 
conflicts on this account, and some particulars of the 
arduous engagement, are stated in letters to her hus- 
band, and the following extracts seem calculated to 
prove both instructive and encouraging to some, who 
may be able to trace their own feelings in the expe- 
rience here described. 

" Cork, 12th mo. 15th, 1788. It has turned out as I 
believe thou expected it would, and I am once more in 
this place ; after thou left me I determined to proceed 
for meeting thee under our own roof this night, and 
even set out for that purpose. On entering the car- 
riage, I instantly felt darkness cover my mind, still I 
went on, but I never remember being quite so much 
distressed — rebellion — rebellion, sounded through my 
heart, and I grew so ill, that I dared not proceed, so 
turned about, and had a comparatively lightsome 
journey hither, my body and mind feeling gradually 
relieved. We reached E. Hatton's to dinner, but the 
conflict I had sustained made me require a little rest ? 



76 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 

so that I did not get outwardly banded in this service 
till the evening, when a harmonious exercise and la- 
bour were afforded, as a comforting evidence of recti- 
tude so far — perhaps a few sittings may relieve my 
poor mind, thou knowest how gladly I shall embrace 
the dawning of release. 

" Thou wilt readily believe our dwellings are not in 
the heights, though I trust we are sometimes so helped 
to ascend the Lord's holy mountain as experimentally 
to know there is nothing there that can hurt or destroy; 
it seems a time when rather the invitations than threat- 
enings of the gospel are to be proclaimed, and I think 
there does seem an open door for communication., 
though it be sometimes sad, because of the things which 
have happened. I am far from being satisfied with 
myself, but I am truly so with my fellow-labourers, 
and with my return to this city, even though bonds 
and afflictions await us in it. Why should we not 
suffer when the seed suffers? Where else would be 
our unity with this seed, which lies in a state of cap- 
tivity ? There are now about twenty-nine families got 
through, and I trust it may be humbly and gratefully 
acknowledged, that hitherto the Lord hath helped. 

"I may honestly confess that I am still bound to 
this arduous work, and through divine mercy we are 
not only sustained, but have a little trust at seasons, 
that ' the labour is not in vain.' Some sittings have 
been graciously owned, but I know not any so much 
so, with the sensible gathering of that manna which 
falls from the heavenly treasury, as one this morning 
in the dwelling of that prince in Israel, Samuel Neale, 
whose outward man is visibly decaying, while the in- 
ward man is renewed day by day. The spring seem- 
ed to open on our sitting down, and the waters gradu- 



1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 77 

ally rose as from the ancles, till the refreshing conso- 
lation truly gladdened the Lord's heritage, that in us 
which could own His planting, and by His renewed 
watering, glorify Him. It was truly encouraging and 
strengthening to hear this father in the church declare, 
that he had not flinched from whatever had been re- 
quired of him, but had done it with all his might, and 
that, through divine mercy, he now found support in 
the midst of infirmities, ' therefore,' he added, i be 
faithful, follow the Lord fully, and give up to every 
manifestation of His will.' 

" We received a note declining an intended visit; I 
confess such a repulse made me exceedingly low, having 
had a particular feeling towards this family, but 1 be- 
lieve it safest to look from it, perhaps even this offer 
of ourselves may recur, and not be useless, though we 
see it not, we could do no more than seek an interview, 
and love still prevails towards them. 

"Yesterday was the Three Weeks' Meeting here, 
which we attended, visiting our brethren also, hope no 
harm was done; I am afraid of no one but myself, and 
I desire always to suspect that enemy self, lest, on any 
occasion, it should take the lead, but under heavy 
pressures here, I have a degree of hope, that not going 
this warfare at my own cost, I may yet be helped to 
the end of it, which now draws nigh, having gone 
through about eighty-five families, and only a few re- 
maining." 

The next religious service of which there is any ac- 
count, was a visit to some parts of Leinster Province, 
early in the year 1790, wherein her former companion 
Richard Shackleton, was her kind attendant and 
helper, and her dear friend Elizabeth Pirn united in a 
part of the work. During this engagement she visited 



78 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. V. 

the families comprising the Monthly Meetings of Mo- 
ate, Edenderry, and Carlow, which she describes as 
a ' service closely trying/ yet, productive of solid 
peace, and near the winding up of this labour writes as 
follows. 

" Many are my fears and doubtings before 

willingness is wrought in me to leave such endeared 
connexions, and many my tossings and conflicts, ia 
seasons of separation ; but may I, with increasing de- 
voteduess, trust in the arm of never-failing help. 
Through unmerited mercy the Lord has not only given 
a degree of resignation to leave all, when the call has 
been clearly distinguished, but sustained under vari- 
ous laborious exercises, so that the promise is indeed 
fulfilled < as thy days so shall thy strength be ; ? and 
there is cause to trust with the whole heart, for future 
direction and support." 

Towards the close of the year she had a long and 
suffering illness, as well as considerable anxiety through 
indisposition in her family, her eight children being in 
the hooping cough at the same time ; and the death of 
her beloved friend and companion, S. R. Grubb, in 
the 12th month, was a heavy and unexpected affliction, 
which for a season sunk her very low. But in the 
spring of 1791, she believed it required of her again 
to leave her own habitation, and pay a religious visit 
to Friends of Ulster. 

After attending the National Meeting in Dublin she 
accordingly proceeded, with her companion Sarah 
Shackleton, and having sat a Meeting with the few 
Friends belonging to Timahoe, went on to Castle Free- 
man, whence her first letter is dated. 

"5th month, 13th. We reached this place very 
agreeably, being favoured in weather and roads ; I felt 



1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 79 

in passing through part of Old-Castle, (where Friends 
Meeting House is, though I did not know it,) a spring 
of love towards the 'sheep not of this fold, 7 but said 
nothing about it till we got here, when I found that 
some inclined to be visited by having a Meeting held 
in one of their houses, but it seemed best to attend to 
the previous intimation, and 1 ventured to have one 
appointed for nine o'clock to-morrow morning, with 
notice that it will be open to such as are disposed to 
sit with us. Thou kuowest me well enough to be aware 
that this prospect tries my little stock of faith, which is 
indeed low, but it can be graciously renewed, and I 
trust will, from season to season, as singleness of heart 
and eye is kept to." 

"Ballybay— Monaghan, 5th mo. 15th, 1791. Re- 
specting the Meeting at Old-Castle, it may in comme- 
moration of holy help be recorded that those who trust 
are not confounded, but experience strength propor- 
tioned to the day of trial ; I do not remember many 
assemblies of this sort more owned with the covering 
of good, and the solidity of the people during the whole 
Meeting exceeded what is to be often met with; at the 
close of the public sitting I felt a wish that Friends 
might keep their seats, and that season was also one of 
relief to my mind. We took a little refreshment in the 
Meeting-house, and then pursued our journey, arriv- 
ing at Cootehill, twenty-five miles, in the evening, tired 
and poorly, but humbly thankful for the assistance 
every way afforded. 

" As there are no Friends in circumstances to ac- 
commodate travellers, we lodged at an inn, and attend- 
ed Meeting at the usual hour this morning, to which 
many came who are not in profession with us, and I 
trust nothing was said to discourage the honest en- 



80 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. T. 

quirers after truth. There was a little stop afterwards 
with the members of our own Society, perhaps not ex- 
ceeding eleven or twelve, among them a widow and her 
daughter, who have joined Friends by convincement, 
and appear in a solid frame of mind ; we spent a little 
time with these, and had a season of retirement with a 
young physician who was at our Meeting, and to whom 
my mind was particularly drawn ; he was invited to 
drink tea at this widow's, and in the prevalence of gos- 
pel love I freely communicated what I felt to arise to- 
wards him, which I believe was well received, and we 
parted under feelings which were precious, and caus- 
ed humble thankfulness of soul. We came on to this 
place to lodge, had a Meeting appointed for eleven 
o'clock yesterday morning at Castle- Shane, with a 
small company of Friends, amongst whom very little 
life was to be felt, which they were, (I trust honestly,) 
told, and went on afterwards, through wind and rain, 
sixteen miles to our friend Thomas Greer's, where we 
were kindly received, and concluded to stay a day, my 
poor body requiring rest." 

Her getting to such a resting place seemed critical, 
for she was almost immediately taken alarmingly ill, 
having been for several days affected with a heavy 
cold, and symptoms of inflammation which required 
medical care. The judicious prescription of a physi- 
cian, and kind attention of the family at Hhonehill, 
proved the means of seasonable relief, and on the 2 1st 
of 5th mo. she writes as follows : 

"I am, through continued loving kindness, 

considerably better, which I ought thankfully to ac- 
knowledge, as my situation for some days past, ren- 
dered so speedy an amendment very doubtful. 

"Lurgan, 5th month, S4th. Although my dear friends 



1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 81 

aud the doctor would have had me stay some time longer 
to nurse, yet, apprehending my mind might obtain a 
little relief by endeavouring to fill up the line of duty, 
which while unaccomplished is an oppression to the 
body, I ventured yesterday afternoon to go as far as 
Berna, whither our truly kind friend T. Gr. sent me 
and my dear S. S. in his carriage; many friends met 
us there, and we were favoured after tea, with the 
spreading of the holy wing, in a manner that I believe 
tended to the gathering and centering nearly all pre- 
sent in a state of humble waiting, wherein an enlarge- 
ment of mind was experienced, to dip into feeling with, 
and administer to, several states in the company; it 
was a season worth suffering for, and we returned to 
our lodgings relieved in mind. 

" This morning while preparing to move on, we felt 
a little stop which it seemed best to attend to, and after 
a salutation of gospel love to the dear family at Bhone- 
hill, we separated in the feeling of sweet affectionate 
nearness ; T. Greer coming several miles with us. 

" Rathfriland, 26th. Attended the usual Meeting at 
Lurgan yesterday, and this morning that at Moyallen, 
both proving seasons of deeply exercising feeling, the 
doctrine which opened being of a very close nature, 
and trying to deliver, but assistance was graciously 
afforded to my humble admiration. 

" In getting so far through this Province, it seems 
to me that no superficial work will avail, nor any thing 
short of a willingness to get down into deep feeling 
with the seed in its imprisoned and oppressed state, 
and administering as enabled to its wants; in this ex- 
ercise none can, I believe, have an adequate idea of 
what conflicts await the poor mind but those who are 
thus introduced into them, I know my capacity for 
11 



83 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 

right understanding is far inferior to many of my bre- 
thren and sisters in the work, but it seems as much as 
body and mind can at times bear, to feel in my small 
measure for the hurt of the daughter of my people, too 
many of whom feel not for themselves, and I fear come 
under the description of the whole who need not a phy- 
sician ; so that though there is abundant balm in Gilead, 
they remain unhealed, though there is a sovereign phy- 
sician there, they are unrestored. Among such as these, 
if any thing be uttered, it must indeed be a plaintive 
song, a language of mourning and bitter lamentation, 
for many are falling before the enemy, and carried 
away captive as into a strange land. 

" The Meeting at Rathfriland on 6th day, was at- 
tended by most of the members and professors, a small 
company, and one, among whom I think there was less 
of the moving of spiritual life than in any other spot 
we have been at. The seed of the kingdom felt to me 
in a state where it could not be ministered to but by 
almighty power, the struggle for its arising was, how- 
ever, mercifully continued, and through best help, 
victory so far experienced that supplication could be 
vocally poured forth to the fountain of light and life ; 
blessed be the name of Him whose throne of grace is 
ever accessible to faith. 

" We returned to our lodgings, and after a season 
of honest plain dealing with the heads of the family, 
and feeling with and about the large flock committed 
to their charge in the wilderness of this world, we 
fell clear of this trying spot, and proceeded to Stra- 
more. 

" Lurgan, 31st. We attended Ballinderry Meeting 
on first day, which, like all others we have here, was 
an exercisiug season; we returned hither and in an 



1^88 1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 83 

evening sitting in this family, were, through unfailing 
mercy, owned by the overshadowing of the holy wing. 

(i Yesterday afternoon we went to see Mary Ann 
Clibborn, who appears near being removed from a 
family of eleven children. After a time of religious 
retirement with the afflicted friend, we sat awhile with 
the children and their father in another room, which 
proved a season of merciful condescension, in not only 
opening the gospel spring, but causing it to shed soften- 
ing influence, so as to excite a consoling hope that the 
bread cast upon the waters may not be lost. These 
visits produced real relief of mind, and indeed our 
feelings while in the house, tended to renew an humble 
confidence in the leadings of unerring wisdom, at the 
same time bowing in that abasedness of self, wherein 
the heart-felt language is 4 not unto us, but to Thy 
name be the praise, when any little ability is renewed 
to labour for the promotion of Thy blessed cause.' 

"I had from the period of our first being in Lurgan 
felt inclined to return, and though the visit already 
mentioned was one attraction, there was a further ex- 
ercise, even the prospect of another Meeting, which I 
wished the inhabitants might attend; but faith was 
very low, and it was accompanied with, I trust, some 
little knowledge of myself, so that though I did inti- 
mate it, I requested the notice might be confined ; the 
Meeting was largely attended by Friends, and many 
not in profession with us were there also, but an 
inconsiderable number to what might have been, had 
faith been strong enough ; however I may thankfully 
acknowledge it was a season of renewed instruction, 
and life did in degree triumph over the death that 
seemed to threaten. 

" Gracious regard hath again been manifested in a 



8-4 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V, 

season of retirement with some young people, and 
heart-felt satisfaction experienced. — Thus we get on 
in a hobbling way, yet I trust are in our right places 
so far, a hope which reconciles to difficulties, and helps 
in measure to surmount them. 

" Maze, near Lisburn, 6th month 4th. On fifth day 
morning, we went from Lurgan to Ballinderry, sat a 
Meeting there, which was rather large, though a 
widely scattered settlement in a country place; life 
was exceedingly low, but I thought rather increased 
towards the last, liberty being felt to deliver close doc- 
trine among them ; we took a cold repast in a little 
cottage near the Meeting-house, and Louisa Conran 
joining us, returned home with her and lodged. Went 
next morning to the Monthly Meeting at Lisburn, that 
for worship was passed in silent suffering, the women's 
Meeting was rather a relieving one to my mind. At 
six o'clock in the evening we attended the select Meet- 
ing, wherein a little light graciously shone, and some- 
thing of christian fellowship was wituessed. 

"Yesterday afternoon an appointed Meeting was 
held at Hillsborough, the number present but small, 
and to my apprehension little life was prevalent among 
them ; only a few of other professions attended, and 1 
thought the season clouded from too great a desire for 
words, which tended to obstruct the arising of the 
spring in the manner it might have been known, had 
each been engaged to dig for the pure flowing thereof 
into their own hearts. 

" Lurgan, 8th. On first day I was confined at John 
Conrau's by indisposition, and on second we went to 
Lisburn and called on a few of the families, whicji 
proved a means of relief from some painful feelings. 
Being so inclined we passed one night under the roof 



1788 — 1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 85 

of our tried friend Jonathan Richardson, who lately 
lost his lovely wife in a consumption. The Monthly 
Meeting here occurring, we attended it, that for worship 
rather low, the succeeding one more open, and the se- 
lect Meeting in the evening, favoured in the unity of 
life, and a time wherein the liberty of the gospel was 
felt. 

" Lurgan, 13th. We arrived at Rhonehill on fifth 
day, and met as before a truly cordial reception. Next" 
day was the Quarterly Meeting of Ministers and El- 
ders, which held long, and was a very exercising sea* 
son, some circumstances being unpleasantly handled, 
caused a cloud to darken our hemisphere, but through 
favour this was measurably dispersed, and before our 
separation a degree of light and life spread over us. 
The Meetings for discipline on seventh, and those for 
worship on first day were very large, and mercifully 
owned : my faith was low, but access being granted to 
the throne of grace, ability to labour was experienced, 
much to the relief of my poor mind, and I trust not to 
the injury of the precious cause. 

" On hearing of the death of Mary Ann Clibborn I 
found it best to return hither, though 16 miles addi- 
tional riding, to attend the burial, a very large number 
of Friends and others were assembled on the occasion, 
we went to the house before Meeting, and felt inclined 
to go again in the evening, which some of us may be 
thankful we did, from the renewed conviction that it 
is better to go to the house of mourning than to that of 
mirth. The bereaved husband, and ten children, were 
present at a solemn season, which was marked by feel- 
ings of near sympathy, and closed with supplication 
for support in the day of trouble. The interment this 
day is the fourth from that house in two years, three 



86 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 

children, and their mother ! These are indeed deeply 
instructive dispensations. 

"We purposed proceeding on third day morning, 
but being very much indisposed in health, and having 
gone through pretty close work for a week before, we 
concluded to rest at the truly hospitable dwelling of 
James Christy, before the fresh engagement of going 
round the Lough. 

• "The usual Meeting at Lurgan on 4th day was well 
attended by the members, and though we had wanted to 
push forward, we had at this time, cause for adopting 
the old proverb <a stop is no let' or real hindrance, be- 
lieving that our detention was in best ordering, this 
Meeting proving the most relieving to ray mind, of any 
we had sat in this place. Next morning we resumed our 
journey, and travelled, through much wind and rain to 
Antrim, seventeen miles from Lurgan, where only a 
few Friends reside. We concluded to sit with this 
poor little flock in their Meeting-house at six o'clock 
in the evening, there were several present, who through 
one means or other had forfeited their right to member- 
ship, though we knew not hereof, nor aught about 
them, until after Meeting; the line of reproving doc- 
trine ran closely, while the honest hearted were, I 
trust, encouraged to hold on their way, and though a 
suffering season, it closed with renewed cause for hum- 
ble thankfulness to our almighty helper. 

" Sixth day, the 17th. We went to Ballymena, near 
which one family under our name resides. It had been 
usual for this family to meet Friends who were travel- 
ling, at one of the Meetings, but I felt an unusual in- 
clination to go to them, though it cost us a few more 
miles riding, and as soon as we entered the town I 
thought I understood why the impulse was so strong 



1788—1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 8? 

to visit it ; but I kept the pressure my mind was under 
to myself, and no Meeting-house being there, nor 
Friends residing in the place, felt discouraging. How- 
ever, ou going up stairs at the inn, I observed two 
rooms with folding doors, which being opened made 
the whole pretty large; so I gave way to the impres- 
sion, and had notice circulated of a Meeting, to which, 
besides the few Friends, about forty persons came, 
who sat in much quietness and solidity during the 
time of silence. A solemn covering was evident, to 
the humbling of our spirits, and in the prevalence of 
gospel love the testimony of truth was a little opened, 
gracious help being afforded beyond what I could have 
asked or expected, so that I could renewedly say it is 
good to trust in Thee — yea, none ever trusted and was 
confounded. 

" This morning we set out after breakfast, and a few 
miles from the town our guide informing us there was 
a settlement of Moravians at a little village he pointed 
to, I inclined to call on them : so we turned off the 
road, and went up to the house of the single sisters, 
where we were kindly received ; and finding that I 
had been acquainted with many of their people in Ger- 
many produced additional attention to us. They took 
us over their chambers, chapel, &c. and showed us the 
various works they wrought ; and afterwards request- 
ing os to take a bit of bread, we did so in the matron's 
apartment, who appeared a religious feeling woman, 
as was the case with several others of them, and this 
little visit seemed mutually satisfactory and pleasant. 
— We got here to tea, and purpose remaining over 
Meeting to-morrow. 

A Toberhead, 6th month, 21st. We left Ballinnacree 
second day morning, and reached this place in the 



88 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 

evening, where we met a truly kind reception in the 
garb of simple hospitality, and feel very comfortable in 
the humble dwelling of our dear friend Gervas John- 
son, attended by his two daughters, who, with their 
parents, endeavour to make ®our little tarriance here 
pleasant, and indeed it is much more so than many su- 
perior habitations would prove. At the Meeting here 
this day the house was nearly full of Presbyterians, the 
preacher, his wife, and the clerk of their Meeting 
amongst them ; it was a season of liberty. 

« There seems an invitation in these parts, as well 
as others, to those not professing as we do. Oh ! that 
all may be gathered to the teaching of the true Shep- 
herd. Since tea we have been favoured with a solemn 
season together in this family, where the precious life 
cemented our spirits, and under its prevalence a little 
of the oil ran through some vessels towards the be- 
loved youth. 

" Lurgan, 23d. We arrived here this evening to tea, 
after travelling seventeen miles of remarkably rough 
road, so much so, that we were not only greatly 
shaken, but our chaise injured : we have travelled 
since this day week about one hundred miles, had five 
Meetings, and several family sittings ; the last Meet- 
ing yesterday at Grange, whence we proceeded to An- 
trim, nine miles, to lodge. We intend to rest here 
awhile, feeling to require it after this journey, which 
has been truly exercising every way, but accompanied 
with a little of that peace which is worth suffering to 
obtain. 

" Maze, 7th month, 4th. I was painfully confined 
more than a week at Lurgan, and feel considerably- 
reduced in strength by this attack, but was enabled to 
get to Meeting there on fourth day ; my body suffered 



1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 89 

so much from the exercise which then fell to my lot, 
that though we had concluded to leave Lurgan the same 
afternoon, we gave up to rest a day or two longer. On 
seventh day we proceeded hither, and yesterday morn- 
ing went to Meeting at Lisburn, where, as in one I 
before sat in this place, my mind was deeply pained 
and oppressed from the prevalence of a spirit which 
was thirsting for words, and sustained itself on the la- 
bour of others, without any exercise of its own, after 
that food which can alone nourish unto everlasting 
life. I was strengthened to get some relief by an 
honest endeavour to deliver what I apprehend was the 
counsel committed to me, and being out of debt left a 
comfortable poverty, very different to what is brought 
on by withholding what is called for. 

" Milecross, 4th day, 6th. A Meeting at Hillsbo- 
rough on 2nd day evening, was attended by a tolerable 
number of Friends and others, and though there was 
less of the dominion of pure life than in some other op- 
portunities of this sort, we had cause for renewed 
thankfulness ; and yesterday morning, before leaving 
our dear friends J. and L. C. we were favoured with 
a precious cementing season, our spirits being baptized 
under a feeling of that unity wherein ' the Lord com- 
manded the blessing, even life for evermore.' — We ar- 
rived here in the evening, and met a friendly recep- 
tion from Thomas and Sarah Bradshaw : a Meeting is 
to be held in their parlour, no Meeting-house, and but 
few in profession with us being here. Which way we 
shall move from hence is not yet fixed ; I am earnestly 
desirous to feel and see the right path, and if that be 
towards my tenderly beloved connexions, it will in- 
deed be deemed a favour. 

" Lurgan, 7th mo, 9th. I am once more in this place^ 
12 



90 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. Vi 

after being not only permitted, but apprehending ik 
right for me, to seek that rest from close and deeply 
trying exercise, which I may find in my own habita- 
tion. — My frame is exceedingly shaken, and according 
to human judgment unable to bear much more at pre- 
sent ; and though I think, I was favoured to experi- 
ence, (during the conflict I have passed through to ob- 
tain divine certainty,) a degree of willingness to spend 
and be spent, in that path whereon light shone, I be- 
lieve that a gracious Master has mercifully withdrawn, 
—at least for the present — the view of crossing the 
water, and caused peace to rest on the conclusion to 
return home, without which I hope I should feel afraid 
so to do. 

" Our closing visit at Milecross, was on several ac- 
counts remarkable, different religious opportunities in 
the family being so owned by the extension of Almighty- 
help as to produce the thankful acknowledgment, i Thy 
mercies are new every morning, great is Thy faithful- 
ness and Thy truth.' 

" Dublin, 7th mo. 16th, 1791. I told thee of my ex- 
ercise respecting Scotland, and present release from 
the prospect. At Belfast our minds were renewedly 
dipped into the baptism of the cloud, and we had to be 
still while it remained ; when a little light sprung up 
we discovered there was something required, which 
being strengthened to give way to, we left that place 
comfoitably, and proceeded peacefully to Moyallen, 
where we were sensible of gospel love to the sheep not 
of our fold, and had the Afternoon Meeting postponed 
from four to five ; the attendance was large, and 1 trust 
the season was productive of no injury to the precious 
cause of truth, solidity being evident. A large com- 
pany supped at our lodging, and I think the covering 



1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 91 

we were favoured with constituted a feast indeed, and 
felt like a sanction to a separation from some truly 
beloved Friends. Next morning we breakfasted at 
M. P.'s, with whom, her twelve children, and several 
near relatives, we had a season of retirement to the re- 
lief of our minds. — Feeling attracted back to Lurgan 
to see one family, we went thither, and next morning 
proceeded to Warrenstown, where we were again fa- 
voured with gracious unmerited help. 

" On 5th day morning, after a solid cementing op- 
portunity, of renewed feeling with and for each other, 
we parted in near affection with several endeared 
friends, and travelled very agreeably to Dundaik that 
day; twenty-seven miles further yesterday, and this 
day arrived here, under I trust, some little sense of 
numberless undeserved favours received from bound- 
less mercy. — May I be so preserved as not only dili- 
gently to inquire what shall I render ? but resignedly 
to follow the answer, which, from season to season a 
gracious Master may see meet to return, in entire dedi= 
cation to His will." 

She returned from this journey much exhausted in 
body, and was considerably indisposed for a long time, 
but her mind became strengthened for increasing exer- 
cise, and further religious service soon opened to her 
view. That upon which she next entered was to the 
city and western parts of the county of Cork, where 
she was engaged to hold Meetings for those not in 
profession with herself. — When on the point of leaving 
home for this service, she wrote as follows : 

— " I am going very poor and low in mind, but 

hope not without knowing- whom I have believed, and 
whom I trust I desire humbly to follow, as His pure 
will is graciously revealed; if I return with renewed 



93 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 

experience of His preserving power and in peaceful 
poverty, it will be enough." 

The chief account of this journey is contained in 
letters from which the following extracts have been 
taken. 

" In humble gratitude to the author of all 

our mercies it may be acknowledged, that the Meeting 
at Bandon was a time wherein holy help was afforded, 
and not only a door of utterance but one of entrance 
opened, by His power who opened the heart of Lydia 
of old. The people were attentive, solid, and I be- 
lieve many of them thoughtful ; not only inwardly in- 
quiring what is truth ? but willing to receive the answer 
as there was strength to explain it; and the consoliug 
hope attended, that some for whom our spirits then 
travailed, w r ould be everlastingly inclosed in the true 
sheep-fold. This opportunity of feeling and labouring 
in the ability afforded, left solid satisfaction on our 
minds, with desire to commit the issue to Him, who 
ordereth all things according to the purpose of His own 
will. In the evening we sat with the few Friends there 
collectively; the labour here was abundantly more dif- 
ficult, the w T ork harder, and the hope less, because it 
seems indeed, when our little church is felt with, and 
ministered to, it must be as in a state of sickness, and 
alas ! may it not be feared that this sickness is not 
deeply enough felt? therefore health is not in the sure 
way of being restored, which it otherwise might be. 

"We held a Meeting at Skibbereen, which was 
very largely attended, and mercifully owned by holy 
help, to the humiliation of self and exaltation of that 
name which is above every name, and whereto I trust 
some present bowed in reverent thankfulness of soul. 
Next day we went, through wind and rain, to Balti- 



1788— 1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 93 

more, a poor straggling place at the sea-side, mostly 
inhabited by fishermen, seafaring persons, and revenue 
officers, who 1 apprehend are generally Protestants. 
No suitable place could be obtained for a Meeting, but 
the public worship house, which we were glad to ac- 
cept, the feeling of gospel love being strong to the peo- 
ple here. We filled one of the pews., and I believe all 
the others were nearly full : the company were quiet 
and solid in the time of silence, and very attentive dur- 
ing the communication of those truths we had to de- 
clare amongst them : indeed, soon after sitting down, 
the covering of solemnity was beyond what is fre- 
quently witnessed on such occasions, and I have a con- 
soling hope that the labours of that day will not be al- 
together in vain. Thou hardly expected thy poor trem- 
bling wife would ever be strengthened to move in such 
a line, much less reason with the people in such a 
place ; but it seemed no matter where the gospel was 
published, if given to publish, and indeed it added to 
the thankful feelings of my poor mind, that divine 
mercy had enlightened my eyes to distinguish truth 
from error, and substance from shadows. 

66 Castletown has been our head quarters, and we 
are now going to hold a Meeting in the Custom-house, 
which is preparing for the purpose ; my heart is heavy 
at the prospect, and every fresh exercise of this kind 
ought to feel weighty. My health is as good as I could 
expect, though our difficulties are not a few, and my 
dear E. Pirn is a kind and sympathizing companion. 
We are favoured with having five Friends of Cork 
Meeting, whose company is helpful and pleasant to 
us." 

The winding up of this service was rendered memo- 
rable, by its furnishing an opportunity for visiting Sa- 



94 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 

muel Neale, in his last illness, and also of attending 
his burial. He had long been an intimate and much 
beloved friend of my dear mother's and her compa- 
nion, and manifested near sympathy and concern for 
them in the commencement of their journey; enquir- 
ing, when very weak in body, how they were getting 
on, and what assistance they had, in the affectionate 
terms, ( who is taking care of these good women ? 7 On 
returning to Cork they found his complaints had made 
rapid progress, and it may not be uninteresting to 
such as knew and valued this devoted man, to peruse 
a few particulars of his state, and her own feelings in 
witnessing it, as related in a letter dated the ^7th of 
ad month. 

" It was awful to enter the chamber of our ve- 
nerable friend, and to behold one who had been so 
often the messenger of consolation to me and to many 
others, so reduced as to be almost unable to drop one 
collected sentence, without immediately rambling to 
something different, though all perfectly innocent and 
sweet as a child. He looked at me and said, 6 Thou 
hast great burdens,' adding that it was long since he 
saw me. I sat about an hour by his bed-side, assisted 
in moving him, &c. but he manifested little sign of 
distinguishing one from another : I scarcely expected 
the change would be so great in eight days ; his breath- 
ing was hard, and by many corroborating symptoms it 
was evident that the termination drew near. The si- 
tuation of this beloved friend has seemed to cloud any 
little prospect my mind may have had, so that it seems 
best to stand still until this trying dispensation is full. 
Yesterday evening, after taking tea with dear Sarah 
Neale, I came to my lodgings, where many friends as- 
sembled, and a solemn season ensued, wherein the 

\ 



1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. Q5 

prospect of the removal of this Elijah brought an aw- 
ful covering, and renewedly raised the enquiry,, 
6 Where is the Lord God of Elijah?' who conde- 
scended to draw near the minds of some, and own 
their sad communications. This evening I have been 
again at the house of mourning, and waited until the 
last conflict terminated in everlasting peace, of which 
I thought it a great favour to be permitted to feel such 
an evidence, that instead of lamentation the language 
of praise might be uttered, while on account of the 
church this renewed loss is certainly grievous." 

On the 28th my dear mother and her companion re- 
sumed their important engagements by going to Kin- 
sale, where a Meeting was appointed for the next day ; 
respecting which and subsequent religious service she 
writes as follows : 

" The appointment of this Meeting had been 

an object of considerable weight, and was given up to 
much in the cross, but through continued mercy it was 
memorably owned by our unfailing Helper. The num- 
ber collected was very large, and it seemed to us as if 
more than a few were inwardly gathered, and like 
thirsty ground prepared to receive such gospel com- 
munications as there was ability to impart. Our stay 
in, and departure from this place were rather singu- 
larly marked by feelings of peace and thankfulness, 
an abundant recom pence for any little service; and 
what a favour it is that the sacrifice of our wills is 
graciously accepted, that our deficiencies are merci- 
fully made up, and our transgressions pardoned : surely 
we may well say, worthy is the Lord to be served and 
fully obeyed ! 

" Fifth day we had a Meeting for the youth belong- 
ing to Cork Meeting, which was large and solemn : it 



96 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 

felt comforting to be among our fellow professors, and 
renewedly to believe that the extension of heavenly 
love is towards the children. 

" Fifth day, Sd of 3d month, was the interment of 
our honourable friend, S. N. ; the Meeting was very 
large, and great numbers assembled at the ground 3 
my dear companion was confined from both by illness, 
which caused me to feel lonely ; for the help of her ex- 
ercised spirit, and her labour in word and doctrine are 
consoling and rejoicing to my heart. She has been fre- 
quently during this embassy clothed with gospel power, 
and enlarged in her sound acceptable gift. 

"We had a solemn season of retirement at Edward 
Hatton's in the evening, and apprehending that light 
shone upon our return, we set forward on seventh day 
morning, and I was favoured to find all in good order 
at home that evening. Next day commenced our pro- 
vince Meeting, and on the following first day we had 
a Public Meeting at Carrick, which was graciously 
owned by the covering of good, and left us in posses- 
sion of peace. This step had been long in prospect 
with me, but a sense of my childhood, and the great- 
ness of the work kept me from avowing it, until encou- 
raged by the experience of divine help in late engage- 
ments." 

Soon afterwards she had a Public Meeting in Clon- 
mel y and this being the first time she had so evinced 
her concern for the place where she resided, it felt 
weighty in prospect, as will appear by the following 
account of this important step. 

" I might have been a little more valiant than 

I found myself, when a matter came to the point that 
I long had in view, though I never told any one of it 
till, in the anguish of my heart it escaped me, after 



1788—179^.] MARY DUDLEY. 9/ 

Meeting on first day, to M. G. and E. P. on their in- 
quiring what ailed me? The time for the fulfilment of 
this prospect seemed now arrived, and being favoured 
in the Afternoon Meeting to feel that rise into domi- 
nion wherein there was, (even vocally,) a surrender of 
my little all, as light might be mercifully afforded, I 
ventured to stop a few Friends afterwards, and inform- 
ed them of the concern I was under; they evinced much 
sympathy, and encouraged me to follow apprehended 
duty. 

" The Meeting was attended by a considerable num- 
ber, who were generally quiet and solid ; and although 
there was more of darkness to encounter, and less, I 
thought, of the right thirst, than in some late Meetings, 
yet it may be thankfully acknowledged, help was gra- 
ciously extended, and that the honour of truth being 
only in view, preservation was experienced from injur- 
ing the precious cause. I never more forcibly felt that 
truth, 'without wze, ye can do nothing. 7 May it be 
deeply sealed on my spirit, and the spirits of all who 
move in this awful line, that so, sufficiency being de- 
rived from Him who can alone qualify, His own name 
may be exalted, and the creature laid in the dust." 

The following Letter was written in the year 1790, 
and so manifests the continuance of affectionate and 
Christian solicitude on behalf of her friends on the con- 
tinent, that it appears calculated to prove an acceptable 
termination to the present chapter. 
" My beloved Friend, 
L. Majolier ; 

" Were I to tell thee and thy dear wife, with my 

other valued friends at Congenies, that I have not 

ceased to love you, as often as the sensible renewings 

of Christian fellowship refresh my mind, our converse 

13 



98 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 

in this way would be frequent; but though I may, 
through continued gracious regard, be indulged with 
this symptom of having passed from death unto life, 
love to the brethren, I seem but seldom under qualifica- 
tion to help any of my fellow professors in their spiri- 
tual travail ; being often brought very low, not only in 
mind but in body; instructed by frequent chastisements 
of love, that I have no continuing city here. — You, my 
dear friends, know some of ray many infirmities, and 
I often gratefully remember how affectionately you 
sympathized with me, and endeavoured, by your 
friendly attentions, to alleviate such as I was tried 
with while among you ; yea the remembrance of having 
been with you is pleasant, and there are seasons when 
I seem so to visit you in spirit, to feel with and for 
you, that I am as though personally among you, joy- 
ing, (if I may use the words of an apostle,) and rejoic- 
ing, to behold the steadfastness of some : among these 
hast thou, beloved Louis, refreshed my mind, in be- 
lieving that the visitation of divine love has not been 
extended in vain ; but, that in yielding obedience to 
the heavenly vision, thou hast known an advancement 
in the line of righteousness, and an increase in stabi- 
lity and peace ; go on my endeared friend ; the sense 
that often impressed my heart while with thee now 
revives, even that much depends on thy perseverance ; 
not only thy owu and precious companion's welfare, 
but that of the little flock, mercifully gathered by the 
everlasting Shepherd, under whose holy guidance I 
view thee delegated to lead them, designed in the for- 
cible language of example to encourage them, Mo 
follow Christ.' Ah ! my dear brother, how much is 
implied in being a follower of Christ ; how deep ought 
the dwelling of such to be, in order that a full confor- 



1788—1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 99 

mity nfay be wrought to His will, by a total renunci- 
ation of our own under every appearance. — The work 
of thorough subjection is truly a great work, and it is 
to be expected, in the refining process, that deep suf- 
ferings and closely proving conflicts should attend the 
exercised spirit. — ' Ye shall indeed drink of my cup/ 
was the blessed Master's language, and be baptized 
with the baptism that I am baptized with, this is seal- 
ed in the experience of His tribulated servants, they 
measurably partake of the dispensations so largely 
filled up by Him, when in the prepared body, and 
herein their union with Him is effected ; but, blessed 
be His name, there is a consoling declaration gone 
forth, if we suffer 9 ice shall also reign with Hun. 
There are seasons when such baptized sons and 
daughters, know, even here, through the resurrection 
of life, something of this sort, when truth rising into 
dominion over all in their hearts, they are made as 
kings and priests unto God ; and there is a season ap- 
proaching, when, being unclothed of these mortal bo- 
dies, such shall be clothed upon with immortality and 
eternal life. My heart has been unexpectedly filled 
to thee my dear friend, and I have given my pen 
liberty ; if any thing can be gathered up from these 
broken hints, which may serve as an encouragement 
to thee in thy trying allotment, I shall be glad, for 
surely I would encourage thee ; mayest thou put on 
strength in the Lord's name and trusting therein find 
it a strong tower, yea, an impregnable fortress, where 
the enemy cannot hurt, though he may roar and greatly 
disquiet. Remember the language applied to the true 
church, and which belongs to every living member 
therein, 'He reproved kings for thy sake, saying, 
touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm/ 



100 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. V. 

And now, having relieved ray mind a little tfnvards 
one, I feel a renewed salutation to you, ray endeared 
friends, who were collectively the objects of our visit; 
a visit to which love was the moving cause, and the 
consoling attendant of our minds while with you, and 
which I believe we all now feel to be the cement of a 
union, not broken or impaired by external separation. 
In the extension of this pure principle my mind is often 
drawn towards you, in fervent affectionate solicitude 
that the good work mercifully begun may abundantly 
prosper, and He who has been the Alpha become the 
glorious Omega, perfecting the new creation, and ful- 
filling His gracious purpose, by making you a people 
to His praise. It is, dear friends, and many of you 
have seen it, a gradual work; it begins, as in the first 
or outward creation, with that heavenly command, 
6 Let there be light.' There are those among you who 
have intelligibly heard this in the secret of your souls, 
and, through illuminating grace, have clearly distin- 
guished the way wherein you should walk : now this 
light is to be attended to, according to what the Apostle 
tells the believers, 'to which ye do well to take heed,' 
because it shines more and more unto the perfect day. 
While we simply follow it, we come under the descrip- 
tion of walking in the day, and stumble not ; but are, 
by regular gradations, introduced into the acceptable 
state of children of the Lord; taught of Him, and 
established in righteousness. It is, my beloved friends, 
this desirable state of establishment in the right way, 
that my spirit renewedly craves for you and for myself; 
that every visited mind among you may become redeem- 
ed; every called, a chosen disciple, by unreserved 
dedication of heart to the pure unerring leadings of the 
only sure guide. Wait, in the silence of all flesh, for 



1788— 1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 101 

the farther unfoldings of the divine law ; seek to know 
a taking root downward ; and as you come to witness 
the sap of heavenly grace to nourish and strengthen the 
root, you will in due season be qualified to bring forth 
fruit to the Lord's praise, *' First the Made, then the 
ear, after that the full corn in the ear,' ripening under 
holy influence, and by the maturing rays of the Sun of 
Righteousness prepared to be finally gathered into the 
garner. Oh! how my spirit longs for the safe advance- 
ment of the beloved youth among you. May the en- 
riching showers of celestial rain descend to preserve 
and nourish them ; and may the further advanced, 
those in the meridian and decline of life, wait in hum- 
ble resignation to know their spirits renewedly season- 
ed with the salt of the kingdom ; that this may pro- 
duce its salutary effects, enabling to minister grace, 
suitable example and precept, to the younger. Finally, 
beloved friends, farewell in the Lord ! may He ( be 
sanctified in them who come nigh' Him, and the gracious 
purpose of His will be effected, by preparing for him- 
self i a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle < 
or any such thing. 7 In the fresh feeling of undimi- 
nished love I am your cordial friend, 



102 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 



CHAPTER VI. 

Religious visit to Dunkirk and Guernsey > in the year 1792. 



A SERVICE for which my dear mother had long 
been preparing, and which she contemplated with 
awfulness and many fears, now presented as the im- 
mediate requiring of her great Master, and early io the 
6th mo. she laid before her Monthly Meeting a con- 
cern to visit Friends in Dunkirk, Guernsey, and some 
parts of the north of England and Scotland, having in 
prospect to hold Meetings also with those not in pro- 
fession with our Society. The trial which it was to 
her affectionate feelings, and the conflicts she endured, 
when thus about to leave her husband and childreu, 
are somewhat described in the following extract from 
a letter, dated 

" 6th mo. 23rd, 1792. Thy sympathy in my pre- 
sent important prospect is truly consoling, and thy en- 
couragement to follow apprehended duty is strength- 
ening. Ah ! my progress has indeed been slow, and my 
experience comparatively small ; but how much has it 
cost my nature, yea, almost its destruction, to be in the 
degree I am, loosened from my precious domestic ties. 
"When a gracious Master demands the sacrifice of obe- 
dience, what struggles do I renewedly feel to give up 
all ; at this moment I am even ready to question whe- 
ther that faith to which all things are possible will be 
victorious, or rather that the small grain will so in- 
crease as to give the victory." 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 103 

On the 1st of the 8th mo. she sailed from Waterford, 
being accompanied by her dear friends, Elizabeth Pirn 
and Edward Hatton, who both felt bound to the ser- 
vice ; respecting the accomplishment of which, my dear 
mother writes as follows : 

" Through merciful preservation we arrived 

at Milford about seven o'clock this morning, after a 
very tedious passage the wind turning quite against us 
about two hours after we got on board, and next day it 
was mostly calm, so that little but fishing went forward 
among the sailors : we were all distressingly sick, but 
it is a great favour we had no storm and have been so 
far preserved. 

66 5th. We proceeded from Haverfordwest to Car- 
marthen, where as there was a Meeting-house belong- 
ing to Friends, we ventured to invite the people to 
come and sit with us : a little solid company attended, 
and I think there was no reason to be dissatisfied with 
this step. We rode on to Llandovery to lodge, and 
reached Monmouth the next day, called on a family of 
Friends about a mile from the town who are settled in 
a lonely situation far from Meeting, and separated 
from the Society of Friends ; some communication in a 
sitting with them tended to relieve our minds, and I 
hope sealed some profitable instruction on theirs. We 
went from thence to Ross, and finding their Monthly 
Meeting was to be held the next day, concluded to at- 
tend it. Our minds being drawn in gospel love to those 
not of our Society, notice was circulated and many 
came to the Meeting which proved a solemn one. E. 
H. was engaged with good authority, and the season 
ended in humble acknowledgment of divine mercy. 
We had a religious sitting in the family where we 
lodged, and proceeded that evening to Gloucester, 



40-1 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 

where we also felt bound to appoint a Meeting ; and 
though but few attended, it was an open relieving time, 
affording renewed cause to trust in the never-failing 
arm of saving strength. 

" We reached Burford the evening of the 9th, and 
were affectionately received at the hospitable dwelling 
of Thomas Huntley. In religious retirement after sup- 
per, we were refreshed together, and felt a little of that 
fellowship which is with the Father, and with his S071 
Jesus Christ. We had a season of religious worship 
next morning with the boys in their school-room, and 
afterwards proceeded to High Wycomb, where we ar- 
rived just as Friends were going to a Meeting held at 
seven in the evening on that day of the week ; it was 
a solid time, the number attending not large. Here I 
met with my old companion Adey Bellamy, who took 
me to his house, and, with his wife, a valuable religious 
woman, lodged and entertained us most kindly. 

"41th. After breakfast we went to see our friend 
Mary Green, and her three daughters, where we were 
favoured with an opportunity the most refreshing and 
strengthening to my poor mind, of any we have had 
since leaving Waterford. A. B. supplicated, and after 
some communications in the line of ministry, his wife 
revived the language of David, ' Surely mercy and 
goodness hath followed me all the days of my life , ? &c. 
when our valuable friend M. G. with whom much sym- 
pathy was felt, made humble acknowledgment of the 
mercy renewedly extended to her ; after which another 
return of prepared praise closed this memorable sea- 
son, wherein it seemed to me such food was graciously 
handed, as might be gone in the strength of, many days, 
and our spirits were bowed in thankfulness to the 
Lord. We left this place in peaceful serenity, and 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 10j 

reached London to tea, being cordially received at my 
dear friend J. Eliot's. 

" 12th. Attended Westminster Meeting, which was 
to my feelings a low season, though E. H. was well 
concerned in testimony. The Afternoon Meeting was 
wholly silent, but I thought inward travail was got to, 
which it is a favour to be willing to abide under, even 
a state where the seed can be profitably visited and in- 
terceded for; believing that in this situation groans 
which cannot be uttered, reach the sacred ear. My 
mind was instructed in these seasons, as well as in a 
time of retirement at our lodgings, in the evening, and 
though my lips were closed in this city, I was in de- 
gree thankful for one sense of life, renewed willing- 
ness to suffer. 

" 13th. After attending the Morning Meeting, where 
our certificates were read, we apprehended ourselves 
clear of London, and left it about four o'clock accom- 
panied by John Eliot and John Bevans. Arrived at 
Rochester late that evening, and not feeling easy to 
proceed without having a Meeting there, one was ap- 
pointed for next morning. This through divine favour 
proved a season of considerable relief ; it was wholly 
confined to Friends, and I believe properly so, as it 
appeared a visit to our fellow members, who are some- 
times deprived of their portion when others are present. 
Many Friends dined with us, at William Rickuian's, 
and a solemn season afterwards crowned this labour 
of love. We proceeded to Dover that night, where, 
though not arriving uutil past ten o'clock, we were 
hospitably received at Richard Baker's. 

" We found that our dear friends Martha Routh and 
Christiana Hustler, were daily expected from Dunkirk, 
and that a vessel was likely to sail for that place in the 
14 



106 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 

morning. We had before thought only of Calais, but 
R. B. recommending this, in preference, we changed 
our original intention, and set sail on 4th day morning 
the 12th, with a favourable breeze, but this soon slack- 
ened, so that we were above twelve hours on sea, and 
suffered much from sickness. The gates of the town 
being shut when we got into harbour, we were obliged 
to remain on board all night. On reaching the house, 
of our kind friend William Rotch, next morning, we 
found it was their usual Meeting day; but not feeling 
ourselves equal to sitting down profitably, so soon after 
a voyage, it was deferred to six in the evening, when 
we assembled, and though but a small number it felt a 
time of solemnity. 

" On conferring together next morning, it seemed 
consonant to all our feelings to sit with the few fami- 
lies, and we began at that of our kind host, with whom, 
his wife and two daughters, we were favoured to feel 
spiritual refreshment. 

" In proceeding with this engagement much exercise 
attended, and the truth of the Scripture assertion was 
sensibly enforced, 'ye have need of patience: 1 ' but I 
had afresh to consider that it is part of the labourer's 
business to break up the fallow ground, as well as to 
sow the seed ; this is the hardest portion of the work, 
but the servant is not to choose. It is enough for the 
servant to be as his Master, and the disciple as his 
Lord. May I increasingly learn this salutary lesson, 
for I am far behind my fellow labourers in the glorious 
work. 

" First day, the 19th. Our Meeting this morning wag 
attended by a few others besides Friends, and through 
the extension of divine regard, proved solemn ; holy 
help being afforded to visit the different states of the 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 107 

people to some relief, and I trust profit. In the even- 
ing, at our lodging, a memorable season crowned this 
day, so that it was indeed measurably known that 
through continued mercy the outgoings of the morning 
and the evening rejoice. 

" 20th. After the last family sitting an exercise which 
had attended my mind since coming here, became so 
heavy that I mentioned to my companions the view of 
having a Meeting with the inhabitants of this place 3 
they encouraged me, but did not appear to be them- 
selves, under the weight of it. This tried my faith, 
and on speaking to our dear friend William Rotch, he 
expressed some fear that owing to the present state of 
public affairs it would not be of much advantage. Hav- 
ing moved so far, I felt relieved, and willing either to 
give the matter wholly up, or yield to it in the morning 
should the pressure continue. After supper, a very 
solemn season ensuing, wherein access was mercifully 
afforded to the throne of divine grace, and renewed 
strength experienced, we again conferred on the sub- 
ject, and concluded to appoint a Meeting, and though 
the number attending was but small, it proved a season 
owned by the liberty of the gospel. E. Hatton was 
early engaged with good authority on the testimony 
concerning our Saviour, i In Him ivas life, and the 
life was the light of men: 7 E. Pirn followed accepta- 
bly, and strength was afterwards afforded for one of 
the poorest to be engaged in the service of a gracious 
Master, who was pleased mercifully to help while ad- 
vocating His cause. 

" At the close of this Meeting, the members of our 
Society were requested to remain, and we had to re- 
commend an attention to some points which seemed 
overlooked by Friends in this place, and to encourage 



108 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 

to deep watchfulness lest the testimony of truth might 
fall ; also to strengthen the hands of those concerned 
for its support: this felt a solemn conclusion to our 
visit here, and my mind was favoured with a sense of 
calmness and relief. 

66 Apprehending that liberty was now given to pro- 
ceed we prepared for doing so, and just before sepa- 
rating, the feeling of divine love sweetly cemented our 
spirits, under which a fresh salutation arose to several 
present, and solemn acknowledgment of the Lord's 
unfailing mercy was made ; under which covering, and 
the evidence of solid peace, we parted with this dear 
family. There were, besides the household, several 
at this last opportunity for whom travail of soul had 
been experienced, that they might abide under the 
softening influence of heavenly love, and submit to the 
holy discipline of the cross. 

" Benjamin Rotch accompanied us to Calais, where 
we were detained two days by unfavourable wind 5 a 
trial of patience, feeling anxious to get forward. 

> " 24th. We embarked about four o'clock in the af- 
ternoon, and had a sick passage of eight hours ; land- 
ing at Dover, I trust with thankful hearts, and were 
again affectionately received at our kind friend Richard 
Baker's. 

" 36th. Attended the usual Meeting which was an 
exercising time ; the life of religion being so low that 
suffering with the oppressed seed was our portion. My 
companions were well engaged, and I was drawn to 
supplicate for the church in her wilderness state, faith 
being mercifully afforded to trust that she will yet be 
brought forth : — this I felt to be a renewed favour from 
the divine hand. 

" We left Dover comfortably, and reached Canter- 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 109 

bury, where we had requested an Evening Meeting 
might be appointed, and notice circulated among the 
inhabitants ; but very few were there besides those who 
professed with Friends, and from our first assembling 
it felt very hard to get to profitable settlement or exer- 
cise. Dear E. P. and E. H. were concerned to minis- 
ter, but my spirit was in a state of captivity with the 
captive seed, so that I could not visit the few who had 
given us their company, nor dared I address those for 
whom I was led into painful travail, until there was a 
separation ; which being proposed, those not of our 
Society withdrew, and I ventured to express my feel- 
ings in a line of honest close labour ; for truly it seem- 
ed as if no other would do in this place, where there 
felt too much rubbish in the way availingly to build 
any thing ; and the outward appearance was such as 
might raise the enquiry whether most present were of 
our fold or not, so great a conformity to the fashions of 
the world was evident. Though little or no hope at- 
tended this labour, yet peace succeeded obedience to 
the manifestations of duty, and this is all the poor ser- 
vant has to do with, we must leave the issue to Him 
who alone giveth the increase. 

" &7th. We arrived at Rochester to dinner at W. 
Rickman's, and had a satisfactory sitting with the chil- 
dren in his school ; reaching London the same evening. 

u On 3rd day, the £8th, attended Devonshire-house 
Meeting, where we met our dear friends Martha 
Houth, and Christiana Hustler. This proved a truly 
baptizing season, and out of the mouth of several wit- 
nesses words were established to the comfort of some 
of us. This favoured opportunity closed in supplica= 
tion ; and a consoling hope was raised that a precious 
living seed was preserved, and under holy cultivation ; 



110 THE LIFE OF [[CHAP. VI. 

for which earnest desire was felt that gracious care 
might continue to be extended, and the Lord cause it 
to bring forth fruit to His own everlasting praise. We 
dined with these dear friends at Simon Bailey's, and 
in the evening proceeded to Staines, lodging at John 
Finch's, where, after supper, a solemn silence prevail- 
ed, gathering our minds to the place where not only ac- 
ceptable prayer is made, but strength mercifully obtain- 
ed to journey forward in the spiritual race ; liberty was 
felt to visit several states present, and we parted for 
the night, under a precious covering of good. 

" 29th We reached Southampton about seven o'clock 
in the evening, and found a packet just ready for sail- 
ing to Guernsey, in which we embarked; and after a 
tempestuous night, with much danger and distressing 
sickness, made about two-thirds of our passage in 
twelve hours : but the wind proving contrary we got 
but little on our way through the night of the 30th : we 
were however favoured to make the port, late the fol- 
lowing evening, and met a kind reception from Nicho- 
las and Mary Naftel. We felt it a mercy to be once 
more preserved over the great deep, while crossing 
which, all our minds were tried on various accounts, 
though measurably kept in quietness, and confidence 
in the arm of effectual help; so that I did not wish my- 
self any where else, and in the midst of distress had a 
view of this island, accompanied with the belief that 
there were some here prepared to receive a gospel visit ; 
may our spirits be renewedly qualified for the service 
required. 

" 9th month, 1st. Prospects seem opening and the 
work feels heavy ; may there be a centring deep so as 
to know the Master's will, and resignation to follow it 
let it lead as it may. We this evening took a walk, to 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. Ill 

see an elderly man, who was a member of the Church 
of England, but embraced the principles of Friends, 
from conviction, on reading some of their writings : he 
resides alone in a retired situation, about a mile in the 
country, has a garden, and with what it produces, &c. 
is worth about <£ a 4 per year : he considers himself 
rich with this, and teaches gratuitously a number of poor 
children to write. Soon after our entering his cottage, 
a precious covering spread over us, under which prayer 
was offered for future preservation, and humble acqui- 
escence with the will of our divine Master. This was 
a season of renewed strength to my mind, which has 
been much tossed and tried lately. 

" First day, 2nd. The Meeting this morning was 
largely attended, and I trust it was a profitable time to 
some : my mind was under such a weight respecting 
what was to take place in the afternoon, that I felt 
thankful silently to labour for a little strength ; a Meet- 
ing being appointed for the inhabitants, and permission 
granted to hold it in the assembly room. When we 
went, there was a large number collected, and the 
room was soon nearly filled ; many of the people were 
solid, and apparently serious, but others restless, and 
so noisy that it required much faith to move at all; 
but the exercise being heavy, and the love of the gos- 
pel prevalent, as there was a venturing in simplicity, 
faith and strength increased, and gracious help was so 
afforded that what might be compared to the boister- 
ous element was gradually calmed ; and truth rose into 
such dominion, that not only from the necessity, but in 
the feeling of precious liberty, the gospel could be 
preached and its doctrines a little unfolded. 

" The Meeting concluded under increasing solem- 
nity, and a consoling hope that all would not be lost. 



112 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. Vic 

but some of the fragments be seen after many days. 
Though much exhausted from this laborious exercise, 
a time of divine favour after supper tended to renew 
bodily and mental strength, and salutary repose again 
wound up the springs of nature. 

a ^r e we nt on second day three miles into the coun- 
try, to see a sister of Peter la Lecheur ? s, (the person 
already mentioned,) who, like him, joined the Society 
of Friends from conviction ; and held a Meeting in a 
barn near her dwelling. Many people assembled and 
we spoke through an interpreter, which was made easier 
to my companions than they expected; solemnity and 
gospel love were prevalent, and I trust several were 
helped a little on their way ; for while liberty to uu- 
fold the doctrines of truth was experienced, there felt 
a door of entrance to the minds of some present. No 
Friends reside in this place, except the woman already 
alluded to; her husband is a Methodist, he was much 
tendered in the Meeting, and very kind to us at his 
own house, where we dined ; their children are also 
Methodists, the husband of one daughter lately felt a 
scruple at having his child sprinkled. 

a We returned through heavy rain but in peace, and 
went to take tea with a solid man, who professes with 
Friends ; his wife, a well-minded woman is a Metho- 
dist; we had a religious sitting with them in the even- 
ing to our refreshment. 

"Fourth day was their usual Meeting, at which 
several besides Friends were present, among them a 
Calvinist minister, who had been with us twice at our 
lodgings, and with whom we had much conversation. 
At the close of this Meeting, which was a time of so- 
lemnity, those not in profession with us were requested 
to withdraw, and we had a very relieving season with 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 113 

the few individuals of our Society, only ten in number. 
After these opportunities we began to think about rff 
turning, and hope we did not do wrong when wte en- 
gaged a vessel which only came in the preceding day. 
No regular packet being then going, nor had any one 
sailed for England while we were on the island. 

" 5th day, we crossed the water about half' a mile, 
to a place called Castle-Island, where there is a garri- 
son, and E. H. would gladly have had a Meeting, but 
it could not be obtained without the Governor's per- 
mission, so was relinquished. We tailed in returning, 
to see a man and his wife, who had removed from 
Ireland, and who had been educated in our Society, 
and were pleased at having made this visit. In the 
evening most of our Friends were with us at NVNaf- 
teFs, and the covering of solemnity was again merci- 
fully spread over us, the precious cement of gospel 
love binding us as in the one bundle. 

" 6th day morning, 8th. While waiting to be sum- 
moned on ship-board, a sweet parting season crowned 
this visit, wherein a consoling hope was felt that 
through many infirmities the arm of the Lord had not 
only been near to sustain, but graciously strengthened 
for the work whereunto He had called, so that in re- 
newed faith His great cause might be committed to 
His holy keeping ; whilst the belief was satisfactorily 
revived, that these Islands would learn more and more 
to wait for His law, and trust in His name : He can 
gather without instrumental means, and complete His 
own work by the effectual operation of Almighty power. 
I felt a rest in this assurance beyond all that I can set 
forth, and some deep conflicts respecting these parts 
seemed, as it were, swallowed up in that ocean of love, 
which I verily believe will operate, until the knowledge 
15 



114) THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 

of the Lord cover the earth, as the waters cover the 
sefc.^ Under these precious feelings, praise renewedly 
waiteitt as in the gates of Ziou, for heavenly acceptance, 
and after getting on board the vessel so strong did the 
current' of gospel solicitude continue to flow, that I was 
constrained to express a few words to a number of per- 
sons who were collected on the Pier. Holy support 
was near through this exercise, and peace succeeded, 
for which pledge of divine acceptance what is too dear 
to part with r May all our imperfections and short- 
comings be nieifcifally forgiven and every deficiency 
supplied, for the language is, I trust, deeply inscribed, 
( to us belongeth confusion of face.' 

" We were favoured with a fine passage of less than 
twelve hours to Weymouth, a distance of twenty-four 
leagues, and having a fair wind all the way were able 
to stay upon deck, and partake of the captain's provi- 
sions, feeling much better than I could have expected, 
though sick part of the time. While on the water I was 
sensible of gospel love towards the inhabitants of Port- 
land, and wished we could land there instead of at 
Weymouth; but I feared avowing so much lest the 
vessel might not safely anchor there, so said nothing 
until 7th day, when being about to proceed, and look- 
ing over maps for a while, I told my companions I 
did not believe the line would be discovered there, at 
least for me, and acknowledged the prospect I had of 
this Island. 

" After making some necessary arrangements we 
went a mile and a half to the ferry, but not being able 
to procure any conveyance at the other side, had to 
walk a long way upon rough gravel. At length after 
E. Hatton had gone on to try for a cart for us, B. Rotch 
discovered one returning to Weymouth, and represent- 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 115 

ing the poor women as tired, and offering generous 
payment, we obtained possession, and found our friend 
E. H. at the inn sending off a conveyance to meet us. 
Here we were kindly received, and found that Debo- 
rah Darby and Rebecca Young had held a Meeting in 
a very large room in the bouse, on being put ashore 
there in going to Guernsey. 

" We appointed a Meeting for eleven o'clock in the 
morning, finding the Methodists held theirs at nine, 
and it felt unpleasant to interfere with the hour of 
other professors. The Isle of Portland is divided in- 
to several little villages, our men Friends gave notice 
in the one we passed through, and that we were then 
in, but I apprehend the intelligence reached further, 
as several came on horseback and many were in the 
house before the appointed hour. The room, though 
very large, was not only filled, but the stair-case and 
adjoining chamber seemed crowded, and a solemn 
favoured season it proved; one wherein the poor could 
be invited to partake of durable riches. The people 
are mostly of a labouring, industrious class, reckoned 
very honest, and diligent in attending their place of 
worship, which is the establishment; there has been 
lately opened a Methodist Meeting, and a rich man of 
that profession, named Brackenbury, has settled there 
with a view of benefiting the inhabitants in a religious 
sense : he was from home, but some of his family were 
at the Meeting, and conversed freely with us after- 
wards; they appeared solid persons, and were very 
friendly. A steady looking man, a preacher, came 
after dinner and invited us to this gentleman's house, 
but we were about setting off, and declined the invita- 
tion in consequence. 

" This Meeting recompensed us well for our little 



116 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VI. 

pains in getting to it, and 1 trust some were helped on 
their way : however we felt relieved, and renewedly 
encouraged to trust in the unfailing arm of divine sup- 
port. As we left the Island, many at their doors spoke 
kindly to us, and our hearts and lips could affection- 
ately say farewell. We went back peacefully in our 
cart to Weymouth, and after a cup of tea proceeded to 
Dorchester to lodge, where on second day we parted 
from our dear friend E. Hatton who set forward for 
Sherborne : we separated under the hope that each was 
endeavouring to follow the light afforded, though the 
division was sensibly felt on both sides. We pro- 
ceeded under the kind care of Benjamin Rotch to 
Poole, were we lodged at Moses Neave's : several 
Friends spent the evening with us, and a very solemn 
season ensued before supper, which compensated for 
the little circuit we took in coming hither, and account- 
ed for the inclination we felt to do so. The 11th and 
13th we were at Alton and Staines week-day Meet- 
ings, and on the evening of the latter, reached London, 
which seemed to be the proper port to re- ship for an- 
other voyage." 



1793.] MAPwY DUDLEY. 417 



CHAPTER VII. 

Continuation of the same journey, comprising a visit to the 
North of England and Scotland. 1792. 



" WE remained in the city over first day, attending 
Peel Meeting in the morning, and Gracechurch-street 
in the afternoon, at each of which there was an affect- 
ing instance of mortality presented to our view : in the 
forenoon the remains of a young woman named Boyle 
were taken into Meeting, and at Gracechurch-street 
those of Mary, the wife of Thomas Wagstaffe, both 
seasons were low and mostly silent. In the evening we 
attended the Meeting for Ministers and Elders, for the 
Peel Monthly Meeting, which was held at the School 
and Workhouse, and proved a time of renewed 
strength ; for though the communing was sad, I was 
thankful for the belief that our gracious Master ap- 
proved it by joining Himself to the little company, 
and affording a portion of food which could be travel- 
led in the strength of, for a little while, if not many 
days. 

66 We left London about one o'clock on second day, 
the 17th of the 9th mo. John and Abigail Pirn accom- 
panying us as far as Wellingborough, where we at- 
tended Meeting on 5th day, as we had that of Olney, 
on fourth ; we lodged at dear Benjamin and Tabitha 
Middleton's, and the former kindly taking charge of 
us, we proceeded after dinner to Market Harborough, 
lodged there, and travelled next day forty miles to Not- 



118 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 

tingham, where we arrived late, and were kindly re- 
ceived by John Storer and his wife. 

"We were weary and exhausted upon reaching 
Sheffield seventh day, but attended both Metings on 
first. That in the morning was a season of very close 
exercise, but I think owned with a good degree of the 
overshadowing of divine power, under which humbling 
influence there was a moving in the line of apprehend- 
ed duty, so that relief of mind was obtained, and I 
hope a little profitable instruction sealed on some pre- 
sent. The number was very large, at both sittings, 
the latter heavy and laborious : we drank tea at Wil- 
liam Fairbank's, where a season of solemn retirement 
ensued, and after supper at our lodgings, we were 
again sweetly invited to inward attention by the spread- 
ing of the holy wing ; and ability to perform spiritual 
worship, was, I believe, renewedly experienced by 
several then assembled, to whom encouragement was 
administered still to maintain the warfare in faith : this 
was the crowning of a laborious day. 

" 24th. Our kind friend John Barlow took E. P. 
and me in a chaise to Ackworth, where, with several 
other Friends we arrived to tea. When the children 
were summoned to supper we went to look first at the 
girls, and here I know not that I can do justice either 
to my feelings, or the sight my eyes were saluted with : 
the silence that prevailed, the solidity of the mistres- 
ses and children, and the sense of good melting into 
an humble admiration, only to be expressed in such 
language, as, the one half was not told me. The view 
of the boys afterwards was attended with similar feel- 
ings, and as our time was limited, it seemed best to 
desire the whole family might be collected. Several 
Friends from Sheffield and other places were present* 



179^.] MARY DUDLEY. 119 

and I believe all, in some measure, young and old, 
bowed under an awful sense of the divine presence, 
which indeed administered life, and excited thankful 
returns of praise to Him who is for ever worthy. This 
one season was worth a long journey, and the feeling 
of sweet peace while under the roof, accepted as a 
precious pledge to our minds of the Lord's gracious 
regard towards this extraordinary Institution, which 
is surely stamped with holy approbation, and will, I 
doubt not, be a blessing to future generations. I felt 
regret at being obliged to leave Ackworth so soon, but 
our prospects precluded a longer tarriance. 

" We proceeded to York, in company with a large 
number of Friends, meeting with a cordial reception 
from William Tuke and his excellent wife. The 
Quarterly Select Meeting was held that evening, and 
largely attended from different parts of this couuty, as 
well as by strangers; dear Esther Tuke was beauti- 
fully concerned in the line of close doctrine in this 
sitting, and I ventured to drop the little fragment out 
of my small basket. 

"4th day. The Meeting for worship was very 
large, and several living testimonies were borne: the 
Meetings for discipline were held by adjournment till 
fifth-day noon; and the last sitting especially was one 
of solemnity, wherein precious fellowship was renew- 
ed, and the concluding Meeting in the afternoon might 
I hope, be accounted one of worship. Several young 
ministers appeared sweetly in their Master's cause, 
and that mother in Israel, Esther Tuke, was also well 
engaged. After these offerings M. Proud rose, and 
beautifully began what I expected would be an en- 
larged testimony, but after standing only about ten 
minutes in gospel authority, she closed in the very 



l&O THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 

spot that one of the poorest sisters was dipped into, so 
the sentence remained, as it were, to be finished ; and 
whether rightly concluded by me or not, is not my 
place to determine; but I trust the wing of heavenly 
love overshadowed some minds, and that this sepa- 
rating season was a fresh confirmation that gracious 
regard is continued to a church so abundantly favour- 
ed as ours has been and still is. 

66 After parting with many Friends who had been 
made renewedly dear to us, we remained in this hos- 
pitable mansion, (William Tuke's,) not feeling ready 
to depart; and indeed my spirit has been afresh led to 
feel after the right way to move hence, and I hope a 
little light hath shone upon our proceeding on second 
day to Leeds, where a Meeting is appointed to be 
held that afternoon, and one next day at Bradford, 
after which we expect to go on to Kendal. 

" When this conclusion was come to, the weight of 
another matter, respecting which I had been feeling, 
so increased that it seemed best to mention the pros- 
pect of having a Public Meeting in this place, (York ;) 
W. and E. Tuke feelingly entered into the concern, 
saying they had expected it, which felt encouraging to 
my mind. The Meeting with Friends on first day 
morning was a season of liberty honestly to labour, 
and at five o'clock a very large number of those not 
professing with us gave us their company, the house 
being nearly filled. A covering of solemnity early 
prevailed, under which there was an engagement to 
approach the throne of grace, and supplicate for abili- 
ty acceptably to worship, after which dear Esther 
Tuke explained the doctrines of truth with great clear- 
ness and authority, and I trust their was an endea- 
vour, upon the part of each of us, to move in the or- 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 121 

der of our respective courses, whereby the harmony of 
gospel labour was maintained ; and through merciful 
assistance the Meeting terminated well, leaving upon 
our minds a humbling sense of gracious and unmerited 
regard. 

" We had a sweet season of retirement in the even- 
ing with the little flock at our comfortable quarters, 
they are a lovely set of girls, and favoured with great 
advantages, in being under the superintendance of 
such friends as W. and E. Tuke. 

" We paid a very interesting visit to our valuable 
friends Lindley and Hannah Murray, he is in a debi- 
litated state of health, having been for a long time un- 
able to walk or stand upright, except at a few inter- 
vals ; at present his speech is so affected that he only 
whispers; yet he looks well, and has a countenance 
that would cheer one, indicating where he dwells, and 
what consolation is the source of his support. He 
cannot now attend Meetings, but rejoices to see his 
Friends, as they well may to see him, for indeed it 
felt to me that the Son of Peace was there, and had 
sanctified those dispensations which would otherwise 
be hard to bear. In a season of retirement after tea, 
we were favoured to experience true Christian fellow- 
ship, and our intercourse was attended with feelings 
which are precious even in the retrospect. 

" Second day, 10th mo. 1st. We left York, Henry 
and Mabel Tuke going on with us to Leeds, where 
we arrived in the afternoon. The appointed Public 
Meeting was held at six o'clock in one of the most 
commodious houses I have seen, it is a new one, cal- 
culated to contain twelve hundred persons, and at this 
time was thought to be nearly full, and a precious sea- 
son it proved. 

16 



123 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 

*f Dear Sarah Lees met us here, and was first and 
well concerned to draw the attention of the people 
to that quietness which is so requisite as a preparation 
for acceptable worship. Henry Tuke spoke after- 
wards, on the subject of feeding the multitude, and I 
believe the subsequent labour was thus made easier : 
indeed it was scarcely labour in this Meeting, com- 
pared with what is often the case, for the minds of the 
people seemed so like prepared ground, that if a little 
seed was handed by the good husbandman it felt plea- 
sant work to drop it, and I trust all that fell that night 
will not be lost. I have since heard that there are 
many serious persons in this town; and within about 
a year past, I think seven united to our Society from 
among the Methodists. It was remarkable that the 
line of expression ran mostly towards such as were 
under divine visitation, but had not attained to a set- 
tlement in religion. 

" After the dispersion of the Public Meeting, Friends 
were requested to remain, and here labour was expe- 
rienced ; but in the gospel, because love was the cover- 
ing, which induced ' plainness of speech,' and led to 
pour forth humble supplication. 

" Third day, Snd. Parting with dear H. and M. 
Tuke, we set forward to an appointed Meeting at 
Bradford, which proved a low exercising time; in the 
afternoon dear Sarah Hustler took us in a carriage to 
Keighley, where we lodged at an inn: next morning 
we took leave of this precious young woman S. H. 
and went on to Settle. Having felt about this place 
before seeing it, we had a Meeting appointed and no- 
tice circulated, so that with Friends and others a con- 
siderable number were assembled by six o'clock, and 
we were favoured with a solemn opportunity. 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 123 

" Our kind friends John and Mary Birkbeck ac- 
companied us next day to Kendal, which we reached 
in time for the Select Meeting, and were kindly re- 
ceived by John Wilson. 

6( On sixth day the Quarterly Meeting was held, and 
mercifully owned, by the spreading of the holy wing ; 
though the last Meeting for worship, at six in the even- 
ing, was an exercising season, I thought owing to the 
lukewarmness of many, and revolting of others. In 
both these general Meetings life felt in a state of op- 
pression, but much honest labour was bestowed. Alice 
Rigge, a mother in Israel, was engaged in a lively 
manner, and Anthony Mason, who is bright and fruit- 
ful at the advanced age of eighty-seven, cried aloud to 
the careless ones. 

" Seventh day was mostly occupied in calling on 
Friends — one sick in body, several so in mind ; and 
among individuals here, as in many other places, the 
precious life is buried in visible things. 

" First day, 7th. We went nine miles to Winder- 
mere, where a Meeting is held twice in the year on a 
fixed day, chiefly on account of the people who live 
about there and incline to attend. Sarah Wilson and 
several other Friends from Kendal, accompanied us ; 
I believe it was felt by every sensible mind to be a so- 
lemn, favoured season ; the extension of gospel love 
being evident to those assembled, concerning some of 
whom there is no doubt with me, the declaration of our 
Lord will in His own time be accomplished, i them 
also I must bring. 9 

" We returned to Kendal to dinner, and having 
mentioned to Friends there our view of having a Pub- 
lic Meeting in the evening, we found notice had been 
given. It was largely attended, and though the people 



1M THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 

did not seem so like the prepared, or thirsty ground, 
as in some other places, there was a solemn covering 
felt increasingly to prevail over the assembled com- 
pany ; and as there was an endeavour simply to move 
and minister in the ability received, spiritual harmony 
was maintained, and the season graciously owned ; so 
that for this renewed unmerited favour, we had cause 
to make the return of praise to Him who is for ever 
worthy. 

M After this the springs of nature were so run down, 
that it seemed needful to rest a day for winding up 
again, we therefore indulged part of second day, and 
went to dine with George and Deborah Benson and 
their large family, and called to see Robert Dodgson, 
a valuable man in a very declining state of health, but 
with a mind, I believe, resigned, and in good measure 
prepared to be unclothed, if such be the divine will : it 
was consoling thus to feel in our sitting with him, 
which I hope was mutually refreshing. After tea, at 
George Braithwaite's, where many kind friends met us, 
a peculiarly solemn stillness occurred, not from any 
plan, but like the wind blowing where, and how it 
listeth ; and hearing the sound thereof, we were sweetly 
gathered into pure silence, under which covering S. W. 
supplicated for continued preservation, and I thought 
the feeling of solemnity was thereby increased : she 
has appeared only a few months in ministry. Several 
others were engaged in testifying to the truth, as it is 
in Jesus, and I was ready to hope it might be the ter- 
mination of labour in this field ; but hearing of the 
usual Meeting day being on the morrow, began to fear 
that we might not be liberated, and so it proved. 

" Third day was truly one of close exercise, but by 
an endeavour to owe no man any thing, I hope there 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 125 

was a clearing honestly out of this place, and was truly 
glad we remained. In this, as well as other instances, 
I found the use of a companion, for I should have tried 
to escape this Meeting, if she had not been earnest for 
staying. 

" We went fifteen miles that afternoon, and on fourth 
day morning proceeded to Penrith, where a Meeting 
had been appointed for eleven o'clock; most of the 
members were supposed to be present, and it was, upon 
the whole, satisfactory. There, as in other parts, the 
life of pure religion is low, but it is consoling that a 
few are preserved living, and exercised on account of 
the spiritually dead ; and I doubt not but the baptisms 
of these are in degree availing ; that their prayers and 
alms-deeds come up as a sweet memorial before the 
throne, and find gracious acceptance. We spent the 
afternoon, which proved a very wet one, with Friends 
named Ritson, who entertained us in true kindness. 

"Fifth day, the 11th. Rode eighteen miles of hilly 
rough road, to Carlisle, where, next morning, we had 
an appointed Meeting for Friends, but apprehend all 
the members were not there ; it was a low, exercising 
time. We did not feel satisfied to proceed before first 
day, and spent part of seventh, in social intercourse 
with our Friends. We lodged with dear Mary Richard- 
son, who is lively in spirit and peaceful, though she 
has had to partake of a bitter cup in the form of do- 
mestic affliction ; she bears up wonderfully, and says 
her mind was prepared for something trying before her 
return from Ireland. 

" First day, 14th. Attended the usual Meeting at 
Carlisle, which was large, most of those in profession 
with Friends and many not so being present. It was 
a truly laborious time, and long before the spring of 



126 TflE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 

liberty opened ; but when it did, relief of mind was 
mercifully obtained, through an endeavour to discharge 
manifested duty. Here, as well as in other places, 
much rubbish is in the way, and there are but few 
builders ; while it is to be feared the strength of some 
burden- bearers is decayed. There feels a little life, 
but a deal of death, so that the baptism of the living is 
deep, and no doubt the query often arises, * What ad- 
vantageth it us if the dead rise not ?' 

u The uncertainty of our continuance in mutability 
was at this season very awful to my mind, and the 
necessity of preparation to mix with redeemed spirits 
in the kingdom of purity renewedly impressed ;— to 
draw from these solemn considerations, to present 
other objects to the active mind of man, and centre in 
that which gives temporary ease, remains the business 
of the great adversary of our souPs happiness ; and, 
alas ! how has he prevailed to the irretrievable loss of 
many preciously visited minds. I thought I was fa- 
voured to dip a little into a painful sense of these 
things 5 and were all not only to dip into them, but 
dwell under the impressions which are at times merci- 
fully made upon their hearts, more hope might be en- 
couraged of the restoration of our Zion than there now 
seems ground for. The Meeting concluded under a 
humbling and thankful sense of unmerited regard ; and 
we proceeded to Sykeside, near Kirk-Levington, where 
there is a little settlement of Friends, and with some 
difficulty, in bad road and after dark, arrived at our 
lodging- place. 

« Next day, 15th, had notice given of a Meeting to 
be held at two o'clock in the afternoon, to which the 
greater number who belong to it came, though very 
busy about their harvest; several not in profession with 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 127 

us also attended. It was a solemn season, and I hope 
some were graciously recompensed for their dedication, 
by the gentle descendings of heavenly love, which hath 
sweetly gathered several of this little, and compara- 
tively poor flock into the fold, where He who is their 
holy leader and feeder keeps in a state of humble de- 
pendance upon Himself. There was far more liberty 
for the gospel to be preached here than in many other 
places, for although the cares of this life have, (if the 
snare be not guarded against,) a tendency to choke the 
good seed, I am ready to think the glories of the pre- 
sent world have settled many in so high and exalted a 
situation, that with such, as on the mountains of Gilboa, 
there is less of an opening into the fields of offering, 
than amongst those who not finding a great deal of en- 
joyment in visible things, feel in want of rest for their 
souls; and being weary and heavy laden are of the 
number to whom the gracious invitation of the Saviour 
extends. The countenances of some of these simple 
ones cheered my heart, which is indeed often sad, and 
I was glad we had the opportunity of beholding and 
feeling with them : a fine old man, a minister, belong- 
ing to that Meeting, accompanied us on third day morn- 
ing, and we reached Hawick in Scotland, the following 
evening. 

" Our road led through a beautiful country and a 
diversity of pleasing scenes ; sometimes between lofty 
hills or mountains, with the river Tiviot winding 
through the fruitful valleys; at other times in view of 
finely cultivated plantations, and substantial seats of 
the affluent inhabitants, with the comfortable though 
more humble dwellings of the laborious farmers, 
whose various toil might instruct an attentive !»Jndj 
that there is no time for idleness, if the ground of the 



128 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 

heart require as much cultivation and care as are ap- 
parently needful in the outward. 

" After we had rode a few miles from Hawick, on 
fifth day morning, we met dear Margaret Anderson 
going towards Carlisle; but like one who felt some- 
thing of that truth < as iron sharpeneth iron so a man 
sharpeneth the countenance of his friend, 7 she had the 
chaise turned, and went back with us the seventeen 
miles she had travelled, and after dining at Ancram, 
we were favoured to arrive at her hospitable dwelling 
at Kelso, in the evening. The next afternoon, a 
Meeting was held for the inhabitants, but not very 
largely attended; our guide and valuable friend James 
Graham had good service in it; and I expect his mind 
was relieved by the opportunity, as the chief weight 
seemed to have fallen upon him. 

(i After taking tea at Jane Waldie's a season of re- 
ligious retirement in her family, proved one of peculiar 
solemnity: her son, about twenty-two years of age, is 
likely to be taken from her by a consumption : he does 
not appear much like a Friend, but seems brought to 
a state of still, patient resignation, wherein I do hope 
he has, under this dispensation, been mercifully in- 
structed, and that heavenly regard is sweetly manifest- 
ed towards him, preparing for the awful change. We 
were sensible in this visit of the renewings of that fel- 
lowship, wherein there is not only a rejoicing in one 
another's joy, but a bearing each other's burdens. 

" The usual Meeting, on first day morning, was at- 
tended by many others besides Friends, though no no- 
tice had been circulated, and proved a season of divine 
favour. I believe there were several feeling and 
awakened minds present, who, if they are but willing 
to centre deeply enough into quietness, will experi- 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 129 

ence a state of true settlement. But alas ! many, who 
are at times enlightened to behold that path which < the 
vulture's eye hath not seen, 7 are unwilling to part with 
those things which are for a prey, and therefore know 
not an establishment in the peace and rest that attend 
the submissive soul. 

"Not feeling relieved by this Meeting, we had 
another appointed for the afternoon, which was largely 
attended by persons of various denominations, and 
proved a season of much gospel liberty; one wherein 
we were renewedly taught, that those who trust in the 
extension of holy help need not be dismayed; for let 
their endeavours be ever so feeble to promote His 
blessed cause, the Lord is able to supply all deficien- 
cies, as well as graciously willing to forgive all trans- 
gressions. At the close, Friends were desired to keep 
their seats, which gave us an opportunity of imparting 
what we apprehended was their due : there are but 
few in membership, and perhaps not all of these really 
initiated into the fold, by spiritual baptism. 

"A hopeful man, who atteuds Meetings, resides 
about three miles from Kelso, at a place called Roxbo- 
rough, whither I found my mind attracted before I 
knew it was a village, or that he lived in that direc- 
tion. We went there on second day morning, and 
having hinted our feelings to J. C. the preceding even- 
ing, he had prepared a school room, near his own 
house, where, in a short time, a considerable number 
collected ; and we were favoured with a solemn reliev- 
ing Meeting, and after a little visit to J. C. ? s family 
returned peaceably to Kelso. 

a In the evening we had a time of religious retire- 
ment with dear Margaret Anderson and her children, 
wherein we were afresh owned by the overshadowing 
17 



130 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 

of divine goodness, and she solemnly returned the sa- 
crifice of praise. This kind Friend concluded to pro- 
ceed on her journey the next morning, as we did on 
ours, and we parted under feelings of near sympathy 
and love : she had, at the time we met her, left home 
with a certificate to visit a few Meetings in Cumber- 
land; and had we known this, I believe we should 
hardly have been willing for her to return, though be- 
ing a little together proved mutually pleasant. 

"When we arrived at Edinburgh, on fourth day, 
we found our dear friends I. and J. J. and A. T. 
which was truly gratifying; they had been at Or. Mil- 
ler's a week, but inclined to wait for us. 

" 5th day, 25th. We all sat their usual Meeting, 
and afterwards an adjournment of the Monthly 
Meeting; there were appointments to visit two, who 
had applied for Membership, in both of which we 
united, and in the subsequent conference: — here, as 
in other places, the language may truly arise, 'the 
fathers where are they? So few, almost every where, 
being qualified to administer help or consolation to 
enquiring visited minds, for want of seeking them- 
selves to be renewedly supplied with heavenly virtue, 

u Since being in this city I trust we have endea- 
voured honestly to move in the line of apprehended 
duty, though our lot has been in a peculiar manner 
exercising. The Meetings on first day were low , but 
little verbal communication : several not in profes sion 
with Friends were there; and at our lodgings, in 
the evening, we had the company of most of ourl so- 
ciety residing here, besides several students from the 
college. 

" On third day we held a public Meeting, whMch 
was very largely attended by persons of various c l ie- 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 131 

scriptions; and through gracious unmerited regard it 
was, I trust, a satisfactory season, owned by the influ- 
ence of divine love, and terminating under a precious 
seuse of inward peace. We took tea with a family 
not in profession with us, who were desirous of our 
company, and were afterwards favoured with a solemn 
season, wherein, I hope, we partook together of a lit- 
tle i of that bread which cometh down from heavenf 
and when this is obtained how do the barriers of 
names and distinctions fall under the prevalence of 
that feeling which breathes 6 Good will towards all 
men? 

" We went next day to Dalkeith, and held a Meet- 
ing in the Mason's Lodge, which was largely attend- 
ed : there are no Friends there, but many Methodists, 
several of whom were present. Some of the audience 
seemed scarcely in a state to have the gospel preached 
to them, however, even on this occasion, we had cause 
to speak well of His name who furnishes strength ac- 
cording to the day. 

66 The usual Meeting at Edinburgh on fifth day, 
proved one of more relief to my mind than any former 
sitting of the same sort; and in the evening a public 
Meeting was held in the new town, for which, after 
considerable exertion, the Circus was obtained : it was 
largely attended by the genteel inhabitants, and I hope 
proved satisfactory. 

" First day, my dear companion and I were unable to 
attend either Meeting, having both suffered considerable 
indisposition for many days; yet we had religious sit- 
tings in several families, times of conference, &c, and 
on second day, the 5th of 11 mo. left Edinburgh, which 
had been a place of peculiarly laborious exercise, and 
one wherein the necessity of obeying the sacred injunc 



132 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII, 

tion to < watch, 9 was renewedly and deeply impressed, 
under the feeling that, although good seed may be 
sown in the field of the heart, yet, while men sleep, 
the enemy industriously improves the unguarded sea- 
son, and sows his tares, endeavouring to defeat the 
Lord's gracious design and prevent intended produce. 

" We arrived at Perth on third day evening, and 
after trying at six inns to gain admittance, we obtain- 
ed accommodations at a small one, where the people 
were very civil and gave us a dry bed ; the town be- 
ing thronged on account of some local circumstance^ 
occasioned the difficulty in procuring lodging. A few 
persons who are thought to be in some measure con- 
vinced of our principles, residing in this place, we ap- 
pointed ten o'clock next morning to meet with them at 
our inn ; seven came, and 1 hope this opportunity was 
not void of instruction to them or us, nor what was 
communicated such as would do harm. There seems a 
work begun in their minds, though still in a state of 
infancy, but considering how they are situated, it is 
wonderful that even so much fruit of a divine visitation 
is to be traced as is really the case; and knowing that 
He who hath visited is able to complete the work, I 
trust something may in due season spring up to His 
praise. 

" We felt nothing further to bind us at Perth, than 
the visit to this little plantation ; and having for some 
time past been sensible of somewhat like a cloud in- 
tercepting the remaining Meetings of Friends in this 
nation from my view, and now a ray of light shining 
on the way towards Portpatrick, I believed it safest 
to follow this, and after a solemn season at parting 
with dear I. and J. J. and A. T. they pursued their 
course towards Aberdeen, and we set out for Glasgow, 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 133 

travelling over some of the roughest road I ever en- 
countered, through Dunblane, Stirling, &c. Being de- 
tained the whole of seventh day for want of a car- 
riage, (extremely heavy rain rendered it unfit to use 
our chaise,) we did not reach our place of destination 
till first day afternoon. 

" We had heard of two persons who met together, 
before the Meeting House belonging to Friends at 
Glasgow was sold, and on enquiring for these, disco- 
vered two more, with all of whom we had a season of 
religious retirement, which proved one of memorable 
instruction to my tried mind, and I hope of some profit 
to those present. Although in degree relieved, a 
weight remained on me which prevented my feeling at 
liberty to move forward ; but on second day morning, 
those we had sat with all came to take leave of us, and 
I then understood the occasion of this pressure; and 
after communicating what I considered to be my duty 
towards them, felt clear to proceed. We got on 
twenty-one miles to Kilmarnock that evening, next day 
to Girvan, and on fourth day the fourteenth to a place 
called Stranraer six miles from Portpatrick. 

"Being informed that the packet was to sail at 
three o'clock on fifth day, we went forward about 
noon, but on arriving found no one was inclined to 
venture out, as the wind blew almost tempestuously, 
and the sea looked terrific. We got pretty well ac- 
commodated at this village, and the wind lowering we 
were told in the morning that a vessel was about to 
sail that afternoon, we therefore got ready, feeling easy 
to embark, though with the prospect of a tossing pass- 
age : but going home rendered this less formidable, 
and hitherto every step towards Ireland has felt 
peaceful, which is indeed cause of humble admiration 



134 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 

at the dealings of divine goodness. When this pros- 
pect opened some weeks ago, it was attended with 
such feelings as I still believe had not their origin in 
natural affection; which, without something deeper, 
might prove fallacious ; but were of that mercy, which 
beholding it enough, graciously released from this em- 
bassy and permitted a return to different, though per- 
haps not less, exercise in the land of my residence. 

" Though greatly tossed and very sick, we had what 
may be termed a favourable passage, of three hours 
and twenty minutes, for which I trust we were humbly 
thankful ; we could not obtain lodging at the inn, the 
whole house being engaged, therefore though very unfit 
to take such a ride, and much in want of rest, we pro- 
ceeded ten miles to Milecross, where we arrived about 
seven o'clock, and met a cordial reception from Tho- 
mas Bradshaw and his family. 

"We attended their usual Meeting on first day, and 
having felt what I judged it would be wrong wholly 
to suppress towards the inhabitants of Newtown, one 
mile distant, I mentioned it to our Friends here, and 
on third day T. B. with a Friend from Lisburn, went 
to Newtown, and obtained the use of the Assembly- 
room ; but deemed it best not to circulate notice till the 
next morning, and it was well they formed this conclu- 
sion, as on fourth day there was such a violent storm 
of wind and rain, as rendered it very improbable that 
many would come out ; and though I very reluctantly 
yielded to the detention, I had reason to be more than 
reconciled to the disappointment, by the usual week 
day Meeting at Milecross being a season of solemnity 
and favour to myself; and, I hope, a time of profit to 
some others. So that there is cause still to trust in the 
Lord, and endeavour to do what little we can, the 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 135 

promise being from time to time graciously accom- 
plished, 'verily thou shalt be fed, 7 with such a portion 
of peace as a wise Master sees meet to support the 
mind, aud excite a willingness to endure further con- 
flict. 

" On fifth day, at eleven o'clock, the Meeting was 
held at Newtown, aud attended by a large number 
who behaved iu a remarkably solid manner ; indeed 
such a solemnity prevailed as is seldom known in 
Meetings of this sort, so that it proved what may be 
thankfully denominated a favoured season; tending to 
the relief of our minds, aud I hope the instruction of 
others, aud was a compensation for much previous 
suffering and exercise. This seems like another woe 
being past, for such prospects try my poor frame and 
mind, beyond what I could easily set forth ; and the 
fear lest the holy, precious cause, should suffer rather 
than be promoted, is awfully felt by one who has in- 
deed occasion to marvel why so weak a creature should 
be thus led. 

" We had a solid time of religious retirement that 
evening, in T. B.'s family, and next morning he ac- 
companied us to Lambeg, where we lodged ; seventh 
day proceeded to John Conran's; Sarah Harrison and 
Sarah Benson also arriving there soon after. We all 
went to Ballinderry Meeting next day, after which I 
became so much indisposed as to think it proper to 
give up to take some little care of myself, which I was 
favourably situated for doing; dear Louisa Conran 
acting like a kind sister, and ministering to my wants 
every way in her power. 

" Fifth day, 29th. We attended Meeting at Lisburn, 
which proved a truly exercising season I believe to 
every feeling mind ; no voice was heard but that of 



136 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VII. 

dear S. Harrison, who expressed a few sentences in a 
close line near the conclusion. 

" Seventh day we went to Lurgan, where we found 
our dear friend James Christy confined to his bed, and 
suffering from acute pain, the nature of which is not 
clearly ascertained ; but his mind is sweetly composed 
and resigned, indeed wonderfully supported, for which 
he expressed himself grateful, though sensible of being 
unworthy. 

" The Quarterly Select Meeting was held that af- 
ternoon; the usual one on first day morning was one 
of close exercise, and wholly silent: in the evening 
some liberty was experienced, and more of a consoling 
hope, that although so much death prevails, life is not 
entirely lost in our Israel, nor the prospect of its in- 
crease altogether withdrawn. 

{i In this Meeting I was satisfied at our detention, 
but know not whether others were ; however, if a little 
peace be obtained it is enough, and I do desire to take 
this feeling home with me, after an embassy which has, 
on various accounts, been peculiarly exercising. 

« The Meetings for discipline occupied the whole of 
second day, and on third, one for worship was solemn 
and satisfactory. In the evening we were favoured at 
our lodgings with being refreshed together in the fel- 
lowship of the gospel, and on the following morning 
set forward, accompanied by four Friends of Ulster 
province, besides five from Dublin, who had come to 
attend the Quarterly Meeting. As we advanced to- 
wards Dundalk, which was the place of our resting for 
the night, 1 felt a weight on my mind, under the ap- 
prehended discovery that there was something here to 
be visited, and on entering the town believed it would 
be my lot to appoint a Meeting. 



1792.] MARY DUDLEY. 137 

" I did not reveal this fresh and unexpected exer- 
cise to any one, until the morning ; when after endea- 
vouring in solitude to acquiesce in this unfolding, and 
desiring resignation to do the day's work in the day 
time, I mentioned the subject to my ten friends, and 
they encouraging me to faithfulness, a place was sought 
for; and the Sessions-house being procured, a consi- 
derable number assembled at eleven o'clock, and we 
were so favoured with the overshadowing of the holy 
wing, that I trust the minds of many were gathered 
into a state fitted to receive the counsel given to im- 
part ; and for this renewed manifestation of unmerit- 
ed love and mercy, my spirit was bowed in reverent 
gratitude to our almighty and unfailing helper." 

This being the last Meeting of which there is any 
account in connection with the present journey, it is 
presumed that she went on without further detention, 
reaching Dublin on seventh day, the 8th of 12mo. 
where she met her husband, and returning with him 
to their own habitation obtained the rest and care 
which her exhausted frame was greatly in need of. — 
My dear mother travelled in this engagement about 
two thousand miles by land, and crossed the sea six 
times. 



18 



138 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

Visit to North and South Wales, Bristol, and some parts 
of Lancashire. 1793. 



SOON after getting home, my dear mother was 
cheered by having the society of her highly esteemed 
friend Samuel Emlen under her own roof, who, in the 
course of a religious visit to Ireland, was at Clonmel 
about the end of the year 179&. — In the 2d or 3d mo. 
following she also met with this beloved friend in 
Cork, whither she felt her mind attracted, and they 
were mutually comforted by the opportunity of uniting 
together in the attendance of Meetings, and visiting 
some of the families of Friends, in that city. But it 
was not long before a more extensive prospect opened 
to the view of this diligent and devoted handmaid ; 
and she laid before her Monthly and Quarterly Meet- 
ings a concern to visit Friends, and appoint Public 
Meetings in North and South Wales, and some parts 
of England contiguous to the Principality. 

In returning from Youghal, where the Quarterly 
Meeting was held, and her certificate endorsed, she 
met with a dangerous accident by the oversetting of 
the chaise in which she and her husband travelled ; 
and, though no fracture occurred, the injury was such 
as to produce considerable suffering, and render seve- 
ral weeks confinement to her chamber necessary ; and 
indeed she was in a very delicate state of health upon 
leaving home in the 8th mo. 

Sarah Shackleton was again her affectionate com- 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 139 

panion in this journey, and her friend and relative 
John Grubb, kindly offering his services as an attend- 
ant, she deemed herself favourably provided for. 
They sailed from Waterford to Milford, landing after 
a good passage on the evening of the 10th of 8th mo. 
1793. The following account of this mission is ex- 
tracted from my dear mother's letters. 

"On first day the 11th. We sat down with most 
of the little colony here, (Milford,) which consists of 
seven families, and hope the season proved measura- 
bly a Meeting of worship, and that under solemn pre- 
paration some of their minds were a little encouraged, 
and gospel fellowship experienced. 

" On second day we went to Robinson-hall, where 
several families of Friends reside ; and, after seeing 
the whole of these new settlers, I should have gladly 
felt liberty to proceed ; but from the time of landing 
at Huberston, I had felt about the people there, and 
every other movement looked clouded till this was out 
of the way. I informed my friends of the prospect, 
and a large School-room at the Packet-house being 
readily granted for the purpose, a Meeting was ap- 
pointed there for six o'clock on third day evening, and 
very largely attended; so that many could not be ac- 
commodated with seats and were obliged to stand 
about the door. The greater number appeared solid 
and attentive, and a covering of solemnity, which 
through mercy was early spread over us, so increased, 
as to incite humble thankfulness to Him who conti- 
nues to be a helper in the needful time. 

" From the attendant feelings, I rather hoped that 
there were those present to whom the gospel might be 
preached, and whose hearts assented to the purity of 
its doctrines; though perhaps the terms whereon its 



140 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 

glorious privileges are to be obtained might appear 
hard. For such as these a secret travail was felt, and 
oh ! that it may be availingly raised in themselves, 
until that which opposeth the sway of pure truth is 
removed, and by a submission to the discoveries of 
heavenly light, the superiority and excellency thereof 
may not only be discovered, but a willingness wrought 
to sell all in order to purchase a possession herein. 
The landlady of the inn behaved with great kindness 
to us, provided a nice supper and good beds for us, 
and several others who remained, and in the morning 
refused to take any payment for the accommodation, 
expressing her satisfaction with the Meeting and our 
company. 

" 5th day. We sat the usual Meeting with Friends, 
which I hope was, to some, a season of instruction, 
though little was communicated in words. Next 
morning we had a Meeting appointed at Robinson- 
hall, and notice having been given, several not in pro- 
fession attended, besides most of the Friends from 
Milford. This season was memorably owned by gra- 
cious regard, nothing being felt to oppose that liberty 
which the gospel spirit produced ; and I think this sit- 
ting was the crown to the present little visit, and left 
us in possession of that peace wherein we could com- 
fortably proceed on our way. 

" Several Friends from Milford accompanied us to 
Haverfordwest that afternoon, where we were kindly 
received by Jane Lewis; and at six o'clock sat down 
with the few Friends in the town, some others also 
joining us ; it was a low silent Meeting : but a season 
long to be remembered ensued after supper, at the sor- 
rowful widow's, who seems to come under the descrip- 
tion the Apostle Paul gives of that state, I hope in the 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 141 

whole of it, 'she that is a widow indeed and desolate, 
trusteth in God,' &c. Near sympathy was felt with 
this dear Friend, and I trust her tried mind was a little 
comforted and encouraged. 

" On seventh day morning heavy rain opposed our 
departure, and perhaps this reconciled to standing still 
in a deeper sense, resigned to further discoveries of 
duty: towards evening it cleared, but it was only out- 
wardly, the cloud remaining on the tabernacle, so that 
journeying forward would not have been safe. 

" The Meeting on first day morning was attended by 
persons of different denominations, and proved a truly 
solemn one, being sensible of rather unusual liberty, 
such as confirmed the belief that in most places there 
are inquiring minds, to whom the gospel may be preach- 
ed, though a willingness to come under its pure govern- 
ment is not effected in them. — We had the Afternoon 
Meeting deferred to six o'clock, and notice circulated 
among the inhabitants, a large number of whom were 
present, and an appearance of general solidity prevail- 
ed, though the season was for a long time laborious, 
which was felt to be occasioned by ignorance of spiritual 
worship ; but I hope the veil was a little rent from some 
minds before we separated, and the way no longer deem- 
ed heresy wherein we worship. 

" I often think it is a great favour when life is felt 
to increase in these assemblies; for while I apprehend 
this very arduous line is that of my duty, earnest is my 
desire to be kept from doing harm, or through mistaken 
zeal for its prosperity, injuring the precious cause. 
There seems a double guard requisite on such occa- 
sions, lest, from the thirst prevalent in the minds of the 
people, any thing not divinely consecrated should be 
administered ; as on the other hand there is danger that 



14£ THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII, 

the smallness of the provision, in its first appearance, 
should prevent resignation to go forth with it, and so 
the designed portion be withheld : but if we are merci- 
fully kept watchful, how does the pointing of the Mas- 
ter's hand clearly direct the track, so that in humble 
admiration, and a sense of His gracious help, it may 
be reverently acknowledged that although He leads the 
Mind by a way that they knew not. He continueth to 
make darkness light before them, and crooked things 
straight. — The Moravian bishop Henry Sulger, was 
at this Meeting, and he and his wife called on us in the 
evening and manifested affectionate kindness towards 
us : his brother had been our very kind friend and in- 
terpreter in Switzerland, of which I told him. 

" Second day morning, after some preparation for 
departure, we were favoured with a solemn season at 
our friend J. L.'s, and under a renewed sense of divine 
mercy parted with several who had been made dear in 
the covenant of love and life, and arrived at a place 
called St. Clear's to lodge. Here I passed a thought- 
ful night, feeling my mind drawn to Llangharn, a little 
town three miles distant, where there is a Meeting- 
house belonging to Friends, but none resident. How- 
ever, on going there the people seemed pleased with 
the prospect, and cheerfully circulated notice of a Meet- 
ing to be held at four o'clock. 

"The house, which is capable of accommodating 
about two hundred, gradually filled, and many collect- 
ed about the door : the solidity which prevailed during 
nearly an hour's silence was extraordinary ; and when 
liberty to speak was experienced, the feeling was very 
different to what is witnessed when the thirst is for 
words only; for the minds of many felt like ground 
drinking in rain, so that entrance was sensibly ad mi 



1793.] MAKY DUDLEY. 143 

nistered to the truths of the gospel, according to the 
ability communicated to preach it. When Meeting 
concluded the people seemed unwilling to withdraw, 
and were so kindly affectionate in their manner as to 
seem like old acquaintance. 

" We proceeded on fourth day morning to Carmar- 
then, where we held a Meeting with an unsettled sort 
of people, to whom true godliness was indeed a mys- 
tery, and likely so to remain until the veil of prejudice 
be taken away. On reaching Llandilo fifth day to 
dinner, we heard of an old Friend residing about half 
a mile distant, and went in rain to see her, she was 
named Bowen, upwards of an hundred years of age, 
and with her son, an elderly man that had married 
from among Friends, lived in a little farm-house. The 
poor old Friend seemed pleased to see us, but was so 
deaf that it appeared useless to attempt expression, we 
therefore left a note conveying what had been our feel- 
ings while in her chamber. 

"We arrived at Swansea on sixth day evening, 
where a friendly, solid looking young woman soon 
came to us, and requested us to go with her to tea : we 
found her mother and sister very kindly disposed, 
though neither of them profess as we do : this young 
person went to Meetings here from a secret attraction 
in her own mind, and, though sometimes quite alone, 
has continued to do so about three years : she appears 
rightly convinced, and is, I believe, desirous to abide 
under the converting power of truth. 

" Feeling inclined to sit with the few Friends in this 
place, we had a Meeting on seventh day morning, 
which proved satisfactory, though the doctrine opened 
in a close line to the mere professors of pure truth, of 
which class it seemed to us, most present were. The 



1M THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 

young woman before mentioned felt near to us, and I 
hope she was a little encouraged by this visit. 

" We went forward to Pyle, aiming at Cardiff for 
•first day ; but not getting on as fast as we had expect- 
ed, we did not reach it until the afternoon. My com- 
panions going in search of the few in profession with 
us, found a valuable old Friend, Elizabeth Edwards, 
who, though very infirm, came to the inn, rejoiced to 
see Friends, and with her and our own little band we 
had a sweetly refreshing season in the evening. 

" Though not clearly in prospect upon leaving Clon- 
mel, I could now see no way but going to Bristol, the 
place of my nativity, where some of my bitterest draughts 
were administered, and I hope not altogether unprofit- 
ably taken ; this felt much in the cross, and I came, not 
knowing what shall befal me, save that bonds and af- 
flictions assuredly await. 

" We crossed the new passage on third day the £7th 
of 8th mo., and on landing found Gr. H. and G. W., 
the latter employed by Thomas Rutter to conduct us 
to his house, where we met a cordial reception. 

" Fifth day evening we attended the Meeting which 
was formerly held on sixth day morning, it was silent, 
and proved to me the beginning of sorrows here, giving 
some little perception of the oppressed state of the seed 
in this great city. First day was deeply trying through- 
out, in the morning I obtained but little relief: the 
Meeting in the afternoon was heavy and silent, that in 
the evening large, exercising, and laborious ; the people 
seemed full, and are, I believe, of ten filled ; however, 
it felt to me that medicine rather than cordials was ne- 
cessary, and I found it no easy matter to administer 
what was given in commission ; but deem it an abun- 
dant mercy to feel the sacrifice graciously accepted. 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 145 

Oh ! may we never turn back in the day of battle, 
though giants may be in the land, but trust in Him 
who proves the bow and battle-axe to His poor little 
ones ; and while all the qualification, and strength to 
use spiritual weapons come from Him, graciously en- 
courages to future combat by incomes of heart-settling 
peace. 

" I should have rejoiced could we have left things 
thus, and proceeded on second day, but light did not 
spring up. We attended Meeting again on third day, 
and next morning went to Frenchay, where notice had 
been previously sent : the Meeting there proved solemn 
and instructive, and though the line of duty was close, 
I hope some were renewedly encouraged to trust and 
not be afraid. 

" The usual Meeting in Bristol on 5th day evening 
was memorably relieving, though laborious exercise was 
my portion ; it felt a thorough clearing out so far as 
respected Friends, but a pressure which I had at times 
been under since getting here, so increased, that I ven- 
tured to have a Public Meeting appointed for the next 
afternoon. This was largely attended ; many serious 
persons, and among them a great number of Methodists, 
were present, and the season was early owned with a 
covering of solemnity gathering into solid attention, 
under which4he labour felt easier than on some similar 
occasions, and the hope was excited, that, whether 
much or any good effect was produced by this sacrifice 
of the will or not, the precious cause of truth was not 
injured : a cause which is indeed worthy the surrender 
of the natural life, if this were called for. After Meet- 
ing many of my old acquaintance kindly waited to 
speak to me. By the appearance of some, it is evident 
that the world has not lost its attraction; this is sor* 
19 



1-46 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 

rowfully the case with those? under every denomina- 
tion, in whom the seed of the kingdom does not take 
root for want of depth of earth ; but there are some 
among the different names to religion, who, I hope, 
will become fruitful, if after having enquired what is 
truth? they are prevailed upon to wait for such an an- 
swer as will settle their minds in the right path.— My 
spirit nearly saluted some of this description, and se- 
cretly travailed for their help ; but alas ! the cross re= 
mains a stumbling block to many visited minds, and 
the simplicity of truth foolishness. 

" Being now sensible of release, and favoured with 
that peace which is the gift of divine compassion, leav- 
ing this place felt pleasant, and Olveston Meeting pre- 
senting for first day, we left the city on seventh day 
afternoon the 7th of 9th mo. ; and lodged at the house 
of Daniel and Joan Holbrow, the latter being an old 
and long beloved friend of mine, it was mutually plea- 
sant to meet, and once more enjoy a little of each other's 
company.* Several Friends from Bristol joined us at 
Olveston, and many not in profession with us also at- 
tended the Meeting, which proved a solemn one : two 
who appear rightly convinced of our principles were 
present, and I trust a little instruction was profitably 
sealed upon their minds. 

" Second day was the Monthly Meeting, held at 
Thornbury, to which we felt bound, and it was through- 
out an exercising season ; but help being mercifully 
afforded we had cause for thankfulness, and as we met 
many Friends from the different particular Meetings, 

* This was the Friend to whom the letters in the early part of 
this volume were addressed—she joined our religious Society on 
the ground of convincement a few years after my dear mother, and 
was a steady and valuable character to advanced life. 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 147 

it was a relieving opportunity. We returned to Tock- 
ington to lodge, and on third day morning set out, ac- 
companied by nine or ten Friends for the new passage ; 
John Lury and another Friend crossed the water with 
us, and when we got over one of our band went for- 
ward about five miles, to Shire Newton to appoint a 
Meeting for three o'clock. There are only three Friends 
belonging to it, but the Meeting was attended by many 
others, of the poorer class as to this world, but to whom 
it felt that the gospel could be preached. 

"There being no suitable lodging here, we judged 
it better to return to the Passage-house, where we 
were well accommodated, and hoped to proceed on 
fourth day to the next Meeting, Pontypool; but as I 
had felt about Cardiff, when there in our way to Bris- 
tol, though without any clear opening to appoint a 
Meeting, and the pressure reviving in such a manner 
that all other movements became clouded, we concluded 
to go thither, though at the cost of about twenty-four 
miles of extra riding. 

" We arrived at Cardiff on fourth day evening, and 
finding a large room suitable for the purpose, had no- 
tice circulated of a Meeting for ten o'clock on fifth day 
morning; when a solid company collected with us, 
among which was the minister of the parish, and many 
Methodists. Through gracious condescension, the 
season was memorably owned, to the thankful admira- 
tion of our hearts; the people seemed to hear the truth 
in the love of it, but oh ! what can be hoped for, when 
that which will let remains untaken away: however, 
if even one poor mind is a little instructed, may He 
who is for ever worthy have all the praise. We had 
afterwards a solemn season with three of our fellow 
professors, and felt much sympathy with one who is, 



148 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 

I believe, convinced in her judgment, loves friends, 
and confesses this so far as to sit with the few in their 
little Meetings here, but she stumbles at the cross. 

i{ We proceeded on 6th day to Pontypool, and at 
six o'clock that evening sat with the few Friends resi- 
dent there. It was a trying time on account of the 
lowness of the pure life; but a solemn season after 
supper at our lodgings seemed as a refreshing brook 
to our weary spirits. Feeling easy with respect to 
this place, and the small meeting of Llanelthy about 
ten miles distant, by a road nearly impassable for a 
carriage, we left Pontypool on seventh day, got to 
Monmouth to lodge, and concluded to have a Meeting 
at our inn next morning. 

" Hearing of a young woman, a Methodist, whom 
Job Scott had seen and conversed with, we inclined 
to have some of her company, and on telling her our 
intention she appeared well pleased, and we retired to 
a quiet chamber, where I think we were favoured with 
that sacred unction which unites all the living, and 
throws down the barriers of outward distinction. This 
young woman appears solid, and acquainted with the 
influence of good, but not sufficiently emptied of self, to 
receive the kingdom as a little child ; but an openness 
being felt towards her, I hope no harm was done in 
communicating what arose, and we parted in that love 
which it is refreshing to feel. 

" We spent the remainder of the day at my bro- 
ther's, and on second day morning the 16th, parted 
from our dear attentive friend John Lury, he being 
bound to Bristol Quarterly Meeting which began next 
day, and we to pursue our journey; so without any 
guide or companion, we proceeded to Hereford, ar- 
rived there to dinner, and were a little puzzled which 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 149 

way to steer afterwards, but we were favoured to reach 
Leominster in safety, and not knowing any Friend 
there, went to the inn which was recommended to us. 
Cousin J. Gr. walking out after tea, found some kindly 
disposed to entertain strangers, and we were affec- 
tionately received and hospitably cared for, by three 
children of dear Thomas Waring, who entered his 
everlasting rest about four months since. A Meeting 
was appointed for third day, to which, I believe, most 
Friends came, and after a time of deep exercise, it was 
graciously owned by the renewings of holy help, to the 
humbling and relief of our minds. As our journey was 
not likely to be much advanced by proceeding this 
evening, and the weather became wet, we abode with 
these dear Friends the remainder of the day, feeling 
the sympathy of their spirits like a pleasant stream in 
a land of drought. 

" We have been in our travels through some parts, 
much like poor pilgrims, Friends being so thinly scat- 
tered in Wales, that except when our kind friend J, 
Lury was with us, we have had to provide for our- 
selves in every sense. We set forward fourth day 
morning for the Pales Meeting, and travelled over a 
very indifferent road, where we were in great danger 
of being overset, but mercifully escaped any injury. 
We arrived late in the evening, and found Rees and 
Joan Bowen kindly disposed to do what they could to 
accommodate us, and though much in the simplicity it 
was truly pleasant to rest after hard labour. My 
frame sensibly feels such constant exertion, but I am 
through divine assistance sustained, my general health 
is better than on leaving home, and I have not yet laid 
by one day from travelling or Meeting. 

" In consequence of a fair at Kineton, it was not 



150 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 

practicable to hold a Meeting fifth day; the next beiug 
their usual time, we had notice sent to Friends residing 
in different directions, and also among the inhabitants 
generally ; and though a time of close exercise, this 
Meeting proved solemn and relieving to our minds. 
The number of Friends in these parts is small, and 
that of deeply exercised members is only as one of a 
family and two of a tribe; but these are worth visiting, 
and among those of other denominations there are also 
such as deserve notice, several of whom were at this 
Meeting, and I believe felt a little strengthened. We 
resumed our journey about four o'clock, and reached a 
comfortable little inn in Radnorshire twelve miles dis- 
tant, to lodge. 

" Seventh day we encountered what is called thir- 
teen miles, of some of the worst road I ever travelled, 
being five hours in arriving at our place of destination, 
but still we have to acknowledge the extension of pro- 
tecting care, so that ourselves, chaise and horses, were 
all sound on getting to Llanidloes in Montgomery- 
shire. We lodged at an inn, very few Friends re- 
siding in the town. The Meeting here on first day 
morning was, through gracious condescension, a re- 
markably invigorating season, feeling like the partici- 
pation of such meat as the prophet went in the strength 
of, many days. 

"The Meeting here is held in a school-room, (no 
house for the purpose being built,) which was closely 
filled by those of different religious professions, seve- 
ral of whom were very solid ; and the few Friends be- 
longing to it are mostly of a description to whom, as 
the Lord's poor, the gospel freely flowed. The after- 
noon Meeting was silent, but one of instruction. There 
are two men Friends in this small congregation in the 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. . 151 

ministry. We spent the whole day at the school, which 
is kept for the benefit of the principality, and I appre- 
hend supported by subscription, though such as can 
afford it pay for their children. A Friend and his 
wife from Lancashire, Robert and Mary Whitakcr, 
are settled there, they are a steady valuable couple, 
but feel discouragingly the difference between their 
present and former situation ; we felt love and sym- 
pathy towards them. 

" 2nd day morning, 23d. We left Llanidloes with 
peaceful minds, accompanied by two choice Friends 
Richard Brown a minister, and his sister Mary Hunt, 
an elder, both going to the Quarterly Meeting at 
Shrewsbury, to which we felt attracted, and where 
we were favoured to arrive in safety a little before the 
time for Select Meeting on third day evening. We 
were kindly received by dear John Young, and his 
daughters Jane and Hannah, and comforted by the 
sight of several old and beloved Friends ; among these 
was Ann Summerland, who at that sitting, and in the 
Quarterly Meeting next day, stood forth in the exer- 
cise of her beautiful gift, a striking example of ver- 
dure in the winter of eighty -jive. The little business 
of this Quarterly Meeting being over, about two 
o'clock, I ventured to disclose a prospect which nearly 
from entering Shrewsbury had impressed my mind, 
that of inviting the inhabitants to a Meeting in the 
evening; and I think it may be thankfully acknow- 
ledged that this season also was mercifully owned, by 
divine power rising into dominion ; and a hope attend- 
ed that this feeble effort to promote the precious cause 
of truth and righteousness, would not prove wholly 
unavailing. 



152 j THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIII. 

" We sat the usual Meeting with Friends on fifth 
clay to our comfort, and afterwards proceeded to Cole- 
brook Dale, whither my mind felt strongly attracted. 
We reached the hospitable mansion of Abiah Darby 
to tea, and found many dear Friends who staid the 
evening ; she is very infirm, and mostly confined to 
one room, but joined us at supper, and in a season of 
retirement after, was engaged in solemn supplication 
and praise. 

" We had previously requested a Meeting might be 
appointed at New Dale, for 6th day morning, and 
many from the Old Dale accompanying us, it seemed 
like visiting both Meetings ; and through the extension 
of merciful regard, proved a memorable time : the con- 
tinued willingness of the great Master being evident 
even to bring back those who have halted, and such 
as have been driven out by the enemy of all good. 
Some of this description being present, earnest travail 
on their account was afresh excited, and a few friendly 
calls afterwards tended to additional relief. 

"We proceeded that afternoon to Newport in 
Shropshire, and on 7th day rode twenty-five miles to 
Namptwich, where we attended Meeting on first day 
morning; a laborious, heavy season, but towards the 
last a little liberty was experienced. Feeling in haste 
to get to Liverpool, we were easy to proceed on our 
way, and arrived there the following evening It had 
for several days appeared to me as if we were going 
lo the funeral of dear Elizabeth Rathbone, and, find- 
ing at Warrington a letter from my beloved friend, S. 
Benson informing me that her precious sister's release 
from suffering seemed near, it was no surprise to me 
lo hear, on stopping at R. Benson's door, that she had 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 153 

been some hours sweetly dismissed from this conflict- 
ing state. We went to the house undetermined as to 
staying, having received a kind invitation from Wil- 
liam Rathbone to lodge ; but the affectionate solicitude 
of R. and S. B. induced us to take up our residence 
in this house of mourning, after being assured by dear 
S. B. that she would not anxiously think about us., 
but let us consider ourselves at home. 

" Our dear departed friend was many months ill, 
but preserved in sweet resignation and quietness of 
mind, saying a short time before her departure, < My 
work is done and I am ready.' 

" Third day was the Monthly Meeting, which was 
largely attended and a solemn, favoured time ; as was 
also the Quarterly Meeting for this county, held on the 
succeeding day, wherein gospel liberty was experienced, 
and the current of life so flowed that I trust the ever 
blessed name of our Redeemer was exalted. After 
supper at R. Benson's there was a season of religious 
retirement, in which, I believe, some minds felt re- 
newedly strengthened under the sense of all-sufficient 
help ; our dear friend R. Benson spoke instructively. 

" Fifth day was the interment, which was largely 
attended ; the pause at the grave side, and a Meeting 
held subsequently, were times of solemnity and favour; 
so that this beloved exemplary young woman was 
owned in death, as well as approved in life. John 
Thorpe was well engaged on this occasion, his minis- 
try is uncommonly lively, sensible, and as dear Sa- 
muel Emlen says, with \ holy pertinence' to the subject 
in view. A large company returned to the house, and 
after partaking of the bounties of heaven in a tempo- 
ral sense, a season of divine refreshment succeeded, 
wherein some young persons present were reminded of 
20 



154 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. VIlIo 

the precious counsel which the deceased had often given 
them.* 

" Having had a view before I came here, and being 
since confirmed in the belief, that something was due 
from me to the families of this Meeting, I ventured to 
mention, after being altogether closed from public la- 
bour on first day, that I believed it best to move in this 
matter: and finding there were some other minds under 
preparation for this service, the performance of it was 
considerably lightened by the sympathy and united 
exercise of several dear friends. Robert Benson kept 
closely with us, and his valuable wife and S. Hadwin 
occasionally joined. We broke off in order to attend 
the Monthly Meeting held at Manchester the 15th of 
10th mo. which proved a time of deep and painful feel- 
ing ; but through the renewed extension of holy aid, 
one of some relief, which I consider an abundant fa- 
vour ; though in thus endeavouring to fill up the allotted 
measure of suffering, no mighty works may be done. 
The efforts of some are indeed very feeble, but if these 
are only so preserved as at last to obtain that testimony, 
she hath done what she could, it will be enough ; yea, 
under such a prospect, the often tossed and weary spirit 
may even repose : while in deep self-abasement the 
acknowledgment of being an unprofitable servant is 
renewedly made. But oh ! that unto Him who is able 
to make up all deficiencies, praise may be ascribed both 
here and everlastingly I" 

After the family visit, my dear mother held a public 
Meeting at Liverpool, which is stated to have been 
large and favoured ; another at Prescot, for which the 
use of the Sessions House was obtained ; and on the 

* For an account of E. Rathbone, see " Piety Promoted,'- 
Part 10th. 



1793.] MARY DUDLEY. 155 

25th of 10th rao. was at Warrington, where, after hold- 
ing a Public Meeting, she had a solemn and relieving 
opportunity with her fellow professors. 

She returned to Ireland in time to attend the Half 
Year's Meeting in the eleventh month ; after which she 
was favoured to reach her own habitation in better 
health than she had left it, having accomplished an ex- 
ercising journey of above three months. 



156 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 



CHAPTER IX, 

Visit to Leinster Province^ particularly the County of 
Wexford, also Public Meetings in the County of Cork, 
and Letter to the French Prisoners at Kinsale. 1794. 



DURING the ensuing winter, my beloved mother 
was mostly occupied in religious service within the 
bounds of her own Quarterly Meeting, and early in 
the spring she obtained a certificate for visiting Lein- 
ster Province, expressing that in this concern her view 
was much towards holding Meetings with those of 
other religious denominations. Soon after avowing this 
prospect she was taken very ill, and confined for many 
weeks to her chamber, so that she did not enter upon 
the engagement until after the National Meeting in 
Dublin. While attending that solemnity, she felt her 
mind impressed to have a Public Meeting in the city, 
respecting which and subsequent religious service she 
writes as follows : — 

" I have frequently since coming here, feared 

what is now come upon me, but waited for the conclu- 
sion of the Meeting to have the matter matured. First 
day was a time of arduous labour indeed, one wherein 
I was once more helped to feel a little for the state of 
the church, and relievingly to cast off some of the bur- 
den under which I had been oppressed. Third day 
sat the usual Meeting at Meath-street, and my view 
being to the inhabitants of that neighbourhood, notice 
was circulated for a Meeting at six o'clock in the even- 



179*.] MARY DUDLEY. 157 

ing ; the house was entirely full, and such remarkable 
solidity prevailed, that I am willing to trust the blessed 
cause of truth was not dishonoured by this feeble at- 
tempt to advocate it, though my mind was affected with 
many fears, and earnest were my desires that the 
Lord's power might so arise as to keep down all of 
an opposing nature, which was in good measure the 
case. M. Ridgway was at the Meeting, and though 
silent, the sympathy of her spirit felt strengthening. 

" I proceeded on fourth day morning to Ballitore, 
attended Meeting there on fifth day, and next morning 
accompanied Friends from thence to the Monthly Meet- 
ing held at Athy, where, notwithstanding I got wet in 
going, I am glad to have been, feeling my mind so re- 
lieved that I hope that place may be off the list in my 
impending journey. Returning to Ballitore, I remain- 
ed there over Meeting on first day morning, and had 
cause to be humbly thankful in doing so ; for while 
very much indisposed with the effects of a cold, I was 
so helped to discharge my duty as to be left in posses- 
sion of quiet poverty. I rode to Carlo w in the after- 
noon, and feeling inclined to visit the widow and chil- 
dren of our Friend John Watson, went on second day 
to Bally darton. Mary Watson and several other 
Friends dined there with me, after which a season of 
solemn stillness ensued, which was attended with feel- 
ings that proved a sufficient recompense for this little 
turn. 

" I believed it best to appoint a Meeting at Kilcon- 
nor for the following day, and also requested that the 
invitation should extend to those not in profession with 
Friends. A considerable number assembled at ten 
o'clock on third day morning, over whom a solid co- 
vering soon spread to the comfortable settling in out- 



158 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. iXi 

ward quiet, under which an unusual liberty for gospel 
labour was experienced ; and it proved, like many 
other seasons, one wherein that language might be 
gratefully adopted, 'Hitherto the Lord hath helped? 
At the conclusion, Friends were requested to remain, 
and on them, I hope, honest labour was, in received 
ability, bestowed : after which feeling liberated for the 
present I deemed it best to turn homewards, first at- 
tending the usual Meeting at Carlow on fourth day the 
14th of 5th month." 

Her continuance at home was but short, for early in 
the 6th mo. she set out, accompanied by her beloved 
friend Margaret Grubb, for the county of Wexford ; 
they spent several days in Waterford, attending Meet- 
ings there on first and third days, and making calls on 
Friends who were confined by illness. They went 
from thence to Ross, and on the 17th of 6th mo. my 
dear mother thus writes from Enniscorthy. 

" Though my bodily strength as thou know- 

est, is not great, I have cause to be thankful that the 
tabernacle is so supported as that the work of the day 
is, I humbly trust, advancing, wherein I have peace so 
far in the present embassy. The lines fall not in plea- 
sant places, our heritage is not goodly, and if we visit 
the seed it must be in the prison house, where it too 
generally lies. We attended Forest Meeting on first 
day, which was large and remarkably exercising to us, 
but through merciful assistance our minds obtained re- 
lief : we had a season of religious retirement in the 
evening in Jacob Goff J s family, at whose hospitable 
mansion we lodged and were affectionately entertained. 

" Feeling about the inhabitants of Taghmon, a little 
town through which we passed, but where no room 
sufficiently large was to be found, they were invited to 



1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 159 

our Meeting House about half a mile distant ; and on 
second day forenoon we assembled with a considerable 
number of the military, and others of different descrip- 
tions, who conducted themselves with solid attention, 
and through divine mercy it proved a memorable time. 
There was sensible liberty in declaring, and willing- 
ness to receive, the testimony of truth. At the conclu- 
sion some books were distributed, with which the peo- 
ple seemed so pleased that we saw several reclining on 
the grass as we passed by the fields, employed in read- 
ing them. — Oh ! that my heart may thankfully remem- 
ber this favour, added to many others, and be engaged 
resignedly to pay those vows made in the day of trou- 
ble ; for long indeed have I seen that sacrifies of this 
nature would be required at my hands. 

" We proceeded to Lambstown, made a few calls 
on Friends, and had an appointed Meeting at Coola- 
dine, which proved a low trying time. Sat with 
Friends here at their usual Meeting on fifth day, where- 
in my dear M. G. was engaged to minister, but I was 
silent ; and believing it best for us to go into the few 
families resident in this place, we began with the work, 
by having two visits that afternoon, and at six o'clock 
in the evening had a Meeting for the inhabitants, 
which was largely attended and mercifully owned. 
Many books were distributed, and more were after 
wards applied for, which encouraged the hope that fa- 
vourable impressions had been made on some minds.*' 

Before leaving Enniscorthy, my dear mother ad- 
dressed the following letter to a gentleman who had 
attracted her notice after a Public Meeting at Hess, 
which, with a few extracts from one he wrote to her 
in reply, it is thought may prove both acceptable and 
instructive to some readers. 



160 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 

" DEAR FRIEND, 

" Strange as it may appear for one who has no ac- 
quaintance with thee, to address thee in this manner, 
I feel persuaded that it will not be altogether unac- 
ceptable to thee, when I tell thee it proceeds from an 
apprehension that it may conduce to my peace ; and 
seems pointed out as the best means to throw off some 
of the feelings which have attended my mind when 
thou hast been presented to my view. It was, I con- 
ceive, the drawing cords of gospel love that influenced 
my heart to pay the present visit to these parts ; and 
not satisfied with coming to see how my brethren fared, 
I have been sensible, since entering into the field of 
labour herein, of the extension of the heavenly Fa- 
ther's love to His family universally ; and have been 
engaged, with my beloved companion, to appoint Meet- 
ings of a more general kind than such as are usually 
held when our Society is the only object. It was one 
of this nature at which thou, with many others, wast 
present on this day week at Ross. I knew not, by in- 
formation or otherwise, who, or of what description 
any then assembled were ; but I did at that season be- 
lieve that there were present, one, or more, in whom 
the deeply important query had been raised ( What is 
truth P' and for such a travail was excited in my heart, 
that they might patiently wait for, and be indisputably 
favoured with such an answer from Him who can ad- 
minister it, as might fully settle and establish them in 
the way of righteousness and peace. In the class al- 
ready described I heard after Meeting thy name ; and 
passing by thee on second day morning on the quay, I 
was so sensible of the extendings of gospel love to- 
wards thee, that I thought I should have liked just to 
tell thee so much, and admonish to faithfulness to the 



1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 161 

monitions of pure truth inwardly revealed. I have 
this evening been so sensible of the renewing of this, I 
trust rightly inspired solicitude, that while nature co- 
vets rest after a day of toil, I am seeking refreshment 
to my spirit in thus saluting thee. And believing it to 
be of the utmost consequence that we should singly at- 
tend to, and obediently follow, the light which maketh 
manifest, it is in my heart to say unto thee, dear friend, 
stand open to its unerring discoveries, and believe in 
its infallible teachings ; for as this disposition prevails 
in us, we shall be instructed in all things appertaining 
to life and salvation. Yea, if no inferior medium con- 
veyed any thing fully satisfactory, or sufficient to obvi- 
ate the difficulties presenting to our view, I am per- 
suaded from a degree of certain experience, that in this 
school of inward attention, greater proficiency may be 
made in true and saving knowledge, than will be the 
case in a far longer space whilst our views are out- 
ward ; as by ever so great exertion of the mental pow- 
ers, things viewed in the light and eye of reason only 
may be decided in a very erroneous manner. Man, 
however enabled to write or speak on the most im- 
portant points, can only help to convince the judgment 
and inform the understanding, but the divine principle 
wherewith we are mercifully favoured, operates in a far 
more powerful manner; it not only speaks in us the 
intelligible language of conviction, but, whilst it disco- 
vers the reality, puts us in possession of it, and con- 
veys such soul-satisfying virtue that it allays the thirst 
for every inferior stream. Here that water being par- 
taken of which Christ the indwelling fountain admi- 
nisters, we go not thither to draw — namely, to that 
spot whence we derived something, but not fully ade- 
quate to the desire or thirst excited ; because we feel, 
SI 



16& THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 

that whosoever drinketh of this unmixed spring, it is 
in him a well of water, syringing ujp into everlasting 
life. 

" Now, dear friend, what my mind feels deeply so- 
licitous for is, that this may be thy favoured experi- 
ence ; that the substantial part of true religion may be 
richly inherited by thee ; that being a witness of the in- 
ward and spiritual baptism, as the door of initiation 
into the church, the mystical body of Christ, thou 
mayest become thereby a partaker, at the spiritual ta- 
ble, of the soul-sustaining 'bread of life, 9 and be 
nourished with the wine of the heavenly kingdom, 
comprehending the communion of saints, and being 
through the power of truth, sanctified throughout body, 
soul and spirit, participate everlastingly of the trea- 
sures of the Lord's house ;— so desireth the heart of 
thy truly well-wishing friend, 

MARY DUDLEY.' 7 
u RESPECTED FRIEND, 

" For so I must call you, your very unexpected and 
highly welcome letter was delivered to me last Satur- 
day evening ; just before I received it my mind was 
engaged on divine subjects, and on some particulars 
relative to which your letter seemed as a message from 
heaven : as such indeed I received it, and have been 
greatly affected by it ; and from the altar of my heart I 
return praise and thanksgiving to that adorable Being 
who has, in numerous instances, shown His kind, pro- 
vidential care of my poor soul. And you, my much 
esteemed friend in the gospel, as an ambassadress of 
Christ, and a messenger of the Lord to me for good, 
I salute with my heartfelt and grateful acknowledg- 
ments. 



1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 16S 

" Through your ministry 1 received of the baptiz- 
ing power of Christ ; it quickened my soul, it reach- 
ed, melted, and tendered my heart, and refreshed me 
as with the dew of heaven. Those feelings we can- 
not bring upon ourselves ; it is the Lord only, either 
by himself immediately, or His agent or agents sent 
with power from on high, that can effect such things. 
The earnest solicitude raised in you to write to me, 
the refreshment and comfort I received from your let- 
ter, my state pointed out in your sermon, the efFect it 
had on my dear children and myself, all declare unto 
me the finger of the Lord in this matter, and that you 
have come unto us Hn the fulness of the blessing of the 
gospel of Christ.' May we keep close to that light 
which maketh all things manifest, until it shine more 
and more unto the brightness and clearness of the per- 
fect day, and so living in the light, we snail have fel- 
lowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus 
Christ will cleanse us from all sin : all the blessed 
merits of His death, and all the life-giving influences 
of His Spirit, are to be had by being joined to this 
light, and walking in it ; in Him was life, and the life 
was the light of men. 

"Whatever others may do, as for me, my dear wife 
and children, may we serve the Lord with our whole 
hearts, and be engrafted into the true vine. To hear 
of our progress in true religion will, I am very certain, 
be highly pleasing to you. And now my respected 
friend, I commend you to God and to the word of His 
grace! go on in the baptizing power of the Lord. 
May we, every one of us, hold out unto the end and be 
saved, that so in the day when the Lord shall make up 
his jewels we may unitedly partake of the boundless 
ocean of everlasting glory and bliss. These are the 



164' THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX, 

fervent desires of your much obliged and sincere well 
wisher." 

From Enniscorthy she went to Ballinclay, whence 
she writes as follows : — 

„ — it We arrived here on seventh day afternoon, 

and met a truly cordial reception at John and Abigail 
Wright's : the Meeting on first day was, I believe, at- 
tended by all the members of it, and in the evening we 
had a season of religious retirement in the family. 
After this, Wicklow so forcibly attracted my mind, 
that I saw no light on any other direction, and my true 
yoke-fellow M. Gr. having adopted the resolution, 
i whither thou goest Iivillgo,' we sent forward to have 
a Meeting appointed there for third day, this, through 
gracious condescension, proved one concerning which 
it may be said that truth rose into dominion. There 
was not so large a number as on some similar occasions, 
but the company was of the higher class, and their solid 
attentive demeanour such as left no room to doubt that, 
at that seasou, their minds were measurably awakened 
to serious consideration, whether any further fruit be 
brought forth or not. After dining with some Friends 
in the town, we returned to Ballikane, and had a Meet- 
ing appointed for Friends there on 4th day morning, 
which proved relieving to our minds, although a deeply 
exercising time. 

" Having felt respecting the inhabitants of Gorey, 
we turned thither sixteen miles, and on arriving there 
found that John Wright had procured the use of the 
Assembly-room, which being properly fitted up, a 
large number were accommodated at a Meeting held 
on 5th day morning. The company was not very pro- 
mising, to look at, but a solid covering soon spread, 



i/94.] MARY DUDLEY. 165 

and mercifully -so prevailed as to keep in subjection tlie 
light chaffy nature ; so that not only solemn prayer 
could be offered, but the testimony of truth go forth 
with gospel liberty ; and there was a consoling hope in 
our hearts that this day's labour would not be altoge- 
ther in vain. Several appeared very desirous of hav- 
ing books explanatory of our principles, and expressed 
their satisfaction with the Meeting. I find there had 
not been any Meeting held there in the remembrance 
of some elderly Friends, except one many years ago, 
and another by J. Pemberton. 

After this they went again to Enniscorthy, where the 
Quarterly Meeting for Leinster Province was held the 
three last days of the 6th month, respecting which, and 
their subsequent engagements, she thus writes. 

" This season was on several accounts one of 

great conflict and exercise ; there was not an abundance 
of preaching, indeed I thought what there was might 
be termed labouring, and that in ground unbroken by 
the plough of divine power; however as ability was 
mercifully afforded to maintain the exercise and obtain 
relief, this ought to be thankfully acknowledged. We 
remained over the usual Meeting on fourth day, which 
was a time of honestly clearing out, and consequently 
relieving : we got that evening to Joseph Smithson's, 
at Ballintore, and at five o'clock on fifth day afternoon 
held a Public Meeting at Ferns, which proved a time 
memorable for the extension of gracious help, and 
liberty for the precious testimony of truth, which I 
trust was, by its own power, exalted over all opposi- 
tion. The company was as large as the house could 
well contain, among the number were two clergymen, 
one of whom was very cordial afterwards, coming into 



16(5 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 

Benjamin Smithson's, and introducing his children 
to us. 

" Feeling an impressiou to visit the families of Cool- 
adine Meeting, we entered upon that service, and were 
closely occupied during four days, having many miles 
to ride in going from house to house, and great part of 
it over very bad roads. In the Meeting at Cooladine, 
on first day, although no capacity to minister was af- 
forded, it felt a favour that the oppressed seed could 
be prayed for : it was their Preparative Meeting, and 
we also sat with a family who came to be visited, be- 
fore dinner, and immediately after with another, who 
to save us eight miles riding, had kindly remained. 
In the evening another sitting ensued, and so ended 
this exercising day. 

" Third day was their Monthly Meeting held at 
Ballintore, and largely attended ; the first sitting by 
several not in profession with us, among these one of 
the clergymen who was at the Public Meeting at Ferns ; 
my dear M. G. sweetly ministered, and we paid a visit 
to the men when separated. A large company dined 
with us at B. Smithson's, and, in a season of retire- 
ment afterwards, a consoling persuasion was raised, 
that some present, with many more in these parts, 
would be not only gathered under, but everlastingly- 
sheltered by the heavenly wing ; this precious influence 
felt as a seal to our release, and we parted from many 
under the cementing virtue of divine love. We lodged 
as before at J. Smithson's, and after a solemn season 
there on fourth day morning, left this field of labour, 
and reached Ballykealy to dinner in our way towards 
Roscrea." 

After visiting Friends at Birr and Roscrea, my dear 



1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 167 

mother and her companion got to their own Quarterly 
Meeting, which was held in Limerick about the middle 
of the seventh month, and afterwards sat in most, if 
not all the families constituting that particular Meetiug. 
Near the close of this service, she was confined with a 
severe attack of indisposition, which tended greatly to 
reduce her already exhausted frame ; so that she re- 
turned home in a very weakly condition, and was for 
some time unequal to much exertion. Early in the 9th 
mo. however, she believed it required of her to enter 
again upon religious service, and was engaged in hold- 
ing Public Meetings in several places within the com- 
pass of her own Monthly Meeting, as well as attending 
some Meetings for worship and discipline in Cork ; 
and near the close of the year she set out with a pros- 
pect of more extensive labour in that county, having 
S. L. for a companion, as also her nephew J. Gr., he 
being again kindly disposed to act the part of a care- 
taker to his dedicated relative. 

During about four weeks which this journey occupied, 
she was closely engaged in an arduous line of service, 
both among Friends and others, visiting families in 
Youghal, and holding nine or ten Public Meetings ; 
most of these in places where none of our Society re- 
sided, and the principles we profess were but little 
known. Of this description was Kinsale, and a num- 
ber of French prisoners being confined there, she felt 
her mind brought under concern on their account, and 
in consequence wrote the following letter, which being 
translated into their language, was soon after her re- 
turn home, conveyed to them. Near the conclusion of 
this engagement she writes : 

M The present journey has indeed been me- 
morable on several accounts, — in prospect, the line of 



168 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX. 

labour, and for the extension of holy help 5 so that 
there is cause for continued trust in the arm of divine 
sufficiency. 7 ' 

An Address to the French Prisoners at Kinsale. 

" The love of the gospel having lately engaged me 
to pay a religious visit to Kinsale, where by the sorrow- 
ful effects of that spirit which causeth wars in the earth, 
you have been cast into prison, 1 found my mind drawn 
towards you, my dear brethren. 

" Your situation claims the sympathy and attention 
of those who, as they feel the influence of divine love, 
are enabled to administer spiritual encouragement to 
others. Your present circumstances are extremely 
affectiug; you are detained from your friends, and 
your native land : amongst strangers, and exposed to 
many difficulties. 

" Yet when we consider the kindness of that good 
Providence, without whose sacred permission not a 
hair of our head falleth to the ground ; when we recol- 
lect that He is omnipresent, watching continually over 
His creature man in every situation in life, there is 
surely encouragement for each of us to trust in Him, 
as a very present help in every time of need, as well as 
a refuge and strength in the day of trouble. 

" My dear brethren, you may find Him in the prison 
as readily as if you were at liberty 5 He is with the poor 
as well as the rich ; for His abode is with the children 
of men. His temple is the human heart, and it is there- 
in that the only altar is placed on which acceptable sa- 
crifice is offered to Him. 

" No outward obstruction need hinder us from find- 
ing Him an unfailing helper ; and as we turn the atten- 
tion of our minds immediately to Him, He proves Him- 



179*.] MARY DUDLEY. 169 

self all sufficient for us. Oh ! how do I wish that every 
one of you may happily experience this to be the case. 
A few years since, I paid a religious visit to some 
parts of France, and I have comfort in believing, that 
there are many in that country who are in search of 
that which alone is permanently good : and being con- 
vinced that all the teachings and doctrines of men fall 
short of procuring it for them, they have enquired, as 
some formerly did of the Messiah, < Where dwellest 
thou ?' May all such wait for and accept the gracious 
answer, ' Come and see.' 

" Be assured, dear prisoners, that as this invitation 
is followed, it will lead into liberty and enlargement 
from that state of thraldom wherein the human mind 
is bound with oppressive chains. By submitting to the 
Lord's call, we are converted from darkness to light, 
and from the power of satan unto God. He causes us 
to feel that it is sin and corruption which separate us 
from Him ; and, if we faithfully attend to the guidance 
of His Holy Spirit, we come to experience the bonds 
thereof to be broken in us, and know an introduction 
into the glorious liberty of His children. 

" Here is a privilege attainable even in your out- 
ward prison, where you may sing to the Lord a new 
song, because Tie doth marvellous things in and for 
you. The great enemy uses every means to hinder 
this work, and to chain the mind in the dungeon of 
transgression, and plunge it deeper into sin and sor- 
row. He tempts the unwary, (especially in situations 
like yours,) to seek a temporary relief in things which 
divert from inward reflection : the tossed mind flies 
to one false refuge after another, which do not afford 
the rest it seeks ; but lead gradually into a captivity 
that is, at length lamentably confirmed, and tie enemy 



170 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. IX* 

gets full possession of the fortress of the heart. 
Whereas, had there been attention given to the cap- 
tain of the soul's salvation, and obedience yielded to 
His commands, the subtle adversary would have been 
repelled in all his attacks, and prevented from obtain- 
ing the dominion. Ah ! my dear friends, I want you 
to be enlisted under the glorious banner of Christ 
Jesus. I want you to be well disciplined in the use 
of those weapons which are not carnal, but mighty 
through God to the pulling down of strong holds; 
casting down imaginations, and every high thing that 
exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and 
bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience 
of Christ. 

u Under the impressions of divine love, a current 
of which I feel to flow towards you, I invite you to 
Him who reveals Himself in the secret of the heart — 
to His light — by which, alone, you can discover the 
need you have of Him, as the Saviour and Redeemer 
of your souls. What a mercy it is, that, in this 
glorious gospel day, none need say, ( who shall as- 
cend into heaven to bring Christ down from above, or 
who shall descend into the deep to bring up Christ 
again from the dead ; for the word is nigh thee,' the 
eternal word of life and power, inwardly manifested 
as a reprover for sin and a teacher in the way of righ- 
teousness. He knows what instruction our several 
states require, and dispenses it accordingly ; affording 
sufficient strength to obey Him, and follow His sure 
direction. Now, how superior is this to all that man 
can do! How ineffectual are those remedies which 
human wisdom proposes, for the relief of the truly 
awakened mind ! How inadequate to the radical cure 
of that disease, which a departure from the divine 



1794.] MARY DUDLEY. 171 

law has occasioned : thereby sin entered into the world, 
and death by sin. The divine life in Adam was lost 
by transgression — and his posterity brought under the 
dominion of an evil seed, or enemy, from which we all 
have need of redemption as well as he had, 'for as in 
Adam all die, so in Christ shall all be made alive, 9 all, 
who through faith in His holy power, experience the 
blessed effects of His coming, by suffering Him to ac- 
complish in their minds the great work of transforma- 
tion. His name was called Jesus, because He should 
save His people from their sins, not in them ; so that, 
notwithstanding all that Christ Jesus has done and 
suffered for us, and that His love is offered to us uni- 
versally, we really know him not, as a Saviour and 
Redeemer, but in proportion as we are saved by Him 
from that evil which leads into transgression. As we 
submit to the operation of that power which effects the 
one spiritual baptism of the Holy Ghost and fire, the 
floor of the heart is thoroughly cleansed, our lives and 
conversation become such as bring glory to Him who 
created man for this very purpose. May the con- 
vincing voice of truth speak intelligibly to, and engrave 
these most important subjects upon your hearts : for 
surely the Lord is at work by His judgments, as well 
as mercies ; and it is high time for the people to learn 
His righteous law, that so His glorious promises may 
be accomplished, and the * earth be filled with the 
knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea. 9 

"May the peaceable spirit of Christ Jesus and 
His pure government increase and spread, and the 
day hasten when, all being gathered to His holy 
standard, 6 nation shall not lift up sword against na- 
tion, neither shall they learn war any more. 9 Oh ! 
let none of us obstruct this gracious design, by hard- 



178 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. IX* 

ening our hearts against Him ; but let us submit to His 
holy government, that we may experience an end put 
to sin, and righteousness established in the place 
thereof. Thus we shall, individually, know that 
Christ Jesus is indeed come, not only as a Saviour 
universally, but as a Saviour and Redeemer in our 
hearts, and that He is executing His powerful office 
there, in order that He may proclaim everlasting vic- 
tory over death, hell and the grave. 

" I am, in the love and sympathy of the gospel^ 
your Friend, 

MARY DUDLEY*" 



1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 173 



CHAPTER X. 

Visit to the Provinces of Ulster and Connaught— 'Illness 
and consequent Journey to the Hot-ivells — Family Visit 
at Waterford, from 2nd Month 1795, to 12th Month 
1796. 



SHE was not long at home, before the call of duty 
again summoned her to prepare for giving fresh evi- 
dence of love and allegiance to her divine Master ; and 
although very delicate in health, from the effects of a 
cold taken when last travelling, she set out about the 
middle of the second month 1795, on a religious visit to 
Ulster and Connaught ; S. L. being united in the en- 
gagement. They arrived in Dublin in time to attend 
a Monthly Meeting there, on third day the 24th of 
2nd month, after which my dear mother gives the fol= 
lowing account of this exercising journey. 

" Life was low, and, although several testi= 

monies were borne, if any * mighty works' were done 
I was insensible thereof. I remember it is said, that 
in some cities this could not be the case ( because of 
unbelief? We left Dublin on fourth day, and got to 
Stramore sixth day evening. 

" Seventh day, the Quarterly Meeting held at Moy- 
allen for this province commenced, by that for Minis- 
ters and Elders being held. The Meetings ou first 
day were largely attended, as were those for discipline 
on second, and the concluding Meeting on third day ; 
but through all, sadness was the covering of my spirit, 
and I do not remember any season when more exer- 



174l THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 

cising labour fell to my lot; but being mercifully re- 
lieved, though uot refreshed, I was thankful in renew- 
edly experiencing the arm of holy help fully equal to 
support. Even close doctrine is, with the people, pre- 
ferable to silence; the communion with their own 
hearts is closer worlc, therefore preaching, preaching 
is still desired ; but this is vain, and will ever be so, 
if Christ be not raised. 

(i Having felt my mind attracted in gospel love to- 
wards the inhabitants of Loughbrickland, a little town 
about five miles from Lisburn, we went there on fourth 
day morning ; and finding no place suitable for a Meet- 
ing but the public worship- house, which the clergyman 
in a kind manner offered, we felt no objection to ac- 
cept it. A considerable number of Friends, and a very 
large company of other religious denominations assem- 
bled, about eleven o'clock : a precious covering of so- 
lemnity was soon mercifully spread, and we had occa- 
sion deeply to bow in prostrate gratitude for the exten- 
sion of divine assistance, which was, indeed, memora- 
bly granted ; and a hope was excited, that all the bread 
that day distributed will not be lost. 

« Fifth day, we attended the usual Meeting at Moy- 
allen, to our relief; and on sixth day had a Public 
Meeting at Lisburn, which was large and graciously 
owned by Him who I trust prepared and called for the 
sacrifice. An archdeacon and several others of the 
clergy attended, besides many persons high in the 
estimation of this world. I felt my bodily strength 
much exhausted, but was favoured with a quiet, easy 
miud ; and in the afternoon paid a visit to the Provin- 
cial School, to my refreshment. 

" First day morning the 8th of 3d mo. we went to 
Lurgan Meeting, which proved a closely exercising 



1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 175 

season, and left such feelings as made the prospect of 
another Meeting appointed for four o'clock in the after- 
noon, discouraging; the poor body seeming to have 
had enough. However, we set forward to Portadown, 
a place where no Friends reside, and found a great 
number of people waiting about the door of a large 
room at an inn, which had been previously seated, and 
was soon much crowded, many also standing without : 
yet there was a remarkable quietness, and more liberty 
in proclaiming the gospel than is usually felt in this 
day among the members of our own Society. I was so 
weak and indisposed as to be unable to move forward, 
as designed, next morning ; but being better for a little 
rest, we set out third day, and on fourth day attended 
the Meeting at Grange, wherein deep anguish of spirit 
was my portion ; for although my heart and lips were 
engaged in prayer, — though I believed it the Master's 
will that the children of the heavenly family should be 
visited, yet such were my feelings, and so little way 
for relief appeared, that I scarcely ever remember be- 
ing so awfully and painfully instructed. I was led to 
meditate on the great image composed of various metals, 
the efficacy of the little stone cut out of the mountain 
without hands, &c. Some of these visions were opened, 
some sealed; but after all my mind was so clothed with 
sadness, that after Meeting I hardly knew which way 
to turn. 

" However, as I had been previously exercised about 
Dungannon, and the weather promised favourably, 
several Friends rode on, and procured the Presbyterian 
Meeting-house, (where dear Job Scott held a Meeting 
a few months before his death,) and at six o'clock we 
assembled, and many hundreds with us. In general 
the people were solid and attentive while the doctrines 



176 THE LIFE Of [CHAP. X. 

of the gospel were, in received ability, a little opened, 
and I trust some instruction was sealed. There seem- 
ed to me the piercing sense of a predestinarian spirit, 
that which limits the pure principle, therefore the life; 
and so proportionate darkness covered the earth, to 
penetrate which required proportionate help, and it 
may be thankfully acknowledged this was mercifully 
afforded. 

" Several Friends kindly accompanied us on fifth 
day afternoon from Berna, whence we travelled over 
some very hilly road and through snow, seventy miles 
to Sligo, which we reached on seventh day evening. 
First day abode there at a good quiet inn, and as a 
practice I have felt best satisfied with when not near a 
Meeting-house, our little band had a season of retire- 
ment, which through favour proved refreshing. Find- 
ing a removal hence clouded, and the attraction to a 
Meeting with the inhabitants increase, our men Friends 
went to make enquiry respecting a place : from differ- 
ent causes none could be procured that evening, nine 
o'clock next morning was therefore concluded on, and 
the Presbyterian minister readily gave the use of his 
Meeting-house. A large number of solid people at- 
tended, who seemed disposed to receive the doctrines 
of truth ; indeed I trust some bowed under its precious 
influence. 

"The labour in this Meeting was of a truly ar- 
duous kind, having to encounter that spirit which 
would limit divine grace, and destroy the free- 
agency of man. The Lord was however mercifully 
near, bringing to remembrance much that is written 
in opposition to this dangerous doctrine, and confirm- 
ing to the universal agency of the spirit of truth : 
though in unfolding some of the blessed effects of this 



1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 177 

pure principle, a belief attended that there were those 
present who marvelled, even like Nicodemus, while 
taking upon them to be teachers, without knowing the 
regenerating virtue of divine grace. This principle 
offereth salvation to all, and really bringeth it to every 
mind which is obedient to the heavenly vision ; as 
Paul was, who by his own declaration, did not confer 
with flesh and blood, clearly implying that he could 
have done so. 

" Near the close of the Meeting, the gospel seemed 
to flow freely to some seeking souls, in the inviting 
language of our blessed Saviour, 'If any man thirst, 
let him come unto me and drink /' and in receiving 
the books which were afterwards distributed, many 
evinced their desire to know more of what this over- 
flowing fountain is, and where to be found. Several 
clergymen and dissenting ministers were present, and 
a very sensible presbyterian or seceder came to our 
inn, and invited us to his house ; he dined with us, 
and we had some free conversation, wherein I trust 
no injury was done to the precious cause we are en- 
deavouring to promote : he told us that he took no 
money for preaching. Several others called to see us, 
manifesting cordial regard, and inviting us to their 
houses ; indeed I have scarcely seen the like in these 
nations, it reminded me of the disposition evinced in 
some foreign parts, where the ground was measurably 
prepared for the seed, and but few rightly qualified to 
sow it. Oh ! that for such the great husbandman may 
arise in His own power and do the work. 

" We had intended proceeding that afternoon, but 

found no suitable lodging place could be reached 

timely, and felt fully satisfied with our detention, as 

if we had gone forward, the company of several who 

33 



1/8 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. X, 

called on us would have been lost, and perhaps part 
of the design of this visit defeated. I think it was 
nine o'clock when the last application for books was 
made. My very soul cleaved to some of the inhabi- 
tants of Sligo, and the remembrance of having been 
there is precious ; whether any fruit may ever appear or 
not. We left it on third day morning, purposing to 
proceed in a direct course to Roscommon, but hearing 
on the way that the assizes were then holding, and 
consequently accommodations at an inn not likely to 
be obtained, we were obliged to change our plan, and 
went to Carrick on Shannon, where, with much diffi- 
culty we procured lodging. 

" I passed a night of very deep exercise, and little 
sleep, so great a weight of darkness and distress 
covered my mind as I could not account for; and very 
earnestly did my spirit crave that preservation might 
be vouchsafed. In the morning I saw not which way 
to turn, the track which had presented being of neces- 
sity diverged from, and when, on examining the dif- 
ferent directions of the roads, one was pointed out as 
the nearest way to Moate, all seemed dark thereon, 
though I knew not why; but when another, the least 
eligible as to appearance, was mentioned, I felt satis- 
fied to proceed on that. 

66 As we went on I became less oppressed, until 
drawing near a town, when the previous baptism to 
a bitter cup so affected my spirit, that, by the time we 
arrived at the inn, I was not left in ignorance respect- 
ing the line of duty which awaited me here ; and 
finding a very large room, and the landlord kindly 
disposed to accommodate us, our men Friends soon 
went to work, and had a laborious task in circulating 
the invitation, nor did much encouragement appear 



1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 179 

respecting the attendance. A very large company 
however assembled, which it was difficult to get even 
into outward stillness, so that although the burden of 
the word rested, it could not be cast off without fre- 
quent interruption, owing to the unsettlement of the 
people; which I suppose arose from the novelty of 
the circumstance, as we cannot trace that a Meeting 
was ever held there before by Friends. Yet notwith- 
standing the difficulty of stepping on such untrodden 
ground, and the awfulness of the labour, truth was 
mercifully raised over all, so as to chain down the re- 
bellious nature, and afford strength to discharge appre- 
hended duty. I trust there were some who assented 
to the importauce of that work which all their own. 
creaturely willings and runnings could never effect ; so 
that if no more good was done, than a little ploughing 
up the fallow ground of Strokestown, even that may 
prepare the way for some other labourers more readily 
and availingly to enter into the field : — Though nearly 
all the inhabitants are Roman Catholics, yet many 
applied for books after some had been distributed. 

(( We passed through several other places with 
only secret travail of spirit, and reached Moate fifth 
day night, where we remained over first day, which 
was one of laborious exercise. In the forenoon we 
sat with Friends, and had a large Public Meeting in 
the evening, but through the renewings of holy help 
relief of mind was obtained. 

" Second day we proceeded to Athlone, and pro- 
cured the use of a Methodist Meeting-house, wherein 
a large number of the inhabitants assembled at six 
o'clock, and though from the number, and various 
descriptions of persons, there was, as might be ex- 
pected, a difference in conduct, I think it may be 



180 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 

thankfully acknowledged that truth was in dominion ; 
and we felt a hope that all the labour would not be 
lost, but to some instruction be profitably sealed. 

" We went the following day to Roscommon, where 
the use of the Sessions-house being obtained, we had 
notice circulated and a large attendance that evening. 
The minds of many seemed like ground never broken 
up, and for a while the unsettlement and confusion 
were trying ; but considering the ignorance and bigotry 
of the major part of the audience, there was as much 
quiet as we could look for, and great cause for thauk- 
fulness that a cup bitter in prospect and possession, 
was mercifully sweetened by the feeling of relief. 

" In our way from Roscommon we stopt at Lanes- 
borough, where being sensible of inward exercise, and 
no clearness in proceeding, we made enquiry for a 
place to hold a Meeting, but were informed that no 
large room could be had, which, with finding the in- 
habitants were mostly Roman Catholics, tended to 
discourage us. However as the pressure continued, 
we had a parlour at the inn prepared, and notice 
spread, and in a short time had the room, passage, 
&c. crowded; and I think there was in this poor 
place, among a people who are kept in darkness by 
those who profess to be their guides, as much liberty 
to declare the way of life and salvation, as in many 
places where light seems to have more apparently 
made its way. Many were solid, and I doubt not 
sensible of good impressions ; for which favour our 
spirits bowed in humble commemoration of divine 
goodness. 

" We reached Ballymahon that night, where the 
clergyman of the parish readily gave the use of the 
worship-house for a Meeting. This town is mostly 



1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 181 

inhabited by Roman Catholics, so that it was not ex- 
pected many would attend ; but a large company of 
that description came, as well as most of the Pro- 
testants, and among them the minister who gave us 
the house. An arduous line of labour fell to my lot ; 
it was truly like going forth with the gospel sword, if 
I was ever intrusted with it, against thoss structures 
not reared by divine power. Although the extreme 
ignorance of the people caused the work to feel heavy, 
it may indeed be gratefully acknowledged, with that 
praise which belongs to the glorious Author of all 
good, that help was mercifully proportioned ; and, 
even while the enmity was evidently raised, the Lord 
continued near to support and strengthen for the dis- 
charge of apprehended duty. 

" I hoped after this meeting that I might be ex- 
cused from any further service in poor Connaught, 
and felt satisfied to turn towards the Quarterly Meeting 
at Mount Mellick. I was much indisposed and in 
want of rest, but struggled to keep up during first and 
second days, which caused me to have more suffering 
afterwards, and I was unable to attend the concluding 
Meeting on third day the 31st of 3rd mo., being wholly 
confined to bed. A few days nursing and kind care 
tended to recruit me, so that by the end of the week I 
was able to go out among my friends, and on first day 
attended both Meetings. In these close exercise and 
labour fell to my lot, under the oppressive sense that 
the lamenting language of the great Master is pain- 
fully applicable in the present day, 6 Oh ! Jerusalem^ 
Jerusalem, how often would I have gathered thy chil- 
dren, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her 
wings, and ye would not. 9 Deeply did my spirit feel 
with our honourable friend M. Ridgway, who having 



182 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 

long laboured in this part of the vineyard yet reaps 
little in an outward sense but sorrow ; her everlasting 
reward, however, is sure, and she seems so low and 
sunk in strength that I should not be surprised if this 
soon awaited her. 

" We left Mount Mellick on second day morning, 
and had a Meeting in the Assembly-room at Tulla- 
more that evening, and one in the Sessions- house at 
Maryborough on fourth, proceeding to Durrow on fifth 
day evening. I felt attracted to Ballinakill, about 
three miles distant, whither we went on sixth day 
morning, and an invitation being circulated, the few 
Friends residing there, and a quiet company of other 
denominations, assembled with us about twelve 
o'clock. These Meetings were all satisfactory, and 
attended with a consoling hope that some would retain 
the impressions they were favoured to receive ; many 
manifested great cordiality towards us, and the appli- 
cations for books, were numerous. The number be- 
longing to our Society is small, but among these some 
feeling was evident, and good near, to stir up the 
pure mind, even in such as had too much rested in the 
name, without striving to experience the nature of vital 
Christianity. From Durrow I should have gladly 
proceeded home some other way than through Kil- 
kenny, a place I have long felt about, and the pros- 
pect of which is now renewedly exercising, but I 
believe it would be unsafe under present pressure not 
to attempt having a Meeting there." 

The Meeting in prospect was held on first day, 
and proved a solemn relieving opportunity; after 
which my dear mother felt easy to retreat from this 
engagement, wherein she had been diligently occupied 
for about eight weeks, and with her husband and 



1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 183 

several friends who met her at Kilkenny, returned to 
Clonmel on second day the 13th of 4th mo. peaceful 
in mind, but with diminished strength of body. The 
following was written under a review of this journey. 

" As to any little effort of mine to promote 

the glorious cause of truth, and advancement of the 
spiritual kingdom of life and peace, it is not worth en- 
tering upon. Yet as the object is considered abstract- 
edly, as the poiver, not the instrument, is kept in view, 
I hope that in all humility the thankful acknowledg- 
ment may be made, that although the line of service 
recently allotted has been very trying, humiliating, and 
awful, He who putteth forth has fulfilled His own pro- 
mise, and mercifully proportioned strength to the con- 
flicts of the day ; superadding to the support immediate- 
ly extended, the encouraging belief, that His gathering 
arm is reached and reaching forth to the workmanship 
of His holy hand ; and if the labour of the poor instru- 
ments go no further than the mission of John, and pre- 
pare the way for greater breakings forth of light, let 
us be therewith content, and faithfully do our part, 
leaving the issue to divine wisdom. I have never been 
in any part of these nations where the ground seemed 
so unbroken as in some of the places lately visited, 
especially in Connaught, nor have I been more sensi- 
bly convinced than during this engagement, that light 
will break forth, and the darkness which now covers 
the earth disperse by its glorious arising." 

Notwithstanding her having a hard cough, and evi- 
dent symptoms of pulmonary affection, she went from 
home again in about two weeks to attend the Yearly 
Meeting in Dublin, and as usual, took an active part 
in the concerns of that interesting season ; she also at- 
tended a few Meetings in her return, though struggling 



184) THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 

with an increase of indisposition from repeated colds, 
and on arriving at her own house was so unwell as to 
render close confinement necessary. This, however, 
and skilful medical attention, failed to produce the de- 
sired effect, and in a few weeks she was advised to try 
the Mallow waters, as a substitute for those of the Hot- 
wells, being unwilling to undertake so long a journey 
unless deemed absolutely needful. After spending a 
month at the former place, her complaints assumed so 
alarming an appearance, and the reduction of strength 
was so rapid, that her affectionate husband was not 
satisfied longer to delay resorting to those means which 
in earlier life had proved beneficial to his beloved com- 
panion. To herself, and many of her friends, it appear- 
ed scarcely warrantable for her to undertake such a 
journey, nor did she anticipate the result so fondly de- 
sired by her near connexions ; rather looking to the 
disease which then affected her, as one designed to 
bring down the poor earthly tabernacle, and centre her 
immortal spirit in everlasting restf and the entire quiet- 
ness of mind with which she was favoured, tended to 
encourage this prospect. 

Still she did not oppose the wishes of her husband, 
and early in the eighth month she set out with him and 
her two eldest daughters. They sailed from Water- 
ford to Milford, and afterwards travelled slowly to 
Bristol ; the dear invalid bearing the voyage and jour- 
ney even beyond what they had dared to expect ; and 
after spending six weeks at the Hot- wells, the improve- 
ment in her health was such as to afford strong hopes 
of ultimate recovery. Her native air and the waters 
were so salutary to her lungs, that the cough gradually 
abated, and her strength was renewed. When the time 
for remaining at the wells was expired, she passed some 



1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 185 

weeks at the house of her beloved friends John and 
Margaret Waring, attending Meetings in the city and 
neighbourhood of Bristol, and enjoying the society of 
some old and intimate friends : and although not from 
home on the ground of religious concern, there is rea- 
son to believe that her company and ministerial labours 
were productive of spiritual benefit to many, both in 
and out of our Society, amongst whom her lot was cast 
at that time. 

Near the end of the year she returned to Ireland, so 
far restored in health as to give expectation of her be- 
ing strengthened for continued usefulness in the church. 
Nor was it long before her dedication to the best of 
causes was again evinced, for in the second mo. 1796, 
she applied to her Monthly Meeting for a certificate to 
visit the families of Friends in Waterford and Ross, 
expressing her belief that some more public service 
would also be required of her in those places. After 
being awhile closely occupied at Waterford she wrote 
as follows : — 

" The work is truly a laborious one, I think 

more so than any of the same nature heretofore has 
proved. Life is in the general, low, and yet such a renew- 
ed visitation is sensibly extended, even to ' strengthen 
the things which remain, 9 lest they utterly die, and the 
exercise so expands in families, that we have sometimes 
to divide, and take the different parts separately. After 
some visits, my poor frame is so sunk that I have 
thought I should be scarcely able to continue through- 
out the engagement, though bound in spirit to the ser- 
vice. I am indulged with a truly dear and very suita- 
ble companion in Margaret Hayland, who is evidently 
fitted for the work, and employed in it, in what I be- 
lieve the fulness of time. 

34 



186 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 

" The line does not seem circumscribed to those in 
membership, and I continue to feel my mind attracted 
to several who attend our Meetings with honest enqui- 
ries, 'what shall ice do?' &c. Among these are a family, 
respecting whom I had no knowledge or information, 
but while in Meeting the day after I came here, my 
heart was drawn into such a feeling of secret sympathy 
with two genteel looking women, who sat solidly op- 
posite the gallery, that I was ready to marvel, not 
knowing by their appearance whether they had any 
connexion with Friends or not. At length I became 
so exercised that the work in them might be carried 
forward, and the new creation perfected, that vocal 
supplication was offered, and enquiring after Meeting 
respecting them, I found they were a widow Ussher 
and her daughter, and that they had constantly attend- 
ed Meetings for several months past. I spoke to them 
on going out of the Meeting-house, and they cordially 
to me ; since then we have seen more of each other, 
they are indeed a wonderful family, and the more I 
know of them, the more my heart is attached to 
them."* 

After she and her companion had visited the few fa- 
milies in Ross, she thus relates a circumstance which 
occurred there. 

— " I sat the Meeting under unutterable exer- 
cise, dear M. H. was engaged to minister to a state, 
for which I then believed I was going through such a 
baptism as I have seldom experienced, and feeling, (as 
I apprehend,) a clear direction how to act, when the 

* This Friend, Elizabeth Ussher, was afterwards well known 
as an acceptable minister in our Society, she and three daughters 
having joined it by convincement. — See " Ussher's Letters," 
printed in Dublin, 1812. 



1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 187 

Meeting terminated, I requested that two men who had 
sat solidly, but were total strangers to me, might be 
invited to our lodging ; they willingly came, and a time 
long to be remembered ensued ; one was the same per- 
son for whom I felt in my last visit to this place, but 
whose countenance I did not know ; they are both 
evidently under the care of the great Shepherd, but 
much tried on different accounts. We sat and parted 
under such feelings as I have no language to describe, 
and for this season alone I could bear to be separated 
from my nearest connexions; but we have reason 
thankfully to believe that so far, our steppings have 
been right, may future preservation be mercifully 
vouchsafed." 

An account of a Public Meeting held at Waterford 
was thus given by a Friend who had been her com- 
panion in part of this engagement, and kindly wrote to 
her husband when she was prevented doing so by in- 
disposition. 

— * The house was nearly full, and those as- 
sembled behaved with becoming solidity ; the covering 
of good was soon felt, and after dear Mary had appear- 
ed in supplication, she was largely engaged in the ex- 
ercise of her precious gift ; — on the propriety of wo- 
men's preaching, — against an hireling ministry, — and 
in describing the universality of the grace of God. It 
was a solemn open season, and though as thou mayest 
suppose, she was much exhausted, yet the sweet in- 
comes of that peace she goes through so much to ob- 
tain, were not withheld, but sweetly partaken of, the 
Lord rewarding liberally for such acts of dedication, 
and afresh inciting to confidence and trust in Him. In 
the family retirement at our lodging in the evening, 



188 THE LIFE OF [CHAP, X. 

she was again drawn forth to address some individuals 
in a very particular manner ; it was a time of sweet re- 
freshment in which most present were tendered, and I 
hope the sense of heavenly regard which then prevail- 
ed will not soon be forgotten by some of us." 

Near the close of this service my dear mother wrote 
as follows. 

— " I feel unable to do as much in this line as I 

once could, nor am I even qualified to keep any little 
sketch of what I go through from day to day, as if all 
that is once passed was gone from my remembrance, 
by fresh exercise continually occurring ; so that the poor 
vessel is kept in a state of quiet emptiness, except when 
any thing is put into it for others, which for a season 
refreshes and sweetens. As to the earthen vessel, it 
is sensibly weakened, yet I expect it will hold a while 
together, till not only this, but what may still remain, 
is done; and truly my mind is humbled under a sense 
of unmerited regard, and my own utter inability to move 
in the line of gracious acceptance without deep prepa- 
ratory baptisms and renewed help, and this having 
been almost marvellously extended, I again feel strip- 
ped and unclothed of any strength. If these are some 
of the mysteries attendant on the awful office which 
some apprehend they are appointed to, then may the 
hope be safely cherished that, however hidden their 
life, it is with Him who in His own time will again 
and everlastingly arise, and they also partake of His 
glory." 

She returned home in time to attend the Quarterly 
Meeting held at Clonmel, in the fourth month, and 
early in the 6th mo. she again left her own habitation, 
to fulfil some prospects which had not been accom- 



1795—1796.] MARY DUDLEY. 189 

plished in her late journey; among these were Public 
Meetings at Dunmore, Enniscorthy, and Ross, re- 
specting which she observes, that though deeply exer- 
cisiug from the ignorauce of spiritual worship and want 
of true settlement, which were generally obvious, ye,t 
' faith being mercifully granted, and holy assistance 
renewed, ability was afforded to preach the glad 
tidings of salvation through Jesus Christ, as the way, 
the truth, and the life. 7 She also attended the Quar- 
terly Meeting for Leinster Province, and several Meet- 
ings for worship and discipline in the county of Wex- 
ford. In some of these services she had the accepta- 
ble company of her dear friend M. Watson, and after 
being laid up some days at Waterford with a distress- 
ing complaint in her head and face, returned home 
with a relieved and peaceful mind, a short time before 
her own Quarterly Meeting held at Limerick ; where 
after attending that solemnity, she felt bound to sit in 
the families of Friends, and in a letter written to her 
husband while thus engaged, makes the succeeding re- 
marks. 

" I can afresh say it is well to follow the 

pointings of duty and stand in resignation, for although 
the poor body is considerably exhausted, my mind is 
mercifully relieved beyond what is usually the case 
with me ; so that I have reason to commemorate the 
unmerited regard of Him who leads about, graciously 
instructs and encourages to confide in His holy sustain- 
ing arm." 

After returning from this visit, she was mostly at 
home during the remainder of this year ; the latter part 
of which was signalized by some very afflictive circum- 
stances, under which her body and mind were at times 



190 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. X. 

brought very low ; yet being supported by Him who 
had long proved her refuge and strength, she was ena- 
bled instructively to manifest that those who trust 
in the Lord are not confounded, but in the permit- 
ted, as well as appointed trials of their day, find Hisi 
grace sufficient for them, and the spirit of humble re- 
signation equal to counteract the effects of human 
weakness. 



1797-] MARY DUDLEY. 191 



CHAPTER XL 

Attendance of Yearly Meeting in London. — Dangerous ill- 
ness of her Husband. — Visit to the County of Cork, 8fC. 
1797. 



IN the spring of 1797? my beloved mother believed 
it best for her to attend the Yearly Meeting in London, 
which she did to the relief and comfort of her mind, 
spending a little time in Bristol on her return. While 
absent on this journey she writes as follows. 

" Though not professedly out in the service 

of truth, I think it may be truly said I am not spend- 
ing idle time ; every day seems to bring its work with 
it, and some Meetings, and more private seasons of 
retirement, have been peculiarly marked by the co- 
vering of solemnity and cementing influence of divine 
regard ; so that while I feel myself a poor creature, I 
have renewed cause thankfully to acknowledge gra- 
cious help, and depend upon the leadings of an ever 
worthy master, who does not forsake in the needful 
time." 

Soon after she returned home, her affectionate feel- 
ings were called into painful exercise by her husband's 
having a dangerous fall from his horse, which occa- 
sioned an illness that for some time threatened his 
life ; and the anxiety and fatigue which she underwent 
at that season produced an indisposition of the bilious 
and gouty kind, the effects whereof greatly tried her 
constitution for several months. — She had, however, 
the comfort of seeing her beloved partner gradually 



19& THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XI. 

restored to health, and they were both benefited by 
spending some time at the sea-side, first at Tramore 
and then in Youghal. At both these places David 
Sands of America was a good deal with them, and to- 
wards the end of the year my dear mother united with 
this Friend in some religious service in the city aud 
county of Cork, being also accompanied by her niece, 
Hannah Grubb, who during this journey first appear- 
ed as a minister. The following extracts from her let- 
ters contain an account of the engagement. 

" Fifth day was the Monthly Meeting here ; 

until the previous one for worship, D. S. had been a 
silent travailer in every Meeting, but in that he was 
exercised in a close line, comparing the people to 
sheep who had been richly fed, and walked in good 
pasture, but had not become strong, nay, were sick, 
and some even in danger of dying ; but yet he felt a 
few were alive, to whom he ministered encourage- 
ment. I felt inclined to take my little certificate to 
the men's Meeting, and had it read while there, which 
opened my way among my brethren to my own 
relief. 

" First day evening we appointed a Public Meet- 
ing which was largely attended. I had to revive the 
gracious invitation of the Saviour of the world, i If 
any man thirst let him come unto me and drink,' and 
doubt not the love of Israel's Shepherd was then afresh 
extended, for the gathering of the people from the 
shadows to the substance of religion. D. S. was en- 
gaged iu the unity of feeling, and though we have 
no report of mighty works being done, I trust that 
profit was sealed upon some minds. 

" I had a view of going to Kinsale while in these 
borders, but being very much indisposed it seemed un- 



1797-] MARY DUDLEY. 193 

likely I should be able to unite with D. S. who was 
going on fourth day night ; yet feeling inclined, H. Gr. 
and I went next morning in a close carriage, and 
reached Kinsale time enough for the Meeting, which 
was appointed for eleven o'clock, but the people 
coming in irregularly the house was not filled for 
nearly an hour. Several appeared very light, con- 
versing, &c. but after deep laborious exercise, there 
was more settlement and some relief obtained. D. 
Sands was enlarged in testimony and supplication, and 
in endeavouring to do my part of the busiuess, I 
found to my humbling admiration, the truth of that 
assurance, ' as thy day so shall thy strength be, 7 even 
as to the body, which was made equal to required 
exertion. Another Meeting was appointed for the 
evening, which I had almost given up the prospect of 
attending, but being recruited by a little rest went 
again ; the house filled, and some solid people were 
among the multitude, to whom David was largely 
opened, in a manner teaching to their states ; a por- 
tion of labour also fell to my lot, and I trust the pre- 
cious cause was rather magnified than hurt, by these 
opportunities, and some minds measurably gathered 
to a state of true waiting. But oh ! the labour that 
is requisite to have even so much of the way of the 
Lord prepared ; and how few comparatively are in a 
state of fitness to receive even the messengers in the 
previous mission, or baptism, for the master's appear- 
ance, the revelation of his power and spirit. Darkness 
seems to cover the earth, and gross darkness the 
minds of the people, so that every step is like working 
with the plough to gain an entrance for the seed of 
spiritual doctrine ; but, if the labourers perform their 
assigned part, all afterwards ought to be resolved 



191 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XI. 

into the hand and further operation of the great and 
powerful husbandman, in faith and patience. 

" I hope I have done with anxiety on this head, I 
neither look for much, if any fruit from my little exer- 
cises, nor conclude I am right or wrong from the 
voice of the people : oh ! how unavailing are all voices 
but that of gracious acceptance, and when this is 
through unmerited mercy afforded, what a stay is it 
found amidst the fluctuating spirit or language of the 
world, yea of those who are in degree, but not alto- 
gether, gathered out of a worldly spirit. 

"This last Meeting held above three hours, so 
thou mayest conclude our bodies wanted rest, which 
we obtained at a good inn. In the morning I found 
D. S. inclined for Milltown, which I felt easy to turn 
from, but before leaving Kinsale had a memorable 
season with the landlady and three single daughters ; 
their minds were remarkably tendered, and so opened 
in love to us that they constrained us to accept some 
refreshment, after which we left them and the place 
in peaceful poverty. 

« After dinner at a Friend's, where was a pretty 
large company, and several young people, a precious 
and remarkably solemn covering was mercifully spread 
as a canopy over us, and rather singular enlargement 
experienced in the line of close communication to dif- 
ferent individuals : the settling power of truth pre- 
vailing in no small degree, and leaving a savour that 
remained during the evening, which I spent in their 
company. Yesterday I joined in a visit paid by ap- 
pointment to two young women received into member- 
ship, which was a solemn relieving time to my mind : 
as I have thankfully to acknowledge several have 
proved, so as to leave no room to question that my 



1797.] MARY DUDLEY. 195 

beiug here has been, and I hope continues to be, in 
providential direction, though my body feels greatly 
reduced with exercise. 

" After we had sat awhile in Meeting on first day, 
William Savery unexpectedly came in, and near the 
close said, that he felt as he often did when in Meet- 
ings with his brethren and sisters, not having much 
to say, except that he wished them well, and that if 
they were not admitted to the communion table, the 
supper of the Lamb, it wag not because they were not 
the bidden guests, but because they were in the same 
state as those formerly bidden, not ready, being full 
of, or employed too much about things lawful in them- 
selves, but pursued to the hindering their acceptance. 
On concluding, he desired a Meeting with the inhabi- 
tants in the evening, which proved a very large as- 
semblage of most ranks, who behaved with quiet 
attention. W. Savery was largely opened on the 
past and present state of the visibly gathered churches, 
describing where the departure from genuine religion 
had crept in, and through what means it must be re- 
stored to its primitive state, &c. D. S. also stood 
some time. The following day we went together to 
the Foundling Hospital, where there were about two 
hundred children collected, to whom, with their mas- 
ters, we all three felt and expressed a salutation of 
love, and the season was one of divine favour, as 
was another more select sitting in a Friend's family 
after tea. 

" Yesterday the week-day Meeting was unusually 
large, and proved, to my tried mind, the most relieving 
of any since my coming here; though the labour was of 
a truly close and exercising nature, which, if I appre- 
hend rightly, was what the states of the people called 



196 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XI* 

for- Dear William Savery followed in harmonious 
supplication, and the Meeting terminated under a so- 
lemn covering. In the evening another Public Meeting 
was held, which was large and pretty quiet, though 
some of the company appeared thoughtless and uncon- 
cerned, and perhaps from a longer silence than before, 
in degree impatient; but while W. S. was engaged in 
speaking they were attentive, and he was enabled ex- 
cellently to comment on the superior nature of divine 
wisdom. His openings were not only clear, but attend- 
ed with religious authority; so that I do hope it was a 
season of instruction to some, though after the closing 
of this weighty communication an unsettlement succeed- 
ed and many withdrew. 

" 1 am to-day sadly indisposed from fresh cold, and 
can hardly stoop to write, though so mercifully sup- 
ported in the path of duty ; but as William Savery in- 
tends being at Ulonmel by first day, and seems parti- 
cularly to wish me to meet him, I at present purpose 
endeavouring to do so, and hope to reach home some 
time on seventh day." 

This prospect she was enabled to fulfil, arriving at 
her own house a few hours before this valuable fellow- 
labourer W. S., whom she was glad to receive and en- 
tertain, as he was, to be in the company of one whom 
he esteemed a mother in the truth. She accompanied 
him in his public service within those borders, and 
after being together at a Meeting in Carrick, they sepa- 
rated ; he proceeding to Waterford, and she returning 
home, whence she pretty soon went again to Cork, and 
after attending the Quarterly Meeting held there in the 
first month, had Public Meetings in several places 
which she had felt about when there before, viz. Blar- 
ney, Passage, Glanmire, and Milltown, also one ap- 



1797*] MARY DUDLEY. 197 

pointed for the inhabitants of a particular district in the 
city. All these Meetings appear to have been satis- 
factory and relieving, as may be inferred from the fol- 
lowing observations written at the close of this journey. 

" Through the mercy of Him who hath never 

failed in the needful time to supply every want, ability 
was administered to proclaim the doctrines of the gos- 
pel, for the reception of which I believe some were 
prepared ; and it is a renewed encouragement to trust 
in the arm of holy help, that at intervals the power of 
truth preciously prevailed, so as to still the minds of 
the people, for w hich my spirit bows in thankfulness. 
I begin very sensibly to feel the effects of such exer- 
cise, and am at present quite hoarse ; but I expect shall 
be relieved, if there be occasion for so poor a creature 
to be employed, in vocally advocating a cause, the pro- 
motion of which is, if I know my own heart, dearer 
to me than my natural life." 



198 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIK 



CHAPTER XII. 

Illness and temporary Residence in Bristol. — Religious Ser- 
vice there, and in some Places adjacent. — Return home y 
and visit to the Families of her own Monthly Meeting. — 
Letter to a Friend. — From 1798 to 1801. 



AN affection of the lungs, under which my beloved 
mother had suffered for several months, became in the 
spring increasingly serious ; and her cough, with other 
alarming symptoms, brought her so low as to cause 
much apprehension in the minds of her family and 
friends, and induce her medical attendants to recom- 
mend a sea voyage and short residence at Bristol Hot- 
wells. It was with peculiar reluctance she yielded to 
this advice, as the awfully disturbed state of Ireland in 
the year 1798 precluded her affectionate husband from 
accompanying her; but in this trial of faith and patience 
she was mercifully supported, under the belief that it 
was her duty to use every means for the restoration of 
her health. She was in so weak a state on leaving 
home, that some friends who assisted her on board the 
packet expressed it as their opinion that she was then 
leaving Ireland never to return : such however was not 
the will of Him who had repeatedly brought her up 
as from the gates of death, and graciously designed 
again to qualify her for His service. 

She embarked at Waterford with her eldest son and 
four daughters ; landed at Milford, and after passing 
some weeks in that neighbourhood, she was so far re- 
covered as to proceed to Bristol by sea. — Her dear 



1798 — 1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 199 

friend George Fisher met her at Pill harbour and con- 
ducted her to his own house ; he had recently lost his 
valuable wife, between whom and my dear mother a 
strong friendship had subsisted, and her visit at that 
juncture seemed not only grateful to his affectionate 
feelings, but her religious sympathy soothing and help- 
ful to his mind. She staid much longer under his hos- 
pitable roof than was contemplated upon first going to 
Bristol. Her native air and the waters of the Hot-wells 
proving, as heretofore, beneficial to her health ; though 
her amendment was very slow and interrupted by such 
frequent attacks of indisposition, as caused her physi- 
cian to entertain little or no hope of ultimate recovery : 
she was not able to attend Meetings till near the end of 
the year, about which time she writes as follows. 

"I have gone three times to the Fryers 

Meeting-house, it tried my frame sensibly, but afresh 
convinced me who was, and continues to be, strength 
in weakness ; having been assisted beyond what I could 
have looked for, so that, although I scarcely expect an 
establishment in even usual health will ever be my ex- 
perience, I have latterly conceived that my continuance 
in time might be lengthened out, and feel desirous that 
every portion of strength intrusted, may be occupied 
with, according to the will of the gracious Giver. Some 
unfoldings of duty have been recently afforded, and 
whether or not I may be drawn to visit a few families, 
or attend any Meetings in adjacent places, I do believe 
I ought to stand resigned to move as bodily strength is 
furnished, in order that the remainder of my stay here 
may he filled up to the relief and peace of my mind." 
In accordance with these views she applied to her 
Monthly Meeting for a certificate, in the following 
Address. 



&00 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII. 

MY DEAR FRIENDS, 

"Notwithstanding my leaving home was under dif- 
ferent prospects than the probability of any religious 
engagement, nor does the degree of bodily strength yet 
experienced, warrant an expectation of much of this na- 
ture being required ; yet being sensible of increasing 
exercise, and desirous to have the time spent on this 
side the water, as well as the portion of health afford- 
ed, used as consistently with best direction as I may be 
favoured to discover ; I feel resigned to mention, that 
an apprehension exists in my mind that something is 
due from me, in this city, and to parts adjacent, in 
which I request liberty of the Monthly Meeting to 
move as truth may point out. I believe there are those 
among my dear friends in Clonmel, who will feel with 
me in this exercise, and as soon as clearness is felt 
transmit me their decision. After spreading this pros- 
pect I may just add, that though separate in person, 
under the pressure of various infirmities and hidden 
conflicts, my spirit has often saluted, and renewedly 
does salute you, my dear friends, wishing with my 
own, your preservation and establishment on the rock 
of immutable support ; that whatever our individual 
allotments may be, we may experience that ' we have 
a strong cityf and know salvation to be ' appointed 
for walls and bulwarks. 9 

" I am in gospel and affectionate love your friend, 

M. DUDLEY. 

"Bristol, 11th Mo. 22nd, 1798." 

After receiving the concurrence of her friends, which 
was readily granted, the first step she believed it right 
to take in the line of religious duty was to visit some 
of the larger families belonging to the Monthly Meet- 



1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 201 

ing of Bristol, and she paid while in a weak state of 
health upwards of thirty visits. During this engage- 
ment, and respecting some further service, s she remarks 
as follows : — 

" In the procedure so far, frequent and closely 

exercising, have been my conflicts in and out of Meet- 
ings, though in some of these merciful help has been 
vouchsafed, so that relief has been measurably obtain- 
ed. Being sensible of a weighty concern respecting 
the inhabitants of Temple Parish, I ventured to appoint 
a Meeting at that Meeting-house on the evening of the 
21th of 2nd mo., which was large and solemnly favour- 
ed. Through the extension of divine assistance, not 
only a door of utterance was granted, but comfortable 
persuasion that one of entrance was also opened ; so 
that renewed cause was administered to follow in the 
path of manifested duty, and the subsequent feeling of 
unmerited peace was truly precious. When this ser- 
vice was accomplished, I felt increasingly drawn to- 
wards some little places in the north division of this 
county, and on the 3rd of the 3rd mo. proceeded to 
Sidcot, where I sat an exercising Meeting with 
Friends, under a deep sense of the want of life, and 
prevalence of an indolent unconcerned spirit, whereby 
the burden of the sensible feeling part was abundantly 
increased. After a time of silent travail, strength be- 
ing communicated, a little relief was obtained, and 
clearness of feeling in appointing a Meeting for the 
next morning, of a more general kind. Similar views 
having presented respecting Congersbury, we went to 
our friend Joseph Naish's, whose house being thought 
suitable, a Meeting was appointed for the evening, and 
a very large number came. A covering of solemnity 
early spread, and liberty in stating the preparation for 
26 



SOS THE LIFE OF fcHAP. XII. 

performing spiritual worship ensued, under which the 
minds of the people seemed solidly impressed and gos- 
pel love arose sweetly, so that help was witnessed to 
minister to some states, I hope with profitable instruc- 
tion ; and the season closed under a thankful sense of 
gracious regard and the feeling of quiet poverty. This 
I deem a rich inheritance, and far more than any sur- 
render of my will, or feeble attempt to advocate the 
cause of pure truth, has any claim to, but all of abun- 
dant mercy from Him to whom praise assuredly 
belongs. 

" Second day 4th, attended the appointed Meeting 
at Sidcot, which was large and quiet; supplication 
early went forth, and He who raiseth and answereth 
prayer graciously drew near, sensibly qualifying for 
the portion of labour allotted, and spreading the cano- 
py of pure love, under which names and distinctions, 
seem lost, and that spirit which breathes peace on earth 
and good will to men happily prevails. We dined at 
the school, and had a solemn season before we left it, 
several precious young people being present: returned 
to Congersbury to lodge, and passing a thoughtful 
night I opened to my affectionate sympathizing friends 
Joseph Naish and George Fisher, my feelings about 
Longford, a place adjacent, to which we took a ride 
and found that way presented for a Meeting by a room 
being offered at the inn. We spent a few pleasant 
and solid hours at Winthill, with John Thomas, and 
Sarah Squire, and returned to our quarters to tea, 
where a quiet night refreshed a feeble body and mind. 

4th day, fith. We attended Claverham Meeting in 
course, which was a season of very deep exercise, my 
poor mind being utiusually plunged into a state where 
faith was at so low an ebb that very little prospect of 



1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 203 

relief opened, though a necessity for moving seemed 
felt. To my humbling admiration, help was so ex- 
tended, that from one of the lowest it became a time of 
considerable relief, through honest plain dealing with 
the indifferent and lukewarm, while encouragement 
was sweetly felt to an exercised and deeply tried rem- 
nant, hidden but precious in the Lord's sight. In the 
afternoon went to Longford, where at the hour appoint- 
ed a considerable number came. A solemn covering 
soon spread, and though among a people to whom such 
a Meeting was wholly new, it not being remembered 
that any of this kind had ever been held there, He, 
whom winds and waves obey, graciously calmed by 
His own power, and to much outward stillness vouch- 
safed a quietude scarcely to be expected. This so in- 
creased, that during the previous travail and succeed- 
ing vocal engagement, the waters gradually rose, and 
the conclusion of the season was memorably owned; a 
time wherein all that was feeling within me, and I be- 
lieve other fellow travellers united in gospel fellow- 
ship, bowed in thankful acknowledgment of continued 
merciful regard. 

" We separated under a solid feeling, the people de- 
parting in much commendable quietness ; which I es- 
teemed a peculiar favour, as our being at an inn had 
caused me to fear unsettlement after the Meeting. Seve- 
ral beloved Friends continued with us that night, and 
accompanied me next morning to Bristol. I felt symp- 
toms of cold and fatigue requiring rest, but undeserv- 
ed peacefulness of mind." 

When a little recruited she went to the neighbour- 
hood of Olveston, and had many Meetings with 
Friends and others in that and some adjacent districts, 
being wonderfully strengthened for the service to 



S04? THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII. 

which she was thus renewedly called. Her views 
extending, as ability of body increased, she travelled 
a good deal during the summer of 1799 in the coun- 
ties of Somerset, Gloucester, Wilts, and Hereford ; 
visiting the families of Friends in some places, and 
holding above thirty Public Meetings, among which 
were three at Bath, and one in the Town-hall at 
Wells. At the latter place she had been accustomed 
to enjoy much worldly pleasure in early life, and was 
still remembered by some of the more respectable in- 
habitants. Many of these manifested an affectionate 
recollection and esteem for her character, when thus 
among them as a minister of the gospel ; several about 
her own age acknowledging, that there was more solid 
satisfaction in the path she had wisely chosen than 
could ever result from self-gratification, though the pur- 
suit of this, still occupied and was allowed to engross 
their minds. 

In these journies Robert Lovell was my dear mo- 
ther's kind attendant and helper, and in some of her 
public services in the neighbourhood of her native city 
she was accompanied by her friend and fellow minis- 
ter Samuel Dyer. 

While in Bristol she visited three men who were 
under sentence of death in Newgate, and continuing 
much exercised on their account, wrote the following 
letter, which was conveyed to them a few days before 
their execution, and appeared to be both seasonable 
and comforting. One of the men requested a religious 
person who attended them to the last, to express his 
sense of the kindness, and tell the Friend who had 
manifested such concern for them, that her words 
were fulfilled in his experience, for his prison had in- 
deed become as a palace, and in the immediate pros- 



1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 205 

pect of death, he would not change situations with the 
king on his throne. 

" MY DEAR BRETHREN, 

6i For so I can call you in that love and deep solici- 
tude which allows no distinction of names to religion. 
I feel with and for you in the fiowings of gospel love, 
and under this influence could spend hours with you 
in your solitary and awful situation : but I fear your 
even beholding the persons of any, unless those who 
are of necessity about you, lest your minds should be 
drawn to any thing inferior to the great object which 
you ought every moment to have in view. I therefore 
adopt this method of beseeching you to endeavour to 
draw near to the spring of living help, which is mer- 
cifully with and in you, as an infallible means of open- 
ing to you, not only all your wants, but the glorious 
remedy provided for their supply. This, my friends, 
is ' Christ in you,' the promised reprover for trans- 
gression, and comforter of the contrite penitent soul 
which leans upon him. Oh ! let your attention be in- 
ward and deep, your eye singly turned to His all-con- 
vincing saving light. He is the good Samaritan, the 
searcher and binder up of those wounds that sin has 
made, and can by His own power so apply the oil and 
the wine, as to restore the distressed, mournful tra- 
veller to soundness and peace. Oh ! that this may be 
your individual experience ; then will your prison be 
as a palace, and your dismission out of this world a 
door of entrance into a state of liberty and endless rest. 
Let nothing divert your minds from the essentially ne= 
cessary state of inward retirement, and waiting upon 
the Lord : and may He who can only preach spiritual 
deliverance to the captive, graciously do His own 



206 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII. 

work, even cleanse from sin, finish transgression, and 
make you, by His redeeming sanctifying power, meet 
for His pure and holy kingdom ; thus in a manner not 
to be fully described, prays your concerned and deep- 
ly sympathizing friend, 

M. D. 

" Bristol, 4th Mo. 29th, 1799." 

In reviewing her late engagements, and alluding to 
the disturbed state of public affairs, she writes as fol- 
lows : — 

a Truly the signs of the times are awful, and 

every thing enforces, with emphatic language, the ne- 
cessity of dwelling near, or withiu that impregnable 
fortress, where these things cannot move us from the 
calming, consoling persuasion of divine sufficiency. 
May our minds be mercifully stayed in holy quiet, 
while the potsherds strive with the potsherds of the 
earth. Often does my spirit long that we, as a people, 
may gather more and more into this precious habita- 
tion, out of that spirit which produces tumult, or min- 
gles with it ; and thus exalt the pure peaceable princi- 
ple, which through all, I cannot but steadily believe, 
is making its own way even gloriouslyJn many minds, 
and will spread in the earth, until men beat their 
sivords into ploughshares, and their spears into prun- 
ing hooks. 

u Never did a more convincing evidence attend my 
mind than of later times, that a great work is on the 
wheel of Almighty power in this favoured nation; 
where there are truly many righteous, whose fervent 
intercessions are no doubt availing, and many others 
evidently enquiring the way to the kingdom of inward 
settlement. To these the gospel message is joyful^ 



1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 20/ 

and precious is the liberty felt in proclaiming it ; under 
the sense whereof, in seasons of close bat truly reliev- 
ing labour, my soul has been bowed in awful admira- 
tion of what the Lord is doing for the honour of His 
own name, and the advancement of truth." 

She returned with her family to Ireland early in the 
year 1800, and was not long at home before she mani- 
fested the renewal of gospel concern for the members 
of her own Monthly Meeting, by visiting them in their 
families : she also held some public Meetings in Clon- 
mel, and places adjacent. 

The unsoundness of principle, which about this 
time was distressingly evinced by many who had filled 
conspicuous stations in our Society, was a source of 
deep heartfelt sorrow to this true and loyal subject of 
the King immortal, for the increase of whose dominion 
she had long < laboured and not fainted? The follow- 
ing letter will show how earnestly she desired the pre- 
servation and help of her fellow professors, as well as 
the clearness and consistency of her own views, with 
respect to the fundamental truths of Christianity. 

" Suirville, near Clonmel, Sth mo. 22d, 1800, 
" MY DEAR FRIEND, 

"In returning the manuscript with which thou en- 
trusted me, allow me to observe, that though the sys- 
tem therein laid down is, to the eye of reason, very 
plausible, it is one my understanding, or rather my 
best judgment, as sensibly revolts from as that of the 
writer did at the contrary. It is not written in the lines 
of my experience ; and having from the earliest opening 
of my understanding in spiritual things, endeavoured 
simply to receive what in the light which maketh ma- 
nifest might be revealed, I may add, that according 



208 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII. 

hereto I conceive it to be an erroneous system, formed 
more by the strength of the rational or natural faculty, 
than the clear unfolding of pure wisdom, in that spot 
where the creaturely judgment is taken away, and 
adopted by a part not yet fully subjected to the cross 
of Christ. 

"My spirit will, if happily preserved, ever comme- 
morate that mercy, which restrained from those specu- 
lative researches to which my nature strongly inclined, 
and which, as a temptation likely to prevail, in my first 
desires for certainty, closely beset me. Many a laby- 
rinth might I have been involved in, in many a maze 
enveloped, had the various voices which are in the 
world, (the religious world,) been, in conjunction with 
these besetments, attended to. Were it needful I could 
tell thee much of the danger to which my best life has 
been exposed, but the standard at first erected being 
held steady in my view by divine power, even, (1 speak 
it with humble gratitude,) I will know nothing but 
Jesus Christ, and Him crucified, proved a barrier to 
those wanderings in speculative opinions, which I be- 
lieve would have to me, and have to many mercifully 
enlightened minds, been the means of obstruction to a 
progress in the way of redemption ; and introduced into 
that circuitous path where the peaceful termination is 
not beheld. 

a Why should we seek to explore, or reconcile to 
our understandings, the work or plan of redemption, 
formed and carried into effect by divine unerring wis- 
dom and love ? Can our creation, in the first instance 
or since, be fathomed by all the finite powers of man? 
And shall a more, (I was going to say,) stupendous 
work, that of redemption, be arraigned, approved or 
rejected by these powers, and the constituent parts of 



1798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 2®9 

the wondrous edifice so shaken that the whole is in 
danger of being levelled? Oh! that every attempt of 
this kind may be mercifully defeated. 

" Wherein does our spiritual life consist ? Is de- 
bate, speculation and reasoning the nourishment of 
the immortal part ? Is it matured by food so inferior 
to its nature ? Rather will it gradually weaken and 
come to decay, if not replenished from a source equal 
to its origin ; the pure milk of the eternal word. 

Mayest thou, my beloved friend, partake hereof and 
be sweetly satisfied : any thing contrary to this is dan- 
gerous food, strengthening only that part destined 
by sacred determination for subjection to that power 
which, if suffered to reign, will reduce into holy 
order, harmony, and love. 

" From this state, in the rational and animal crea- 
tion, there was a departure in the original fall or de- 
generacy of man ; and in succession, as descendants 
from transgressing man, we partake of a nature or dis- 
position to evil. Notwithstanding, as early as the 
fall, there was, and iu perpetuity has been and is, a 
pure holy seed or principle, to counteract the propen- 
sities so produced ; and though no guilt attaches 
where there has not been a joining with the evil, yet, 
being possessed of a transgressing nature, we indi- 
vidually need redemption from it. Nor are we really 
so redeemed, and delivered from the bondage of cor- 
ruption, until, through the sanctifying influence of that 
pure gift vouchsafed as a light, leader and restorer, 
we experience the crucifixion of the old man, (the first 
nature,) with his deeds, and, in the gradual process 
of refinement, a putting 'jora the new man, which after 
God is created in righteousness and true holiness. 9 

66 1 fully believe, that as soon as man was redeem- 
er 



210 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XII 

ed, after and out of transgression, it was through faith 
in the promised deliverer, and submission to the di- 
vinely operative and efficient means, mercifully pro- 
vided by matchless love. Yet it pleased the same 
love and inscrutable wisdom, in the fulness of time, 
to open the way more perfectly by the appearance or 
manifestation of this appointed Saviour in the flesh, 
therein to fill up that measure of suffering seen meet. 
It is not our business to enquire why this should be a 
part of the marvellous plan, but, thankfully content 
with the remedy so graciously provided, and behold- 
ing what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon 
us, humbly to partake of the offered salvation, by re- 
ceiving and walking in that light leading to immor- 
tality, through the glorious dispensation of the gospel 
or power of Christ ; the pure eternal word, 6 whereby 
all things were made. 9 What a convincing testimony 
to the eternal Godhead of the Son, and thereby proving 
Him to be an Omnipotent Saviour, as well as holy 
pattern of all excellence. 

" Never was there a more full and plain system 
than that of the gospel ; never can the strongest pow- 
ers of the creature add to its clearness and beauty, 
though the plainest truths may be rendered doubtful, 
and the way complex, by subtle reasonings aud elo- 
quent disquisitions. I repeat, let us be content ; we 
have not as a people followed a cunningly devised 
fable, and there are, I trust those yet preserved who 
can go further, and say, i it is truth, and no lie f hav- 
ing seen with their eyes, heard with their ears, and 
been permitted to taste of the word of life, and if re- 
quired, could, through Almighty help, seal their testi- 
mony by the surrender of the natural life. 

H Little did I expect to enlarge thus, and far is it 



798—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 211 

from me to enter into controversy and debate, a poor 
employment for one apprehending a more solemn call ; 
but my heart earnestly longs that the Lord's children 
may stand firm in this day of shaking and great trial. 
Let none beguile any of their promised reward, 
through leading into reasoniugs and perplexing uncer- 
tainty. { 1 am the way, the truth, and the life/ is a 
compendious lesson, a holy limit, and ' no man cometh 
unto the Father, but by me.' 

u I quarrel with none about forms, or differing in 
non-essentials, but this is the one certain direction, 
the consecrated path to salvation, through the divine 
lawgiver ; and if happily attended to, all will be well 
here and for ever ! 

" Thou and thine are dear to my best and affec- 
tionate feelings, write to me freely if so inclined, I 
should be glad to hear from, and be remembered by 
thee, and am thy sincere friend, 

MARY DUDLEY," 



312 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

Visit to some parts of England, subsequent domestic afflic- 
tion, family visit in Waterford, and journey into Lein- 
ster province, from 5mo. 1802 to 12mo. 1804. 



BELIEVING it her duty to pay a religious visit 
to some of the Eastern and Southern parts of Eng- 
land, ray dear mother obtained the concurrence of her 
own Monthly and Quarterly Meetings ; and leaving 
borne the 8th of the 5th month, reached London on 
the 16th. She was favoured to attend all the sittings 
of the Yearly Meeting, and often qualified by her 
great Master for sharing in the active services of that 
solemnity. 

She afterwards attended the Quarterly Meetings 
for Suffolk and Norfolk, as well as many of the par- 
ticular Meetings in those counties, and also in Essex ; 
and held numerous Public Meetings, to the relief of 
her own mind and satisfaction of others. In these 
engagements she was accompanied by her friends 
Mary Savory and John Bevans, and occasionally by 
Samuel Alexander. She returned to London in time 
for the Quarterly Meeting there, and was afterwards 
closely engaged for several weeks in the city and 
neighbourhood, visiting particular and Monthly Meet- 
ings ; the families belonging to that of Ratcliffe ; and 
having a large number of Public Meetings, wherein as 
among her fellow professors, she was strengthened to 
exalt the testimony of pure truth, and powerfully to 



1802 1804.] MARY DUDLEY. 218 

advocate the cause of her Redeemer. While thus em- 
ployed she writes as follows : 

-" The line of my small engagements is no 

pleasant one, I assure thee, nor can it be so to the ex- 
ercised traveller, in this day of treacling down and of 
perplexity. Life seems low every where, and perhaps 
there has hardly been a time when the opposition to 
its arising, and consequent struggle before liberty can 
be obtained, was so sensibly felt: so that it is no won- 
der if through the prevalence of a wasting, separating 
spirit, the communication in the line of ministry should 
be of a more searching kind than has been needful in 
past times. Oh ! how is the very life wounded by the 
Herod- like nature in the minds of many. It is indeed 
a favour to get to some quiet retreat, where an excuse 
from feelings of this sort is afforded, though only to 
partake of the fellowship of suffering with the mour- 
ners in Zion, who are greatly bowed down because of 
the things which have happened and are happening. It 
is, however, a great mercy to find that under such exer- 
cises, a degree of holy certainty is vouchsafed, and the 
belief confirmed, that although unpleasant bread may 
be given to distribute, it is of the Lord's preparing, 
who having graciously helped, ought to be depended 
on through all. 1 hope I am endeavouring not to eat 
the bread of idleness, however small my ability for 
availing labour, or undeserving I feel of a crumb from 
the Master's table." 

While in London my beloved mother was much 
tried with illness, and frequently confined, after any 
particular exertion, for many days together, so that as 
the season advanced she began to be anxious for a re- 
turn home, and was thankful when she felt easy to set 
forward about the middle of the 10th month. 



214 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII, 

Relative to her engagements after leaving London, 
she seems only to have preserved the following brief 
observations. 

"Fourth day the 14th of 10th month, 1802, 

we went to High Wycomb, where we were cordi- 
ally received at the house of our dear friend, Adey 
Bellamy. 

" Sixth day evening had a Meeting at Beaconsfield, 
about six miles distant, it was held in a room at an 
inn, and proved a solid satisfactory season. A. B. was 
well concerned in the line of ministry. The Forenoon 
Meeting at Wycomb on first day, was very exercising : 
information being circulated, a considerable number of 
the inhabitants collected with Friends at three o'clock, 
and we were favoured with a very relieving, solemn 
opportunity, though the labour was trying to my poor 
body. A time of retirement with our little company, in 
the evening, was productive of increasing peace, and 
proved a memorable parting with some beloved con- 
nections, including Joseph and Mary Savory, who had 
come from London to take leave of us. 

" Second day the 19th. After another religious sit- 
ting in the family, we left Wycomb and got that night 
to Reading, where there was a fresh experience of con- 
flicting exercise from some unseen cause; but in the 
morning of third day a town we had passed through 
sprang up to view, and we returned to Henley. At- 
tended the usual Meeting there on fourth day, and 
though the number was small, there were among them 
such as felt of the wrestling seed, to whom encourage- 
ment flowed, and the recompence of peace was afford- 
ed for the return thither. Went again to Reading that 
afternoon, and attended Meeting there on fifth day, 
when such awful views were presented to my tried 



1802 — 1804.] MARY DUDLEY. 215 

mind that I did not marvel at the previous baptism as 
into the cloud. Ah! how various are the lets and hin- 
drances to spiritual advancement! the world, the flesh, 
and the evil one, opposing the work which the Lord 
mercifully begins in Meetings and individuals, and 
from one step to another introducing into darkness and 
death. On this account my soul mourned in this Meet- 
ing, yet through honest labour I was favoured with 
relief, but not refreshment, a rare enjoyment in the 
present trying day. 

a \y e reached Bath on seventh day afternoon, where 
I was confined several days by severe indisposi- 
tion, but through divine favour was enabled to attend 
Meeting on fifth day, notice of which had been given 
to some of the inhabitants, and though fewer came than 
was desirable, it proved a solid, relieving season. 

66 First day, 21st, sat both Meetings at Bristol in a 
state of suffering silence ; attended the burial of an old 
and dear friend, Joan Holbrow, and paid a visit to 
some of the mourners in the afternoon. 

" Second day, sat the Monthly Meeting at Fren- 
chay ; 4th had a Public Meeting at Thornbury, and 
went from thence to our friend John Lury's, where we 
spent a day or two : first day attended the two Meet- 
ings at Bristol, where, in the evening a little ability 
was granted vocally to pray for the deliverance of such 
as are oppressed by the darkness which is so preva- 
lent in that Meeting, and afterwards to express a few 
words of encouragement to an exercised and tried rem- 
nant. Second day evening a portion of comfort was 
administered, in a solemn opportunity with a large 
company at the house of my beloved friend, George 
Fisher ; and on third day I was enabled by close ex- 
ercise to gain some relief in the Meeting at Bristol. It 



§16 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII. 

was a season laborious both to body and mind, but one 
that affords satisfaction in the retrospect ; and indeed 
this little visit altogether has been particularly satis- 
factory ; with some it has felt like a final parting, and 
the recollection of having once more met will, I be- 
lieve, afford mutual comfort." 

The apprehension just mentioned, proved correct, 
this being the last visit my dear mother paid to her 
native city, and several of her dear and long known 
friends were pretty soon afterwards removed by death. 

From Bristol she crossed the New-passage into 
Wales, and attended Meetings in the way to Mil- 
ford, whence she sailed for Ireland; and was favour- 
ed to reach her own abode in safety near the end of 
the 11th mo. though in a very broken state of health, 
and under considerable depression of mind, from a 
settled belief that some heavy trials were impending. 
This view soon became painfully realized, and her 
affectionate feelings were keenly wouuded by the death 
of several near relatives occurring in quick succession, 
so that the few first months of 1803 were signally 
marked by sorrow and bereavements. 

The summer was chiefly passed under the pressure 
of bodily suffering, which was at times so severe as to 
induce the apprehension that the season of full deliver- 
ance was at hand ; while at others her mind was still 
so exercised for the advancement of truth and right- 
eousness, that it felt as though further labour would 
be allotted her : and in the depths of affliction she was 
given not only to behold 'fields white unto harvest/ 
but afresh to surrender herself, when the Lord might 
utter His command, to enter into these and work; being 
favoured with resignation to the will of her divine 
Master whether as to life or death. 



1802—1801.] MARY DUDLEY. 217 

In the second month 1804, she went to Waterford, 
in order to perform some religious service, which she 
had long had a prospect of, both among Friends and 
others within those borders : the following extracts 
from her letters contain an account of this visit. 

" I have cause to be humbly thankful for the 

Meeting yesterday; the covering of solemnity was sen- 
sibly prevalent over the assembly, and there were many 
serious seeking minds present, who I trust were not 
discouraged; while relief was afforded to my exercised 
spirit, though I believe its struggles respecting this ser- 
vice are not at an end; for I apprehended from the first 
feeling about coming here, that the line of my duty 
would be as much towards others, as the members of 
our own Society ; and my view respecting families is 
rather confined to those lately married, new settlers, 
and young people in large families. 

"The Meeting this day was exercising but solemn; 
several who attended yesterday were there ; a late fa- 
shionable but now thoughtfully concerned person, and 
her daughter like minded, who are rich in this world, 
were at both Meetings, and called at my lodgings after. 
For those who may be termed 'other sheep,' I feel 
deeply, and am sensible of life being raised by the ad- 
dition of such panting souls to our assemblies : these, 
whether of us, or under whatever name, will be cared 
for, they will be led to rivers of refreshing water, and 
nourished up unto everlasting life. 

" This has been like the others a laborious week ; 
but I desire to take every step manifested as the liue 
of duty, and though run down in strength am won- 
derfully supported : memorable is the Lord's goodness 
to my exercised mind. I never remember a more prov- 
38 



218 THE LIFE OF [CHAT. XIII. 

ing season to me iu this line of service, nor is the la- 
bour attended with much hope, save that an increase 
of peace is humbly hoped for, and perhaps a little ad- 
dition of strength to sustain future trials may be mer- 
cifully bestowed." 

After an interruption of the engagement by a heavy 
cold, which confined her some days, she writes ; 

"My late indisposition has impeded the work, 

but being in the will of Him who knows what is best, 
I ought to be content, and I am very tenderly cared 
for, many ways. I attended the Monthly Meeting to 
day; the first sitting was a season of some labour, and 
a visit to the Men's not less trying to body and mind ; 
but these exercises feel a part of the allotted burden in 
this place, where in a spiritual sense small indeed are 
my portions of pleasant bread. 

" The labours of the last week have sensibly ex- 
hausted me, yet I got to Meeting yesterday, and was 
mercifully strengthened to clear out in such a way that 
I trust much more is not likely to be called for in this 
line, while here. I hope I shall long gratefully remem- 
ber the Meeting last evening, one so large and quiet 
has scarcely been known here; and I think the cover- 
ing of solemnity increased to the last. In both instances 
gracious help and relief of mind were afforded, to the 
bowing of my soul in reverent thankfulness, and only 
for the Monthly Meeting to-morrow, and wishing to 
see an individual or two lately come home, I believe 
I might have comfortably left Waterford." 

She had opportunities with the individuals alluded 
to, and was enabled to perform some other religious 
service to her additional relief and satisfaction, besides 
attending the Monthly Meeting, and returned home 



1802—1804.] MARY DUDLEY. 219 

the latter end of the 3rd mo. with feelings of peaceful 
poverty ; which she often spoke of as a sufficient re- 
compeuce for any labour she might be engaged in. 

Before leaving home to attend the Yearly Meeting in 
Dublin this year, my dear mother obtained the concur- 
rence of her friends for some religious service to which 
she apprehended herself called in the province of Lein- 
ster; and while in the Metropolis she wrote as follows. 

" Sadness and silent mourning have been most- 
ly my lot, and the labour assigned is of a close and ar- 
duous kind. According to my feelings things are sor- 
rowfully low, and in the various sittings life has been 
sensibly oppressed ; yet a sense of continued mercy 1 
has sustained, and in knowing that we, as a people, 
still have a gracious and long-suffering Father to do 
with, faith in His love is renewed, and the hope of a 
revival amongst us at times consoles. 

" The Afternoon Meeting on first day was deferred 
till six o'clock, and notice circulated among those not 
in profession with Friends. At the hour appointed a 
large number assembled, and an evident covering of 
solidity prevailed in time of silence, to which I was 
strengthened to bear testimony ; being made consoling- 
ly sensible that there were present, seeking, upright 
minds, to whom was held forth the nature of a wor- 
ship unmixed and acceptable in the sight of divine 
purity. I have reason to acknowledge that so far the 
Lord hath helped, to His name alone be the praise! 

" The Meeting on third day was a truly exercising 
season, yet one which left me considerably relieved, 
and free to depart ; which I esteem a favour, whether 
any fruits of the labour be seen or not. It was alto- 
gether a day of solemnity, other seasons occurring 



2S0 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII. 

which were owned by feelings not at our command, 
and which ought to produce thankfulness." 

On leaving Dublin the 10th of 5th mo. she was ac- 
companied by Susanna Hill, a dear friend and fellow 
minister who felt inclined to join her, and proved not 
only a kind and affectionate helper, but a valuable as- 
sociate in the labour that succeeded ; respecting which 
the following account is taken from my dear mother's 
letters. 

" The Monthly Meeting at Carlow on sixth 

day was tolerably attended by such as have not given 
up the practice, and was a suffering time. S. Hill ex- 
ercised her acceptable gift in a short testimony, and the 
first sitting closed with supplication. I was soon at- 
tracted to the Men's Meeting, and there as well as 
among my sisters was relieved by communicating what 
impressed me, notwithstanding life was low. Friends 
in these parts who are concerned for the cause of truth, 
and take any share in maintaining the discipline, are 
greatly to be felt for. 

" We went to Meeting at Kilconnor on first day 
morning ; I believe the members generally got out, 
and there were also some others of different professions. 
It was a season of trying exercise, as might be expect- 
ed among such as have evidently joined with the spirit, 
customs and fashions of this world, in appearance I 
think to an uncommon degree; but I was mercifully 
relieved of a burden very heavy to bear, and for this I 
desire to be thankful. We returned to Carlow, where 
I had requested the Afternoon Meeting might be post- 
poned, and an invitation given to the inhabitants. At 
half past five^ many not in profession with us, as well 
as most who attend Meetings, assembled ; and this also 



1802 1804.] MARY DUDLEY. 221 

proved a time of labour, so that I felt weary enough in 
body though supported to my admiration. 

" There are very few of our name at Athy, but se- 
veral solid persons attended the usual week day Meet- 
ing, which was a solemn season ; yet my mind was not 
relieved without having one of a more public kind ap- 
pointed for the next morning. This may be acknow- 
ledged as a very favoured time. A large number of 
serious persons were present from amongl the Metho- 
dists, and Evangelical Society ; one of their preachers, 
and a clergyman with his wife, &c. I trust the precious 
cause was not injured, while ability was renewedly 
given to proclaim the doctrines of the unchangeable 
gospel, and my mind felt so relieved that I could have 
left the place ; but we had reason to be satisfied with 
that evening's detention. The preacher of the Evan- 
gelical Society already mentioned, came to our lodg- 
ings, with whom I was very unexpectedly led to enter 
upon some points of doctrine held by that sect. I do 
not remember when a conversation of such sort left me 
more satisfied, or in the retrospect afforded greater 
confirmation to the belief, that however the Christian 
world is separated into various forms, there is, when 
impartially enquired into, less real difference than we 
are aware of. This man seems on ground becoming a 
professor of the one faith, and breathing a spirit which 
would not exclude any, but longs for all to be gather- 
ed to the teachings of the true Shepherd. I was un- 
commonly thoughtful about him next morning, and felt 
desirous for another interview, but supposed he had 
gone off early ; on coming down I found he had so de- 
signed, but inclining to call in at T. Chandlee's missed 
the boat. "We breakfasted together, and a season to 
be thankfully commemorated succeeded, under which 



2&2 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIII. 

covering we took leave of one who had been made dear 
to our best feelings ; he saying that he was < thankful 
to that adorable providence which had cast his lot 
there that week, and brought us to be acquainted.' 

" We reached Roscrea seventh day afternoon, the 
Meeting on first day morning was a trying one ; the 
world is a cloud to our assemblies, and the concerns of 
it a bar to the growth of vital religion. A Public Meet- 
ing in the evening was largely attended, but the people 
being evidently under the feeling of expectation, and 
not gathered in mind, caused the labour to be propor- 
tionably arduous. At length however a precious co- 
vering was spread, and the Meeting closed under a 
thankful sense of divine goodness. 

U We were detained on second day by very heavy 
rain, but had some seasons of religious retirement in 
the families of our friends ; and on third day after a 
solemn and relieving opportunity in the house of our 
cousin E. D., set out with a kind Mend W. N., who 
had accompanied and staid with us ; reached Coole- 
rain, his place of residence, to tea, and on fourth day 
attended the Monthly Meeting at Mountrath. The 
first sitting was low and exercising, a silent and pain- 
ful travail of spirit being our portion. In the women's 
Meeting we endeavoured honestly to discharge what 
we conceived our duty ; and though great dismay 
seems almost to overspread many rightly concerned 
minds, yet I think there was a sweet solemn influence 
to be felt, and the business was conducted in a solid 
manner. We visited our brethren, and with them 
had a time of close exercise, but relieving to both of 
us." 

After this Meeting, an illness under which my dear 
mother had been suffering for several days became so 



1802 1804).] MARY DUDLEY. 223 

oppressive, that she was compelled to lie by for a day 
or two, and not getting better deemed it most prudent 
to return home. She accordingly left Mountrath on 
second day, and travelling slowly reached her own 
house the following evening 29th of 5th month, greatly 
indisposed ; but with thaukfulness of mind for the fa- 
vour of being restored to her husband and children, 
and a peaceful retrospect of having pursued the path 
of manifested duty as far as health was afforded. She 
continued very unwell for many weeks, her complaint 
proving something of a slow bilious fever, which she 
thought was in a great measure induced by sleeping in 
a room that had been newly painted. 

In the 12th mo. she passed a few weeks in Cork, 
visitiug Friends, and some of other denominations, in 
what appeared to her the line of religious duty, and 
having two Public Meetings, besides several for differ- 
ent classes in our own Society. The service, though 
of an exercising kind, proved peculiarly relieving, so 
that she felt thankful for having been enabled to use 
the small portion of faith wherein she had entered upon 
this 'work and labour of love? 



224) THE LIFE OF £cHAP. XIV. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

Religious Visit to some parts of Leinster and Munsler— 
Illness in the Family, and Death of her Husband and Son. 
From 2nd Month 1805 to 12th Month 1807. 



IN the second month 1805, she obtained liberty from 
the Monthly Meeting for the performance of some reli- 
gious service within the limits of her own Quarterly 
Meeting, and at Ross, in the county of Wexford ; re- 
specting which the following particulars are extracted 
from her letters and memoranda. 

" Youghall, 2nd Mo. 9th, 1805. 
" The Meeting here on fourth day was a so- 



lemn relieving season, rather unusually so. Several 
not in profession with us were there, and I ventured to 
appoint a public Meeting for next day, which was a 
very favoured time ; those present behaved solidly, and 
were of a description towards whom much liberty was 
felt in preaching the gospel, and for whom I trust 
prayer was acceptably made. I was more than satis- 
fied, as I have had cause to be, through gracious un- 
merited regard, at different seasons since coming here. 
A solid young man who has attended Meetings for a 
year past, was with us last evening, to my comfort, and 
I hope his also. 

"Yesterday the 18th was fully occupied with 

two laborious Meetings in Cork, the first unusually so. 
Many of different religious denominations were present 



1805 — 1807-] MARY DUDLEY. 225 

at the second Meeting, but I felt excused from appoint- 
ing one of a more public kind, which I esteem a favour ; 
the time was altered an hour, as the Morning Meeting 
held long. This day the Meeting at Castle Martyr 
was held at twelve o'clock, in a room over the Market- 
house. I was relieved by this opportunity with the 
people, though the veil which seems indeed thick over 
the minds of many, causes the labour to be hard, and 
at times attended with but little hope. Yet if the line 
of duty so open it ought to be simply followed, and the 
help mercifully vouchsafed is enough to stimulate to 
steady obedience. 

" The Meetings at Glanmire and Middleton were 
satisfactory, and as the inhabitants of Riverstown were 
invited when that at Glanmire was held, relief of mind 
respecting that place also was obtained ; and visits to 
some public institutions in the neighbourhood were also 
productive of peace. 

u Third month 7th, left home for Waterford, and on 
the 8th attended the usual Meeting there, a very low 
season to the travelling seed. 10th. A suffering Meet- 
ing, but through an acceptable testimony life was a 
little raised, and supplication poured forth. Several 
solid persons came to the Afternoon Meeting, which 
was a time of some relief, but the views being too much 
outward tended to check the rising of the pure spring. 

"On the 11th, went to Ross, sat in the families of 
Friends there, and on fifth day had notice circulated of 
a Public Meeting at eleven o'clock, to which an appa- 
rently serious company of the genteeler class came. It 
was a memorable season indeed ; a preciously solemn 
influence being prevalent, and much liberty felt in pro- 
claiming the way of life and salvation. At the conclu- 
29 



220 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV, 

sioti of the Meeting, Friends were desired to remain, 
and a time of relief ensued with them collectively; 

" This long impending visit to Ross was comfortably 
accomplished, and I left the place peacefully, under 
the consoling belief that the Lord is raising the stand- 
ard of His power in many minds, by bowing to which 
some who were not a people are become His, and 
bringing forth fruits acceptable in His holy sight. 

(i Returned to Waterford on the 16th, and next day 
sat a low suffering Meeting again with Friends there. 
Oh ! the want of that spiritual exercise which would 
bring down the blessing, not only upon the head of 
Aaron, but every class of the people. In the After- 
noon Meeting, the remembrance of Elijah's sufferings 
was awful, yet encouraging to the partakers of his spi- 
rit ; and liberty was felt in saluting this description of 
the people, under a view of what the ministry, the state 
of eldership, yea of all called to active service in the 
church should, and might be. Close doctrine also 
flowed to the worldly-minded, the supine and un- 
watchful in spirit; but with how little hope does the 
poor servant sometimes labour, having as it were to 
plough up as he goes over the ground, instead of find- 
ing it in a softened prepared state. Faith was how- 
ever renewed, and the reaching forth of a love precious 
to feel, led to the appointment of a Public Meeting for 
the following evening. This was largely attended by 
persons of various professions, and ability mercifully 
extended to proclaim the doctrine of free and universal 
redemption through Christ Jesus. Somewhat of a 
different spirit was to be felt, even a degree of that 
which leads to a judging and reasoning down the sim- 
plicity of the pure unchangeable gospel. But while 
the mysteries of the everlasting kingdom are hidden 



1805—-1807-] MARY DUDLEY. 227 

from the wise and prudent, they are still revealed unto 
babes, the humble and the contrite; a precious remnant 
of whom could be saluted in the prevalence of love and 
life, and at the conclusion praise waited in Zion and 
thanksgiving was poured forth in the congregation. 
May the vessel, (altogether unworthy such refreshing 
influence,) be preserved by Him who can only keep it 
in sanctification and fitness to receive renewed fillings, 
or bear resignedly the emptyings which infinite wisdom 
may appoint, that the Lord may be all in all for ever- 
more. Amen and Amen ! 

" Third month 21st. Left Waterford for Pilltown, 
where a Meeting was held at twelve o'clock. It was 
attended by a considerable number of serious Pro- 
testants, and a few Roman Catholics, aud proved a 
time of remarkable solemnity. The people appeared 
to be measurably acquainted with the nature of spi- 
ritual worship, so that way readily opened for the 
gospel message, which through the renewings of holy 
help was proclaimed to some happily alive to its 
power. 

" The succeeding day there w r as a Meeting in the 
village of Portlaw, with a large company of very quiet 
orderly people ; many having left their ploughs and 
other employments to come at the invitation of Friends. 
This season was also memorably owned by the spread- 
ing of the holy wing, and my spirit, with that of 
others present, bowed in thankfulness to the author of 
all good. A clergyman who was at the Meeting came 
afterwards to see us, and expressed satisfaction at hav- 
ing been there; making observations which affected 
me greatly, as evidencing an increase of that glorious 
light which is opening the spirituality of religion, 



228 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV. 

where education aud long habit had strengthened pre- 
judice against it. 

" I returned home next day, the 23rd of 3rd month, 
and was favoured to find all well, which I had been 
helped to leave under the great Shepherd's care, to 
whom be the praise of His own works, and conduct- 
ing, preserving goodness, now and for ever !" 

Soon after her return home my dear mother be- 
came indisposed with an affection of the lungs, and 
was wholly confined for several months, during which 
time she was brought very low both in body and 
mind; several afflicting circumstances in her family, 
and the circle of her friends, combining to mark the 
remainder of this year, and nearly the whole of the 
following, as a period of peculiar trial. For many 
months her own habitation presented a scene of sick- 
ness and sorrow, she and her daughter Hannah being 
ill at the same time, and confined in separate chambers, 
unable to see each other, and for a while with but 
little prospect of either being restored. 

In the 6th mo. 1806, a bitter cup was administered 
in the decease of my dear brother Robert, who had 
resided for some time at a distance from his near con- 
nexions ; and being removed after only a few hours 
illness, the stroke was indeed heavy, and as such 
keenly felt. 

He was the last of five sons whom she had taken the 
charge of on her marriage, and being the first who 
addressed her by the endearing appellation of mother, 
and very affectionate in his behaviour, he had always 
been peculiarly near to her ; though her love and ten- 
der care were uniformly manifested towards each of 
them ; while, on their part, an attentive and respectful 



1805—1807.] MARY DUDLEY. 229 

demeanour has frequently induced her to observe, with 
grateful emotion, that she never desired more affec- 
tionate or dutiful conduct from her own children, than 
what she received from some of her adopted sons. 

When she had herself become a parent, she was so 
circumspect in preventing any discernible difference, 
that it was not until after the death of several of the 
former family, the younger part had any idea that 
such a distinction existed. She found one of her hus- 
band's sons far gone in a consumption, who died the 
year after her marriage at about the age of thirteen 
years ; and another sweet youth was taken off before 
lie attained that of twenty. The eldest, a valuable 
religious character, married agreeably, and seemed 
likely to possess length of days, but being attacked 
with rheumatic fever, his constitution rapidly sunk, 
and exactly fourteen weeks from the day of his mar- 
riage his remains were consigned to the grave. These 
three she had the satisfaction of attending to the last, 
as they all died under the parental roof, and bore 
ample testimony to the tenderness and unremitting 
care of their anxious mother. 

Nor was this less the case with one who lived many 
years longer, and experienced her kind and efficient 
help under a suffering and tedious illness, which at 
length terminated in his death in the year 1801, at 
Clifton. When informed that his little children 
were taken charge of, in order to set his wife at li- 
berty to visit and stay with him, he spoke of this last 
act of his dear mother's as crowning her invariable 
kindness, and calling forth from him lively feelings of 
gratitude. 

In the 3rd mo. 1807? she spent a week or two in 
Cork, feeling bound to sit a few Meetings with 



S30 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV. 

Friends there, and also to encourage some who were 
appointed to perform a family visit by joining in a few 
of the first sittings. She afterwards obtained from 
her own Monthly Meeting a certificate for some reli- 
gious service among Friends, as well as those of 
other professions, in Leinster and Munster, and after 
attending the National Yearly Meeting in Dublin, 
had a Public Meeting in that city, and thence pro- 
ceeded to Mount Mellick. Her friend Jane Jacob 
was united with her in this engagement, of which the 
following account is transcribed from my dear mother's 
letters. 

—"In the Meeting at Mount Mellick on first 

day morning, a lively offering was the means of 
raising life, and opening the way for my relief in a 
considerable degree. The Afternoon Meeting was 
not so large as it might have been if Friends bad a 
little more faith ; but fearing the people could not be 
accommodated they were too confined in the notice 
they circulated, so that although a solid time, it was 
not so fully relieving as I wished. 

" The Meeting at Portarlington on second day was 
one worthy of being remembered with gratitude ; and 
one at Maryborough held in the Sessions-house on 
fourth day evening, was uncommonly large, quiet, 
and mercifully owned by the precious influence of 
good. A large portion of vocal exercise fell to my lot, 
and the attention evinced while the doctrines of the 
gospel were unfolded, encouraged the belief that in 
many hearts the ground is preparing for the reception 
of the heavenly seed. The season terminated with 
humble acknowledgment of the Lord's continued 
favour; many looked at and spoke to us so kindly, 
that it was manifest they received us in love. 



1805—1807.] MARY DUDLEY. 231 

"The usual Meeting at Mountrath was deferred to 
twelve o'clock on fifth day, and an invitation circu- 
lated among the inhabitants; many solid persons 
attended, and He who prepareth the heart, and from 
whom is the answer of the tongue, strengthened for 
the work which He required. At the conclusion, 
such as were in profession with us were requested to 
remain, and a time of labour succeeded which proved 
relieving to my mind. 

" Sixth day we went to Rosenallis, where a barn 
had been nicely fitted up, and a Meeting appointed 
for the evening. It was nearly filled, principally 
with those of the labouring classes, while some few of 
a different description were present ; and though it is 
not remembered by any Friends here that a Meeting 
has been held in this place before, yet the manner of 
the people sitting was like those who were well ac- 
quainted with silent waiting. Their minds felt in such a 
prepared state, that it was no wonder a gracious pro- 
vider should see meet to afford something for their re- 
freshment, which I trust was the case; and the labour 
was attended with a hope that it would not be all in vain. 
The manner of their withdrawing from the Meeting 
was solemn, and I heard no word spoken, nor saw 
any one even whispering : a good lesson for us after 
solid Meetings, to keep in quiet and digest what hath 
been given. 

" The Morning Meeting at Mount Mellick on first 
day the 17th of 5th month, was exercising as to what 
appeared my duty in it. I had hoped that the Meet- 
ing, though thinly attended the week before, would 
have relieved me without a second attempt ; but at the 
close of the Morning Meeting I found otherwise, and 
therefore had notice given of one for six in the evening. 



232 THE LIFE or [chap. XIV. 

which, with one held in a Methodist Meeting-house at 
Monastere^en, was large, and both proved solemn and 
relieving seasons. Feeling my heart attracted to a small 
place called Castletown, where many genteel people 
reside, a few Friends went to try for a place; but no 
suitable one presenting, I felt desirous of information 
being circulated in the town that a Meeting would be 
held in our Meeting-house at Mountrath. This an- 
swered the purpose, and we were favoured with a very 
precious opportunity indeed, many coming from Castle- 
town a mile and a half distant, and some from a mile 
or two beyond it ; and I believe the gospel message 
was thankfully received, under which feeling, and af- 
ter solemn thanksgiving, we parted." 

On her way home she had a Meeting at Kilkenny, 
which tended to her further relief; and in the 6th mo. 
she again set out with the same companion for Limerick, 
joining her beloved friends Deborah Darby and Re- 
becca Byrd, in a public Meeting at Caher and another 
at Tipperary, on the way. In Limerick she felt bound 
to visit the families of Friends, respecting which ser- 
vice and other religious engagements she thus writes : — 

— " The path of Public Meetings is trying, but 

family visiting is the hardest by far. Ah ! it is lament- 
able to feel how the precious seed is oppressed almost 
every where, while many who have not our privileges 
would thankfully partake of even the least of them. 

" The Meeting on first day evening was largely at- 
tended by the upper class of inhabitants, several cler- 
gymen, the mayor, recorder, &c. being present. It was 
mercifully owned by the sweet influence of divine re- 
gard, under which ability was graciously vouchsafed 
for the appointed work ; and a sustaining hope attend- 
ed that the precious cause of truth and righteousness 



1805 — 1807-] MARY DUDLEY. 233 

was not injured by the humble advocate, and that the 
efforts to promote it would not be altogether lost. 

u In the Meeting on first day morning we passed 
through much close exercise; there is a variety of 
ground on which labour is to be bestowed, and truly 
there is very hard soil in the minds of many professors 
of the pure truth, but it felt like getting through the 
work, the sense whereof was thankfully accepted. 

" Having felt much respecting Adair, a village eight 
miles from Limerick, I was not satisfied to defer the 
visit there longer than first day afternoon ; we there- 
fore went soon after Meeting, and I. M. H. having 
written to a serious clergyman on the subject, we found 
a large room preparing and the Meeting appointed for 
five o'clock. He came to see us a little before the time, 
and some interesting conversation occurred ; but the 
season was too limited for all he appeared anxious to 
know or say, and we went to Meeting, where a large 
number of solid people assembled. The stillness was 
remarkable, and the doctrines of the gospel seemed to 
have ready entrance into prepared minds, as truth qua- 
lified for declaring them. My soul was bowed in thank- 
ful acknowledgment of divine mercy, and we separated 
from this simple, religiously disposed company, under 
the impression of much love. They are called Pala- 
tines, being mostly descendants of Germans ; they are 
generally farmers, who live in a neat and comfortable 
manner. 

"Fourth day at twelve o'clock a Meeting was held 
at Castleconnell, it was, to my feelings, an awful sea- 
son. The room was crowded with different descrip- 
tions, some giddy and thoughtless, many disposed to 
be solid, two clergymen, and several of a superior class 
of the inhabitants ; but a large number of such as know 
30 



331 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV. 

little beyond getting within sound of the voice, unset- 
tled and at times disturbing to others ; but gracious help 
was near, and we had reason to be thankful, whether 
the labour prove availing or not." 

Before leaving Limerick, she addressed the follow- 
ing letter to the clergyman at Adair. 

" Limerick, 6th Mo. 22nd, 1807. 
"dear friend ; 
"I regretted that we were so limited for time, yes- 
terday, as to prevent our further acquaintance with each 
other's sentiments, in the line of free communication, 
to which thou appeared inclined ; and wherein as far 
as I might be enabled and at liberty, I should have 
willingly met thee, believing it is consistent with the 
duty we owe one to another, to ( be ready to give an 
answer to every man that asketh us a reason of the 
hope that is in us, with meekness and fear. , ? I believe, 
when this is done in the spirit of love, which is that of 
the gospel, it will not have a tendency to raise a wall 
of separation ; but even when we do not think exactly 
alike on some points, draw us nearer to that source of 
light and life, wherein the one blessed state of Chris- 
tian unity is attained, and the acknowledgment pro- 
duced that to such as believe , to the saving of the soul, 
there is but 6 one Lord, one faith, one baptism. 7 I 
doubt not thou earnestly desires that this precious ex- 
perience may be that of thousands, and tens of thou- 
sands, yea, that e the earth may he filed ivith the know- 
ledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea? I can 
fully unite herein, and believe assuredly that the God 
of universal love and mercy, is bringing many to the 
knowledge of that salvation so freely and fully offered ; 
and also preparing many instruments who, in His holy 



.1805—1807.] MARY DUDLEY. 235 

hand, will be used in forwarding the great work which 
is evidently on the wheel of divine power. When led 
to contemplate this, I frequently consider that in order 
to be made as polished shafts in His quiver, such must 
abide in patient submission to His preparing, qualify- 
ing power, and wisely learn the times and seasons, 
which being in the heavenly Father's hand, are in His 
wisdom, measured out, and prove by His blessing times 
of refreshing from His holy presence. 

u These remarks I had not a view of making when 
I took up my pen, just to say I sincerely wished thee 
well, and the Lord's cause well, in that and every 
part of His habitable earth ; but having moved in the 
liberty which I trust the truth warrants, I hope it may 
not be unacceptable to thee, from whom in the same, I 
should be well pleased to hear at any time, shouldst. 
thou feel inclined to write to me. I herewith send, 
and request thy kind acceptance of two little tracts, 
which I consider instructively explanatory of the reli- 
gious principles professed by us as a Society : and 
with sentiments of esteem and gospel love, I am thy 
sincerely well wishing friend, 

MARY DUDLEY." 

A visit to the families in Youghall succeeded her en- 
gagements at Limerick, and she also held several Pub- 
lic Meetings there, and in the city of Cork; respecting 
these services she observes. 

"I have struggled on under a weight of bo- 
dily oppression, but faith is at times, mercifully victo- 
rious over the weakness of the flesh and spirit. So doth 
our gracious helper fulfil His own promise, and evince 
His power in the needed time. 

"My conflicts have not been small for right direc- 



336 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XIV. 

tion, and I wish for the clothing of resignation, though 
my own will may he more and more crucified. Some 
seasons were in a very particular manner owned by 
the diffusion of solemn influence ; and while I have a 
humble hope that the precious cause of truth has not 
suffered, I do gratefully accept the feeling of release 
from this part of the vineyard." 

My beloved mother returned home from this jour- 
ney early in the eighth month, with a relieved and 
peaceful mind ; but under such a sense of impending 
affliction as made her frequently sad, and induced the 
expression of a settled belief that something pecu- 
liarly trying to her nature was at hand. It was not 
long before her habitation became the scene of awful 
calamity ; her beloved husband, the only son who was 
at home, and her eldest daughter, being attacked at 
almost the same instant with symptoms of fever. The 
latter, and another who subsequently caught the dis- 
ease, were pretty soon restored, but to the two former 
it pleased Divine Providence to make this illness the 
means of translation to another state of being. 

She was wonderfully supported during the long sea- 
son of anxiety and fatigue which fell to her lot; her 
bodily and mental powers seeming to be renewed day 
by day, as she watched the declining strength and mi- 
nistered to the wants of her affectionate and tenderly 
beloved husband, who survived his son three weeks, 
and was favoured to make a happy and peaceful close 
on the 14th of the 12th month, in the seventy-fifth year 
of his age. Although his bodily sufferings were at 
times great, yet he was preserved in remarkable pa- 
tience, and enabled to contemplate his departure from 
the world with resignation and composure ; whilst he 
frequently testified, that his faith and hope were found- 



1805— 1807- ] MARY DUDLEY. 23? 

ed on the mercy and merits of his Redeemer. He de- 
rived much comfort from the Holy Scriptures, and the 
12th chapter of the Epistle to the Hebrews afforded 
him such peculiar encouragement^ that during the last 
few days of his life he repeatedly desired it might be 
read to him, dwelling in an especial manner upon the 
following verses: 'But ye are come unto Mount Sion, 
and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jeru- 
salem, and to an innumerable company of angels, to 
the general assembly and church of the first born, 
which are written in heaven, and to God the judge of 
all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect, and 
to Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant, and to the 
blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that 
of Abel. 7 This gracious declaration he was favoured 
to feel so applied to his own soul, that death was dis- 
armed of its sting ; and he several times said, that 
through the rich mercy of God in Christ Jesus, the 
king of terrors was not such to him. 

The fruits of Christian faith and resignation were 
instructively manifested under this afflictive bereave- 
ment; for while the loss was deeply wounding to her 
affectionate feelings, and after a union of thirty years, 
my beloved mother found herself, i a widow indeed, 
and desolate,' she was mercifully enabled to trust in 
God; and so to supplicate for His saving help, that 
instead of sinking into gloomy sorrow she was qualifi- 
ed to comfort her children, and set them an animating 
example oi humble acquiescence with the divine will, 
and diligent attention to the performance of social and 
religious duties. 



S38 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. XV. 



CHAPTER XV. 

Family Visit at Clonmel — Death of her daughter — Re- 
moval to London — Visit to Friends of Southivark 
Monthly Meeting — Journey into Dorset and Hants — 
Religious service within the Quarterly Meeting of London 
and Middlesex. From 12 mo, 1807 to the end of 1814. 



MY dear mother had for several years believed that 
her measure of gospel labour in Ireland was nearly 
filled up, and her husband uniting in the desire of a 
remo^l to England, they had for a considerable time 
contemplated this change, and were arranging for its 
accomplishment when he was attacked with the disease 
which terminated in his death. This awful event 
rather tended to confirm her feelings ; and the sense 
of release from that part of the vineyard was accom- 
panied by a belief, that she should be called to labour 
in different parts of her native country, while she 
clearly saw that the place of her future abode ought 
to be within the limits of the Quarterly Meeting of 
London and Middlesex. 

During the last two years of her residence in Clon- 
mel, she frequently mentioned feeling herself but as 
a sojourner, and waiting for the season of departure. 
In the mean time she paid a religious visit to the fami- 
lies of her own Monthly Meeting, wherein she was 
joined by her dear niece and child in the gospel, 
Hannah Grubb, who lived but a few years after- 
wards. 



i807 1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 239 

The necessary preparations for so important a re- 
moval occupied more time than was anticipated ; and 
before these were completed, it pleased Infinite Wis- 
dom again to diminish the family circle, and keenly 
try the tender feelings of this affectionate mother, by 
depriving her of a much beloved daughter; one who 
at the age of twenty-five, and with qualities rendered 
increasingly valuable by being submitted to the regu- 
lating influence of religion, was an endeared com- 
panion and friend, as well as an attentive and dutiful 
child. 

She had long suffered from ill health, but was so 
much benefited by spending the summer of 1809 in 
the neighbourhood of a chalybeate spring, that the 
impending voyage and journey were looked to as a 
probable means of completely restoring her. Such, 
however, was not the will of Him who only knows 
what is best for His creatures ; and to the praise of 
His great name it may be recorded, that under this 
deeply proving affliction the Lord granted adequate 
support. To this the bereaved parent was strength- 
ened to testify at the grave of her precious child ; and 
near the spot where the remains of her husband and 
son had been recently laid, poured forth the humble 
acknowledgment of her soul to Him who had been 
her refuge in many troubles, and was then sustaining 
in holy confidence, and granting resignation to His 
will. 

An account of H. D.'s illness and death will be 
added to this work. See appendix. 

The attendance of the Quarterly Meeting, held at 
Waterford in the 10th mo. 1810, was the concluding 
service of my beloved mother in the nation of Ireland, 
where she had resided thirty-three years, and left a 



£10 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV. 

great number of dear and valuable friends. The 
separation from these was sensibly felt on both sides, 
but the bond of Christian union which had been expe- 
rienced with some was such as neither time nor 
distance could destroy ; and to the end of her days, 
she was frequently animated with the feeling of this 
gospel fellowship, while many in that land have tes- 
tified that to them her memory is precious. 

She arrived in London with her family, early in 
the 11th month; and took up her abode within the 
compass of Southwark Monthly Meeting, to which 
she was soon after recommended by certificate. 

The first religious service for which my dear 
mother obtained the concurrence of this Monthly 
Meeting, was a visit to the families composing it. 
In this extensive and important work she was joined 
by her friend and fellow member, J. H. and neither 
of them being able to move on rapidly, it was a con- 
siderable time going forward ; but through merciful 
assistance was ultimately accomplished to their relief 
and peace. 

She also held Public Meetings in various parts of 
the city and neighbourhood, feeling her heart en- 
larged in gospel love, and some of the prospects under 
which she had been long exercised so matured, that it 
felt as though her time and strength were to be wholly 
devoted to the service of her Lord. 

In the summer of 1812 she was much tried with 
illness, and but partially recovered when she laid 
before her Monthly Meeting a concern to visit Friends 
and others, in Dorsetshire and Hampshire. She left 
home the 18th of the 8th mo. and returned the 5th of 
the 10th, having travelled above four hundred and 
sixty miles, and held twenty Public Meetings, besides 



1807 1814?.] MARY DUDLEY. 24)1 

attending all belonging to Friends in those counties, 
and paying family visits in most of the places visited. 

For these various services my beloved mother was 
strengthened beyond her expectation, and the fol- 
lowing is transcribed from a short account of the 
whole. 

"In retracing the merciful dealings of the 

Almighty throughout this journey, it may be thank- 
fully acknowledged, that although many close exer- 
cises, and deeply proving baptisms, have been expe- 
rienced, yet holy help has been so graciously vouch- 
safed as to produce the tribute of gratitude to Him 
who has indeed been strength in weakness." 

In the 11th mo. she performed a visit to the fami- 
lies of Longford Monthly Meeting, and held Public 
Meetings in several places, within and near its limits, 
in which service D. C. was her companion. The 
following account is taken from her letters, and some 
short memoranda. 

"Eleventh Month 15th. The Meeting at 

Staines was large for the number of members, and a 
time of exercise ; but there was a door of entrance, and 
through honest labour life was measurably in dominion, 
for which thankfulness could be acknowledged ; and I 
trust also access was mercifully vouchsafed to the 
throne of grace. 

" 17th. An appointed Meeting at Chertsey, held in 
a Dissenting Meeting-house, proved a season of rather 
remarkable favour and relief; the pastor was truly kind 
in his attentions, sitting with us in one of the pews, and 
at the conclusion evincing much unity and feeling. 

"In the evening a large, solid, and favoured Public 
Meeting at Staines, proved a season wherein truth was 
-St 



212 THE LIFE OF (_CHAP. XV* 

mercifully in dominion, for which thanksgiving was I 
trust, acceptably poured forth. 

" First day, 22nd. Last night we concluded the visit 
at Staines ; it has been an arduous labour of thirty-one 
sittings ; I sometimes feel nearly run down ; and at 
other precious moments, when mercy reigns triumphant, 
willing to be spent in a cause beyond all things valu- 
able. This day at Brentford there was a large Meet- 
ing of Friends, and many truly solid persons; whether 
accidentally coming or not, their company was strength- 
ening, and it was a good and relieving season, attend- 
ed with peaceful feelings. 

" 25th. Commenced a family visit at Uxbridge ; and 
on the 37th went to Iver, to an appointed Meeting in a 
room at an inn ; many assembled, who were quiet and 
attentive, but of a less serious class than are sometimes 
to be met with. I trust no harm was done to the pre- 
cious cause, which, however, feebly advocated, it is 
the desire of our hearts may be advanced, and the 
Lord's name exalted. 

" 29th. A very large Meeting of Friends and others 
who accepted the invitation to join us, and it may be 
truly said that it proved a day of holy solemnity, a 
time to be thankfully remembered to the praise of Him 
who is for ever worthy. A renewed favour was grant- 
ed at the time of the evening sacrifice, with a large 
company of Friends at our lodgings, which we accept- 
ed as a token for good in the retreat from this field of 
labour, and a parting blessing before leaving some, to 
whom near and precious sympathy had bound in a feel- 
ing beyond the power of expression. 

" A Meeting at Ripley is fixed for to-morrow, it is 
heavy in prospect, but surely we may trust a good and 



180/—1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 243 

gracious master who has never withheld His assistance, 
and whose promise remains immutable. 'I am with 
you always, even to the end of the world? Ah ! if to 
the end, in mercy and in love, of what small impor- 
tance will the conflicts be, should these even reach to 
this period. < The Lord sitteth upon the flood, yea the 
Lord sitteth King for ever? 

" If we only had a little more faith, what a blessed 
soaring would there be above the troubles of time; how 
would the spirit rise into the treasures of eternity, the 
rich 'inheritance, incorruptible, undejiled, and that 
fadeth not away? To receive a little renewed capa- 
city to cast a look here, is a great favour; but though 
it is good, when in the divine will, to be thus helped, 
the descendings must also be borne ; and perhaps we 
are never so fitted to arise as when we have afresh 
partaken of a state, where, as at * the bottom of the 
mountains, earth with her bars' have been about us, 
and the head wrapped as with weeds. 

" Twelfth month 1st. Attended the proposed Meet- 
ing at Ripley, which was held in a dissenting chapel ; 
it was a solemn relieving time, among a people wil- 
lingly receiving the important doctrines of the gospel, 
as ability for proclaiming them was afforded ; the 
pastor, a solid looking young man, cordially shook 
hands with us, and desired that the blessing of hea- 
venly goodness might be ours. What a day of open- 
ness and Christian unity is the present ! ?? 

The concluding service in this embassy was a 
Public Meeting at Windsor, which had cost my be- 
loved parent much thoughtfulness, and was appointed 
under a deep sense of its importance, and her own 
insufficiency for any good word or work. Almighty 
assistance was however, proportioned to the occasion, 



£44 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV. 

and she thus relates the fulfilment of what had been a 
heavy prospect. 

_ a To the praise of divine mercy it may be 

thankfully acknowledged, that by the all sufficient 
help of a gracious Master, this long borue burden is 
removed : this has been a solemn day, a season of re- 
newed goodness, and one which afresh encourages the 
hope o** contiuued aid in every remaining step that 
infinite vvisdom may appoint." 

Ear! in the year 1813, my dear mother obtained 
the necessary concurrence of her friends, for such re- 
ligious service within the Quarterly Meeting of Lon- 
don and Middlesex as she might apprehend herself 
called to, and )e favoured with strength to perform. 

Her first engagement was a visit to the families 
which composed the Monthly Meeting of Barking, 
wherein she was accompanied by E. J. F. During 
this service she felt her mind attracted to several 
places both in the neighbourhood of Friends, and 
where the principles we profess were but little known, 
and held numerous Public Meetings to the relief and 
comfort of her exercised spirit, and there is good 
ground to believe to the help and instruction of others. 

In briefly noticing some of these seasons she makes 
the following remarks. 

"Held a Public Meeting this evening, in a 

barn, for the inhabitants of East-Ham, the first which 
I have ever ventured to appoint in a place where op- 
position was threatened. This was the case by a 
magistrate in that parish, but either from fear, or con- 
viction of being wrong, he was restrained, and the 
Meeting was, through divine favour, satisfactory and 
solemn, being also largely attended. 

" A sweet and precious feeling accompanies the be- 



1807—1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 2i5 

lief, that in some of these little villages there is a peo- 
ple under the gracious care of Israel's shepherd, and 
whom He is gathering by His almighty arm nigh unto 
Himself." 

After this she was similarly engaged within the pre- 
cincts of Kingston Monthly Meeting, at the termination 
of which service she writes as follows : 

" We concluded this work and labour of gos- 
pel love, by a visit to a family, which completes the 
fiftieth sitting. I hope that where the seed has been 
honestly sown, all will not be lost ; but that, through 
the heavenly blessing, some increase may appear; yet 
whether this is the case or not, the servant is to receive 
and follow the word of holy command, and leave the 
issue to Him who hath all power. 

" It has been a field of labour indeed, and also a 
time of entering into near sympathy with some who 
appeared to want strengthening, and encouragement, 
in order that they might manifest increasing attachment 
to the cause of righteousness, and experience qualifica- 
tion to advocate it, according to the purposes of iufinite 
wisdom and to their own peace. That no stratagem of 
the adversary may defeat the Lord's work in any of 
these, is the earnest desire of my spirit." 

A visit to the various Schools conducted by Friends, 
in the vicinity of London, constituted part of the pre- 
sent service; and in conjunction with her dear friend 
Stephen Grellet, she also visited many of the public 
institutions in the metropolis. She was religiously 
concerned that the inmates of such charitable asylums 
should duly estimate and improve their great advan- 
tages of leisure, and incitement to gratitude ; zl feeling 
which my beloved mother was accustomed to represent 
as worthy of being cherished by young and old, and 



246 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV. 

peculiarly acceptable iii the sight of Him from whom 
every mercy is received. 

The annexed letter will not, it is believed, be un- 
suitably introduced here. 

" Camberwell, 6th Mo. 18th, 1813. 

cV To Louis Majolier, and other Friends op the Meet- 
ings in the South of France, visited in 1788. 

u I may truly say, that although so many years have 
passed over, and various have been your and my con- 
flicts, beloved friends, many waters have not quenched 
love; but that this sweetly banding influence, being 
from time to time renewed, hath made, and still keeps 
you, as epistles written in my heart ; and while there 
has been no communication with the tongue or pen, 
desires, yea fervent prayers have often ascended, that 
the Gtod of all grace might preserve, strengthen and 
settle you, in the faith of His unchangeable and glo- 
rious gospel. This remains the power of God unto 
salvation to all who happily obey it, though patience, 
as well as faith, may be closely and painfully proved. 

" Trials were part of the legacy which our dear Lord 
and Master, Jesus Christ, bequeathed to His bumble 
followers. f In the world, ye shall have tribulation f 
but ah ! my beloved brethren and sisters, in Him the 
light, life, and power, is the treasure of peace, the 
pearl of great price. In possessing Him as the way, 
the truth, and the life, in the soul, all is rightly esti- 
mated ; every sublunary good, or what may be termed 
evil or afflictive, are kept in their proper subordinate 
places, and through all and in all, He is the one source 
of solid hope, the spring of all our help. 

" May you grow then, my dear brethren and sisters, 
in the root of life, and may this lie so deep, and spread 



1807—1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 217 

so widely, that the branches may be lively and the 
fruit abundant, to the Lord's praise. 

" I sit up in bed, where illness has kept me some 
days, just to tell those in that dear nation whom I have 
seen, and so long loved, that they are truly dear to my 
heart ; as were those who have gone from your little 
church to that of the first-born in heaven. The feeble 
but sincere salutation is designed to be handed you by 
a brother dearly beloved and your countryman, S. Of., 
whose heart the Lord has so enlarged as to make Him 
willing at this time of trial to visit you, and such others 
as he may be turned towards in the pure disinterested 
love of the gospel. You will doubtless receive him 
with gladness, and may you be mutually refreshed and 
comforted, if it be the will of Him who is thus remem- 
bering His flock and family, scattered up and down on 
the habitable earth. These the Lord is graciously 
regarding, not only by calling His devoted messengers 
to run to and fro, and declare His counsel in the ability 
received, but causing many to know Him by blessed 
experience, as the everlasting Shepherd, ready to lead 
beside the still waters, and in the green pastures of 
spiritual life. 

" Such will not want, as they humbly and resign- 
edly follow Him in the paths of righteousness ; but 
through His abundant mercy, when walking through 
the valley and shadow of death, be preserved from the 
fear of evil, and feel His rod and staff to support to, 
and at the end of all danger, conflict, and pain. This 
is the rich inheritance, my dear brethren and sisters. 
which I pray we may each of us diligently seek, and 
happily obtain ; then in due season we shall meet where 
parting can be no more, and unite in the one song of 
harmonious praise through eternal duration. 



THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV. 

" I feel the extension of Christian love to the various 
classes among yon, and with all my heart say farewell 
in the Lord ! Your poor feeble, but affectionate sister, 

"MARY DUDLEY." 

At the time of the Autumn Quarterly Meeting, she 
felt her mind so exercised on account of the young peo- 
ple belonging to it, as to have a Meeting appointed 
specially for them, respecting which she made the fol- 
lowing short memorandum. 

— " 9th mo. 29th, 1813. A large and truly so- 
lemn season with those constituting the class from chil- 
dren to youth, and advancing to maturity. The pins 
of my enfeebled tabernacle seemed sensibly loosening 
at that time, yet gracious help was vouchsafed, so that 
some good relief of mind was obtained, and thankful- 
ness felt for the renewed favour experienced. Strong 
is the attraction which I feel to this beloved class of 
the people.'' 

In the 12th mo. she entered upon a visit to some of 
the families belonging to Devonshire-house Meeting, 
not feeling bound to the whole, nor expecting that bo- 
dily strength would admit of extended procedure. 

She had been only a few weeks engaged in the ser- 
vice, when a heavy and alarming attack of illness oc- 
casioned an interruption, which continued for several 
months; during which time she was brought very low 
indeed, and in her own apprehension, and that of most 
who saw her, not likely to be again equal to much ac- 
tive service. But it pleased Him with whom is all 
power, to raise her from this state of weakness and 
afresh qualify her to advocate His cause. 

When sufficiently recovered, the visit already men- 
tioned was resumed, and after having sat in above 



1807 1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 249 

thirty families, she felt her mind released from the ex- 
ercise, and adds the following remark to her notice of 
the last family she visited. 

" A truly solemn season, confirming in the 

trust that this warfare was not engaged in at our own 
cost 5 but through unmerited mercy, that all things re- 
quisite have been vouchsafed, and the blessed experi- 
ence given in some seasons of refreshing influence, that 
such as water are watered themselves." In this ser- 
vice she was accompanied by It. C. 

While confined by illness from one of our Quarter- 
ly Meetings about this time, she wrote as follows. 

" After parting with two of my beloved chil- 
dren this morning, whom I would gladly have accom- 
panied as to a solemn assembly, I was sensible of a 
degree of overshadowing goodness, under the calming 
influence whereof I seemed drawn to consider, how 
at such seasons there might be a profitable mingling in 
spirit, even under external separation ; whereby united 
prayers might ascend, that the return of these convo- 
cations should be holy, like the solemn feasts or fasts 
divinely appointed, and consecrated to the Lord. 

" It appears clear to my best feelings, that if those 
gathered, and such as are in right ordering personally 
absent, were first to feel after the renewings of inward 
strength, bringing their spirits into a state of humble 
waiting, resignation would be their peaceful covering 
as individuals, and in proportion to the degree of spi- 
ritual life attained to, concern felt that the assemblies 
might be crowned by the presence of the King immor- 
tal ; or if he proved a God hiding himself, that His de- 
voted children might continue the acceptable exercise 
of faith and patience, until he was pleased to command 
'light to shine out of obscurity, and their darkness to 



250 THE LIFE OP [CHAP. XV, 

be as the noon day. 9 Yea such would be encouraged to 
put up a prayer for the remnant that is left, whether 
in vocal or mental aspiration, till the Lord turn the 
captivity of the people generally, and cause a glorious 
breaking forth as on the right hand and on the left. 

" Universal as this desire may be, extending from 
sea to sea, and from shore to shore ; I have been and 
am now afresh seusible, that there are desires pecu- 
liarly earnest for the people among whom we dwell, 
and bonds of spiritual unity with those of our brethren, 
who in a measure of pure life, we feel as bone of our 
boue. While for these the desire is renewedly raised, 
that each may stand faithfully in their lot, willing to 
do or suffer according to the divine will ; fervent also 
is the solicitude, that such as have not stept further 
than the outer court may be brought under the awaken- 
ing power of Him who sitteth between the cherubims, 
and whose name is holy ! 

u I am thankful to feel in my secluded state, and 
while tried with pain hard to nature, but I hope not 
murmured at, the prevalence of that love which drew 
me hither ; where, as in my home, I feel settled in 
concern for a Quarterly Meeting, large and important, 
as composed of various members, each designed to fill 
some place in the militant, and be fitted to join the 
triumphant church, when to them time shall be no 
longer. 

"I pray that the harmonizing power of divine love 
may be so known, as for the great design to be fully 
answered, and that none may rest in a name, without 
an experience of the nature of true religion. 

" I have viewed mentally an assembly such as our 
Quarterly Meeting, collected under the solemn pro- 
fession of being spiritual worshippers, sitting in out- 



1807— -1814.] M ARY DUDLEY. 251 

ward silence before the Lord, and apparently waiting 
only upon Him. Oh the awfulness wherewith I have 
often beheld these Meetings, while my eye has af- 
fected my heart, and the language forcibly arisen let 
us be as we appear, let us gather to the source of un- 
failing help ; fully believing that if all were properly 
engaged in feeling their wants, and the only way of 
having them supplied, the united breathing would 
ascend as pure incense, and the lifting up of the heart 
be an acceptable sacrifice. 

" The Lord is powerfully at work in the earth, 
operating through various means to effect His un- 
searchable purposes. Oh ! that the respective ranks 
in a society holding in profession the standard of 
truth, the sufficiency of divine light, the necessity of 
redeeming sanctifying grace, may not only see but 
duly consider their high and holy calling. 

" It is religious consideration which all have need 
increasingly to dwell under, and were the mind suffi- 
ciently withdrawn from sublunary objects to the con- 
templation of those which are alone pure and perma- 
nent, many would assuredly be prepared in a spiritual 
sense, to unite in the testimony which was borne on a 
very inferior occasion, by one coming from far, the 
one half was not told me. Nay, verily ! for had the 
Lord's messengers, < the tongue of the learned,' or 
could they utter with angelic power the sensations 
they may, at times, be favoured with, all would fall 
short in describing the beauty of Zion, the safety of 
her inhabitants, and those transcendent pleasures 
which are at God's right hand. Let the Lord then 
work in your hearts, beloved young friends, convinc- 
ing how true substantial rest is to be found, and 
through converting goodness entered into. 



252 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV, 

" The choice is left to us all, none will he forced 
into the path of happiness, but as the awakening at- 
tractive influence of divine love is yielded to, and the 
light which maketh manifest obediently followed, the 
work of transformation will gradually advance; 'the 
new man which after God is created in righteousness 
and true holiness,' will strengthen and mature, until 
there is a reaching to the fulness of the stature merci- 
fully designed." 

After my beloved mother got out to Meetings, and 
was again engaged in active service, she wrote the 
succeeding observations. 

" Wonderful have been the dealings of un- 
erring wisdom ; marvellously hath the Lord preserv- 
ed, sustained, and even consoled me, in and through 
innumerable conflicts of body and mind, and under 
inexpressibly proving privations. Yea, He hath, to my 
humbling admiration, made the clouds His chariots, 
and the sorest afflictions ministers of His will ; having 
in some small proportion to multiplied advantages in 
the line of suffering, effected submission, and I reve- 
rently trust produced increasing desire to love and 
serve Him. Yet is my sole reliance placed upon His 
abundant goodness, here I depend for the gracious ac- 
ceptance of any feeble effort to promote His ever wor- 
thy cause, and for forgiveness of all omissions and 
commissions against the pure revealed will of my di- 
vine master. 

" Unprofitable servant, is a language I can unequi- 
vocally adopt, and, if I could sound through the whole 
earth what is my heartfelt belief, it would be in unison 
with apostolic declaration, * Not by ivorks of righ- 
teousness which we have done, but according to His 



1307—1814.] MARY DUDLEY. 253 

mercy He saved us, by the washing of regeneration 
and renewing of the Holy Ghost.' 

" Mercy, mercy is the sum and substance of my 
Lope. The unmerited mercy of God in Christ 
Jesus, for the remission of sins, and perfecting the 
work of preparation for admittance into eternal settle- 
ment. 

" It is now between forty and fifty years since this 
ever to be extolled mercy, called me from darkness 
into light in a spiritual sense, and the Lord was 
pleased to open the doctrines of the gospel with clear- 
ness to my view. I trust I am safe in saying, that 
since that time I have not dared to call in question the 
ways of His working, nor to doubt the appointed means 
of salvation, as revealed when my awakened soul in 
deep prostration understood the language, and uttered 
it, A Saviour or I die, a Redeemer or I perish. 

"Here conviction and repentance were known to 
be produced by the efficacious working of the promised 
gift, and nothing was left to depend upon but the pur- 
chased redemption, through the great sacrifice without, 
and the sanctifying influence within. 

" What God hath thus joined together none can, 
without derogating from His power and wisdom, put 
asunder. I wish to leave the expression of my un- 
shaken faith in the stupendous plan of divine love, as 
manifested in the incarnation, sufferings, crucifixion, 
and resurrection of the ever blessed Redeemer. His 
all sufficient atonement for the guilt of sin, and conti- 
nued intercession for poor fallen man ; until in the 
gradual process of regeneration the dominion over all 
evil is happily effected, and the great design in man's 
formation mercifully accomplished, by his experience 



25% THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XV 

of full redemption, through the operation of the pure 
and purifying spirit of Christ. 

u As this influence is submitted to, there is a pro- 
gressive advancement in the divine life, from the state 
of childhood to that of maturity, and a growing capa- 
city to comprehend ' the deep things of God.' These 
are internally revealed through communion with Him, 
the spring and source of all good, when the mind is 
abstracted from every inferior feeling or consolation, 
and knows the various streams of comfort to be as it 
were swallowed up and lost in the ocean of ineffable 
love. 

66 Surely the Christian believer is invited to expe- 
rience redemption not only from the pollution of sin, 
the love of the world and its spirit, the false ways and 
worship of man's ordaining ; but from all mixture of 
creaturely choice, wisdom, or willing. And the heart 
which unreservedly yields to the refining process does 
witness redemption from self-seeking, so as not to be 
moved by the praise or censure of men, but in humble 
resignation uniformly breathes the acceptable language, 
4 Thy will he done.' " 



1815 — 1822.] MART DUDLF.Y. 255 



CHAPTER XVI. 

Visit to Kent, Surrey and Sussex — Religious service within 
the Quarterly Meeting of London and Middlesex — 
Journey into Essex, and Family Visit in the Meetings 
of Peel and Westminster — Visit to some parts of York- 
shire — Family Visit in Southwark, §c. From 4th 
Month 1815 to 12th Month 1822. 



IN the spring of 1815 my beloved mother obtained 
the necessary concurrence of her own Monthly Meet- 
ing for religious service among Friends and those of 
other denominations, within the bounds of the Quar- 
terly Meeting of London and Middlesex, and in the 
counties of Kent, Surrey and Sussex. 

Although considerably indisposed at the time of 
entering upon this engagement, she was enabled to 
perform it without much interruption, and greatly to 
the relief of her own mind. 

In the course of it she travelled upwards of six 
hundred miles, held about thirty Public Meetings, 
many of them in places where none of our Society 
reside ; besides visiting all the Meetings of Friends, 
and most of the families which constitute them, in 
Kent, Surrey and Sussex. 

In some of the Public Meetings in the vicinity of 
London, she was joined by her dear friend W. F. 
whose company and gospel labours were acceptable to 
her ; and it may be safely said that in her ministerial 
engagements she always evinced a tender care fur the 
feelings of others, rejoiced in the dedication of her 



S56 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 

brethren and sisters, and endeavoured to make way 
for their obtaining relief of mind in Meetings which 
were appointed at ber request. 

In the summer of 1816, she paid a religious visit 
to Friends in Berks and Oxfordshire, holding Public 
Meetings in many parts of those counties, and some 
places in Buckinghamshire. During the following 
year, she had a large number of Public Meetings in 
the city and neighbourhood of London ; among these 
one at the west end of the town which was held in 
the Argyle Rooms, and attended by many of the no- 
bility and higher class of society. For this descrip- 
tion of persons my dear mother's mind had been long 
exercised, but although several Meetings had been ap- 
pointed, with a view to having their company at our 
own Meeting-house, no attempt had succeeded so as 
to relieve her of the burden. Friends of Westmin- 
ster entered very feelingly into the concern, and many 
Friends attending from other Meetings also, their 
joint sympathy proved strengthening under the pros- 
pect and performance of what she considered an 
a w fully important service ; while her spirit bowed in 
thankful acknowledgment of Almighty help, and the 
peace which resulted from this sacrifice. 

In returning the certificate of her Monthly Meeting 
she wrote as follows : 

"To Friends of the Monthly Meeting of Southwark, 



" Feeling unequal to the personal attendance t)f 
our Monthly Meeting, I adopt this method of return- 
ing the minute which was kindly issued a long time 
since, leaving me at liberty to move, in fulfilment of 



1815— 1822.] MARY DUDLEY. 257 

the avowed prospect, as truth might direct, and health 
permit. While the latter was favourably afforded I 
hope there was attention given to the apprehended 
discoveries of duty, by appointing many Meetings in 
the city and its vicinity; finding in the general not 
only a willingness to lend suitable places for such to 
be held in, but much openness to receive these visits 
of gospel love, to my humbling relief. I may thank- 
fully acknowledge, that with respect to this engage- 
ment a peaceful retrospect is vouchsafed ; and as it 
seems unlikely I should be enabled to avail myself of 
the liberty given, by attempting further service of this 
sort at present, 1 resign the minute, and conclude 
beloved friends, your very affectionate interested 
friend, 

MARY DUDLEY. 
" 14th of IZmo. 1817." 

Towards the conclusion of the year she was much, 
confined to the house by illness, and while thus cir- 
cumstanced wrote some observations relative to the 
state of her mind from which the following have been 
extracted. 

" When I contemplate the years of deeply 

trying probation through which I have been sustained, 
the bereavements dispensed, the anguish experienced, 
whilst links most tenderly binding to the natural part, 
and in some instances sweetly cementing to the best 
feelings, have been severed ; what waves have rolled, 
and billows followed in succession ; I may well query 
where had a stay and support been found but in Him, 
who under the early visitation of His love was gra- 
ciously pleased to seal the sacred promise, < 1 will 
never leave thee, nor forsake thee.' To the Lord's 
33 



&58 THE LIFE OF [CHAF. XVI. 



* 



adorable mercy be it ascribed that He has not left, 
or I had uttered the reprehensible language, 'what 
doest thou ?' under His dealings with me a poor feeble 
and naturally erring creature ; disposed to ' cleave unto 
the dust/ and centre in the gifts of divine love. 

" The hand of inexplicable wisdom has been laid, 
in the line of judgment, upon the very closest ties, so 
that nearly through my pilgrimage thus far, that which 
clung the nearest has been called for, or crucified by 
death passing upon even apparently allowable posses- 
sions. The life has been so shaken in desirable 
things, that < I am consumed by the blow of thy hand/ 
has been a language well understood in the line of my 
experience. 

" Oh the depth of that repugnance to the heart- 
cleansing work of religion which is hid in the human 
mind : in mine how has it impeded a growing fitness 
to join in the consecrated anthem of redeemed spirits, 
i Thy will be done? I reverently acknowledge my 
unshaken belief in the loss which mankind has sus- 
tained by the fall, and the need of a Mediator to re- 
concile a degenerate world to a pure and holy Being. 

i( l dare not hope for acceptance on any inferior 
ground than that opened by Him, who is ' the way, 
the truth and the life. 7 My foundation for that hope, 
which through abundant mercy is at seasons felt to 
enter within the veil, rests on the great propitiatory 
sacrifice for sin, and the operation of His divine spirit 
as a deliverer from sin. 

" Here, with all my short comings, my errings, 
strayings, commissions and omissions, a God in Christ 
can be humbly confided in, for continued support 
through the remaining steps of the wilderness journey, 
and sustaining goodness at the end. This end may 



1815—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 259 

be yet more distant than my weak sight has a view of,* . 
the pins having been allowed to hold the feeble struc- 
ture far longer than could have been expected ; and 
the Lord only knows the need there yet is for trials 1 
and afflictions, in order that the work of preparation 
may be happily effected. 

" Oh the immeasurable distance which is at times 
contemplated, between uncreated good and the mixed 
state of a finite being, surrounded with the encumber- 
ing load of frail mortality ! 

"If others more subdued, more zealous, and more 
active in the line of duty, are carried above these dis- 
couraging sensations, or not called upon to take the 
abasing views which some of the Lord's feeble minis- 
ters feel to be their lot, I wish not to judge or shake 
their faith and obedience. While in traversing the 
solemn path of preparation, and for many years feeling 
the humble desire to be so strengthened as to fill up 
the allotted ministry, there feels to me nothing but di- 
vine mercy to look to. Therefore from my very heart 
I must renounce all hope, even for the acceptance of 
any feeble effort towards promoting the glorious cause 
of truth and righteousness, but what is founded on the 
one blessed advocate, my God and Saviour ! He only 
has filled, He has a right to empty ; and never does 
my soul more euricliingly rejoice, than when every 
view of righteous, and unrighteous self, is absorbed in 
the calm, silent, and utter reliance on unmerited and 
everlasting love ; my hope in time, my only anticipated 
joy in eternity." 

In the 2nd month 1818, my beloved parent began 
a visit to the families belonging to Gracechurch street 
Monthly Meeting, her certificate leaving her also at 
liberty for other religious service ; and during the en- 



260 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 

gagement she appointed many Public Meetings in the 
city, and some country places adjacent. Among these 
was one at Woolwich, which was remarkable for the 
4 numbers by which it was attended, the general solidity 
that prevailed, and the freedom felt in declaring the 
way of salvation. 

In the 9th month she obtained a certificate for reli- 
gious service in Essex, and was diligently occupied in 
that county for above nine weeks. She visited most 
of the families which composed Witham Monthly 
Meeting, and held numerous Public Meetings to the 
relief and peace of her exercised mind, which was 
often enlarged in the feeling of that Christian love 
which embraces the highest interests of mankind uni- 
versally. 

She travelled in this journey above four hundred 
miles ; returned home in a very broken state of health, 
and was for a considerable time, confined by illness, 
her body and mind suffering under a combination of 
afflictive circumstances. She was, however, merci- 
fully sustained, and in the summer of 1819, again felt 
herself called upon to manifest the continuance of gos- 
pel concern on behalf of her fellow professors, by 
applying for the requisite liberty to visit families 
Within the compass of Peel and Westminster Monthly 
Meetings. 

In the latter service Abigail Pim united, and it 
proved the last religious engagement of this dear 
friend, who, in the following year, was attacked with 
the illness, which ultimately removed her from the 
militant church. 

In the year 1820, my dear mother felt inclined to 
attend the General Meeting at Ackworth, and informed 
the Friends of her own Monthly Meeting, that she 



1815—1822.] MARY DUDLEY. 26l 

believed it her duty to stand resigned to such reli- 
gious service as she might feel required of her while 
in Yorkshire, as well as in going and returning from 
thence. 

This engagement occupied about four months, dur- 
ing which time my beloved mother was diligently 
employed in such service as from day to day opened 
to her view, being, notwithstanding the sensible in- 
crease of bodily infirmities, enabled to perform the 
labour assigned her both among Friends and others; 
for besides attending two Quarterly, six Monthly and. 
above sixty Particular Meetings, she also held twenty- 
six appointed for those of other religious professions. 

In going from a Meeting of this description, held at 
Tadcaster, to another appointed at Ferrybridge, she 
sustained a very serious injury by the carriage in 
which she rode being overturned, which prevented 
her reaching the place until the people had been a con- 
siderable time assembled. 

Through the display of that power to which all 
things are possible, she was wonderfully strengthened 
for the service that devolved upon her, and the re- 
freshment of spirit which was felt in declaring the 
doctrines of the gospel, to persons who seemed pre- 
pared for receiving them, for awhile overcame tha 
sense of bodily suffering ; but after the Meeting th is 
was acutely felt, and she was so ill as to excite much 
apprehension for the consequences. 

She proceeded at once to Doucasfcer, and was there 
confined above two weeks at the house of her dear 
friends W. and M. Smith, who, wheu she was able 
to move forward, continued their kind care by accom- 
panying her as far as Hitchin, where she spent a few 
days with her long loved friend E. J. Wheeler. Upon 



2Q2 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 

a review of this journey, wherein she had travelled up- 
wards of nine hundred miles, my dear mother wrote 
as follows, in the 12th mo. 1820.* 

" Hitherto hath the Lord helped may well 

be deeply inscribed on my heart, and acknowledged 
with my pen, in retrospect of innumerable unmerited 
mercies, preservations, and deliverances, through a 
long journey, and on many accounts, one of the most 
exercisiug of my life. I have to commemorate the 
goodness which veiled the prospect as to its nature, 
and extent, and left us to depend on the fresh ari sings 
of light to guide from day to day, and from place to 
place. 

" After attending the General Meeting at Ack» 
worth, where there was reason to believe we were in 
our right place, the field of labour enlarged before us, 
amongst those of our own profession, and many of 
various names and sects in that extensive county; 
while to the praise of infinite wisdom and love, a 
precious evidence was often felt that the Shepherd of 
Israel is sweetly gathering by His all powerful arm, 
many who are not, and never may by outward desig- 
nation be, of the same name with us. The preparation 
frequently witnessed among such to receive the gospel 
message, the solemnity of the stillness spread over 
some uncommonly large assemblies, exceeded what we 
had before experienced, and encouraged to the full be- 
lief that the present is a deeply interesting period ; one 

* The Editor thinks it may be best for her to state, that in 
this and several preceding journies, as well as in all her subse- 
quent religious service," she was her dear mothers companion, 
having certificates from the Monthly Meeting for uniting in such 



1815—1822.] MARY DUDLEY. 263 

wherein the call is loudly proclaimed to us as a dis- 
tinct and highly professing people, to i stand continu- 
ally upon the watch tower in the day time, and sit in 
our ward whole nights ,*' to place a double guard upon 
our words and actions, lest even one of the inquiring 
little ones be offended, or turned out of the way of 
steady advancement. 

" Oh ! how did my soul lament within our camp, the 
want of that holy discipline which, if submitted to, 
would prepare to be accoutred for service in the Lord's 
hand, and amongst the people. The lack of righteous 
zeal, of spiritual discernment, of heavenly skill in sa- 
vouring the things that be of God, while those that be 
of man merely, can be nicely discriminated, and un- 
derstood. 

" The faculties and reasoning powers of many are 
strong, their perceptions clear respecting that path 
wherein self can rejoice and is nourished ; but oh the 
cross ! to some I fear that even the preaching of it is 
as to the Jews and Greeks. There is an unwillingness 
to lose the life, in order that that which deserves the 
name may be found, while any substitute is readily 
adopted, rather than submission to the humbling re- 
ducing state where, as little children the kingdom is 
alone received. 

6( An endeavour to reconcile the world, and religion, 
seems the hindrance of a multitude ; the strong asser- 
tion of our blessed Redeemer being too much over- 
looked, < ye cannot serve God and mammon? Thus 
the eye becomes dim, and the ear often deafened, so 
that imparting what is seen to be. the whole counsel to 
such is like breaking down a fenced wall ; the healing 
power of a physician to those who are whole, needless 
tidings, an unwelcome message. How hardly shall they 



S64< THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 

that have riches enter into the kingdom ? Various are 
the possessions wherein there is a resting, many have 
their good things in this life. Oh ! that the abundance 
might be passed through, and temporal blessings not 
centered in, so as to cloud the view of the things that 
are eternal. 

" I often think inherited or obtained treasures have 
bliuded the spiritual eye of many, who are descended 
from those sons of the morning, as it respects our little 
community, to whom great things would have been 
burdensome ; and earnest are my desires that worldly 
prosperity may not be allowed to settle in a state of 
dangerous ease, lest the language formerly uttered in 
the Lord's name should be applicable, * They that de- 
part from me shall be written in the earth.' " 

Early in the year 1821, my dear mother again felt 
her mind drawn to the performance of some religious 
service within the limits of her own Quarterly Meeting ; 
in the prospect of which she wrote as follows. 

" Amidst the sense of feebleness and trial, I 

find no rest but in what I believe to be the Divine will, 
I therefore informed my brethren and sisters, in a joint 
conference to day, that I believed resignation on my 
part was called for, to pay a visit of gospel love to the 
Monthly Meetings constituting this Quarterly Meet- 
ing; accompanied with a view of appointing some 
Meetings among Friends and others of a more public 
kind, besides visiting the families belonging to South- 
wark Monthly Meeting, awful as it is to contemplate 
such a large number. 

" I feel relieved by having thus acknowledged the 
exercise, but as to procedure it is likely in my en- 
feebled state to be slow, and if never accomplished by 
me, I wish to leave all to unerring wisdom and love, 



1815 18SS.] MARY DUDLEY. 265 

with an humble hope that in the sacrifice of the will ac- 
ceptance may be mercifully granted. 

" In seasons of abstractedness from visible things, 
and precious preparation for communion with Him 
who is invisible, the capacity is strengthened to com- 
prehend that redeeming influence, whereby knowing 
that we are not our own, fervent desires are raised to 
< glorify God in our bodies and in our spirits ivhick 
are His. 9 

" The lapse of time offers matter for solemn con- 
sideration, the end of it when viewed in connection 
with an entrance upon that state which admits of no 
change, feels truly awful ; and a sense of the purity 
which must clothe disembodied, glorified spirits, con- 
trasted with our own poor vestment of mortal infirmity, 
is felt almost appalling, even to the eye of feeble faith. 
Yet under the sustaining hope that < the white linen* 
will be prepared, and when unclothed a being ' clothed 
upon 7 mercifully experienced, while in prostration of 
soul the term unworthy can be indeed adopted, there 
is ground whereon the end of time can be contemplated 
with a serenity which nothing inferior to such feelings 
can possibly produce. 

" The mind, when raised in such holy contempla- 
tion, is ready to utter the language of good old Simeon, 
i Lord now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, for 
mine eyes have seen thy salvation $ but He who is in- 
finite in wisdom only knows what is best for us, what 
is most calculated to effect in and through us the ap- 
pointed work, the measure of suffering, the degree of 
patience in it needful to be proved, and the portion of 
active service He designs to prepare for. 

u Under these views, the longer I sojourn on earth, 
the more I see the value and safety of endeavouring 
34 



THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 

daily to learn this one lesson ; leave all, attend to 'pre- 
sent duty, and in humility cast every care for the 
future on Him, who careth for, (and will provide for,) 
those who love and serve Him in time and through 
eternity." 

T. L. joined in part of the visit to the families of 
Southwark, which was accomplished with as little 
interruption as could be expected, considering my be- 
loved parent's age and infirmities; and she frequently 
mentioned feeling it as a farewell visit to the members 
of a Meeting, where she had been long bound in pe- 
culiar interest and concern. 

After this she was again engaged in public service, 
holding Meetings in the different Meeting-houses be- 
longing to Friends in London, and in many of the sur- 
rounding villages, much to the relief of her own mind, 
and there is reason to believe the satisfaction and help 
of others. Some of these seasons were attended with 
remarkable solemnity, and the clearness and liberty 
which were evident in her declaration of gospel truths, 
frequently excited the apprehension that her labours 
were drawing to a close ; while she spoke of the sensi- 
ble help afforded her, and the feelings of peace and 
comfort which succeeded these engagements, as greater 
than she had been accustomed to, adding, " I believe 
if I were to continue long in the body I should not 
have such feelings, nor be so filled with divine love as 
is sometimes the case." 

One of the meetings just alluded to was at Hamp- 
stead, a place respecting which she had long felt her 
mind exercised, but where a Meeting of Friends had 
not beenlield for many years. In a record of this sea- 
son my dear mother says ; 

— " Though heavy in prospect it has been reliev- 



1815 — 1832.] MARY DUDLEY. 267 

ingly held, and I humbly trust gracious^ help may be 
acknowledged to have been near ; many who atteuded 
the Meeting had never been present on such an occa- 
sion ; yet the attention manifested during the commu- 
nication of gospel truths was remarkable, and the 
solemnity which was early evident, and continued to 
increase, tended to renew the trust in Almighty aid 
and goodness." 

Once upon retiring to bed in a very exhausted state 
after an Evening Meeting in the city, my dear mother 
said with much tenderness of spirit, " I long to be 
joined to the general assembly and church of the first- 
born, yet such is the love and concern I feel for the 
souls of the people, that my life seems of little conse- 
quence, and I could be satisfied to drop while declar- 
ing the mercy of God in Christ Jesus to a fallen 
race." 

On another occasion of the same kind she observed, 
" What a favour to have a good bed, but what a still 
greater mercy to have i a good hope through grace,' 
that after a few more fleeting days there will be a set- 
tlement in unmingled, everlasting rest. I am so 
weaned from anxiety that I seem to have nothing in 
the world to think of ; there is however one thing 
which weighs heavily on my mind, and that is the 
prosperity of the blessed cause of truth and righteous- 
ness. To promote this in any way I could be willing 
to live a little longer, and the separation from all of 
you who are so dear to me will be keenly felt when it 
comes to the point." 

After a Meeting had been appointed at Duiwich^ 
she wrote as follows ; 

" I feel this an awful occasion, for such pros- 
pects are become almost too heavy through infirmities 



268 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVI. 

abounding, and bodily ability sensibly decaying, yet 
I trust I may humbly adopt the resigned language, 

* My life, while Thou preserves my life, 
Thy sacrifice shall be.' 

Oh, that I may be enabled, through the continuance 
of sustaining faith, to add the subsequent expressions, 

« And death, when death shall be my doom, 
Shall join my soul to thee. ' 

For when the eternal union is formed, conflict will 
have finally ceased." 

On returning from this Meeting she remarked, that 
under the consolation vouchsafed her she seeme4 in- 
sensible to pain or weakness, aud felt as if healed in 
body and mind ; strongly expressing her thankfulness 
for the covering of good whereby that evening sacrifice 
had been owned by her gracious Master* 



1823—1823.] MARY DUDLEY, 



CHAPTER XVII. 

Visit to the Families belonging to Devonshire Monthly 
Meeting — Illness and Death. From \2mo. 1822 to 9mo. 
1823. 



IN the 12th month, 1822, my beloved mother in- 
formed her friends of a fresh prospect of religious 
duty, and obtained a certificate for visiting the families 
belonging to Devonshire-house Meeting, as well as 
some more public service as strength might be afforded. 

One of her first engagements was, the appointment 
of a Meeting for the young people belonging to the 
Quarterly Meeting of London and Middlesex. This 
proved a time of solemnity and relief, and she after- 
wards expressed her satisfaction in reflecting on the 
opportunity, as well as her belief that it would be the 
last she should have of that kind. 

The family visit in Devonshire-house Meeting was 
commenced early in the first month 1823 ; and al- 
though the weather was extremely cold, my dear 
parent was strengthened to pursue the service in a 
manner wonderful to herself, as well as to those who 
witnessed it. 

Sometimes, at the conclusion of a day wherein she 
had sat in five or six families, she would remark that 
the haste she felt was such as made her scarcely sensi 
ble to bodily fatigue. 

After paying above one hundred and thirty visits, 
with much less interruption than had frequently at- 
tended such engagements in younger life, she wound up 



270 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 

this service amongst her fellow professors, in which M. 
S. had been united, by having a Meeting appointed for 
the heads of families, and another for the young people 
constituting that particular Meeting. 

On one of these occasions, when closely expostu- 
lating with some for whom deep religious concern had 
been felt, my dear mother said with peculiar emphasis, 
" Bear with me my friends, I have not long to speak." 

On first day the 16th of 3rd mo. she was largely ex- 
ercised in the Forenoon Meeting at Devonshire-house, 
and in the evening had an appointed Meeting for the 
inhabitants of that neighbourhood, wherein she was 
wonderfully strengthened to proclaim the important 
doctrines of the gospel, in which she so surely be- 
lieved. Whilst inviting those present to the consider- 
ation of their latter end, die mentioned how surprising- 
ly her own life had been extended, and that having 
completed more than the threescore and ten years, she 
could then look back upon her existence as but a point 
in comparison of eternity. 

The solemnity which prevailed at that season was 
remarked by many who attended it, and upon return- 
ing home in a very exhausted state of body, my beloved 
mother expressed the peace and satisfaction with which 
her mind was clothed. In the morning she also ob- 
served, that whenever she had awoke in the night the 
remembrance of that Meeting was sweet and comforting 
to her, and that she loved to think of the feelings by 
which it had been marked. 

Thus with alacrity, and even cheerfulness, did this 
aged servant of the Lord prosecute the closing labours 
of her day, repeatedly observing, that although some- 
times weary in her work, she could honestly say she 
was not weary of it, but felt the service of her Lord and 



1822 — 1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 271 

Master to constitute her meat and drink in a spiritual 
sense. 

At the Quarterly Meeting in the spring she was 
powerfully engaged in advocating the cause and name 
of her Redeemer, and seemed to overflow with love and 
solicitude towards her friends : while the strength and 
clearness of her voice was deemed by many an indica- 
tion of renovated health. 

For several weeks afterwards she continued to get 
out regularly, and on first day the 13th of 4th month, 
attended her own Meeting at Peckham, morning and 
afternoon; in the first she was exercised in ministry, 
and spoke of both seasons as having been times Of re- 
freshment to her spirit. 

She was at the Monthly Meeting of Southwark on 
the third day following, and continued tolerably well 
until sixth day the 18th, when she was affected with 
symptoms of a heavy cold, and^in the evening palpita- 
tion of the heart and faintnjess. As my beloved mother 
was accustomed to sudden attacks of indisposition we 
did not feel any particular alarm. Next day, however, 
she appeared very unwell, and during several succeed- 
ing days repeatedly mentioned, that she felt so loaded 
with illness as to make her apprehend that nature 
would sink under the oppressive weight; while this was 
always expressed in much calmness, and with perfect 
resignation to the Divine will. 

Sixth day the 25th, after taking with a relish some- 
thing which had been prepared for her, she said with 
great sweetness, " How good is our gracious Provider 
in thus supplying us with all we want ; yet how apt are 
we to pass by Him, regale ourselves with His gifts, and 
forget the giver." 



S73 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 

During that and the following day she was fre- 
quently employed iu a strain of heavenly rejoicing, and 
once observed, " How little idea we can form of what 
will open upon the spirit when the incumbrance of mor- 
tality is laid down. I have not a wish to go, if I could 
proclaim to one more soul the rich mercy of God in 
Christ ; but if it be the will of the Lord to take me, 
I hope my dear children you will be resigned, and pre- 
served from all evil ; and may the Lord preserve your 
goings out and comings in from that day forth and for 
evermore. 

" I have no sight as to how it may be, but I do not 
feel able to struggle as heretofore, my strength seems 
giving way, the sands sinking fast, but they may be re- 
newed." 

At another time, "I have nothing to depend on, not 
a shred of my own, no good works to tell of, only 
mercy, that which visited me in the morning of the day, 
has supported me through life, and will support me in 
death ; unmerited, unbounded, and I trust unchangeable 
mercy ! I have loved the cause of my Redeemer, it 
was to draw to Him, to attract and fix the attention of 
the miud on Him alone that I have been willing, made 
willing to proclaim His goodness ; and though one 
Philip after another be taken away, yet the happily 
awakened soul may go on rejoicing ; this was the case 
with the Ethiopian, while Philip was found at Azotus, 
sent and commissioned to preach to others the un- 
searchable riches of Christ." 

Seventh day the 26th, was one of much bodily suf- 
fering ; in the evening she said, the Lord bless thee, 
my precious child for thy care of me, we have been to- 
gether in heights and depths, in poverty, and some- 



1855— 1833.] MARY DUDLEY 2?3 

times in the riches of the gospel; had it not been for a 
portion of these we must have utterly sunk under con- 
flict and multiplied exercises, even of later times. 

" I am thankful that the labour in Devonshire-house 
quarter was accomplished, and for those last Meetings, 
both with Friends and others ; the Lord be praised for 
the strength He afforded to proclaim His goodness, and 
He will be praised. Thou mayest know more of it 
when I am dead and gone, for there was a witness in 
many hearts to that which was His own work. 

" I have no sight of how it will be with me, at which 
I almost wonder, but it will not do to judge by the 
weakness of the poor body ; the Lord can raise it up 
if it be His blessed will, His will has been all to me, 
when the conclusions, doubtings and hesitations of 
nature have been kept down. 

"Thy will be done is the highest anthem ever sung 
on earth or in heaven ; that will of God which is our 
sanctification ; and, when fully yielded to, operates in 
its own regulating and redeeming power, raising out 
of the fall, and restoring to all that was lost, this I am 
sure of, to all that was lost, the second Adam, the 
Lord's new creation in the quickened and believing 
goul. My heart is full, but the poor body must have 
rest. I trust thou wilt be supported, try for a little 
rest, this is granted to poor human nature as well as to 
the mind." 

On awaking from an uneasy slumber she exclaimed^ 
" Excellent, excellent," and asking her what was so 
excellent, replied with energy, " The support of reli- 
gion is most excellent." 

Third day morning the 29th. My precious mother 
desired that the 13th chapter of the Hebrews might be 
35 



274 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVtt, 

read to her, and whilst hearing it seemed as if deriving 
peculiar comfort from that blessed record of divine doc- 
trine and instruction ; observing, " it was part of that 
chapter which engaged my attention at the last Meet- 
ing I bore testimony in London." Upon the last verse 
but one being read, "Let us have grace whereby 
we may serve God acceptably with reverence and 
Godly fear," she audibly pronounced "Amen, Amen, 
Amen." 

Fifth day, first of 5th month. After a time of si* 
lence she evinced how her mind had been occupied by 
mentioning the Yearly Meeting of Ireland, and said, 
" A large number of Frieuds are collected in Dublin 
this day, and many dear creatures ; I wish they may 
be enabled to do their duty, and preach Christ to the 
people." 

Afterwards, with much composure, and in a tone 
that bespoke the feeling of renewed thankfulness, 
" I seem to have nothing to do but with the present 
moment, no looking back with pain or uneasiness, but 
in grateful remembrance of that mercy whereon I trust 
there was a building long ago. Oh, not to doubt the 
foundation is a great mercy ; warn them, tell all, there 
is no other way but resigning up all, the management 
of ship and cargo, to the true unerring pilot. Then, 
(alluding to Paul's shipwreck,) though the vessel may 
be tossed, however any are tried, some as on boards^ 
and some on broken pieces of the ship, but oh the con° 
solation, all will get safe to land. 

" Every feeling and desire of my heart seems com- 
prehended in the language, 'Thy will be done.' 
Only I fear that through long continued suffering I 
may not exemplify that which I have declared to 
others, the sufficiency of divine power 5 may patience 



i8£S— 18S3.] MARY DUDLEY. 2J5 

have her perfect work, whether any glimpse of the un- 
speakable glory be afforded or not. Oh if this is 
known it must be glory to God in the highest, through 
Him who came to procure peace on earth. The lan- 
guage of the redeemed through all eternity will be, 
( J\°ot unto us, not unto us, but unto Thy name be the 
praise.' 

" I sometimes feel as if I could fly even to distant 
lands to proclaim the gospel of life and salvation : 
* the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the 
Lord as the waters cover the sea.' " 

In the night of the 4th of 5th month, my dear 
mother's mind appeared to be deeply exercised on 
some doctrinal subjects, and she said with great en- 
ergy. " For a man to have his Bible in his hand and 
read, * as I live saith the Lord God, I have no plea- 
sure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked 
turn from his way and live,' and then venture to say 
that any soul is created for destruction ; Oh ! surely 
the present dogmas nearly amount to an assertion of 
this kind ; I have not so learned Christ. It is dan- 
gerous, dangerous. 

"lama believer in the election of grace, the cove- 
nant and seed of life, but not in the possibility of any 
state where the petition, Lord save, will not be neces- 
sary, nor that any human being is excluded from the 
offer of divine mercy." 

Once on taking leave for the night she sweetly 
said, " The Lord direct our hearts into the love of 
God, and into the patient waiting for Christ, then all 
will be well." Thankfulness for favours received 
seemed the continual clothing of her spirit ; and in- 
stead of dwelling upon her complaints, or recurring to 
the numerous afflictions which had marked her pil- 



276 T«E LIFE OF [CHAP. X\^I, 

grimage through time, she spoke of the blessings af- 
forded her, as abundantly beyond her deserts, saying, 
ii What mercies I am a partaker of, and how poor and 
unworthy I feel, nothing to tell of, nothing to trust to, 
but mercy, mercy, mercy ; that which was early ex- 
tended, that which has ever sustained. Wonderfully 
was preserving grace afforded in the morning of my 
day, guarding from evil and keeping from many 
snares. It may well be said J girded thee when thou 
didst not know me ; and since my heart has been sur- 
rendered to divine government and guidance, the pro- 
mise has been graciously verified, < 1 will never leave 
thee, nor forsake thee? Oh this rock." 

The 7th of the 5th month was a day of considerable 
suffering from cough, &c. and the appearance of ex- 
haustion was very painful. 

When a little revived my demr mother observed. 
£i Sometimes after a fit of coughing it seems as if I 
should sink away, and then again the feeling is rather 
different, how it will be is remarkably hidden from 
me, but I feel perfect quiet and resignation. What a 
mercy to have no burden or anxiety, though I am 
poor and unworthy, nothing to depend on but the one 
foundation, if that fails all is over, but it never will 
fail ; the mercy of God in Christ Jesus ; and whether 
I am able to express much or not, when the time 
comes this is my anchor. Oh ! now to have a con- 
science stung with guilt ! and this might be the case 
but for gracious unmerited mercy, for what am I? 
what have 1 ? but ' He that spared not His own Son, 
hut delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with 
Him also freely give us all things' in time and in eter- 
nity. 

" I trust I have not been equivocal in proclaiming 



1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 2/7 

gospel doctrine, that I have not shunned to declare 
what I believe to be the whole counsel of God." 

On obtaining relief from a distressing symptom, she 
desired the Psalm might be read to her which begins, 
< Unto thee, oh God do we give thanks, for that Thy 
name is near. Thy wondrous icorks declare? 

First day the 12th ? while Friends were at Meeting 
my beloved lnother requested her daughters to sit still 
awhile in her chamber: and after a time of solemn 
silence uttered the following supplication. "Wher- 
ever gathered, Holy Lord God Almighty! whether in 
this little Meeting, in larger congregations, or under 
whatever name assembled, bless those who wait upon 
and worship Thee. Let thy word have free course 
and be glorified to the increase of the dear Redeemer's 
kingdom, and the advancement of the great, the glo- 
rious and universal work spoken of by thy Prophet, 
when from the north and from the south, from the east 
and from the west, Thy suppliants shall be brought. 

u Bring them gracious Lord, near unto Thyself, 
bring us, as a family, bless my children I pray Thee ; 
Thy poor unworthy creature, yet one who through 
Thy mercy has trusted in Thee, and been desirous 
of Thy glory." 

She then prayed for each of her family, in a man- 
ner which showed the clearness of her spiritual per- 
ceptions, and the deep religious concern renewedly 
awakened on account of those most near to her affec- 
tions, and concluded with these words, " Wash all iu 
the laver of regeneration, and grant the renewings of 
the Holy Ghost, that Thou gracious Father mayest be 
praised in time, and, with the dear Son of Thy love, 
everlastingly receive glory and honour, thanksgiving 
and renown. Amen and Amen." 



1578 THE LIFE OF £CHAP. XVIJ. 

Her voice was remarkably strengthened for this ex- 
ertion, and she afterwards observed, " What a mercy 
to be favoured with a little fresh feeling, without the 
fresh feeling what is all expression, what is any 
thing?" 

la the afternoon she addressed her kind physician, 
in a manner which evinced strong interest and chris- 
tian solicitude on his behalf, offering gospel counsel 
and encouragement, and enforcing the necessity of con- 
stant watchfulness and prayer. She expressed feeling 
obliged by his affectionate attention, to which he re- 
plied that he deemed it a privilege to have the oppor- 
tunity of attending her. 

Upon one of her sons' mentioning that his wife had 
been detained from public worship that day on ac- 
count of her infant, she promptly answered, " < The 
tabernacle of God is with man. 9 We have duties to 
fulfil ; but there is an altar to which we may continually 
resort : the gracious language is accomplished, * He 
that is with you shall be in you, 9 " adding, " my chil- 
dren are very near to me, the Lord bless you and the 
dear babes, Oh may He keep them from the evils of the 
world : the evils of the heart must be gradually over- 
come through submission to the spirit of Christ." 

Third day the 14th, hearing of our dear friend 
Mary Proud's being alarmingly ill, my beloved 
mother was much affected, and spoke of her as an en- 
deared sister and fellow labourer in the gospel ; after 
a short pause she solemnly exclaimed; "Oh our 
poor Society ! Lord raise up judges, counsellors^ 
feelers, such as are quick of understanding in Thy 
fear, and if children are to become teachers, give them 
wisdom and humility." 

The approach of the Yearly Meeting was watched 



1822—1828.] MARY DUDLEY. 279 

with lively interest by my dear patent, and when it 
began her mind seemed clothed with the same chris- 
tian solicitude as if she were personally mingling with 
her friends. This was in degree manifested by an ad- 
dress which she dictated to the Meeting of Ministers 
and Elders, as well as by messages to many of her 
brethren and sisters who were engaged in active ser- 
vice ; and she entered into the concerns of that impor- 
tant season as fully at times as if she had no bodily 
ailment. Yet her weakness was such as to render her 
unfit to see company, and often to excite apprehension 
that her vital powers were rapidly sinking; while she 
was still kept in ignorance, and as she would some- 
times say remarkably blind as to the event. 

"To the Yearly Meeting of Ministers and Elders, 
held in London, 5th Month, 1823. 

DEARLY BELOVED FRIENDS, 

" Separated from you by the pressure of extreme 
bodily weakness, that love which I trust is of the ever- 
lasting gospel, has caused me to visit you in spirit, and 
even bound in sympathy under your solemn delibera- 
tions. Your attention has been claimed by the return 
of messengers, who, having been enabled to lift up 
their eyes and look on the fields, now thankfully feel 
that He who led into labour, graciously sustained 
through the portion allotted them, while they dare not 
rejoice in any thing but the humble hope, at times af- 
forded, that through unmerited mercy their names are 
written in heaven, and their feeble efforts, for the pro- 
motion of His ever blessed cause, accepted by the great 
Lord of the harvest. You have also been called upon 
as a collected body, to receive the acknowledgment that 
views of a similar, or more extensive nature, are opened 



280 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 

to some others who have been alike separated for the 
work of the ministry. 

In considering the present state of things at home 
and abroad, not only the want of the prevalence of di- 
vine life, but in many instances the oppression of the 
heavenly seed ; how has my soul travailed, that such as 
are sent forth may not only go in the fulness of gospel 
commission, but so dwell deep with the gift, as to be 
faithful to its revealings, watchful and patient in times 
of concealing, and resigned to those reducing, as well 
as qualifying operations, whereby the command given 
to the tribe of Levi may be understood and from time 
to time obeyed ; ' Let thy Thummim and thy Urim be 
with thy Holy One, whom thou didst prove at Massali, 
and with whom thou didst strive at the waters of 
Meribah. 7 Here is the safety of ministers in this day, 
as it was in preceding ages, who knowing that all their 
help is from the Lord, cast their care wholly upon Him. 

" And for you dear Friends, who are called, though 
in a less public manner, to labour, whether at seasons 
in word and doctrine, or as deeply baptized Elders to 
act like Aarons and Hurs, my heart is engaged in sis- 
terly concern. 

" Some of you in your different Meetings, with 
larger or smaller companies, have long known what it 
is, while desiring to bear your own part of the burden, 
to sit as with your mouths in the dust, ready to utter 
the bemoaning language, ( What advantageth it me if 
the dead rise not. 9 

" May these be strengthened to hold on their way, 
accepting for their encouragement the scriptural asser- 
tion, * Unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ not 
only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for His sake,' 
while through this deep experience there is an increas- 



1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY, 281 

ing capacity to { know Him and the power of His resur- 
rection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, ? so as to 
be f made conformable unto his death.' The Lord has 
not forsaken His long regarded people, though 'the 
time to favour Zion > in the way that exercised spirits 
crave, e the set time" may not be yet come. The Re- 
deemer's kingdom will spread in His own way, the 
work is great, but the arm which is carrying it forward 
is Omnipotent. 

66 To the Lord then let us look, in Him let us trust, 
and to His name, which is everlastingly worthy, be the 
glory ascribed now and for ever, Amen. In the feel- 
ing of affectionate and gospel love, I salute you, and 
am your very poor and variously tried friend, 

MARY DUDLEY. 

" Dictated in her sick chamber but signed ivith her own hand 
at Peckham, the 28th of 5th Month, 1823." 

In the early part of the 6th month she so far revived, 
as to bear being taken from her chamber to a sitting 
room, where reclined on a sofa, and mercifully excused 
from much pain, she frequently saw her friends, and 
enjoyed that social and religious intercourse for which 
her mind and disposition were so peculiarly adapted. 

The first strangers she saw were two of her sisters 
in the ministry, to whom she imparted much of her 
feeling on the most important subjects; encouraging 
them to individual faithfulness, and making many ob- 
servations which are likely to be well remembered by- 
those who heard them. 

She feelingly expressed her own sense of un worthi- 
ness, and that her sole dependance was on the mercy 
and merits of her Redeemer. 

The same day she had a very interesting interview 
36 



283 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 

with I. 8. whom she wished to see previously to his 
embarkation for America ; she was wonderfully helped 
to testify her continued zeal in the cause of truth and 
righteousness, as well as affectionate concern for those 
engaged in gospel missions, earnestly desiring that di- 
vine assistance and preservation might be experienced 
by this dear friend, whom she blessed in the name of 
the Lord. 

During the 7th month my precious mother was so 
far recovered as to ride out several times, and we be- 
gan to entertain hopes of a partial restoration, fondly 
anticipating the probability of enjoying her valued so- 
ciety, even though the days of active service might be 
over. 

This she frequently said she believed was the case,, 
and spoke of the peaceful retrospect which she was 
often enabled to take, whilst feeling that her gospel 
labours were only valuable as tests of her love and 
obedience, but not furnishing any ground of depend- 
ance. Yet she was much engaged in encouraging to 
faithfulness, often saying to those who visited her, as 
well as to her attendants, " Mind that the day's work 
keeps pace with the day," and in exhorting her fel- 
low-ministers strongly expressed the necessity of being 
completely devoted to the sacred calling, and not shun- 
ning to declare the whole counsel of God. 

These communications were accompanied by remarks 
which evinced great humility with respect to her own 
services. Once, upon some allusion being made to her 
diligent occupation of the time and talents with which 
she was entrusted; she sweetly and in great tenderness 
of spirit, replied, " Feebly and unworthily as they have 
been used, I trust it was with a single view to the help 
of others, and the glory of the dear Redeemer ; and if 



1822— 1823.] MARY DUDLEY* 283 

He forgives all the mixture, all that has been of the 
creature, and mercifully receives me into rest and 
peace, whether he affords those bright prospects, which 
in the beginning of this illness and often since have 
been vouchsafed, or not, Oh may I never doubt or cast 
away my confidence. 

" I trust that He who hath loved with an everlast- 
ing love, will continue to uphold me, notwithstanding 
all the weakness of the flesh, and the temptations of 
the cruel enemy. Oh this enemy, he uever quits his 
hold of poor human nature while he can assail it, 
where is it said that the Saviour condescended to be 
tempted ?" The passage 4th of Heb. and 15th verse 
was then repeated, to which she assented, as what con- 
veyed comfort to her soul. 

Afterwards, when under considerable suffering of 
body, she prayed for patience, and added "Oh! if I 
should become impatient with the Divine will, what 
reproach it would occasion: I feel poor and empty, 
and when lying awake am not able to fix my thoughts 
upon what I desire and prefer, but little things present, 
and this tries me. David speaks of having songs in 
the night, but I sometimes say, these, (meaning intru- 
sive thoughts,) are not the Lord's songs. 

" 1 have nothing in the world that really occupies 
me, no object of peculiar interest except my children, 
and these I can leave to Him who I trust will care for 
them and protect them." 

It was very striking to us, and to some of those 
friends who occasionally saw my precious mother, how 
entirely she was abstracted from temporal things, sel- 
dom evincing much interest about passing events, and 
repeatedly observing that every thing of a terrestrial 



284 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 

nature was so nearly alike to her, that she could say 
desire had failed. 

There was also such a settled solemnity of counte- 
nance as indicated her thoughts and mind being in 
heaven. 1 scarcely remember seeing hei^smile during 
the whole illness, though nothing of gloom or anxiety 
was apparent. 

Some Friends, for whose best welfare she had been 
long concerned, coming to take leave of her when about 
to go a journey, she testified the continuance of her so- 
licitude by imparting much christian counsel. She 
enjoined the young people of the family to value the 
privileges of their education, and not to be ashamed of 
the cross even in what are termed little things ; saying 
that she wished the standard of simplicity might never 
be lowered amongst us, and as their temptations to de- 
viate would be likely to increase, she felt earnest in 
pressing what it was probable would be her last ad- 
vice. This proved the case, for though she lived until 
their return they never again met. 

Early in the 8th month symptoms of increasing de- 
bility came on, and it was obvious that her constitu- 
tion was gradually sinking; of this she was fully 
aware, though from tenderness to those about her, 
she seldom spoke on the subject. 

On being settled in bed one night she solemnly said, 
" When this poor body drops I should like if Friends 
see no objection, for it to be taken into Southwark 
Meeting, and from thence to Bunhill Fields. No in- 
vitations to be given, nor any unnecessary expense 
gone to, only information to my friends that the pins 
of the earthly tabernacle have at length fallen out. 
Nothing done, nothing said, nor if possible thought, 



1822 1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 285 

but what lays the creature where it ought to be, and I 
trust is, prostrate at the footstool of Divine mercy : a 
poor humble yet confiding sinner. 

" I trust enough may have been said, however fee- 
bly, to manifest my faith and the ground of my hopes, 
which solely rest upon the mercy and goodness of 
God in Jesus Christ."* 

About the same time when much tried with restless- 
ness, she expressed her fear that patience would not 
hold out ; but on its being observed that this virtue 
was from time to time graciously renewed to her, she 
said with earnestness, " ' As thy day so shall thy 
strength be/ is a promise which has been signally ful- 
filled in my experience j and now all I desire is that 
patience may have her perfect work, and that when 
passing through the valley light enough may be af- 
forded." 

One day in the latter end of the 8th mo. when tak- 
ing leave for the night of a relation towards whom she 
had acted the part of a tender mother she said, " Thou 
seest me, my dear, in a state of much poverty and 
weakness. Oh that I may be favoured with a little 

* In some written directions respecting her burial, penned se- 
veral years before her death, there are a few observations which 
in addition to the desire expressed above, contain such evidence 
of gospel concern on behalf of her fellow members, as to be 
judged worthy of insertion : 

" I request that my body may be taken to the Meeting-house 
of Southwark, where I have for many years past mingled in per- 
son, and often in deep unutterable and sometimes acknowledged 
exercise, with the burden bearers there. A meeting if not regu- 
larly held to be appointed, that while dead, a silent testimony may 
be proclaimed to that love, wherein prayer has frequently arisen, 
that grace, mercy, and peace might abound there, and among all 
the Lord's professing people. " 



386 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 

more light before entering the dark valley." She re- 
plied, that she felt sweet peace on sitting beside her, 
aud repeated the language of our Saviour, < Blessed, 
are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of hea- 
ven/ to which the beloved sufferer answered ; " That 
is precious, I can be thankful for even the smallest 
crumb from a child of my heavenly Father's. Preach 
Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block, and 
to the Greeks foolishness : there is much of the Greek 
and Jewish spirit amongst us, but be not thou afraid 
to preach the cross of Christ, and to proclaim not 
only what He would do within us by His spirit, but 
also what He hath done without us, the all-atoning 
sacrifice which should never be lost sight of." 

After a pause she added, " I often look back to the 
Quarterly Meeting in the spring ; I am glad I was at 
it, and love to remember the sweet feeling that prevail- 
ed. Oh what I have felt for the Quarterly Meeting of 
London and Middlesex ! If I live to the next I should 
be willing to be taken to it, and once more proclaim 
the mercy of God in Christ Jesus, all is mercy, un- 
merited mercy ; nothing attaches to the creature, all 
my dependance is on the mercy of God in Jesus 
Christ." 

The first of the 9th month was a day of much bodily 
suffering, but one wherein the affectionate and religious 
feelings of my revered parent were peculiarly excited, 
After writing a few lines indicating the unabated 
strength and tenderness of her maternal feelings, she 
expressed a wish to speak a little to her daughters, and 
upon their all sitting beside her said with much calm- 
ness, i( It has been a low cloudy time of late, but a little 
more light seemed to spring up this morning, and if this 
should be the last time I may bear testimony to the 



1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 287 

goodness of the Almighty, I can acknowledge with 
thankfulness that this has followed me all my life long. 
That the Lord's mercy and love have never failed me, 
since He took me out of the wilderness of the world, 
and before that time He girded me, and restrained 
from evil. 

" I have never doubted the universality, the free- 
aess and fulness of Divine grace, and my faith is now 
unshaken. Oh ! never limit this grace, proclaim it as 
that whereby all may be saved. I go trembling and 
dependent, hoping that my sins will be forgiven for 
the sake of ' Him who loved us, and gave Himself for 
us.' I have nothing of my own, not a rag, (if I may 
use the expression of another friend,) to clothe me 
with." 

She then gave some directions relative to the future, 
and afterwards remarked that she felt much relieved 
by what had passed. Early in the morning of the 
second she enquired where is that sweet language, < to 
he ever with the Lord?' Her countenance at the same 
time indicating heavenly tranquillity, and she seem- 
ed comforted by having the 4th chapter of the First 
Epistle to the Thessalonians read to her. 

Several times when taking leave of her family for 
the night, she solemnly uttered this short petition, 
ei Gracious Lord prepare us for what is to come." 
And when suffering from pain, and the feeling of gene- 
ral irritation, she frequently petitioned, " Lord enable 
us to trust that thou wilt never lay more on me than 
thou wilt give strength and patience to endure," add- 
ing, " Pray that I may have patience." 

On the 5th, conversing seriously respecting her situ- 
ation, it was remarked that her seeming ignorant as to 
the issue still produced a degree of hope that the trial 



S88 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 

of separation was not yet at hand, to which she quickly- 
replied, " That this is my death illness I have not the 
least doubt, but the time may be wisely and mercifully 
concealed from me ; the end may come in a moment, 
and if it be the Lord's will to save me from agonizing 
pain, and grant a quiet dismissal, what a. favour it will 
be. Oh ! to pass quietly away. I feel very poor, and 
have many infirmities, which I hoped might be les» 
sensibly felt at this awful time ; but I have this one 
testimony, I am nothing, Christ is all. My friends are 
dear to me, there is nothing in my heart but love to all. 
God is love; He has supported me through many 
trials, and now enables me to rely on His free, full and 
unmerited mercy. Glory, glory, glory be to His name 
now and for ever. The earth shall be filled with the 
knowledge of the Lord, and from the rising of the sun 
to the going down of the same His name is to be 
jiraised." 

First day, the 7th, she seemed like one on the verge 
of the eternal world, and evidently thought herself go- 
ing. The difficulty of breathing and occasional spasms 
on her chest being very distressing to herself, and to 
those around her. She several times said, " Come 
Lord Jesus, come quickly. Into thy hand I commit 
my spirit." 

Observing that she felt too weak even to hear the 
scriptures read, she sweetly added, u But I can think 
of their author." When parting for the night she com- 
mended each of her children to Divine protection, im- 
ploring the heavenly blessing for them, under the in- 
fluence of strong affection, and with the solemnity of 
Christian concern. 

Contrary to expectation she obtained some refresh- 
ing sleep, and became a little revived, saying next 



1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 289 

morning, ee I expected to be in another world by this 
time. Lord enable me to wait in the patience thy ap- 
pointed time." 

The evening of the 9th after hearing a chapter in the 
Bible she spoke with an audible voice, " Lord thou 
hast been our dwelling place in all generations," going 
on correctly with the first four verses of the 90th 
Psalm, and then added, " So teach us to numler our 
days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom." Thus 
do, for my children, gracious Lord, and oh ! afford me 
a renewed evidence of Thy goodness, for a day in Thy 
courts is better than a thousand." After a little pause, 
"How wonderfully He is supporting me, and though 
there may be such an impoverished state as to have 
no oblation, the Lord Almighty knows where the re- 
fuge is." 

She once remarked, "There is too much religious 
reading and speaking among some serious persons, a 
little precious quiet and fresh feeling, how far beyond 
all : do not depend on forms, seek to have the spirit of 
prayer raised in the heart, and then what is offered will 
be in the life, and meet with gracious acceptance." 

On the evening of the 10th, she desired the 12th 
chapter of the Hebrews might be read, and afterwards 
spoke at considerable length on " the privilege and 
blessing of the gospel, the importance of attending to 
the voice of Christ as it is uttered in the secret of the 
heart, where Be speaks against sin, and gradually pre- 
pares for being joined to the just of all generations," 
adding, " He tasted death for every man, and the grace 
of God which bringeth salvation hath appeared unto 
all men;" repeating the whole text, and commenting 
upon it in a clear and instructive manner. She after- 
wards prayed with great earnestness for her family, 
37 ' 



£90 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII, 

concluding with these words, "Let all the dispensa- 
tions of Thy wisdom be sanctified to their souls, and 
in thy great mercy prepare each of us to be joined to 
the just of all generations, in ascribing to Thee ever- 
lasting praise. Amen." 

For above a week after this time my precious mother 
continued so bright and capable of entering into those 
subjects which interested her best feelings, that we 
were often ready to think the bitterness of death was 
again passed for a season, and that we might enjoy her 
valuable society even for months to come. A friend 
who had been from home some days and called to see 
her, was quite surprised at the animated manner in 
which she inquired about Frieuds in the country, and 
conversed respecting the state of Meetings, &c. 

Upon asking her about this period what part of the 
Bible she would like to have read to her, she replied, 
" Not a chapter that treats on doctrinal subjects, my 
mind has been long made up on all those points." And 
she frequently desired that either some of her great 
Master's sayings or the Psalms might be turned to, 
generally commenting upon what she heard with her 
accustomed force and clearness. She saw a few indi- 
viduals whom she expressed a wish to take leave of, 
and was strengthened to evince her Christian love and 
solicitude for them, in a manner which she afterwards 
said felt relieving to her mind. 

First day the 14th, when very weak and languid, 
she observed, " I cannot think or keep my attention 
fixed, but merciful goodness forgives the infirmities of 
human nature; what would become of me now, if I 
wanted parsons, bread and wine, and to make confes- 
sion of sins ? What a mercy to be delivered from all 
dependance on man, poor and weak perhaps as myself. 



1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 291 

What is man whose breath is in his nostrils. Lord 
receive me for Christ's sake, is my plea!" 

Being tried with restlessness, and the desire for fre- 
quent change of position, she sweetly remarked, "It 
is only the body, it does not get within, all there is 
peaceful, quiet trust." In the evening she desired that 
the family might collect for reading, saying, " We 
may not have another first day," and listened with 
close attention to the 16th chapter of John, responding 
to different expressions with her usual quickness of 
feeling. 

During the night she seemed as if richly enjoying 
the foretaste of perfect happiness and peace. Once af- 
ter taking some refreshment she said, " How good, all 
is sweet, sweet nurses, what mercies to be thankful for ; 
there are no nurses like children. I have often thought 
lately whether the feeling of gratitude has ever been 
sufficiently prevalent in my heart, the sense of heavenly 
goodness, and my many blessings seems so to increase ; 
I could have sung a song of praise this night." 

In the morning she desired a few verses in the Bible 
might be read, and being asked what part, said " No 
matter, all is treasure," but in a minute or two added, 
" The Lord hear thee," upon which the 20th Psalm 
was read, by which she seemed comforted, saying at 
the conclusion, " Lord we thank Thee that Thou hast 
heard." 

After obtaining some refreshing sleep she observed 
with emotion, " Often through Divine mercy some- 
thing so sweet touches my soul, my good Master is I 
trust near me, all is well, all is right, the Lord has 
never forsaken me ; God forbid I should distrust His 
mercy, though the enemy has thrust sore at me, but I 
have remembered the language, ( Oh thou enemy de- 



29# THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII, 

strnctions are come to a perpetual end.' What mercy, 
a perpetual end." 

A medical friend calling to see her she manifested 
the continuance of christian love and interest for him, 
by desiring the Lord might bless him in his under- 
takings, and added, " Keep near to Him, and may He 
keep thee near to Himself, that is the way my dear 
friend, keep near to God, through that grace which 
bringeth salvation, farewell !" 

On the moruing of the 19th a distressing spasm at 
her chest caused my beloved mother to feel as if dying, 
and the appearance to those around her was awfully 
affecting, when a little relieved she spoke as follows : 
" Glory, glory, glory to Him that sitteth upon the 
throne and to the Lamb for ever, nothing in the way, 
all peaceful within, but ah these struggles ! Lord take 
me not away in anguish, grant a calm if it be Thy 
blessed will. Do not hold me, I can give you all up, 
I must go, do you yield me up every one of you ? Ah ! 
do not hold me." 

Being told that we were endeavouring to feel resig- 
nation, and desired not to hold her, she expressed satis- 
faction, and said, "Now then leave me in the Lord's 
hands, make no efforts ; Lord Jesus receive my spirit." 
After a while she had some sweet sleep, and on awak- 
ing said, " How wonderful that I am here, I expected 
to wake in another world, Lord why is it, why am I 
kept? but it is not for me to say what doest Thou?" 

In an interview with our dear friend Maria Pollard 
she mentioned it as a great favour " at such a time as 
this to have nothing in the way, though I am a poor 
creature, very poor, and have nothing to depend on 
but Divine mercy," adding, " how dost thou feel be- 
side me? Do not conceal a word even if reproof be 



1822 — 1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 293 

needful." M. P. telling her she felt nothing but sweet 
peace, and deemed it a privilege to be near her, trust- 
ing that she should remember the opportunity with 
thankfulness during the remainder of her life, she re- 
plied, " That is more to me than rubies, then I am not 
deceiving myself." 

Humility as it regarded her own attainments and 
feelings, was strikingly conspicuous in my revered pa- 
rent during her whole illness, and the manner in which 
this was evinced, by one of such deep experience in the 
way and work of righteousness, offered very important 
instruction to those who had taken fewer steps in the 
christian course. 

During the remainder of this day she frequently ex- 
pressed her surprise at being still in the body, saying, 
" I seemed just at the gate, to have almost entered it, 
and now to be here, what am I kept for?" After a 
short pause she added, " Give my love to all friends, 
tell them to cast off the works of darkness whatever 
they are, and seek to be clothed with the whole armour 
of light, which is Christ within, the hope of glory. 
The world, the world gets in, and occupies the atten- 
tion, and then there is a settling down in form, without 
the power." 

At night she said, is Lord strengthen me to go 
through the remaining conflict, I thought the conflict 
would have ended this night, enable me to wait in pa- 
tience; I am afraid I feel impatient, may I be forgiven 
if I do any thing wrong." 

First day morning 21st. After a distressing night, 
and while tried with the feeling of restlessness, lifting 
up her hands and eyes she fervently exclaimed, " Grant 
a moment's calm of body, if it be Thy blessed will." 
Which petition being almost immediately answered she 



291' THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 

solemnly and with a clear voice proceeded, " Praise, 
praise, for this calm. Now Lord, into Thy hands I 
commend my spirit. Bless my children, bless Thy 
own work ; receive my feeble but I trust not unaccept- 
able acknowledgments for Thy great goodness, while 
I have nothing to depend on, nothing to look to, but 
mercy, mercy, unchangeable mercy. " Awhile after, 
bearing her in a low voice mention the word " Rock" 
it was observed that she felt sustained by the Rock of 
ages, to which she sweetly replied " That's it, Oh ! this 
rock," with some further allusion to the support she ex- 
perienced, in words which were not distinctly heard. 

The whole of this day might be termed a Sabbath 
indeed, for whilst every affectionate feeling was in 
painful exercise, under the certainty that the hour of 
separation was fast approaching, the power and pre- 
sence of the Most High were signally vouchsafed ; so 
that nature seemed hushed into stillness, and reverent 
submission to the will of Him who was thus conde- 
scending to make His strength perfect in weakness. 

In the evening my precious mother suddenly uttered 
this language. " The dead shall be raised incorrup- 
tible, and we shall be changed, in a moment, in the 
twinkling of an eye." Part of the 15th chapter of 
the First of Corinthians being read to her, she made 
remarks upon different expressions which evinced her 
clear and fresh conviction of those important truths, 
and on hearing the 57th verse, she audibly pronounc- 
ed " Amen V 9 Soon after which she said, "Conflict 
is over, the combat is ended and victory proclaimed. 
i Thanks be unto God who giveth us the victory 
through our Lord Jesus Christ /' Now is the accept- 
ed time, now I trust the day of salvation, Glory, 
glory, glory !» 



1822 1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 295 

Early in the morning, the 14th of John was read to 
her, to which she attended with her wonted quickness 
of perception. At the 17th verse she remarked, 
" There is the new covenant dispensation, ' He dwell- 
eth with you and shall be in you. I will pour out my 
spirit upon allflesh. ! ' He tasted death for every man. 
Oh ! never limit Divine mercy." After a time of so- 
lemn stillness she said with peculiar emphasis, " Grace 
has triumphed over nature's feelings. The Lord has 
fulfilled His promise. He has given the victory 
through Jesus Christ, to whom he glory and power, 
dominion, salvation and strength now and for ever ; 
holy ! holy ! holy !" 

Second day 22d. While her family stood around 
her bed, and it appeared as if she was on the point 
of entering upon her eternal and much desired rest, my 
beloved mother repeatedly asked, " Do you give me 
up, who holds me?" She then said, "Oh! do not 
hold me. I proclaim I am ready, Lord God Almighty, 
Thou hast done Thy part, praise and thanksgiving to 
Thy name for this day ; I am ready, and willing to 
go, now Lord let thy servant depart in peace accord- 
ing to Thy word. Oh ! save the world, turn the 
hearts of the irreligious, give them hearts of flesh. 5 ' 
Her continuance in the body much surprised, and even 
tried her, and she frequently queried, " Why am I 
detained, Lord why is it ?" 

A few hours after this she was strengthened to speak 
in an extraordinary manner to some of her children, 
and her little grand daughter, adapting her language 
to the capacity of the child, so as strikingly to evince 
the clearness of her recollection, and unabated sound- 
ness of mind, when the powers of nature were all 
but exhausted. She mentioned feeling a good deal 



296 THE LIFE OF [CHAP. XVII. 

speut with this exertion, but much relieved in mind, 
and frequently remarked on the peace she enjoyed, 
sweetly saying, " I feel so peaceful !" 

From this time it seemed as if my beloved mother 
was scarcely an inhabitant of this world, her language 
being generally that of adoration and praise, and ac- 
companied by the names and attributes of her God and 
Saviour. She was often evidently engaged in prayer, 
when only broken sentences could be gathered, and 
the names of her children were pronounced with affec- 
tionate epithets. 

In the forenoon of 4th day, she began to slumber a 
good deal, and lay in an easy and composed state, 
which her attendants did not interrupt by asking her 
any questions ; thinking it most consistent with the 
awful occasion, and knowing it to be accordant with 
her own feelings, not to excite natural emotion, or re- 
cal the happily prepared spirit in any degree to the 
world, from which it was gradually, and most peace- 
fully receding. For some hours the coldness and hue 
of death were apparent, but her breathing was so easy 
that it seemed scarcely possible the change could be 
so near. 

The only evidence of approaching dissolution was a 
gentle sinking of the breath, which continued like that 
of a sleeping infant ; until without any perceptible in- 
termission or the slightest struggle, it ceased, and the 
immortal and redeemed spirit ascended with joy to the 
mansions of never-ending rest and peace, about half- 
past eight o'clock on fourth day evening, the 24th of 
9th mo. 1823 ; leaving its worn tenement with the ap- 
pearance of perfect tranquillity, and a countenance 
which strikingly indicated holy settlement and perma- 
nent repose. 



1822—1823.] MARY DUDLEY. 297 

The repeated prayer of this ancient and honourable 
servant of the Lord was thus remarkably answered, 
by her last hours being exempt from any degree of 
bodily anguish, and exhibiting the calm solemnity she 
so highly valued. Under this feeling, and amidst the 
poignant sense of such a bereavement, nature was 
mercifully hushed into stillness ; and while all her 
children stood around her bed, a thankful assurance 
of the unspeakably glorious transition of one so justly 
beloved, overcame selfish sorrow, and tended to pro- 
duce that resignation to the Divine will, wherein the 
strength and true consolation of the believer are known 
to consist. My dear mother was aged seventy-three 
years, three months and sixteen days. 

On 5th day, the second of 10th month, the precious 
remains were taken into a Meeting appointed for the 
purpose at Southwark. It was largely attended by 
Friends and others, and signally favoured with the co- 
vering of solemnity, both in the time of silence, and 
while many Friends were engaged in the line of gos- 
pel ministry. 

The same extension of divine regard was again evi- 
dent, while a numerous assembly stood beside the 
grave at Bunhill Fields, and the last affecting duty of 
depositing the coffin in i the house appointed for all 
living? was succeeded by a silence peculiarly impres- 
sive, so that then, as at the moment of dissolution, the 
tide of natural grief was restrained by Almighty 
power, while the contemplation of her life and death 
emphatically called upon survivors to follow her as 
she had followed Christ. 



38 



£98 THE LIFE OF 



TESTIMONY 

OF 

SOUTHWARK MONTHLY MEETING 

CONCERNING 

MARY DUDLEY, 

DECEASED. 



THIS our beloved friend was born in the city of 
Bristol the 8th of the 6th mo. 1750, of parents profes- 
sing the principles of the Established Church ; who 
strictly attending to the ceremonies instituted therein, 
introduced her from a child into a regular observance 
of them ; notwithstanding which she was allowed to 
enter into most of the vain amusements of the world, to 
which her natural disposition greatly inclined ; and 
being of engaging manners her company was much 
sought after, and her temptations to gaiety thereby 
greatly increased. It appears however, by some of 
her memorandums, that she was very early favoured 
with the visitation of divine love ; and whilst pursuing 
the gratifications of time and sense, she was often im- 
pressed with an awfulness and fear, which led her to 
desire the possession of more substantial enjoyments ; 
and which ultimately produced a gravity of demeanour 



MARY DUDLEY. 299 

that exposed her to the ridicule of her less thoughtful 
companions. 

About the 20th year of her age she withdrew from 
those scenes of dissipation and folly to which she had 
been accustomed : became dissatisfied with the forms 
and ceremonies in which she had been educated, and 
apprehending that she had received benefit from the 
ministry of some of the Wesleyan Methodists, she 
was induced to connect herself with that Society, and 
continued a member thereof between two and three 
years ; but remained at the same time an attender of 
the established worship ; here she observes : " In the 
several ceremonies of this, and in different Meetings 
of the other, I felt unsatisfied, and often while others 
were engaged in attention to the preaching, singing, 
&c. has my spirit in solemn silence communed with 
the Lord my strength, so that I scarcely knew what 
was passing without me, and even felt disturbed from 
this inward attraction when obliged to draw to that 
gpot where the outward elements were prepared for 
the congregation. Oh ! how did I then feel the hea- 
venly mystery and sweetly partake of the bread of 
life, so that all forms and shadows fled away, and be- 
came no longer of use or efficacy to a mind feeding spi- 
ritually on the substance." In this state she frequent- 
ly attended the Meetings of Friends, and was so 
drawn into fellowship with them, that although she 
had no outward instruction, or was assisted in the un- 
derstanding of their religious principles from the read- 
ing of books, it appears she had so clear a view of 
their profession and peculiar testimonies, and was so 
strongly convinced of their consistency with the truth, 
that she believed it would be required of her to demean 
herself conformably thereto both in profession and 



300 THE LIFE OF 

practice. But in submitting to this sense of duty, the 
opposition from her family was so great, and the cross 
to her own will so heavy, that she thought the yield- 
ing up of her natural life would have been an easier 
sacrifice. She was however, through mercy strength- 
ened to obey the divine requiring, and in the 23rd year 
of her age, on the ground of settled conviction joined 
our religious Society ; about which period she felt her- 
self constrained to speak in the line of ministry, from 
which her natural disposition exceedingly shrunk. 
After exercising the gift with which she was entrust- 
ed, for some time, the conflicts of her spirit were so 
great that she gave way to reasonings and doubts on 
the subject of her call to the sacred office, and thus be- 
came involved in unspeakable distress, from which at 
times she could see no way to escape. 

In the year 1777? she was married to Robert Dud- 
ley of Clonmel in Ireland, but the society of an affec- 
tionate husband, and an increase of domestic comforts 
proved insufficient to afford that peace of which her 
exercised spirit felt so much the want : and here she 
described her situation as " often miserable" — con- 
cluding that by disobedience she had forfeited the di- 
vine favour, and should never again be commissioned 
to proclaim her Lord's goodness. But He who had 
called her to His service, and designed to qualify her 
for His work, brought her out of these perplexities aud 
close probations in which her mind had long been 
involved, to the comfort of many who had suffered 
with and for her, and to His own praise ; enabling 
her again to bear public testimony to His goodness. 

Her constitution being naturally delicate, she was 
often affected with illness, and it was at times under 
the pressure of much bodily suffering that the pros- 



MARY DUDLEY. 301 

pect of religious services was opened to her, and a 
preparation of mind for proceeding therein expe- 
rienced. This was strikingly the case in the year 
1787, when by a complication of disease she was 
brought so low, as to be thought by those about her 
to be near her close ; yet in this state of bodily infir- 
mity, her spirit was attracted to distant parts, and in 
the love of the gospel a people of strange language 
presented to her view. This prospect in a short time 
became more fully opened, and her love and allegiance 
put to the closest test, by an apprehension that it was 
required of her to unite with her beloved friend Sarah 
Robert Grubb in a religious visit to France, Germany 
and Holland. She had seven children, the youngest 
only ten weeks old when entering on this engagement, 
her health was very delicate, and in the progress of 
the journey she experienced many deep conflicts. But 
the holy arm of power being extended, she was ena- 
bled to accomplish the service to the unspeakable 
relief and peace of her own mind, and we trust to the 
edification of those in that remote part of the vine- 
yard, who were thirsting for spiritual refreshment. 
Her resignation to the foregoing requiring was the 
commencement of that devotedness to the cause of reli- 
gion, which so conspicuously marked the future life of 
this dedicated servant of the Lord. For the succeed- 
ing twenty years, (when ability of body permitted,) she 
was much occupied in travelling : having within that 
period visited all the Meetings, and a large proportion 
of the families of Friends in Ireland, Scotland and 
Wales, many of the counties in England, and some 
parts of the continent not included in her former jour- 
ney : besides which she was engaged in most places in 
holding Meetings with those of other denominations. 
After the decease of her beloved husband and two 



302 THE LIFE OF 

children who had arrived at maturity, trials which 
deeply wounded her susceptible feelings, she removed 
in the year 1810, under an apprehension of duty, into 
the neighbourhood of London, and resided for the most 
part of the remainder of her life within the compass of 
our Monthly Meeting. — She was a minister highly 
esteemed amongst us, sound in faith and doctrine, la- 
bouring diligently in gospel love for the promotion of 
the cause of truth and righteousness, under the pressure 
of much bodily weakness ; a bright example of devoted- 
ness in declining years, and we believe it may be truly 
said of her, she was " fervent in spirit, serving the 
Lord," that in her removal we feel the church has 
sustained the loss of a mother in Israel. After coming 
amongst us, she visited most of the families comprising 
the Quarterly Meeting of London and Middlesex, and 
travelled in several counties in the line of the ministry. 
The youth in our Society were the objects of her pecu- 
liar aud affectionate solicitude, for whom she was at 
times concerned to appoint Meetings : she was also fa- 
voured with a gift that remarkably qualified her for 
service in Meetings with those not in religious profes- 
sion with us, in the exercise of which she was fre- 
quently engaged in advocating, in a clear and convinc- 
ing manner, the doctrine of universal and free grace, 
and the divinity of our Lord aud Saviour Jesus 
Christ. She experienced many deep trials which 
she bore with exemplary resignation ; evincing there- 
by her reliance on divine support; thus could she feel- 
ingly sympathize with others under affliction, and was 
often enabled to hand the cup of consolation for their 
encouragement. Her last religious engagement was a 
visit to the families of Friends belonging to Devonshire 
Meeting, which she was enabled to accomplish early 
in the past year to the admiration of herself and others ; 



MARY DUDLEY. 803 

during which she frequently expressed her belief that 
her day's work was drawing to a close. After this, 
when ability of body permitted she continued to attend 
her own Meeting until the 18th of 4th month, when 
she was confined to her bed with what appeared to be 
the effects of a severe cold : symptoms of fever soon 
followed, and in a few days the disorder had made so 
rapid a progress that danger was apprehended. She 
frequently expressed a belief that nature would sink 
under the weight of illness with which she was oppress- 
ed : saying, " I do not feel able to struggle as hereto- 
fore, but 1 have no sight as to how it may be, nor any 
wish to go unless it be the will of heaven :" again she 
said, " when the doubtings and hesitations of nature 
have been kept down, the Divine will has been all to 
me. Thy will be done is the highest anthem ever sung 
on earth or in heaven." She was eminently favoured 
with the sensible enjoyment of the Lord's presence, 
and often testified of the support and consolation thus 
afforded her. " I have loved the cause of my Re- 
deemer, it was to draw to him, and fix the attention of 
the mind upon him alone, that I have been made wil- 
ling to proclaim His goodness." Being much tried with 
pain and other distressing symptoms she observed, "I 
only fear that through long continued suffering I may 
not exemplify that which I have held up to others, the 
sufficiency of divine power : may patience have its per- 
fect work, whether any glimpse of the unspeakable 
glory be afforded or not. Oh ! if this be know it must 
be glory to God in the highest, through Him who came 
to procure peace on earth ; the language of the redeem- 
ed through all eternity will be, Not unto us, not unto 
us, but unto thy name be the praise : I could say much ; 
my heart is full, but the poor body must have rest." 
1st of 5th mo. This night when solemnly conversing 



304 THE LIFE OF 

on her precarious situation, with a peculiar calmness 
and feeling she said, " I seem to have nothing to do 
but with the present moment, no looking back with 
uneasiness, but in thankful remembrance of great and 
unmerited mercy, whereon I trust there was a building 
long ago. Oh ! not to doubt the foundation is a great 
mercy, tell all there is no other way but that of resign- 
ing up all. 77 About this time she was informed of the 
alarming illness of a valuable minister, when with much 
tenderness of spirit she uttered the following emphatic 
language, " Oh our poor Society ! Lord raise up 
judges, counsellors, feelers, such as are quick of un- 
derstanding in thy fear — and if children are to become 
teachers give them wisdom and humility. 77 On allusion 
beiug made to the diligence with which she had occu- 
pied the time and talents committed to her trust, she 
sweetly replied, (( Feebly, and unworthily as they have 
been used, I trust it was with a single eye to the help 
of others and the glory of the dear Redeemer. And if 
he forgive all the mixture, all that has been of the 
creature, and mercifully receive me into rest and peace, 
whether he affords those bright prospects which in the 
beginning of this illness and often since have been 
vouchsafed, or not; Oh! may I never doubt or cast 
away my confidence, that He who hath loved with an 
everlasting love will continue to uphold me, notwith- 
standing the weakness of the flesh, and the temptations 
of the cruel enemy. Oh ! this enemy, he never quits 
his hold of poor human nature while he can assail it. 77 
Early in the 8th month she became increasingly de- 
bilitated, and thought it probable her remaining strength 
would be soon exhausted ; and one night after having 
given some directions respecting her funeral, she ex- 
pressed a wish that nothing might be done, nothing 
said, nor if possible thought but what would lay the 



MARY DUDLEY. 305 

creature where it ought to be, and where she trusted it 
theu was, prostrate at the footstool of divine mercy. 

Her situation at this period was very fluctuating, but 
the evidence of Almighty support and consolation be- 
came increasingly manifest. On its being observed 
that, as she had no clear sight of the issue of her dis- 
order, a hope was induced she might be again raised 
up, she replied quickly, " That this is my death ill- 
ness I have not the least doubt, but the time may be 
mercifully concealed from me ; and if it be the Lord's 
will to save me from agonizing pain, and grant a quiet 
dismissal, what a favour it will be." — At a time when 
she was sending some messages of love to some of her 
friends, she said, " I am nothing, Christ is all ! my 
friends are dear to me, nothing in my heart but love to 
all — God is love. Glory, glory, glory, be to his name 
now and for ever." 

During the last three weeks of her life, she suffered 
much from the difficulty of breathing, and general 
bodily uneasiness : her mind however was wonderfully 
supported; so that to those around her she frequently 
appeared to be favoured with a foretaste of the rich en- 
joyment of perfect happiness and peace. At another 
time, when tried with pain and restlessness, she said, 
"It is only the body; it does not get within : all there 
is peaceful quiet trust ;" again, " nothing in the way. 
Ah ! do not hold me ; yield me up ; I must go ; I could 
have sung a song of praise this night." 

After a distressing night she prayed with earnestness, 
" Grant a moment's ease of body if it be thy blessed 
will !" The petition appeared to be soon answered ; for 
almost immediately after she proceeded thus, " Praise, 
praise for this calm. Now Lord into thy hands I com- 
mend my spirit; bless my children; bless thy own 
39 



30(3 THE LIFE OF MARY DUDLEY. 

work." The attributes of her God and Saviour now 
became almost her only theme, and she often seemed 
as if scarcely an inhabitant of earth. Her approaching 
dissolution was now apparent, and the following are 
some of her latest expressions. " Grace has triumphed 
over nature's feelings ; the Lord has fulfilled his pro- 
mise, he has given the victory through Jesus Christ, 
to whom be glory, and power, dominion and strength, 
now and for ever, holy, holy, holy." 

Her departure was observable only by gradually 
ceasing to breathe, and her immortal and redeemed 
spirit we doubt not ascended to the mansions of never- 
ending rest and peace. She died at her house at Peck- 
ham on the 24th of the 9th month, 1823, in the 7*th 
year of her age; a minister about 50 years; and her 
remains were interred in Friends' Burial Ground, near 
Bunhill Fields, on the 2d of the 10th month, after a 
solemn Meeting at Southwark. 

Signed in Southwark Monthly Meeting, 10th of 2d 
month, 1824, by many Friends. 

At a Quarterly Meeting for London and Middlesex, 
held the 30th of the Sd month, 1824. 

The foregoing testimony concerning our beloved 
friend Mary Dudley, whose memory is precious to us, 
in the remembrance of her " work of faith and labour 
of love," has been read in this Meeting, and being 
cordially united with, after some small alterations, is 
signed in and on behalf of the Meeting, by 

John Eliot, Clerk. 



Signed in and on behalf of the Women's Meeting, 
Hannah Messer, Clerk. 



SOME ACCOUNT 



LAST ILLNESS AND DEATH 



HANNAH DUDLEY, 



WHO WAS RELEASED FROM THE TROUBLES AND DANGERS OF TIME 



NINETEENTH DAY OP THE THIRD MONTH, 1S10? 



26th YEAR OF HER AGE. 



APPENDIX, 



The following account was drawn up by the Editor at the 
time, and has been circulated in manuscript among the cotem- 
poraries and friends of the deceased. Her dear mother having 
left a written request, that if any memorial of her life were 
ever prepared for publication, this should be added to the work, 
it now seems proper to premise a few particulars respecting 
the character of one who was but little known beyond the 
circle of her immediate connexions. Hannah Dudley was the 
third daughter of Robert and Mary Dudley, and born at Clon- 
mel, in Ireland. Her disposition was amiable and tender, com- 
bined with a degree of reserve, so that, although naturally 
cheerful, she shrunk from observation, and was peculiarly 
diffident in her manner. She was seriously thoughtful from a 
child; fond of reading the Holy Scriptures, and remarkable for 
the solidity of her demeanour in religious meetings, which she 
delighted to attend. As she advanced to youth, the favourable 
impressions thus early made upon her mind were in some mea- 
sure counteracted by indulgence in self-gratification, and she 
took greater latitude with respect to dress and reading than 
was consistent with her education, though not to an extent 
which would be generally deemed reprehensible, nor by any 
means equal to what many young persons of our Society give 
way to. In the 20th year of her age she had a long and very 
suffering illness, during which it pleased the Lord so to renew 
the visitation of his love as greatly to humble and contrite her 
spirit. In this state she saw the vanity and unsatisfying nature 
of worldly enjoyments, mourned over the time which she had 
spent unprofitably, and was brought under conviction for de- 
viating, even in little things, from that simplicity which she 
then felt it would be right for her to practise, however in the 
cross to her natural inclination, 



310 APPENDIX. 

She was strengthened to enter into covenant with her hea- 
venly Father by the sacrifice of her will and affections; and 
when raised from the bed of sickness, the fruits of humble de- 
dication were obvious to others. She continued subject to try- 
ing attacks of indisposition, but her patient endurance of pain, 
increasing watchfulness and stability of conduct, with an evi- 
dent weaning from worldly objects, proved that the great work 
of transformation was powerfully, though secretly, carried for- 
ward in her heart. 

Some papers being found after her decease, which describe 
the earnestness of her desire for complete sanctification, it is 
thought that the following extracts may be a suitable introduc- 
tion to the particulars of her last illness and death. 



311 



EXTRACTS. 

Eighth month, 25th, 1805. "This day I completed my 21st 
year ; may the succeeding one witness a more perfect dedica- 
tion of heart to the Creator and preserver of my life, and may 
He graciously sanctify, (if his will,) the late severe dispensa- 
tion with which he thought fit to visit." 

Third month, 31st, 1806. " Although disease may be per- 
mitted to make its advances by almost imperceptible degrees 
towards a final termination of life, and with it all terrene in- 
cumbrances, be pleased to grant, Oh! thou dispenser of every 
blessing, an entire acquiescence and unreserved submission, 
but, if consistent with thy holy will, merciful Father! bestow 
more patience, more perfect resignation of heart, to every dis- 
pensation of thy Providence. Thou alone canst afford ability 
in the moment of trial to rely on thine unfailing arm for con- 
solation and divine support. Teach me then, I beseech thee, 
teach this unsubdued will, to bend unreservedly to thine. And, 
Lord! if so mean a suppliant may be suffered to cast a peti- 
tion at thy footstool, in abundant condescension be pleased, 
Creator and preserver of my life, to continue near when pain 
and weakness prove almost too much for the small grain of 
faith, for thou alone, dearest Father, canst afford strength in 
such a moment." 

First month, 1st, 1809, 1 o'clock first day morning: 

" Another year forever gone 
Proclaims the end of time." 

"May the succeeding one be passed more circumspectly, and 
an increase of knowledge be acquired on subjects worthy the 
pursuit of an immortal soul ! But resolutions formed without 
mature and necessary reflection, and perseverance, steady un- 
varying perseverance therein, can avail but little, alas how 
little!" 

Eighth month, 25th, 1809, sixth day. " The first of which I 
have ever attempted to set down the occurrences, and the last 



312 APPENDIX. 

I have to spend of my twenty-fifth year; a year in which there 
has been little or no progress made in what ought to be the 
grand pursuit of my life, and is designed to be the end of my 
being. Thou! whose ways are not as our ways, nor thy 
thoughts as our thoughts, grant that I may experience, (if per- 
mitted to measure another year in this state of probation,) an 
increase of desire, and stability in that desire, to follow more 
implicitly, more resignedly, thy holy commandments; to watch 
more guardedly over a disposition naturally prone to be too 
easily excited by the occurrence of trivial circumstances, to 
what is improper and reprehensible, both in my feelings and 
language. Oh ! be pleased to teach me the way most suited to 
curb, if not overcome, the propensity I have so frequently to 
combat with, indulgence in imaginary prospects which never 
can be realized, and which tends more than any other weak- 
ness to alienate my mind from devotedness to Thee, thou great 
Source of light and life. And ere I close this weak attempt to 
petition for further strength and support at thy footstool, thou 
God and Father of my life, be pleased to grant the humble re- 
quest of one of thy most unworthy creatures, that this effort to 
acquire some improvement in the most essential point may be 
blessed." 

Twenty-sixth, 1809, 7 o'clock, 7th day morning. "This day 
I enter a new year. Oh may the numberless blessings conferred 
on so unworthy an object during the preceding one, as well as 
every other of my life, be thankfully had in remembrance, 
and with sincere humility of heart considered of, every rising 
and setting sun I may be permitted to behold. But, more often 
than the rising or setting sun, may I be strengthened to return 
thanks to his name who has been the preserver of my life, who 
would be the enlightener of my eyes, did I permit them to be 
opened to revealed conviction. Through His adorable conde- 
scension am I still preserved; but were I more devotedly to 
resign every selfish, sordid, low propensity, and substitute for- 
th em the meekness, humility, and self-denial of the true fol- 
lower of a crucified Redeemer, of how much more the instru- 
ment of good to others should I be permitted to become; and 
how much larger a portion of that peace which the world can- 



APPENDIX. 313 

not give, neither take from its happy possessor, should I be 
frequently blessed with." 



On the 15th of the 1st month 1810, my precious sister was 
attacked with violent pain in her face, to which she had been 
liable since a long illness five years before, so that we did not 
feel alarmed by it Lying in bed that day, and using proper 
care, seemed to have the desired effect, and she was so much 
better the two following days as to bear sitting up for a short 
time. On the ISth the pain returned with much severity, and 
was attended by symptoms of fever, and inability to sleep, 
which she remarked was very trying. Towards noon her 
spirits became much affected, but after being relieved by weep- 
ing, she lay in a composed state, though still without sleeping 
and said, " My poor dear Thomas seems continually before my 
eyes."* At night she grew more easy, and fell into a sweet 
sleep, which lasted nearly five hours; on awaking, however, 
she felt no way refreshed, though tolerably free of pain; and 
expressed such great anxiety at my not going to bed, that to 
satisfy her I lay down for an hour or two. 

The next evening she was sweetly collected, and we had 
some very interesting conversation. She observed, "how just 
is that line of Young's, " All men think all men mortal but 
themselves;" and added, "how apt we are to forget that we 
are not to continue here. I have been thinking of the 91st 
Psalm, as applicable to our dear Mother; does it not end with 
6 I will bless him with long life, and show him my salvation? ' " 
She then asked me to read the whole of it, which I did, appa- 
rently to her comfort: when I came to the last verse, she cheer- 
fully said, " that is not one of the blessings I desire," meaning 
long life; her mother answering, "but, my love, thou hast no 
objection if such be the divine will?" " Oh, no," she replied, 
" if it be the Lord's blessed will." That night, while in great 
pain, she said she was afraid of being impatient, to which I re- 

* A brother who had died in his 21st year, about two years before, and 
to whom she was yery tenderly attached. 
40 



314* APPENDIX. 

plied that she had always been much favoured with patience 
when tried by illness, which indeed was the case in a very 
striking manner, she sweetly answered, " the Lord has never 
laid more on me than he enabled me to bear; we should be poor 
creatures without his help." She then calmly said, " I think 
I shall not recover this illness." Being told that she had been 
worse in former attacks, she replied, " yes I have, a great deal 
worse and been restored, and I may be now; but somehow I 
think I shall not, and if it be the will of the Almighty I should 
rejoice, at least I hope I should. Is it in the Romans that pas- 
sage is ? ' We are troubled on every side yet not distressed; 
persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 
always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord 
Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest 
in our body.' 'For our light affliction, which is but for a 
moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal 
iveight of glory.' " Soon after this, mentioning a relation who 

had lately died; "poor ," said she, " had a bustling 

life; I trust she is at rest Oh! if people did but consider 
rightly, I often think how insignificant those things would ap- 
pear which now make us anxious and uneasy. 

5 Ah! what is life, that thoughtless wish of all, 
A drop of honey in a draught of gall.' " 

I remarked that the next line was also striking: 

" A half existence, or a waking dream." 

" Yes, indeed," she replied, " we do not exist here; it is in eter- 
nity we shall have our existence." After awhile she again 
spoke on the improbability of her recovery, and mentioned her 
absent brothers with much tenderness, desiring that when any 
one wrote, her love might be given them; adding, " I think I 
shall never see them again, but I don't know, of course none of 
us can tell; but if not we must be satisfied; His holy blessed 
will be done!" 

On my saying that I hoped such a sorrow as losing her did 
not await us, after all we had gone through, she cheerfully re- 
peated, " Sorroiv!" I replied, " that it will not be sorrow to 



APPENDIX. 31£ 

thee, my love, I can readily believe, but it will be a sore priva? 
tion to us." She sweetly answered, alluding to the term sor- 
row, " I hope not, I trust in the mercy of a gracious Saviour, 
and rely on his merits only." I think it was on first day 
evening, that being in great agony, she clasped her hands, as 
in the attitude of prayer, and exclaimed, " Oh! merciful Father! 
thou hast never laid more on me than thou enabled me to bear." 
Presently after she queried where is that expression, " The 
Lord hear thee in the day of trouble;" her mother repeated 
the verse to her, which is the first of the 20th Psalm. " Yes," 
said she, " but there is something more." The whole passage 
was then repeated. " Send the help from, the Sanctuary, and 
strengthen thee out of Zion; grant thee according to thine 
own heart, and fulfil all thy counselP " Yes, yes," said 
she, " that's it; Oh, merciful Goodness!" On getting a little 
ease she quickly told us she was better, being always anxious 
to say any thing calculated to relieve our minds, and sweetly 
added; "what a favour this is." Upon asking whether her 
mother was gone to bed, " my poor care-worn mother," said 
she, " does she take nourishment; you should make her take as 
much as possible, now she has so much to bear." Her amiable 
affectionate solicitude for those she loved never seemed more 
acute, and she often expressed her fears of our being overdone 
by watching with her, frequently saying, " I am not worth 
half the trouble you have with me." Hearing some noise in 
the street, which we told her was owing to a ball being in the 
neighbourhood, she remarked, " how giddy the world is, and 
how serious every thing appears to one who is not likely to re- 
cover;" then lying still awhile, she looked at me with inex- 
pressible sweetness, and said, " Come, let us join with angels 
round the throne!" 

When she had been about a week ill, the doctor proposed 
our calling in further medical advice; but feeling very delicate 
of alarming her, though convinced that she was fully aware of 
ber own situation, we avoided speaking of it until the second 
physician was in the house. Her kind attendant then told her 

that he had brought his friend Doctor to see her, not 

because he thought her worse, but that it would be a satisfae- 



316 APPENDIX. 

tion to him to have his own judgment confirmed. She calmly- 
answered, " I have no objection, he may come in, (though I have 
full confidence in thee,) but I cannot answer many questions. 
Thou art trying to make me think I am not in a dangerous dis- 
order, but I know I am, and you can do nothing for me. I do 
not depend on physicians; thou need not be afraid to tell me." 
When both the doctors had withdrawn she enquired of me, 
" what do they say my complaint is?" I told her they called it 
inflammatory rheumatism. " Ah," said she, " it is more than 
that," and signified that she felt the disease very deeply seated. 
Her mother saying that she hoped the means used for her help 
would prove effectual; she sweetly answered, "but my dear 
mother, if the means are not effectual, I want thee not to be 
depressed; thou art too good, too good to us all. I cannot say- 
that I have an evidence that it will be so, but the impression 
that I shall not recover remains." Her mother answering that 
she had heretofore been wonderfully sustained and brought 
through severe sufferings, she replied, " The Lord is all good- 
ness, all mercy, all mercy." She seemed religiously to comply 
with every thing proposed for her benefit, though some very- 
painful means were thought necessary. She usually suffered 
much from the application of blisters, and had an uncommon 
dread of them; so that when it was proposed to put a large one 
to her neck, where the pain was very severe, she objected, and 
seemed to think she could not bear it; yet after a few hours she 
called me to her and said, " thou had better put on that blister; 
if I grow worse I shall blame myself for refusing it." 

Complaining that she felt very heavily loaded with illness, 
yet could hardly tell where her pain was, she said, in a solemn 
and impressive manner, " It is in seasons like this we find the 
necessity of exerting all the little religion we may be favour- 
ed with; every other support fails me now." The Scriptures 
appeared to be mostly the subject of her meditations, and the 
remembrance of them to contribute largely to her comfort. 
" What a treat it will be to me," she would say, " when I 
am able to hear thee read a chapter." At a time when her 
bodily affliction seemed enough to absorb every other feeling, 
she astonished me by querying, "Dost thou know who is the 



APPENDIX. 31/ 

author of that observation respecting the sacred records, l They 
have God for their author, Salvation for their end, and Truth, 
without any mixture of error, for their matter V How just," 
added she, "is the description!" At another time she ask- 
ed, "Is it the Apostle James who says, 'we walk by faith, not 
by sight.' " She would frequently observe, " what trouble and 
care these bodies cost us ;" " Oh ! the encumbering flesh," &c 
and repeatedly, when undergoing violent pain, which it was 
often hard for those who loved her calmly to witness, she 
would say, in an animated and heavenly tone of voice, " What 
are these sufferings when compared to what the Saviour bore 
for us. The sufferings of this present time are not worthy 
to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed.' 97 
Whenever a little respite from pain was afforded she would 
mention it as a mercy, and say, " what a favour it was that she 
had not such or such suffering to struggle with ;" or, " thank 
gracious Providence, that pain is lessened." Want of sleep 
was one distressing feature of the complaint throughout, but 
she lay so still that we often thought her dozing, until she 
would break forth in some sweet observation, tending to ma- 
nifest how her mind had been occupied. On one of these occa- 
sions she asked me if I remembered these four lines : 

" We've no abiding city here, 

"We seek a city out of sight \ 
Zion its name — we'll soon be there; 

It shines with everlasting light." 

The fifth of the second month was a day of extreme suffer- 
ing to my beloved sister, although when the physicians came 
they pronounced her not worse, which she listened to with- 
out making any remark ; but after passing a most distressing 

night she said to me very composedly, " Surely Dr. is 

too honest a man to tell you I am recovering ; I am not, nor 
do I believe I ever shall ; I have never lost the belief that I 
should not recover this illness. I dreamt last night that I saw 
my precious father, and remembering that he was gone, I ask- 
ed him if he was happy ? he answered me in the sweetest 
manner by repeating that passage of scripture which he used 



318 APPENDIX. 

to speak of on his death-bed, relative to the general assembly 
and church of the first-born, adding, ' thou shalt be with me 
in a short time ; only make thy peace with God, and he will 
admit thee into his holy presence.' " She wept much while 
relating this dream, and on my remarking that I trusted her 
peace was not then to make, she said, " if I only had an evi- 
dence, but I trust I shall at last." I reminded her of the manner 
in which she had been favoured at the beginning of her illness, 
when she had said she could rejoice in the prospect of being 
taken away. " Yes/' she replied, "and I hope I can rejoice ; 
I trust in my Saviour, I have many sins, and I pray they may 
go before-hand to judgment." She then mentioned that her 
nights were so trying as to make her dread their approach; 
"yet," said she, " I enjoy sweet peace in the night. How do 
the doctors account for my passing such uneasy nights, and 
being unable to sleep ; but, (as if unconcerned about an an- 
swer,) it is an unspeakable favour, that even when I am racked 
with pain I feel such sweet peace as more than compensates 
for all I suffer. Oh ! what condescension of a gracious Saviour 
to a poor sinner ! this bed is not like a bed of sickness : I feel 
holy joy." 

In the afternoon being asked how she felt, she cheerfully 
answered, " rather better thank Providence, it is a great mercy 
that my head is not always so bad as it is sometimes." When 
the doctor came in he queried whether the pain was more 
bearable, to which she sweetly answered, " It ought always 
to be bearable, but I think it is somewhat lessened." 

Speaking to her mother of her illness, and its probable in- 
crease and termination, she said, " If I grow worse my dear 
mother do not get any other physicians ;" her mother replying 
that she knew her confidence was not in man, but in the Lord ? 
" Ah !" said she, "what poor creatures we should be but for 
his help !" her mother observing, thou canst say with Job that 
"painful nights and wearisome days are appointed thee," 
"yes," she returned, " I suffer much, but what are mine when 
compared with the sufferings of many others, and though my 
nights are trying, there are times when my Saviour is near 
me, I feel him near me !" Her mother again repeating the 



APPENDIX. 319 

two first verses of the twentieth Psalm, added, my soul 
craves that this may be thy experience, to which she so- 
lemnly answered, " my dear mother, the effectual, fervent 
prayer of the righteous availeth much, and if I have thy 
prayers they will be such." After the doctor had paid his 
visit at night, she said, " I pity that poor man when standing 
by the bed ; he is very affectionate and wishes to help me 
I believe, but it is out of his power, and I do not depend 
upon them ; the opinion of any physician is not of the weight 
of a pin with me. I know the Lord is able to do all things, 
he can raise me up if he pleases, and he can grant me patience, 
though I fear if it lasts much longer, (meaning her illness,) mine 
will be worn out;" her mother saying thou art favoured with 
patience, it is renewed to thee; " It is renewed" she emphati- 
cally replied. On my begging her to try for rest, " ah ! my 
dear !" said she, in her own placid manner, " I believe there 
is not much rest for me on earth." As the night advanced her 
pain and restlessness increased, and on my querying where 
her uneasiness was, she replied, " my head is very bad, but it 
is a mercy my senses are preserved, I think I have had a sight 
of heaven." She then spoke of her death, and said, " tell my 
dear brothers not to grieve like those who have no hope, I 
trust we shall meet in another and a better world, take care of 
our precious mother." Finding that this conversation affect- 
ed my feelings, although natural emotion was generally sup- 
pressed in her chamber, she sweetly said, ■" Is it not our 
Saviour's language ? Daughters of Jerusalem weep not for 
me ; but weep for yourselves and for your children : thou 
art doing too much, heaven bless thee for all thy kindness to 
me, but what should I do if thou wast sick ;" then correct- 
ing what might seem like selfish consideration, she added, 
" but it is more for thy own sake than mine I speak, do go to 
bed, perhaps I may get a little sleep." This she often said 
with a view of allaying our solicitude ; for notwithstanding 
any little temporary amendment, from which those about her 
were at times willing to cherish hope, her opinion that 
she was in her death illness remained unshaken. And the 
whole tenor of her conduct evinced, that she was patiently 
waiting her Lord's time for an admittance into that mansion 



&20 APPENDIX, 

of rest which she confidently, though humbly, believed was 
prepared for her; and it was indeed an unspeakable favour con- 
sidering the pain of body she endured, that she was spared 
those mental conflicts, which many experienced christians have 
been tried with. Her prospect of a glorious fruition appeared 
to be unclouded. Whenever she mentioned any thing that 
she wished done, or spoke of any little alteration, it was with 
this provision, " please Providence my life is spared, I hope to 
be moved into the other bed to-morrow, &c." One night she 
enquired whether she was to take medicine, or have any thing 
done for her, I replied no, that she had nothing to do but to 
try for sleep. " Only," she returned with great sweetness, 
" to pray for patience." 

At one time she suffered much from the use of a painful pre- 
scription, which seemed almost too much for her exhausted 
state, and she frequently exclaimed, "mercy! mercy!" When 
somewhat relieved she called me to her, and said with much 
tenderness, " I was very unguarded awhile ago, I was impa- 
tient." I replied that we had not observed it, but thought 
she was much favoured with patience. " / felt it" said she, 
with emphasis, " I was unwatchful." 

Thus was the " swift witness" attended to by this happily- 
instructed spirit, and no allowance made for emotions which 
perhaps few would deem culpable under such distress as was 
allotted her. Her nurse once mentioning how hard it was to 
bear such agony, and that it would have been better never to 
have been born, " Oh do not speak so," said she with earnest- 
ness, " it is good for us to suffer." 

Second month, 17th. For some days past the increased ill- 
ness of my precious sister rendered her unable to speak much, 
but the little she did utter clearly evinced that the Lord still 
sustained her in holy confidence amidst the storms and tem- 
pests of a peculiarly trying season. Many times, when a sen- 
tence could hardly be connected, the language of supplication 
was heard, and her patient acquiescence with the divine will 
manifested in words like these, " Oh Lord look down upon 
thy poor child, heavenly Father! not my will but thine be 
done," &c. &c. 



APPENDIX. 321 

Eighteenth. Her weakness and debility this morning seem- 
ed greater than at any time before, so that she was scarcely 
able to articulate; yet on being asked whether she had got any 
sleep, she answered, "very disturbed sleep, but it was a sweet 
peaceful night." Her bodily sufferings throughout the day 
were extreme, and she appeared to think herself hastening to 
the close; once on calling me to her she said, "Pray, pray, 
pray," and soon after, " this is an awful day, preparation for a 
final change." Her mother saying that she did believe her 
soul was anchored on the Rock of Ages, and that the Lord was 
her Father and Helper, she said in an animated manner, 
? <Come then holy Father! Lord preserve me, Oh the encum- 
bering flesh." 

Nineteenth. About five o'clock this morning her sufferings 
of body were such as nearly to overcome her, and desiring I 
might be called to her, she described her sensations as pecu- 
liarly distressing. On finding that I was greatly afflicted at 
being unable to relieve her, the different means prescribed 
proving ineffectual, she affectionately held my hand, and said 
with sweet composure, " be content, whatever way I am taken, 
be content, the Lord is near me. He is near me, my God and 
Saviour!" Soon after, while under great conflict, she raised her 
eyes, and awfully exclaimed, "My blessed Redeemer!" Her 
brother coming into the room she spoke very tenderly to him, 
saying that it was a mercy they were permitted to hear each 
other's voices again, (for the room was necessarily kept so 
dark that he could not see her,) and in strong terms expressed 
her love for him. After he left the chamber she called me to 
her and said, " It is surprising how my affections are loosened 
from every earthly object; I seem weaning from all of you, 
and oh that God may be all in all to all of us. Every tie 
seems fast loosening, if I am taken this will be a mitigation of 
my sufferings, but perhaps when the time comes it may feel 
harder." I remarked that every thing had been made easy to 
her during her illness. " Oh yes," she emphatically answered, 
" from the very first, I sometimes forget that I am on a sick 
bed; the serenity I feel is so great that at times I fear it is car- 
nal security, and think it is presumptuous in so poor a worm 
41 



323 APPENDIX, 

to trust as I do, but no! He cannot deceive me, none ever 
trusted in the Lord and was confounded." She often said she 
was not half thankful enough for the blessings she enjoyed, so 
superior to what many poor creatures under bodily suffering 
are favoured with. In the night while her pains were very 
acute, she repeated the following lines of a favourite hymn. 

Hide me, oh my Saviour hide! 

Till the storm of life be past, 
Safe into the haven guide, 

Oh receive my soul at last! 

"Ah that is it," said she, "if # I be but safely landed." In 
the intervals of pain she prayed in these words, "Oh my God! 
help thy creature who depends on thee." Turning to her mo- 
ther, she said, " when thou hast access pray for me. I have 
often thought my dear mother that I could not bear to see thee 
go, that I could not bear to stay behind thee, and now it looks 
as though I should be spared that trial." At another time, 
when speaking to her mother respecting the nature of her dis- 
order, she signified how unimportant it was what name it might 
be called, adding, " we must all have something to bring us to 
our end ;" and then turning to the subject which appeared to 
her the only one worthy of attention, she spoke of her strong 
confidence in the mercy of a Redeemer, and said that her hopes 
of salvation were grounded on that alone, observing, " Oh my 
dear mother what could works do for me now?" Her mother 
replied, " nothing my precious child, all we have to trust to is 
the mercy of God in Christ Jesus." 

On the night of the 21st she was affected with something of 
a spasm, which we were apprehensive might prove the last 
struggle, and she seemed herself to have a similar idea, for 
clasping her hands and raising her eyes, she solemnly said, 
"Now Lord for an evidence!" and presently after, "yes, yes; 
peace, peace, peace." When a little recovered she observed, 
alluding-.to the Pilgrim's Progress, (which she had read through 
a short time before her illness,) " poor Christian said, though I 
walk through the valley and shadow of death I will fear no 
t^il, for thy rod and thy staff they comfort me;" then with a 



APPENDIX. 323 

more cheerful voice, poor Feebleminded too got oyer the river, 
and so may I" 

She lay during the whole of the 22d in a state of great suf- 
fering, being generally unable to say more than yes or no, and 
even that effort frequently produced distressing symptoms, 
About eleven o'clock at night we were surprised by her re- 
viving so as to call us all by name. Finding that only her 
mother and sisters were in the room, she asked for her brother, 
who quickly came in, and we all sat round the bed; when to 
our admiration she was strengthened to approach the throne of 
her heavenly Father in the language of solemn supplication, 
praying for us individually, and commending in a strain of 
christian confidence yet deep humility, all and each of her near 
connections to his protecting care: and then for herself. "Oh 
gracious Lord and Saviour, if I do not weary thy throne with 
petitions look down upon thy poor dying sinner, favour her 
with an evidence that she shall be received up into glory; but 
thou hast already my God and Saviour nearly done so. Oh! 
accept my humble thanks for thy preserving care throughout 
my life, and for the last five weeks that thou hast been near me 
and supported me. Thou hast answez-ed my petitions. Oh my 
Saviour! posture is nothing, thou hearest prayer!" She then 
sent messages to her absent brothers, and sweetly addressed 
her sisters in the language of serious advice, concluding with, 
" comfort our dear tried mother, console, and support her." 
Observing that some of us were affected, and indeed it would 
have been hard to restrain the tide of feeling on such an occa- 
sion. " Suppress nature," said she very forcibly, " I endeavour 
to do so." After we had all remained some time silent, she 
enquired, " who are here?" Her mother answered, " none but 
thy poor mother, thy sisters, and brother, and the Shepherd of 
Israel;" " He is here" she replied, " He is near me." After 
a while she addressed her nurse in an affectionate and grateful 
manner, and added, " I am dying, and it is a very awful thing 
lo die. Oh be circumspect, we must all die, but the presence 
of the Lord supports me, his presence is near me." Then dis- 
missing the servant, she said, " Give my love to Doctor , 

tell him I am much obliged to him for his kind attention, but 



'&%k APPENDIX. 

that the knowledge of this world gendereth to bondage. I am. 
afraid he is too fond of vain philosophy to think enough of re- 
ligion." She next gave me a message to a relation at a distance, 
comprising much important counsel in a few words, and men- 
tioning the attendance of places of amusement, she said in a 
plaintive and lamenting tone, " Oh it is a pity, a great pity, a 
sin, and waste of time." After lying still a few minutes she 
broke forth thus — " What is life! a bubble; five and twenty 
years and a little more, and all is over; but I am taken in great 
mercy, oh ! in great mercy I do believe from the evil to come. 
The grass withereth, the flower fadeth, but the word of our 
God shall stand for ever!" Remaining awhile quiet she said, 
"I hope I have not said more than was given me," .her mother 
telling her that she need not fear, as it was evident her lips had 
been touched with a live coal from the holy altar; " It is the 
Lord's doings," she replied, " it is His doings, oh what mercy! 
He hears and answers prayer!" 

It is worthy of remark, and proved an undoubted evidence 
of her having been strengthened for the occasion, that although 
my beloved sister had spoken so much more during this so- 
lemnly interesting scene, (which lasted for about two hours,) 
than at any time of her illness, yet she did not seem at all ex- 
hausted by it, nor to suffer afterwards from such great exertion 
of voice: for notwithstanding her weakness was such that we 
generally had to lean over her in order to gather what she said, 
she spoke while thus engaged in so clear and distinct a man- 
ner that she could be heard in any part of the room. 

For about two weeks after this memorable period her debili- 
ty was such that she could seldom bear to be touched, or have 
any one very near the bed, and usually made signs for what 
she wished done, the distressing sickness at her stomach ren- 
dering it hard to her to speak a word. Yet ejaculations were 
sometimes heard which manifested that her mind was still kept 
in confidence, and her faith in the sufficiency of her Almighty 
Helper preserved unshaken. One evening during this sore 
conflict, after her mother had supplicated at her bed side, and 
was engaged to petition that the Lord might preserve her 
amidst all the suffering he saw meet to dispense, in steady re- 



APPENDIX. 325 

liance upon himself, and grant that patience might have its per- 
fect work, &c. &c. "Amen! Amen!" said she with uncommon 
energy and sweetness, and then made this appeal; "Thou 
hast told me that mine eyes shall see thy salvation. Thou 
hast told me so in the secret of my heart; only Lord keep in 
the patience, until it is thy good pleasure to set the spirit free. 
* I am afraid the spirit is too anxious to get free.' " During 
exquisite distress of body the following aspirations were dis- 
tinctly heard, though uttered in a weak and broken voice. 
*' Gracious Father, remember I am but dust! Oh, my Saviour, 
look down with compassion upon thy poor sufferer, take her 
this night if it be thy good pleasure; yet not my will but thine 
be done!" 

Speaking one time of the dying expressions of dear Sarah 
Grubb, she seemed comforted by her mother's repeating that part 
relative to the grain of faith being mercifully vouchsafed, amidst 
deep conflict of flesh and spirit, &c. and afterwards mentioned 
the account of a young woman who had made a very happy 
end, saying, " How apt we are when in health to sea", over re- 
cords of this kind, without considering their value and impor- 
tance, though they are calculated to do much good." She several 
times mentioned dear Deborah Darby, (of whose death we did 
not inform her, though it occurred during her illness,) saying, 
she had dreamt of her, and often remembered her and her com- 
panion's sweet visits to our family when last in Ireland; re- 
marking what a favour it was to be noticed by the messengers 
and servants of the Most High; but that His visits to the soul 
were beyond all. She sent a message to a beloved and intimate 
young friend on the subject of reading, which at that awful pe- 
riod she saw required great caution, and lamented that much 
precious time was often wasted in perusing works of imagina= 
tion. " Tell her," said she, " to read the Holy Scriptures," 
intimating that the more she did so, the less she would feel dis- 
posed for perusing books of an unprofitable tendency. 

About a week before her death, she said, one evening while 
in great pain, " I pray that the Lord may terminate my suffer- 
ings before my patience is exhausted, and I believe and trust 
he will." On my querying where her pain was, and expressing 



326 APPENDIX. 

surprise at her having such constant uneasiness; " Oh death, 
death!" she calmly replied, " in how many forms does death 
approach, it is hard work to die." She once or twice asked 
her mother, " dost thou think it can be long," meaning her 
continuance in suffering. At a time when we thought she 
scarcely noticed any sound, she remarked the death-bell tolling, 
and said, in an animated manner, " some one escaped from life, 
a spirit released." 

Third month, 14th. Her sufferings and consequent debility 
were very distressing, so that we were often apprehensive she 
had really ceased to breathe; yet on a little revival, it was evi- 
dent that her faith and patience continued in lively exercise. 
She said with great sweetness and composure, " how pleasant 
it will be to get home after all these conflicts into the arms of 
Jesus! how trifling they will then appear, though so hard to 
poor mortality, but the Lord is near; oh what an eminent 
favour, what an unspeakable mercy that he is so near: from the 
very first he has seemed to overshadow me, all my impatience 
he passes by and forgives, he remembers that I am but dust, he 
smiles, he comforts, he cherishes me." I remarked that her 
bodily sufferings had been very great almost throughout. 
" Yes," she answered, " In the beginning I had great conflict, 
and felt my pain very trying, but at length I got to resignation, 
and by prayer could say, Thy will be done; and now I have 
desired that when I am taken it may be in a calm and tranquil 
moment, that the pangs may not be such as to preclude the 
possibility of my nearest connections being around me, but the 
Lord's blessed will be done. He is all goodness to me, and 
will relieve me in his own good time." 

For the last two days of her life she spoke but seldom, and 
that with difficulty, apparently owing to the oppression and 
hurry of breathing; which were such, that except when some 
one fanned her, she dared not venture to doze, feeling, as she 
herself expressed it, that without that artificial air she could 
not breathe at all. 

On first day evening she had a little of that rambling which 
results from extreme weakness, and did not seem fully to know 
those about her; but this quite subsided, and she was next morn- 



APR1919RI 



APPENDIX. 327 

ing perfectly clear, yet did not say much, being mostly in great 
pain and suffering, more so under the approaches of dissolution 
than we thought could be the case, considering her exhausted 
state. But about four hours previously to her release, as if per- 
mitted to show us that the bias of her mind remained firm even 
at that awful moment, she said, with strength and clearness, 
" thank merciful Goodness, that pain is better." She appeared 
once or twice after this to be engaged in prayer, but the words 
could not be understood: and so peaceful was her close, that 
those around her knew not the precise moment when she en- 
tered her everlasting rest; though her nearest connections were 
witnesses of the solemn, and to them deeply afflictive scene, 
about half-past eight o'clock on second day .evening, 19th of 
3d month, being exactly nine weeks from her first seizure. 
The desire of her soul was thus remarkably granted, and the 
last enemy disarmed of his sting. May she, " being dead," 
yet speak with availing emphasis the awfully instructive lan- 
guage, " Be ye also ready." 



aKERRETT — -LOCUST STREET. 
PHILADELPHIA. 



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